Trespassing Boyfriend

Star Searcher

Well-known member
My boyfriend has been charged with two counts of trespassing. The trial will be in Manhattan, New York City, on February 11th.


Here is what happened. On January 19th, shortly after 10 PM, he left my apartment to drown his post football sorrows in a local neighborhood bar. I had no idea he was gone because I was sound asleep. I go to bed early due to my job schedule.

He is bipolar, and he was not aware that one cannot consume alcohol while on medication. Also he is a pothead. To top it off, there may have been trace amounts of 'shrooms because he micro-dosed a few days beforehand. All together he had a cocktail of four substances in his system.


My apartment complex is changing from one facial recognition security system to another. IMO it should have been completed a while ago. Anybody can walk into the buildings.


From what I can reconstruct, he entered one of the buildings, tried to door handles of several private apartments, "lucked out" and found and unlocked apartment, entered the apartment, and then got chased out. He then repeated this and entered a second private apartment. He has absolutely no memory of this. We do not know which building he entered. I assume it wasn't mine, but I don't know for sure.


Trespassing is a Class A Misdemeanor. The maximum punishment he could receive is a total fine of $2,0000 ($1,000 per charge) and jail time of up to 365 days.


There are factors that may influence the outcome of the trial. On one hand this is his first offense.



On the other hand he has masturbated naked with my front door wide open. This happened at least four times last summer. In one instance he wanted me to partake in this exhibitionist activity, but I refused. In a second incidence, I was in bed half asleep, but I was having a strong suspicion that this was going on.


Directly across the hallway from us is an apartment which has mentally challenged adults with cerebral palsy. They receive 24 hour care with a rotating staff of nurse caretakers. In the third incidence, a nurse opened the apartment door to the hallway only to be confronted with my boyfriend in his full glory. She screamed and protested. Because I was in or near the kitchen, I did not see what was happening. I heard everything. (But not the specific words of what she said.)


The fourth incident, which I did not witness, resulted in a formal complaint to the property manager. This information was relayed to the local precinct.


The evening of January 21st we received a knock on my apartment door. He answered it and I heard him speak to a man briefly. Then he stepped back inside and put on his sneakers and an overcoat. He asked me what was happening. I said I did not know. Also that moment I was having an energy slump and was slightly sleepy. He was escorted out. By the end of twenty minutes I was more alert and was realizing that something had gone terribly wrong. About a hour later two detectives knocked on my door. I invited them in. They then asked me a lot of questions.


One thing that I did not mention to the detectives (they never asked) was his pornographic viewing habits. One of his favorite erotic genres is the Got/Getting Caught fantasy. I'm just mentioning here so that you guys know more about him.


He was released back to my apartment Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning. The next day the General Manger of the building complex called my cellphone while I was at work. He left a message stating that I was responsible for the behavior of my guest(s) and that I had broken my lease regulations. Then he said that my boyfriend had to leave the premises ASAP, He ended by saying that if my boyfriend stepped foot anywhere in the complex then he would prosecute me to the full extent of the law. I take that to mean that I would lose my Section 8 voucher and my apartment. I did not call the General Manager back because I wanted my boyfriend to hear the phone message when I got home. I played it to his dismay. He then went down to the lobby where there was a secondary management office/showroom and spoke to some people. After he came back into my apartment we both heard voices outside our door. I opened it and there was the General Manger and a policeman. They told us that he had five minutes.


I believe he is currently staying with his family in Edison, NJ. I don't know how long that is going to last and if he has a permanent abode.


As I mentioned above, the trial date is scheduled on February 11th. Could somebody tell me what will his fate and punishment will be? Also please give me some insights about us and where our relationship is headed.


I've uploaded our natal charts. If you guys need other charts (such as current transits) please give me explicit instructions.


Thanks in advance.




 

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katydid

Well-known member
Your boyfriend has a a T-square to Pluto in the 8th house, A Sun/Uranus square, and difficult Mars/Mercury to Saturn squares. :bandit:

Those trespassing charges? I think there is more to it than that. He didn't accidentally walk into two wrong apartments. He was looking for victims, in my opinion. :sad:

You have Neptune sitting on your 7th house cusp---the point of relationships. You are not seeing him clearly because you don't want to face it....:pouty:

I think that Neptune allows you to look for the good in people and try to help them. How is that working out for you:?:sideways:

Let him go. If you try to help him you are going down with him. He lies to you and allows you to enable him.

