Lonely and Depressed

AquaMoon

Active member
Hello everyone,

I'm new to this forum, but have browsed and participated in other astrology forums over a number of months. However, my knowledge of astrology is only limited to the basic information.

I feel like the past few years have been filled with many ups and downs for me. Sometimes I am very positive about the future and all that is ahead of me, and other times (like now) I feel depressed and don't think anything will ever improve.

I have just begun a new year at a University, and since leaving highschool have had an almost non-existent social life. I think that I'm naturally shy and don't make friends easily, but at the same time I hate being alone and crave friendship. But being at uni has been difficult for me...there are a limited amount of social outlets at this school, and I'm really struggling to connect with people.

My question is - will things get better? Will I eventually make friends, and are there any ways I can improve my social situation? I don't want to spend the best years of my life alone.
 

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Nexus7

Well-known member
The main thing that came to mind when I looked at your chart, Aqua Moon, is that there may be a tendency to spread yourself a little too far and wide - there seems to be a resltless side to you. I get that from the way your chart has planets spread out in most signs - what is called a 'splash' chart, along with Jupiter in Gemini and Mercury about to cross your descendant. Aries rising does not normally suggest shyness but can also be quick to move on if you cannot find what it is you are looking for and your chart ruler, Mars, opposes your Sun, suggesting again a degree of impatience in your overall makeup. Then, here is an Aquarius Moon and the two rulers of your Moon, Saturn and Uranus, are conjunct in another restless sign, Sagittarius. My question might be - it is more then sense that you somehow cannot find the right group of friends and associates with which to socialise and somehow, cannot find other people on the same wavelength, a place where you can really belong? Also, Aquarius can be a little choosy about whom it decides to associate with - these people too conformist, those people too wild, or whatever.Just one or two ideas you might like to look at. I wonder if is possible that you don't somehow need to slow down and try to get a better feel for what some of your deeper emotional needs might be. As far as closer relationships goes, I did notice that your Venus is widely square Pluto natally, which may be about looking for something deeper than a less superficial link yet again - yet if there is shyness, then there could be quite a bit of shyness in connection with one-to-one intimacy. That last bit involves bieng able to trust too, so then it is a question of finding those people who do have emotional depth here without being too smothering with it.
 

El_Nagual

Active member
Hi Aqua Moon,

By looking your charts It seems that you will eventualy make friends at the university, you have good aspects with your moon to mercury and uranus on the sixth and ninth houses, this could mean that if you focus on your work, your studies, and comunications (by electronic means Uranus), friends and social life will come naturaly. This forum post and answers (comunication, study, electronic means) could proof this to be true.

Also you have the lord of your 11th house in the 9th house, confirming friends asosiated with studies or travels.

The problem with feeling depressed may be related to a transiting saturn that is entering your 5th house, the house where your sun is, and this transit lasts for about two more years, this could lead to feeling limitations in all that concerns your 5th house and feeling a lack of vitality. Some astrologers link the 5th house to friends, so that would explain your feeling.

I hope it helps.
 

Nexus7

Well-known member
Also, I note now that your Sun is square your Moon rulers Saturn and Uranus, so I wonder how much of your sense of isolation now might be related to an earlier sense of feeling excluded, on the outside of things?

The ability to communicate and reach out is indeed shown in your chart, as has been poined out here though. So do give it time.....
 

AquaMoon

Active member
Thanks both for your replies.

Nexus - you've hit the nail on the head for me. I've never really felt like I've belonged anywhere with anyone, and I've always felt like an outsider, even from an early age. It's been very difficult for me and very upsetting, because I really want to find a group of people with whom I feel a sense of belonging. But somehow, no matter how hard I try to befriend people, I never quite get beyond the 'acquaintance' stage. It's made me feel as if I'm quite worthless as a person, as to me no one seems interested in me.

I actually prefer one-on-one intimacy to being with a large group of people, but you're right that I want relationships that are intimate and close, without being controlling. I have had several friendships in the past that have been very controlling on their side - phone calls every day, them wanting things from me that I wasn't prepared to give and not accepting no for an answer, etc.

You're also right that my shyness and unconfidence around people began at an early age. When I was young I was teased at school and was always an outsider, so I never really felt a sense of belonging. It's gotten to the point where I just know that everywhere I go I won't be able to fit in, and that I'll never find a comfortable place in regards to friends.

El Nagual - thanks for your kind words. I hope things will get better, as I cannot express enough how awful this situation is making me feel. I can't sleep, I constantly feel like just giving up...I honestly hope that things get better and that keeps me going, but I've felt this situation happen again and again over many years, so I wonder if it's just in my nature not to have many friends.
 

GeraniumSA

Well-known member
Looking at your chart, I am struck by the suggestion that geology, math, astronomy, and physics might be your kinds of classes. If you get into one of those tracks of classes, you might find more kindred souls. You may end up teaching at university.
 

gaer

Well-known member
I have a monstrous headache at the moment. I'm too awake to go to sleep yet, but I'm in too much pain to be thinking clearly. So take my comments with a huge grain of salt. I'm going to throw some ideas out. It they connect, great. If they don't, discard them.

