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  #1  
Unread 12-28-2017, 10:38 AM
Lily1983 Lily1983 is offline
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I really hate myself

I feel like I'm a really bad person.

No matter what I do, nothing works out.

My mother doesn't love me because I'm not academic so I've never made her proud. I so badly want her to love me. When she was ill I took care of her, when she needed something done I did it, but she says horrible things to me. Calling me "a mistake, stupid dyslexic girl, why can't you be more like Anna (her friend's academic daughter)". My brothers were completely spoilt while I was told to wait.

I'm socially awkward because of years of isolation. My home is the UK although I was born in Tokyo. I'm a British citizen.

Now I'm annoying everyone because I'm worrying so much about my health and they won't let me see a doctor. My Dad is finally taking me tomorrow without Mum's permission. I feel awful. Bit of an odd situation as my parents are living in South Korea because my older brother lives here, and I work for my father, but don't get paid. Instead I get to live here. We're working as a family to be able to move back to the UK next year. I'm not a prisoner, I just can't afford to see a doctor so I have to get mum's permission.

Before, I was obsessing about a guy I haven't seen for years because in my mind, I pretended he loved me. That is over with.

I feel like my future is going to be very bleak and I'm going to end up completely alone trying to make ends meet with no one caring.

I have so many business niche ideas, but haven't got the confidence or funds to make them come to life.

Honestly, I'm frightened and now I've got health anxiety.

Do you see a bad person in my birth chart?


Last edited by Lily1983; 08-26-2020 at 12:53 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 12-29-2017, 05:34 PM
rahu rahu is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

hi lily

yours is a difficult question. First off much of what you shared shows you are in a family of sick people. For you mother to reject because you are not "perfect" academically is sick and abusive .everything you write shows you are caught in a dysfunction family. as best as I can make out, money is the king in your family. there seem to be no positive human emotions.
you are being used as an economic slave. you work but get no money hence you can't get away.
you chart reflects you abusive family especially your father. he doesn't want you to grow up and does everything to chain you down emotionally.

you venus is opposite Uranus and Jupiter and sextile to the moon with your mars/moon midpoint conjunct your node. you are incredibly vibrant,creative and as you say you have excellent financial ideas. most puzzling is moon sextile to venus which should show a warm and loving mother, but since that is not the case,i must be because you father has developed an unnatural relationship with you. he has replace you with your mother. as a consequence you mother has come to despise you because she blames you for the sick manner you father treats you.
also as a consequence ,she is not favoring the boys over you.

there is no question you have aspects of extremely low self esteem and depression but you also have aspects of charm and life. I would suggest you continue to look into a relationship . as I said you chart has some very attractive aspects. the prob;lem is that you father and mother have destroyed you slef esteem and so you don't believe you will ever find someone. but you will.
rahu
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  #3  
Unread 12-29-2017, 07:48 PM
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IleneK IleneK is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Just because things are going badly for you, that doesn't make you a bad person.

My dear Lily, I am truly sorry you are feeling so badly. I've had very difficult times in my life as well. The truth of how you feel is enough. Please do not let how you feel deceive you into thinking you are a bad person. You are not and I do not need to look at your chart to know this.

Your Moon tightly squaring malefic Mars may lead to feel this, but the energies of this aspect can be worked with and transformed as you continue to grow and mature.

Wishing you the very, very best.
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Last edited by IleneK; 12-29-2017 at 07:51 PM.
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  #4  
Unread 12-30-2017, 01:21 AM
rahu rahu is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

hi lily

my quess is that will be diagnosed with some type of auto immune syndrome.
rahui
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  #5  
Unread 12-30-2017, 02:09 AM
CancerEvolve CancerEvolve is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

I am truly sorry for your situation and the huge pressure your mum has put on you.

My best advice is to stand up for yourself and not be afraid of her, this may take years or you could put upa fight now and let her know that this not how you should be treated.

Much love and respect to you. Hope things get better sooner than later for you.
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  #6  
Unread 12-30-2017, 11:44 AM
Lily1983 Lily1983 is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by rahu View Post
hi lily

my quess is that will be diagnosed with some type of auto immune syndrome.
rahui
I've already been diagnosed with psoriasis (auto immune disorder) and endometriosis (not yet classified as an auto immune disorder). Is this reply a prediction for this current time or just general?

Now I'm worried as the doctor checked and said I was fine, but I'm having an ultrasound just to reassure me

My health anxiety is so bad. I keep reading about sad stories happening to people online that were perfectly healthy. I need to stop.

I just want to live and be loved.

