Mental illness and a wedding

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
There is no simple say to write this.
I am asking for your honest Astrological opinion. My partner is a unique person who I love very much but some (like the medical establishment) would label him as being mentally unhealthy.

Older people would warn me on going through and marrying someone with a diagnosis like that and yet our relationship has been nothing but great, loving and very open.
Not to say it hasn't been full of emotional transformation and difficult times... but I accept that and the hard work any relationship takes- from both people. He never hid his issues from me and if anything I feel we work well together at delving into deep waters and healing ourselves.

I don't know what the truth is anymore. It hurts to even consider.

Attached is his chart and our Synastry.
 

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Osamenor

Staff member
our relationship has been nothing but great, loving and very open.
Not to say it hasn't been full of emotional transformation and difficult times... but I accept that and the hard work any relationship takes- from both people. He never hid his issues from me and if anything I feel we work well together at delving into deep waters and healing ourselves.

Any relationship you have will call for that kind of deep work. We've discussed that before.

The important thing is how this relationship works for you. Not other people who might think they have something to say about it. You have the right kind of chart, and you are the right kind of person, to marry someone who has a mental illness and is aware of it, and not have it wreck the marriage. (Your alternative would be a partner who has a mental illness or some other major issue and is unaware and reactive--which would be a nightmare relationship. Your seventh house and its rulers, especially the traditional one, and the yod involved, speak to that.)

Basically, you need this kind of challenge from your partner(s). If you marry anyone, it will have to be someone who brings you this kind of deeply transformative relationship. Without this deeply transformative work, you wouldn't be satisfied and probably wouldn't be able to make yourself stay. The best you can do is choose someone who is aware of their issues and open with you. As this guy is.

But how long have you been together? Just a year ago, you were posting here heartbroken over a breakup with someone else. This relationship can't be any older than that, and it's likely newer. I would guess it's not more than a few months old, since this is the first time you've posted about this guy (or at least the first time you've posted this natal chart). If you've only been in this relationship for a few months, is that really enough time to know if you want to marry him?
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
Any relationship you have will call for that kind of deep work. We've discussed that before.

The important thing is how this relationship works for you. Not other people who might think they have something to say about it. You have the right kind of chart, and you are the right kind of person, to marry someone who has a mental illness and is aware of it, and not have it wreck the marriage. (Your alternative would be a partner who has a mental illness or some other major issue and is unaware and reactive--which would be a nightmare relationship. Your seventh house and its rulers, especially the traditional one, and the yod involved, speak to that.)

Dear Osamenor,
Yes, a lot of my journey and what makes it possible to thrive in this kind of dynamic is due to some of the work you have been so helpful with before and aspects we discussed. I would not be able to thrive in this relationship without all that came before (Mars work especially). I couldn’t care less what other people think. That being said, I do care about my future and the future of my family and would not want them to hurt just because…This is what I’m like and what I chose.

Basically, you need this kind of challenge from your partner(s). If you marry anyone, it will have to be someone who brings you this kind of deeply transformative relationship. Without this deeply transformative work, you wouldn't be satisfied and probably wouldn't be able to make yourself stay. The best you can do is choose someone who is aware of their issues and open with you. As this guy is.
I admit that is true, the transformation and challenge and battle…Not mentioning choosing someone who is “outside” social. That Mars in me rejoices at the opportunity to learn to wrestle and stand up for itself while my Venus teaches me love and femininity is the real answer and puts those flames of my own ego out. Although he is aware and open it doesn’t mean that the dark aspects can always be controlled or won’t create havoc.
But how long have you been together? Just a year ago, you were posting here heartbroken over a breakup with someone else. This relationship can't be any older than that, and it's likely newer. I would guess it's not more than a few months old, since this is the first time you've posted about this guy (or at least the first time you've posted this natal chart). If you've only been in this relationship for a few months, is that really enough time to know if you want to marry him?
You are right it has been about a year and a very fast development. It is not strange for us to talk about marriage. The funny thing is I see this relationship as going backwards…It started with the deep dark work and conflicts and is slowly coming to the honeymoon phase that usually happens for couples in the beginning. Strange?

“You asked how this relationship works for you?” It teaches me what real love is and what my power/flaws are. It also does take a lot of energy and constant awareness. The hardest part is for both of us to decide what to do and what path to follow together. A lot is always getting in the way from outside circumstances (work, family members and their issues, lack of money).
Would it really be such a bad idea to “settle down”? I would be very grateful if you can take a look at the compatibility and perhaps notice how and why we are so bonded from early on.