I am going to guess that part of your "problem" may be high intelligence. No matter how many indications are in a birth chart that suggest that a person might be gregarious or outgoing, I believe that intelligence alone is enough to negate a lot of that. Why? Because it is more difficult to connect with a large group of people if you are above the norm. The younger you are, the more likely it would be that you would have been seens as a bit weird, not okay, an outsider simply because you were not thinking like everyone else. For instance, I often think that people of very average intelligence and limited imagination equate different (meaning originality, not being part of the herd) with being weird. When people suggest that I am weird because I have a brain and use it, I'm often tempted to say, "Thank you for the compliment." :)

I notice that you have almost no water in your chart. Only Pluto is in a water sign. Even your part of fortune is in Sag, although your North Node is in Pisces.

Is it easy for you to feel what other people are feeling, to tune into the emotions of other people successfully? Or is this difficult for you? Are you often suprised totally by what people are feeling, especially about you? Lack of water can indicate a difficulty in this area. You chart is almost totally air and fire.

At the time you were born, Uranus and Saturn were conjunct. I can't help but wonder just what happened at that time to "stamp" people born when you were born (in that short time period) in a way that reflects what I think that means. I can't think of two planets that are usually viewed in a more opposite way. Saturn is grounded and is generally linked to conservatism. Uranus is so opposite in nature, in my view. Yet these two energies are fused together, which is quite a paradox.

Some of the people I've met with this conjunction are especially good at approaching something normally considered very forward-thinking, even lacking in limitations (Uranus) and supplying a conservative twist to the whole thing. Or the opposite, starting out with something normally very conservative, but giving it an "out-of-the-box" twist.

This conjunctions squares your Sun and trines your Moon, so I think it is important. Also, has been mentioned, Mars opposes your Sun. In spite of your Aries Ascendant (which I think is more independent than social, by itself), Mars in Aries is in the 12th house. Anything in the 12th house is hard to get a grip on. It's hidden. Since the 12th is the house of hidden enemies, often planets there are our own hidden enemies until we do a great deal of soul-searching about what they mean there. With Mars there, you may not have a good understanding (yet) of what motivates you, and this may be puzzling to people you meet. I also think that 12th house people, and even with just Mars there, I'd think this way in your case, tend to look for more intimate and private relationships, usually preferring one-on-one "socializing" to groups. Not a blanket statement, but a definite tendency.

So let me stop there, with a little different view. If I am right about any of the above, please let me know. If I've blown it, be just as direct. I LOATHE readings that are so vague that they could describe anyone, so when I make some intuitive statements, I tend to let it "all hang out".

Finally, I hope that you are in some kind of department or "school within a school" that will allow you to meet other intense people that share your exact major or primary subject. If you are in a large university, for instance, and if you are just taking basic studies courses, you could easily get lost in something that is much too unfocused. Years ago I was very lucky. I went to a large university, but I was a part of the music school within that university, giving me a small and intense sub-group in which I could make friends in a more intimate setting.

Gaer
 
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QuaOs

Well-known member
Hello,

University should be a wide-open opportunity for you. I would suggest you to go for some social activists club with fellows of alike hearts and causes.
 

Nexus7

Well-known member
Aqua Moon

I would also urge you not to measure yourself by standards that may have been forged from difficult school experiences. It is a truism that children can be very cruel, well-intended comments from less than aware mentors becoming a yardstick you may feel you have to reach. Sun square Saturn may well be sensitive enough to take such things on board for a long time to come but it is probably a better idea to try to avoid falling into the trap of depressive 'I am a (social) failure' thinking without really tryinfg to understand yourself and the social milieau in which you are operating a lot better, first.
 

AquaMoon

Active member
Thanks everyone for your replies, once again. :)

Gaer - The more I think about it, the more I think maybe intelligence might be a problem, although I don't like to think so. I find that I'm not a lot like other people my age, and get on better with older people. I also find doing things like going to parties or going out clubbing boring, and would rather do something more mentally stimulating.

I didn't think I showed my intelligence that much, because although I get good grades at Uni, I don't go around showing off my smarts. I've always hated it being suggested that I'm a 'nerd' or 'into school', because I feel I'm so much more than that. I'm like any other person, with many likes and hobbies, but people tend to immediately label me as 'smart." But I am a deep thinker, and sometimes instead of talking you'll find me thinking, which may be part of my problem.

In regards to emotions, I've always thought the complete opposite. I tend to get very emotional from time to time and I think I am very aware of how others' are feeling, mainly because I observe and listen rather than talk all the time. However, I do tend to overanalyse others' emotions and reactions and blow them out of proportion. If someone looks at me a certain way I'll obsess over it and then wind up thinking that they dislike me, just because of this look, when really I'm completely overreacting. Maybe that's the fire in me...passion without reason. :p

The Uranus and Saturn conjunction is very interesting and something I haven't really explored before. It could contribute to my feeling 'different' and like an 'outsider', along with my aquarius moon.

Your mention of Mars and the twelfth house is interesting. When I initially looked at my chart, I was quite surprised by the presence of aries in my chart, and at the same time not surprised. Why? Because I can be very 'aries-like' in my determination to succeed, my strength, my stubborness, etc. But these qualities are often 'hidden' deep within me, I feel. I don't express them very much, and they are overwhelmed by feelings such as self-doubt, lack of confidence and uncertainity, especially in public. Perhaps I need to overcome these feelings to find the aries within me, although I'm not sure how you do that, exactly. :eek:

You're right - I also prefer a close little group of friends or a one-on-one chat than being in a big group. I was at a party last night with a lot of people I don't know very well and I felt completely out of place...it just wasn't right for me.

QuaOs - thanks, I will try to get into some groups and clubs, although it's difficult at my particular Uni.

Nexus - thanks for the food for thought.
 
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