Last edited by Lily1983; 12-30-2017 at 12:03 PM.
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  #7  
Unread 12-30-2017, 12:30 PM
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aquarius7000 aquarius7000 is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Hi Lily,

Don't worry about it at all. There is NO auto-immune disorder with you at least. It is just a shame that you say health-anxiety and some jump to call out such a big thing to scare you. Such a shame.

I am reassuring you that you have no auto-immune disorder at all. You can come back and write your medical results here, so that other novices like you, when getting such -'quality' (!) readings as you have received, don't get worried. It is risky even because who knows what effects such so-called med astro readings can have.

You have an absolutely normal chart. Good year coming up (2018) on the home and family front for you. Things will get better you will see. I am going to be driving for a couple of hours now, so won't be able to respond, but stay optimistic. Don't worry.

Also, you shouldn't worry too much money wise. Your 2nd house of finances is not weak. Don't worry. Money will come in thru work.

Have a good start into the New Year.

[Deleted wording that, while probably not an intentional attack, was at risk for being read that way. - Moderator]
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Last edited by Osamenor; 12-30-2017 at 06:12 PM.
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  #8  
Unread 12-30-2017, 05:57 PM
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Osamenor Osamenor is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Lily,

Keep in mind that this is a public forum. People post all kinds of opinions here. That doesn't mean everything anyone posts is true. With astrology in particular, it's such a matter of interpretation that astrologers usually come up with many things, based on a chart, that aren't actually true for the native. It's even more pronounced when we have every level of astrologer, from raw beginner to seasoned pro.

What is definitely true is that no one here is qualified to diagnose any disease. Astrology doesn't work that way. At most, it can give a few clues as to what body systems are affected if you have a chronic illness.

We have a disclaimer in our FAQ, which everyone is expected to read when opening their account:
Quote:
Members on this Forum are at different levels of study. Please keep that in mind when given or giving advice: we can not and do not guarantee the accuracy of any advice given in the Astrologers' Community.
In the case of rahu's post, he didn't even give any astrological reasons why he thinks you have an autoimmune disorder. I have noticed, though, that when he posts about medical issues, he often suggests autoimmune disorder as a likely diagnosis, even if the person he's posting to has no reason to believe they have one. This appears to be about the poster, not you.

Edited to add: On my second read of your post, I noticed you mentioned your diagnoses. If you have psoriasis, which, as you noted, is an autoimmune disorder, though a mild one as autoimmune disorders go, that in itself explains your likelihood of an autoimmune disorder. You already know you have one. That doesn't mean you also have, or will develop, a worse one.

Last edited by Osamenor; 12-30-2017 at 06:07 PM.
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  #9  
Unread 12-30-2017, 06:06 PM
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Osamenor Osamenor is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by rahu View Post
hi lily

my quess is that will be diagnosed with some type of auto immune syndrome.
rahui
And what do you see in her chart that makes you say that? Remember, all posts in astrological threads must include astrological explanations. And please be aware that throwing out a "diagnosis" that you're not qualified to definitively make, to someone who's already anxious about their health, is a great way to make them VERY anxious.
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  #10  
Unread 12-30-2017, 08:44 PM
kshantaram kshantaram is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

hope this helps, share pointwise feedbacks :


rahu gemini 11th, gains from foreigners;
venus-rahu 10th, artistic-acting-musical skills, charismatic leadership;
while prone to rise-fall in life, needs ancestor worship,
observe fast New-moon evenings taking milk-fruits;

jup-ketu sag 4th, philosophical, hyper-impulsive,
detachment from mother-motherland;
pain-injury-surgery thighs-heart-lungs etc

jup sag trine aspect aries 9th supportive of luck-edu-travels;
but under stress-delay as aries-mars inimical-malefic for leo asc;
sun-mer-mars taurus 9th good for
hotel management, ENT Surgeon, dentist, food tech management, etc
while prone to thigh-throat-thyroid-dental health issues; sun-sat opp too;

past 2.5yrs sat transit jup-ketu sag 4th;
sat opp venus craving for affection but not manifesting;


natal sat scorpio 3rd research-occult-investigative-forensic aptitudes,
sat-sun opp stress in matters of luck-edu-father-travels-siblings etc;
sat scorpio urological health issues;

jup now transit sat scorpio for research-occult-investigative work;
trine cancer 12th for foriegn lands;
trine own pisces 8th protective from dangers and chronic health issues;



sat now transit own cap 5th,
promoting luck-edu-position-public admin-event management;
and gains from spouse - sat lord 7th for marriage; jup transit saturn;
sat elevated aspect libra 2/3rd for family-fin-initiative-progress;