Thank you so much for your time.
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
I'm lost. Like it has been said, yes I'm very capable of being and helping someone who is sick and loving them.
Although he loves me he is not capable of not repeating a pattern where his fear and lack of trust ( due to past relationships) destroys what we have until I prove him wrong. He tends to "wake up" to his actions only after they created damage. He tests me by picking fights and seeing if I would still stay by his side no matter what. I walk away only to find the strength to fight for us again. So far we kept rising from the ashes stronger. When we fight he says he wants me to fight for him and prove that real love is possible. That over time he would become better and change.

To make it short:He loves me but can't stop destructive patterns of relating when he gets scared. He keeps pushing me away to protect me.
The catch 22 is is that if i do put my foot down and walk away I prove him right "that it can't last". If I stay? I can't help but feel I can't fully trust myself.

Please look at the charts I posted and explain what is going on. Neither of us is capable of ending this and we keep "working" on it.
 

ellie04

Well-known member
His natal shows he will have strife in his partnerships as he has a very intense, volatile emotional nature. Scorpio rising with Pluto conj ASC = control issues. Sag Moon = can be very blunt. Taurus Mars = fixed, difficult to budge. The 2 planets oppose each other in 1H/7H. Can't hide his emotions. He feels it, he says it. Almost never process plus Moon-Mars opposition gives him a volatile emotional nature... sensitive and easily offended but temper also blow over fast. Also gives him a very passionate nature. Moon-Mars formed a t-square with MC = affects his public image.

You actually have a nice composite just that Mars in 7H t-square Saturn/MC can cause a lot of strife and disagreements on r/s goals.
 

Zora

Account Closed
Attached is his chart and our Synastry.


Hi,

why is only his chart in here and not your chart as well ? You have the questions and the problem in the moment and need individual personal information you can go through with from your own chart energies.

And you have venus/pluto opp. energy (to make yourself a victim, or see the other person as a victim- constellation) and this is also your attraction you put him on his AC/DC axis.

Every synastry is always as good as both individual charts are and their aspects coming along with into a synastry.

A person having 5 planets in house of setting boundaries and selfprotection needs it for a certain reason and self-purpose and had surely experienced it at least once (probably in a helpless state as a child) that life can be dangerous.

Mercury in his 2nd house rules 8th house - genetic inheritance and predisposition for health issues.


And mars as ruler of his health house is in 7th house relationship on 29 degree - like being between chairs. Relationship in general -for him can cause health issues. If he doesn't know how to manage it. Mercury rules 8th house - what is marriage and longlasting relationship as well.
 
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katydid

Well-known member
That Mars/Saturn square in the composite chart does worry me.

Angular mars in Taurus, it’s fall, in the 7th of relationships squaring an exalted Saturn in the 4th of family and emotional foundation.

Over time, the volatility in your relationship may aggravate and chip away at your emotional foundation and your family support. It will likely be just you two against the world.

Are you truly prepared for a lifetime of that?

That triple Pisces conjunction in the 5th does show a tremendous amount of unconditional love that you shower upon each other. So it is not question about a lack of love. It is more about your quality of life.

If you choose this person as your lifetime partner, you may also be choosing a lifetime of emotional turmoil, roller coaster type events, and you may not have solid support from family or public reputation to fall back upon.

The Moon/Pluto conjunction in the 2nd squaring Jupiter in the 10th can be very difficult as well. Finances may be a lifelong struggle and it could become exhausting.

I feel like this man will test you endlessly, over and over, and it may become exhausting---to the point that you cannot go o in that way. So you may need to decide if he is making progress in his ability to trust. :sad:

If not, it might be impossible for you to make a success of this marriage.


I see the profound amount of love between you two, and would hate to see you lose that because it is rare. But as they say, sometimes love itself is not enough.
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
His natal shows he will have strife in his partnerships as he has a very intense, volatile emotional nature. Scorpio rising with Pluto conj ASC = control issues. Sag Moon = can be very blunt. Taurus Mars = fixed, difficult to budge. The 2 planets oppose each other in 1H/7H. Can't hide his emotions. He feels it, he says it. Almost never process plus Moon-Mars opposition gives him a volatile emotional nature... sensitive and easily offended but temper also blow over fast. Also gives him a very passionate nature. Moon-Mars formed a t-square with MC = affects his public image.

You actually have a nice composite just that Mars in 7H t-square Saturn/MC can cause a lot of strife and disagreements on r/s goals.

Yes very much as you describe. It is true that the greatest challenge has been goals and life plans clashing. I am conflicted about when and how to compromise career goals if at all. With my 7th house Mars I tend to put a lot of energy in my relationships as it is...I'm trying my best to make sure that my goals also come first.
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
Hi,

why is only his chart in here and not your chart as well ? You have the questions and the problem in the moment and need individual personal information you can go through with from your own chart energies.

And you have venus/pluto opp. energy (to make yourself a victim, or see the other person as a victim- constellation) and this is also your attraction you put him on his AC/DC axis.

