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  #1  
Unread 01-14-2021, 08:55 AM
tdlwvs tdlwvs is offline
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i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

i feel like i don't know myself at all, and frankly, sometimes i even feel like i don't like myself. any insights on why that may be?
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  #2  
Unread 01-14-2021, 02:25 PM
Cary2 Cary2 is offline
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

You have much to look forward to and you have remarkable strengths, but you are probably very depressed, and you are troubled by the contrast in your various characteristics.

For instance, Sun-conjunct-Neptune in Twelfth House is square to the midpoint of the Mars-Jupiter trine, so you have a great capacity for compassion and mystical sight. Many people will find you easy-to-be-with, but you will benefit greatly by taking time every day to retreat and meditate or pray.

On the other hand, the Mars-Pluto conjunction on your midheaven signals that you either bully people or you trample on their susceptibilities. Such Pluto aspects can be very transforming, and you may rise high above this tendency if you master the Pluto energy you possess. I think you will assume a role that is rather like a spiritual leader. Large-scale success is possible, but you are inhibited.

However, I think your depression is very serious and you should consider professional counseling by those who are expert at dealing with depression. This is signaled by Sun-Neptune from the Twelfth House squared to Moon-Saturn square midpoint and also Pluto-Mars opposed to Saturn.

You are sometimes tempted to be a non-entity because you are distressed by your constructive-destructive impulses.

Last edited by Cary2; 01-14-2021 at 02:31 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 01-15-2021, 05:56 PM
brainpuddle brainpuddle is offline
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

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Originally Posted by tdlwvs View Post
i feel like i don't know myself at all, and frankly, sometimes i even feel like i don't like myself. any insights on why that may be?
This seems like a classic Aquarian issue. Aquarius sees other people, but not themselves, and so often find themselves trying to measure what they are based on observation of others comparatively. It's part of what contributes to their socially global mindset. Most people are very tethered to their identity, seeing everything, including other people, through that lens. Without the inherent instinct of personal identity, an Aquarian is left strangely able to see a broader picture of the human condition. The tradeoff for this of course, is what you're going through. The feeling of being lost in one's own mind and life, subject far more to the flow of the river around them, than the will of their own intentions and sense of self.
This may, in particular, clash with your Moon's need to be self-possessed, and to direct life around it's own desires. Aries wants what it wants, and Aquarius doesn't know what it wants. I imagine it's an uncomfortable resonance for you.
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  #4  
Unread 01-17-2021, 02:32 PM
tdlwvs tdlwvs is offline
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

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Originally Posted by Cary2 View Post
You have much to look forward to and you have remarkable strengths, but you are probably very depressed, and you are troubled by the contrast in your various characteristics.

For instance, Sun-conjunct-Neptune in Twelfth House is square to the midpoint of the Mars-Jupiter trine, so you have a great capacity for compassion and mystical sight. Many people will find you easy-to-be-with, but you will benefit greatly by taking time every day to retreat and meditate or pray.

On the other hand, the Mars-Pluto conjunction on your midheaven signals that you either bully people or you trample on their susceptibilities. Such Pluto aspects can be very transforming, and you may rise high above this tendency if you master the Pluto energy you possess. I think you will assume a role that is rather like a spiritual leader. Large-scale success is possible, but you are inhibited.

However, I think your depression is very serious and you should consider professional counseling by those who are expert at dealing with depression. This is signaled by Sun-Neptune from the Twelfth House squared to Moon-Saturn square midpoint and also Pluto-Mars opposed to Saturn.

You are sometimes tempted to be a non-entity because you are distressed by your constructive-destructive impulses.
thank you so much! this is super helpful. you have basically described the few things i truly am aware of about myself. i am actually considering counselling for depression and i have been told that i am easy to get along with. even the thing with the bullying is very true to character (unfortunately) and it was very nice to see it reflect to my chart as well. thank you so much for your wonderful insight!
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Unread 01-17-2021, 02:34 PM
tdlwvs tdlwvs is offline
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

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Originally Posted by brainpuddle View Post
This seems like a classic Aquarian issue. Aquarius sees other people, but not themselves, and so often find themselves trying to measure what they are based on observation of others comparatively. It's part of what contributes to their socially global mindset. Most people are very tethered to their identity, seeing everything, including other people, through that lens. Without the inherent instinct of personal identity, an Aquarian is left strangely able to see a broader picture of the human condition. The tradeoff for this of course, is what you're going through. The feeling of being lost in one's own mind and life, subject far more to the flow of the river around them, than the will of their own intentions and sense of self.
This may, in particular, clash with your Moon's need to be self-possessed, and to direct life around it's own desires. Aries wants what it wants, and Aquarius doesn't know what it wants. I imagine it's an uncomfortable resonance for you.
thank you! it truly is super difficult to deal with such a clash. it's interesting how you pointed out that it can tied back to my aquarius and aries placements, i really hadn't thought of that. thank you so much once again!
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Unread 01-17-2021, 07:28 PM
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IleneK IleneK is online now
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