Please see how lucky you are that you were not evicted yet because of him. Let him go. :crying:



His T-square to Pluto in the 8th signifies his intense sexual urges. That would be fine, if you yourself could satisfy him. But you cannot and you never will.

He has Aquarius rising with the Sun in an applying square to Uranus, his chart ruler. He likes being offbeat and unusual. But he may never be able to conform long enough to have a stable, normal existence. He enjoys shocking others and it will likely escalate.

You probably don't know the half of it.
 
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katydid

Well-known member
With his tight Mercury/Mars conjunction right on the descendant, it makes me wonder if he has quite a temper.

With the Square from Mars to Saturn I assume he has problems with authority. I think his childhood was a struggle, in terms of his father figure being out of control himself, at times. I don't think your boyfriend had many good role models. He may feel lost much of the time.

But does he treat others the same way now when he feels out of control?

I am worried about you. :unsure:

Why are you staying with this man? I don't think he is being honest with you. If you knew everything he was really doing, you might be horrified.

Are you in denial, with that Neptune sitting on your descendant, of love relationships? You want to look asa him through rose coloured glasses so you don't see all of the truth?
 
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waybread

Well-known member
Worse yet, if your BF should face criminal charges relating to his sexual or drug-taking behaviour, you could be hauled in as a witness and even as an accessory enabling his behaviour.

If you knew he was an exhibitionist, why didn't you actively tell him he could not do this in your home before he traumatized your neighbours?
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
Take this as a sign and stop that chaos. Your South Node is in Scorpio 6th house, conjunct Mars. You are headed towards the peaceful and transformative Taurus 12th house. The Universe is giving you a sign.

2-A7042-C9-3906-4-C07-856-C-165-EAABBCBA0.jpg
 

Star Searcher

Well-known member
Sorry for the delay. It's much easier to respond on my home laptop instead of my smartphone. I've saved my password on my laptop, but I have not created a login for my smartphone. Also I forgot my password.



Also I was away from my laptop yesterday. Not only did I spent the day at the office, I spent the evening with my boyfriend. He was in Manhattan not only to perform at a bar, but to retrieve some of his stuff from my apartment. (Although actually a good chunk of it was without him at the bar where he performs. There were major train delays). I grabbed a bunch of his stuff while he waited on the sidewalk outside of the building complex.





So now to respond. First, nobody gave me a direct answer to my question. I even provided locations, dates, and natal charts. Once again, please tell me what his punishment and fate will be.



Second, he is not a hot tempered man, despite having Mercury/Mars conjunct on the descendant. He can be a bit argumentative, and if you challenge him he will put on his debate captain/crusading advocate hat.



Third, I was a bit surprised when one of you claimed he was "looking for victims". Please explain what you mean by that. He's a gentle empath.



Fourth, it is true that he did not grow up with good role models. His biological father is a man of weak character and is addicted to Valium. His father's elder brother is the patriarch now. I sense a stronger love-hate between my boyfriend and his uncle than my boyfriend and his father. Also, the uncle has a lot of issues. He is sleazy and not a good role model.



My boyfriend's father had two brothers and one sister. Apparently that generation of siblings were victims of sexual abuse, and his father bore the brunt of it. There is a lot of drug use in his family.



His mother and father have been divorced to each other twice. She's had other relationships, including abusive ones. When one of them left her she briefly wound up staying in a homeless shelter. I think he has strong feelings of abandonment from her due to the divorces and a few bad parenting choices she made. (Like leaving him out in a yard for a very long time. I don't know the whole story.)



Fifth, I did object when he was wanking off with the door open.

















 

waybread

Well-known member
Star Searcher, what you are getting here is a big dose of common sense.

Re: your OP:

So what is exactly is your question for us? Like, do the stars show that he will he get off so that you can enable him to re-offend? With Saturn-Pluto transiting his 12th house, which rules prisons, isn't promising, although I can't say whether he would get a maximum sentence.

You are covering for and enabling this man in dangerous ways.

Nobody is given a prescription medication without being told not to drink alcohol if he shouldn't.

He's a pot-head? Your horoscope is for NYC. If that is where you live, I think that only medically sanctioned cannabis is legal. "'Shrooms", certainly not.

He's into pornography?

Are you also seriously into alcohol or substances? What was your "energy slump" all about?

Now you stand to lose your own home because of your BF's out-of-control behaviour?

I don't mean to sound cruel, Star Chaser, but I think you need a big, big reality check.
 

katydid

Well-known member
Sorry for the delay. It's much easier to respond on my home laptop instead of my smartphone. I've saved my password on my laptop, but I have not created a login for my smartphone. Also I forgot my password.