Every synastry is always as good as both individual charts are and their aspects coming along with into a synastry.

A person having 5 planets in house of setting boundaries and selfprotection needs it for a certain reason and self-purpose and had surely experienced it at least once (probably in a helpless state as a child) that life can be dangerous.

Mercury in his 2nd house rules 8th house - genetic inheritance and predisposition for health issues.


And mars as ruler of his health house is in 7th house relationship on 29 degree - like being between chairs. Relationship in general -for him can cause health issues. If he doesn't know how to manage it. Mercury rules 8th house - what is marriage and longlasting relationship as well.

Hi Zora and thank you for your insights.

He is a person who went through a lot no doubt about it. I have a lot of understanding and empathy towards those issues. I am not sure what can be done to manage the mental/physical better? Can you see something in his chart that could help him and bring more stability?
I don't see either of us as victims...I hate victim mentality. The Pluto Venus opposition is something i have with most people my age and I am used to that dynamic. I have to reclaim the power of Venus and her morality and bring Pluto into the light for what he really is...Beyond the fear.
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
That Mars/Saturn square in the composite chart does worry me.

Angular mars in Taurus, it’s fall, in the 7th of relationships squaring an exalted Saturn in the 4th of family and emotional foundation.

Over time, the volatility in your relationship may aggravate and chip away at your emotional foundation and your family support. It will likely be just you two against the world.

Are you truly prepared for a lifetime of that?

That triple Pisces conjunction in the 5th does show a tremendous amount of unconditional love that you shower upon each other. So it is not question about a lack of love. It is more about your quality of life.

If you choose this person as your lifetime partner, you may also be choosing a lifetime of emotional turmoil, roller coaster type events, and you may not have solid support from family or public reputation to fall back upon.

The Moon/Pluto conjunction in the 2nd squaring Jupiter in the 10th can be very difficult as well. Finances may be a lifelong struggle and it could become exhausting.

I feel like this man will test you endlessly, over and over, and it may become exhausting---to the point that you cannot go o in that way. So you may need to decide if he is making progress in his ability to trust. :sad:

If not, it might be impossible for you to make a success of this marriage.


I see the profound amount of love between you two, and would hate to see you lose that because it is rare. But as they say, sometimes love itself is not enough.

Dear Katy,

Yes, our love is magical and the type of rare delicate thing no one wants to walk away from. I do see that my partner is aware of the issues and he wants to work on it but it would take a long time to happen...Meanwhile I have to be ok with what that takes.

I should also mention he is very into physical combat and his profession is dangerous law enforcement.

I know for centuries love and marriage were separate things for this reason.
Seems almost unfair doesn't it?

It is either love but a lot of compromise about life as you described or saying no to this rare thing.
What a sad conflict! I guess I'm a stupid romantic after all.

Children and charity is also a topic we for some reason care a lot about. Not just having them but helping other children. All that 5th house maybe?

Is there any way to work with that Mars-Saturn square? Maybe some other outlet for this issue?

The real question is if we both would grow to be better people out of this. I don't want to lose myself in the process.
 

Zora

Account Closed
I am not sure what can be done to manage the mental/physical better? Can you see something in his chart that could help him and bring more stability?

This is only possible if he is willing to ask for help- then he is open for help. Not a second before.

I don't see either of us as victims...I hate victim mentality. The Pluto Venus opposition is something i have with most people my age and I am used to that dynamic. I have to reclaim the power of Venus and her morality and bring Pluto into the light for what he really is...Beyond the fear.

Venus/pluto is first of all mainly a very intense energy, a deep passionate, truthful energy even beyond death, a persisting energy - but always kinda endangered to get a victim of own rituals they intend to repeat for a long time- running in a circle of repeating uncontrollable behaviour.

Such a strong and intense energy needs to flow and to be used - as otherwise it gets inside and can get self-destructive. And venus pluto mostly meets mars pluto as counterpart - as both are of same stuff and able to stand this intense energy.
 

katydid

Well-known member
Dear Katy,

Yes, our love is magical and the type of rare delicate thing no one wants to walk away from. I do see that my partner is aware of the issues and he wants to work on it but it would take a long time to happen...Meanwhile I have to be ok with what that takes.

I should also mention he is very into physical combat and his profession is dangerous law enforcement.

I know for centuries love and marriage were separate things for this reason.
Seems almost unfair doesn't it?

It is either love but a lot of compromise about life as you described or saying no to this rare thing.
What a sad conflict! I guess I'm a stupid romantic after all.

Children and charity is also a topic we for some reason care a lot about. Not just having them but helping other children. All that 5th house maybe?

Is there any way to work with that Mars-Saturn square? Maybe some other outlet for this issue?

The real question is if we both would grow to be better people out of this. I don't want to lose myself in the process.