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i feel like i don't know myself at all, and frankly, sometimes i even feel like i don't like myself. any insights on why that may be?
Hello, tdlwvs.
At your fine and tender age, it is not uncommon at best to feel like one does not know oneself or like oneself. [Often I do not know myself still, and my age is anything but tender .]
There remains much to be revealed through life's experience. But speaking as one with a luminary in the 12th house similar to you in a highly energetic and key planetary signature involving that luminary [in your chart Sun Jup Mars], as well as with many planetary placements in the eastern/self hemisphere of the chart, we may find ourselves taking even more time to come to know ourselves combined with a very strong drive to do so. So there may be a frustration of sorts.

To me, though, you seem right on course. Looking at what is going on, reflecting.

It is crucially important to cultivate kindness and patience toward yourself when you are in this state of not knowing. Most of us are in that state anyway; we just don't know it . And of course ours selves are always changing, evolving which contributes to this not knowing.

Wishing you the very best,
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"You gotta have heart..." Richard Adler 1921-2012
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  #7  
Unread 01-17-2021, 09:29 PM
tdlwvs tdlwvs is offline
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

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Hello, tdlwvs.
At your fine and tender age, it is not uncommon at best to feel like one does not know oneself or like oneself. [Often I do not know myself still, and my age is anything but tender .]
There remains much to be revealed through life's experience. But speaking as one with a luminary in the 12th house similar to you in a highly energetic and key planetary signature involving that luminary [in your chart Sun Jup Mars], as well as with many planetary placements in the eastern/self hemisphere of the chart, we may find ourselves taking even more time to come to know ourselves combined with a very strong drive to do so. So there may be a frustration of sorts.

To me, though, you seem right on course. Looking at what is going on, reflecting.

It is crucially important to cultivate kindness and patience toward yourself when you are in this state of not knowing. Most of us are in that state anyway; we just don't know it . And of course ours selves are always changing, evolving which contributes to this not knowing.

Wishing you the very best,
thank you so much for your kind reply! self reflection truly is the first step. i'm so glad to have found someone who relates thank you so much again for such a positive outlook, just what i needed!
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  #8  
Unread 01-19-2021, 12:39 AM
HonourAndDevotion HonourAndDevotion is offline
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

when your sun and mars natures are contradictive.

Sun is very neptunian
mars is close to mc where it is powerful with pluto
even your sun dispositor saturn is opposing to 10th house. bad placement for saturn.

overall it's just neptune's bad effect, you actually have zero water, you got personals in saturn signs. you even got mercury saturn mutual reception and mercury chiron conjunction. still feeling delusion with all of these could be explained only with Pisces rising and weak 12th house sun.

idk
maybe your mom is dominant over you (moon in 1st house)

maybe your father is gone or uncaring, why it is in 12th house?
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  #9  
Unread 01-19-2021, 07:16 AM
tdlwvs tdlwvs is offline
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Re: i feel like i don't know myself, any insights?

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Originally Posted by HonourAndDevotion View Post
when your sun and mars natures are contradictive.

Sun is very neptunian
mars is close to mc where it is powerful with pluto
even your sun dispositor saturn is opposing to 10th house. bad placement for saturn.

overall it's just neptune's bad effect, you actually have zero water, you got personals in saturn signs. you even got mercury saturn mutual reception and mercury chiron conjunction. still feeling delusion with all of these could be explained only with Pisces rising and weak 12th house sun.

idk
maybe your mom is dominant over you (moon in 1st house)

maybe your father is gone or uncaring, why it is in 12th house?
thank you very much for your knowledgeable reply! about the mother & father part, with my mother she's been a bit distant because of her personal problems which she mostly took out on me (which consequently had a big toll on me, so i guess that could be her being dominant over me) but with my father he's always been very attentive and loving, though we have always clashed (he's a bit of an astrology nerd himself, so he puts it down to something to do with the planets ) which has made our relationship a bit rocky, and him less caring than he might have meant to be. so i see why that might be! it's so interesting how that translates to my chart. thanks again
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