Also I was away from my laptop yesterday. Not only did I spent the day at the office, I spent the evening with my boyfriend. He was in Manhattan not only to perform at a bar, but to retrieve some of his stuff from my apartment. (Although actually a good chunk of it was without him at the bar where he performs. There were major train delays). I grabbed a bunch of his stuff while he waited on the sidewalk outside of the building complex.





So now to respond. First, nobody gave me a direct answer to my question. I even provided locations, dates, and natal charts. Once again, please tell me what his punishment and fate will be.



Second, he is not a hot tempered man, despite having Mercury/Mars conjunct on the descendant. He can be a bit argumentative, and if you challenge him he will put on his debate captain/crusading advocate hat.



Third, I was a bit surprised when one of you claimed he was "looking for victims". Please explain what you mean by that. He's a gentle empath.



Fourth, it is true that he did not grow up with good role models. His biological father is a man of weak character and is addicted to Valium. His father's elder brother is the patriarch now. I sense a stronger love-hate between my boyfriend and his uncle than my boyfriend and his father. Also, the uncle has a lot of issues. He is sleazy and not a good role model.



My boyfriend's father had two brothers and one sister. Apparently that generation of siblings were victims of sexual abuse, and his father bore the brunt of it. There is a lot of drug use in his family.



His mother and father have been divorced to each other twice. She's had other relationships, including abusive ones. When one of them left her she briefly wound up staying in a homeless shelter. I think he has strong feelings of abandonment from her due to the divorces and a few bad parenting choices she made. (Like leaving him out in a yard for a very long time. I don't know the whole story.)



Fifth, I did object when he was wanking off with the door open.


















Yes, that was me, saying I think he was looking for victims. His T-square to Pluto in the 8th is a tell tale sign.

What did you think he was doing when he was wanking off, in front of disabled cerebral palsy patients , across the hall? He was looking for victims. :bandit:

He is a sex offender for doing that to people.

And in my opinion, he was not just 'trespassing.' To me, 'trespassing' means you cut across private property to take a shortcut somewhere.

Not opening someone's apartment door and walking in. And then doing so again...

I assure you, IF he had opened a door and found a sleeping woman, or a young kid, he probably would have taken advantage of the captive audience once again, and done his shocking sexual actions, in front of them, for his own pleasure.

His Mars/Saturn square in 7th/10th is indicative of power struggles/control/repression being acted out physically.

I cannot tell you what is going to happen in court. Probably nothing because we are way too lenient with people doing these kinds of crimes.

I am sure he will be free and clear. Looks like you may have to move soon so you can let him back in.

He has Mars/Mercury right on his 7th cusp so he is a pretty good talker and manipulator. Quite a charmer.

You have Neptune there. I don't think you can see him for who he really is. You want to save him from his rotten childhood. But sadly, he is making 'rotten memories' for others. :pouty:

How would you feel if you were at work, and you opened the door to see someone right across the hall, pleasuring themselves while watching you? I'd be frightened, angry and upset if someone did that to my daughter while she was at work. :unsure:
 

Star Searcher

Well-known member
Technically he did not expose himself in front of the intellectually challenged cerebral palsy tenants. They probably have no idea. Their door always remains closed, except for that unfortunate time with the 24 hour nurse.



My drug usage is limited to the annual New Year's Eve marijuana indulgence. Other than that my usage throughout the year is very sporadic. I rarely drink alcohol because I do not have the enzyme that processes it.



My "addiction" is food and sugar. It does not have to be a holiday celebration for me to get carbo-sleepy.



Also I keep completely different hours than him. I work the early shift. He is a night owl.
 

katydid

Well-known member
Technically he did not expose himself in front of the intellectually challenged cerebral palsy tenants. They probably have no idea. Their door always remains closed, except for that unfortunate time with the 24 hour nurse.



My drug usage is limited to the annual New Year's Eve marijuana indulgence. Other than that my usage throughout the year is very sporadic. I rarely drink alcohol because I do not have the enzyme that processes it.



My "addiction" is food and sugar. It does not have to be a holiday celebration for me to get carbo-sleepy.



Also I keep completely different hours than him. I work the early shift. He is a night owl.
With your Moon opposing your Neptune, and Moon in the 12th,
I don't even know where to start. I feel like you are being evasive and ignoring major issues.

For example, you said above:
"Technically he did not expose himself in front of the intellectually challenged cerebral palsy tenants. They probably have no idea. Their door always remains closed, except for that unfortunate time with the 24 hour nurse. "

"Technically' the only reason they may not have seen his erect ding-dong is because no one opened the door the first TWO times he did it.