As to the bolded portion above, that is the real question.

Have you grown to be a 'better' person out of this so far? How so?

With the Mars/Saturn square you might learn how to stand up for yourself, even under severe or aggressive circumstances. Even under adversity you would learn to stick up for yourself, if things were 'fair.'

Are you getting stronger and better from this relationship?
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
As to the bolded portion above, that is the real question.

Have you grown to be a 'better' person out of this so far? How so?

With the Mars/Saturn square you might learn how to stand up for yourself, even under severe or aggressive circumstances. Even under adversity you would learn to stick up for yourself, if things were 'fair.'

Are you getting stronger and better from this relationship?

I have. I'm learning to stand up for myself and be more grounded and confident. On the other hand, I'm sure there is no objective way to say if this is true.

Here is what I don't understand: the composite chart shows what the couple is experiencing together right?
In that case if I'm experiencing the strife from his nature (and learning to stand up for myself) what is hardship/lessons is he receiving from me?
 

katydid

Well-known member
I have. I'm learning to stand up for myself and be more grounded and confident. On the other hand, I'm sure there is no objective way to say if this is true.

Here is what I don't understand: the composite chart shows what the couple is experiencing together right?
In that case if I'm experiencing the strife from his nature (and learning to stand up for myself) what is hardship/lessons is he receiving from me?

He is experiencing the same strife. You trigger his insecurities and uncertainty. He gets angry and questions your loyalty and trustworthiness.

.... you trigger his anger and doubt. :bandit:

He triggers your shame, guilt and anger as well.

He needs to learn to trust and accept that you are trustworthy. But you both need to see progress in each other. You both should be able to go through much longer periods of no stress, no fighting, no strife, and enjoy each other's company.

If that is not happening, then it might be a toxic relationship that is beyond repair?
 
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ellie04

Well-known member
Hi PlutorisingLee,

It's strange but some of what you said resonated with me.

"The funny thing is I see this relationship as going backwards…It started with the deep dark work and conflicts and is slowly coming to the honeymoon phase that usually happens for couples in the beginning. Strange?"

My guy and I also started off with a lot of push/pull but unknowingly and strangely, our feelings grew stronger. It took us awhile and I almost gave up but we managed to come through with greater understanding of each other and I must say, HONESTY was a great agent for us. We saw the good and bad in each other and also realised how much the other person mean to us. Now I can say that I've never been so comfortable and "myself" with any partner before.

When the honeymoon period came, it was SWEET because we worked hard for it. It is rare but not strange for a r/s to progress this way. In fact, I find it strengthening because you won't take each other for granted.

"He tests me by picking fights and seeing if I would still stay by his side no matter what. I walk away only to find the strength to fight for us again. So far we kept rising from the ashes stronger."

My guy did that too although his motivation isn't to test if I'll stay by his side, but rather, how much I love him. It all stems from his own insecurities (and jealousy tendency) so this is something he has to work within himself. One day I snapped and from there on, he refrained from such behaviour. I think he realised he was on the verge of really losing me. Once in awhile he still gets insecure but it's much controlled. So your guy needs to understand that trust-building is the answer, not keep testing and pushing you away.

Btw, we also have Taurus Mars in 3H square Leo Saturn in 5H. This tension aspect can make you feel out of sync at times but it can be managed with a strong communicative bond which you have with your Mercury conjunct Sun/Venus sextile Mars/Uranus. Use these positive aspects wisely and don't force your will down each other's throats. Also, I noticed with cMars square Saturn, the man in the r/s can often be overly cautious about everything and need to be coaxed or given time to come around.

We also have a stellium in 5H (in Cancer) with a Scorpio Moon (9H) and Pisces rising so there're several similarities between our charts. I find our r/s extremely emotional, intuitive and intimate and it brings out lotsa feelings in us - love, anger, intensely missing each other, resentment etc. How did yours feel?
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
He is experiencing the same strife. You trigger his insecurities and uncertainty. He gets angry and questions your loyalty and trustworthiness.

.... you trigger his anger and doubt. :bandit:

He triggers your shame, guilt and anger as well.

He needs to learn to trust and accept that you are trustworthy. But you both need to see progress in each other. You both should be able to go through much longer periods of no stress, no fighting, no strife, and enjoy each other's company.

If that is not happening, then it might be a toxic relationship that is beyond repair?
I think the real issue is making our lifestyle/goals match..I don't see the relationship as toxic just very difficult. He is willing to be honest and work on the problems. What you said about lifestyle hardships and not being accepted by society is the greatest difficulty.
I am just wondering wether going the traditional route (cohabitation and marriage) would bring us a certain stability. We often fear losing each other or being separated...That can create fear and trust issues that are really consuming and appear "huge".
 
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