jup transit effective mid-course unto feb-march 018 approx;

rahu now transit moon leo 12th clouding the mind,
tending to foreign lands;
ketu transit acq 6th accident prone, job separation, to care;


wishing well, kshantaram.
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Last edited by kshantaram; 12-30-2017 at 08:55 PM.
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  #11  
Unread 02-03-2018, 09:18 PM
rahu rahu is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by Osamenor View Post
And what do you see in her chart that makes you say that? Remember, all posts in astrological threads must include astrological explanations. And please be aware that throwing out a "diagnosis" that you're not qualified to definitively make, to someone who's already anxious about their health, is a great way to make them VERY anxious.
I've already been diagnosed with psoriasis (auto immune disorder) and endometriosis (not yet classified as an auto immune disorder). Is this reply a prediction for this current time or just general?


as you can read lily has in fact been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease as I suggested.

her chart has many aspect suggesting emotionally abusive family environment. clinical research has show that severely abusived individuals often have autoimmune disorders because their emotion responses stimulate chemical cascades for flight or fight responses at the same time. the hormonal chemicals of the flight or fight responses are diametrically opposed ,so a person's body chemistry caught in such a environment loses the ability to regulate these opposed chemicals and these chemicals begin attacking the bodies own cells. an analogy is pushing on an accelerator and the brakes in a car at the same time.

rahu
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  #12  
Unread 02-03-2018, 10:38 PM
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Osamenor Osamenor is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by rahu View Post
I've already been diagnosed with psoriasis (auto immune disorder) and endometriosis (not yet classified as an auto immune disorder). Is this reply a prediction for this current time or just general?


as you can read lily has in fact been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease as I suggested.

her chart has many aspect suggesting emotionally abusive family environment. clinical research has show that severely abusived individuals often have autoimmune disorders because their emotion responses stimulate chemical cascades for flight or fight responses at the same time. the hormonal chemicals of the flight or fight responses are diametrically opposed ,so a person's body chemistry caught in such a environment loses the ability to regulate these opposed chemicals and these chemicals begin attacking the bodies own cells. an analogy is pushing on an accelerator and the brakes in a car at the same time.

rahu
However, you threw that out about autoimmune disorder before she mentioned having been diagnosed with psoriasis. What astrological factors do you see pointing to an autoimmune disorder? You say you see some pointing to an abusive family environment, but you don't say what those factors are, and you didn't mention any astrological factors that, in and of themselves, suggest autoimmune disorder.

Abusive family environment doesn't automatically spell autoimmune disorder. People can have autoimmune disorders without having been abused or witnessed abuse, and people can come from an abusive family environment without having autoimmune disorders.

If you're going to throw out a medical diagnosis, you need to include astrological reasons, and also include a disclaimer: you are not qualified to diagnose anyone (no one here is).
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  #13  
Unread 02-04-2018, 12:37 AM
rahu rahu is offline
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Re: I really hate myself

Quote:
Originally Posted by Osamenor View Post
However, you threw that out about autoimmune disorder before she mentioned having been diagnosed with psoriasis. What astrological factors do you see pointing to an autoimmune disorder? You say you see some pointing to an abusive family environment, but you don't say what those factors are, and you didn't mention any astrological factors that, in and of themselves, suggest autoimmune disorder.

Abusive family environment doesn't automatically spell autoimmune disorder. People can have autoimmune disorders without having been abused or witnessed abuse, and people can come from an abusive family environment without having autoimmune disorders.
(why do you repeat yourself rahu?)
If you're going to throw out a medical diagnosis, you need to include astrological reasons, and also include a disclaimer: you are not qualified to diagnose anyone (no one here is).
there is more to the world than astrology. the association with of autoimmune disorders is well researched , I only said what has been written about the association of severe abuse and autoimmune disorders. if I did not diagnoses a specific disease ,there was no diagnoses . I suggest you re-read my response, I specified the aspects associated with abuse.

the point was I correctly interpreted her situation.


rahu
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  #14  
Unread 02-04-2018, 01:17 AM
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Love2Know Love2Know is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rahu View Post
there is more to the world than astrology. the association with of autoimmune disorders is well researched , I only said what has been written about the association of severe abuse and autoimmune disorders. if I did not diagnoses a specific disease ,there was no diagnoses . I suggest you re-read my response, I specified the aspects associated with abuse.

the point was I correctly interpreted her situation.


rahu
Where are you seeing her Dad’s innapprioate relationship with op in the chart?
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