But what about the 3rd and 4th time? He was hoping they would see him and it motivated him and turned him on. He is a sex offender. :annoyed:

In your own words:
"Directly across the hallway from us is an apartment which has mentally challenged adults with cerebral palsy...... In the third incidence, a nurse opened the apartment door to the hallway only to be confronted with my boyfriend in his full glory. She screamed and protested.
The fourth incident, which I did not witness, resulted in a formal complaint to the property manager. This information was relayed to the local precinct. "

So even after the nurse experienced that traumatic incident, HE CONTINUED his antics. That is abusive behavior on his part.

If a young child had opened that door across the hall, he'd be in prison for quite awhile.

These kinds of actions are often the precursors of rapists and child abusers. It starts with Peeping Toms, and then touching themselves where people can see them. Eventually it escalates.

I think it did escalate, when he began walking into apartments. He was looking for victims, in my opinion. I think the judge might think the same thing, if he has all of the facts.

I hope you will stop making excuses for him and get him some help for his sexual obsessions and addiction. If not, it may end up being a nightmare.
 

Star Searcher

Well-known member
How can you guys say that he is harmful to others when he has protected his younger sister from their mother's boyfriend?


The incident happened relatively recently--more than six months ago but less than two years ago. When my boyfriend's younger sister was an infant, the bones of her skull hardened before the normal schedule. This restricted her brain growth. She is slow/mildly retarded/learning disabled--I am not privy to the exact diagnosis. She is 26 going on 13. Personally I do not think she is as stupid as people claim her to be. And yes--I wish I knew her exact time of birth. I only know her birth date. She was born in New Jersey, so there are official records somewhere.


One day, while he was spending time at his family's condo apartment, she told my boyfriend and one of their female cousins that their mother's boyfriend hit on her. Both my boyfriend and the cousin were enraged. But he was scheduled to come back to my apartment. He told his mother to do something about it and gave her a week deadline. After a week went by he spoke to his mother, who claimed that there was nothing that she could do. Against the wishes of his family, he took a train back to Edison, NJ. He then coaxed his sister into a car with a fib about going to a certain destination. But instead he took her to the precinct/police station, where she signed a statement against their mother's boyfriend. The police went to the family's condo apartment and took their mother's boyfriend back to the station. But soon afterwards my boyfriend's mother, father, and uncle found out had happened. They were angry at both my boyfriend and his sister, and made her go back to the station to officially unsign/recant her statement.
 

katydid

Well-known member
How can you guys say that he is harmful to others when he has protected his younger sister from their mother's boyfriend?


The incident happened relatively recently--more than six months ago but less than two years ago. When my boyfriend's younger sister was an infant, the bones of her skull hardened before the normal schedule. This restricted her brain growth. She is slow/mildly retarded/learning disabled--I am not privy to the exact diagnosis. She is 26 going on 13. Personally I do not think she is as stupid as people claim her to be. And yes--I wish I knew her exact time of birth. I only know her birth date. She was born in New Jersey, so there are official records somewhere.


One day, while he was spending time at his family's condo apartment, she told my boyfriend and one of their female cousins that their mother's boyfriend hit on her. Both my boyfriend and the cousin were enraged. But he was scheduled to come back to my apartment. He told his mother to do something about it and gave her a week deadline. After a week went by he spoke to his mother, who claimed that there was nothing that she could do. Against the wishes of his family, he took a train back to Edison, NJ. He then coaxed his sister into a car with a fib about going to a certain destination. But instead he took her to the precinct/police station, where she signed a statement against their mother's boyfriend. The police went to the family's condo apartment and took their mother's boyfriend back to the station. But soon afterwards my boyfriend's mother, father, and uncle found out had happened. They were angry at both my boyfriend and his sister, and made her go back to the station to officially unsign/recant her statement.

That's nice that he tried to protect his sister. But it has nothing to do with his own
sick behaviour towards others.

How would you like to be at work, in client's apartment building, and upon stepping into the hallway, see a man wanking off, feet away from you, and you are all alone? You wouldn't find that traumatic?

I had a similar situation when I was young, and it traumatised me for quite awhile.

Your boyfriend has some very difficult aspects in his natal chart. For example, Mercury conjunct Mars, angular, and square Saturn in his 10th. He needs some therapy to work out these internalised conflicts. And to control his Bipolar influences.

Mercury conjunct Mars can be very erratic and have a difficult time controlling their impulsive behaviour. The square to 10th house Saturn says he will break rules because he wants to and feels compelled to do so. This won't stop until he gets help.

So it is frightening that he is doing various amounts of assorted psychedelic drugs, alcohol, pot and whatever else the can get his hands on. That is a recipe for disaster.

I am sure he has his good points. He looks out for his little sister and he is sweet towards you. That's all good to hear.

But I would like you to also look closely at his sexual antics and his legal transgressions. You seem to be writing it all off as if it is nothing. Your 12th house Moon is clouding things for you. Keeping you in a state of denial because it is harsh to consider certain realities right now. :alien:
 
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Star Searcher

Well-known member
One of you has mentioned how ridiculous it was that he did not know not to combine prescription mental health drugs with alcohol. But he has no common sense and poor judgement. He has told me that the warning/contradiction should have been on the pill bottles in super big font. But I feel that as a patient it is his responsibility to be fully aware of his medical condition and do the research. He never did. I guess that he wanted me to do everything for him. But I didn't. I have my own life, and I can't hold his hand for everything.



A couple of you have said that he needs talk therapy. I've known this for a very long time, but he has very little psychological insight into his every day mental health and character flaws. He does not believe he needs talk therapy and that the medication for his disorder is all he needs to function normally. I'm hoping he gets court mandated therapy. But I know he will refuse to cooperate because it will be officially shoved down his throat by the government.



I spoke to his mother today. There is a very real threat that he will be kicked out of his uncle's apartment. Apparently he has been disruptive, uncooperative, and paranoid.



There is part of me that thinks that maybe incarceration would be a good thing for him. At least he would not be homeless and it would be harder for him to get access to drugs. A lockdown would be like rehab for him. (Or maybe not. I don't know anything about jailhouse culture.)





Update: I said goodbye less than a half hour ago in a text. He is not someone I would like to be married to. I'm crying now. I've turned off my smartphone because I know he is calling me. I will turn it back on in a few hours, because I know that he has to retrieve his suit from my apartment for the trial. I told him we can communicate for friendship and practical reasons.
 

waybread

Well-known member
As difficult as your break-up feels now, I think you have to do what is best for you. You can be sympathetic, but there is a risk that sympathy will cross the line into enabling. I know what it's like to love someone who, ultimately, is totally unsuitable. Sometimes love isn't enough-- or shouldn't be enough-- to keep a relationship going.

I think your moon-Jupiter in Leo are inherently optimistic, and your Venus-Pluto may even gravitate to the dark side. A lot of women are willing to "rescue" a troubled man, notably with Neptune conjunct the descendant. But this man could seriously wreck your life if you continued with him.

Please stay strong!
 

katydid

Well-known member
I am so proud of you Star Searcher. I really am...:joyful:

I know this is very hard for you. :unsure:

But you are on the verge of a very exciting transit. Uranus is transiting your North Node in Taurus. That opens up new exciting territory and life experiences.

It is time for change and major transformations. Uranus on North Node= The Awakening


https://12andus.com/blog/view/17178...rth-node-unexpected-changes-on-your-life-path
Unexpected sudden changes will drastically alter the path you have been on.

Although there will be some explosive energy surrounding these changes, the ultimate outcome will blast you free from patterns and routines in which you had been stuck.

Any area of life that had been stagnant or subconscious patterns that you were repeating out of habit, but which were not serving your highest potential will be ripped apart from the foundation so that you will be free to pursue your destiny.

This is both an exciting and unnerving time for you. Trust that when the dust settles you will find that a path has been cleared to help you fulfill your purpose.
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
I am so proud of you Star Searcher. I really am...:joyful:

I know this is very hard for you. :unsure:

But you are on the verge of a very exciting transit. Uranus is transiting your North Node in Taurus. That opens up new exciting territory and life experiences.

It is time for change and major transformations. Uranus on North Node= The Awakening


https://12andus.com/blog/view/17178...rth-node-unexpected-changes-on-your-life-path
Unexpected sudden changes will drastically alter the path you have been on.

Although there will be some explosive energy surrounding these changes, the ultimate outcome will blast you free from patterns and routines in which you had been stuck.

Any area of life that had been stagnant or subconscious patterns that you were repeating out of habit, but which were not serving your highest potential will be ripped apart from the foundation so that you will be free to pursue your destiny.

This is both an exciting and unnerving time for you. Trust that when the dust settles you will find that a path has been cleared to help you fulfill your purpose.


This is a lovely reply, very constructive and positive, thank you for this.
 
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