lost sense of direction - possibly a Pluto issue?

ok, here we go, this is basically my own thread about issues discussed in thread about transiting Pluto Neptune conjunction...

As I have written there, this transit that happened for me a few years back seemingly destroyed my previously very strong impulse and drive for pursuing arts.

Ever since early childhood I had been very talented and drawing was my favorite activity. Since age of 12 I have been going to drawing and painting lessons, while in high school also; at the age of 15 I was so sure I wanted to study arts and nothing else was even an option since. This is where my passion was.
At the 3rd and 4th year of college, I started more often to have these thoughts about it 'not being enough'. Art, my works, I lost all enthusiasm I had.
That was 3 years ago.
Ever since I paint sporadically, had some spurs of ideas that I even managed to get one solo exhibition last year, but after that... almost nothing I cannot explain to anyone around me, and they are all asking me - why don't I paint? - I just don't have the passion anymore. I can decide to paint on one day, it turns out ok, but when I look at the painting few hours or days later I hear this voice, like 'what's the point?'
Thinking of it, art never had the point, but I did it anyway, never asking myself that question - does this sound more like a Saturn or Pluto influence?

I think for me, artistic way of expressing myself comes from the tension of Venus Neptune square. I am a dreamer, I prefer illusion over reality, and since Venus has never been played out properly(love-life pretty much unexistant) art has been what was feeding me all these years. I opted for Neptune in some unconciouss way. Many people sad my paintings had a floaty, sea-like feeling to them, and blue was always the most prevalent.

So, now, this talk about transit of Pluto over Neptune made me think that might be relevant in what has happened to me. Harsh reality over my dreams.
Last year my SR had a Moon on MC, and I had an exhibition one lady friend made possible.
But still, when I think on a large scale, being an artist in todays world seems like a mockery. Like I am still a child... seeing all people around me having 'proper' jobs, I feel stupid and pointless saying exploring and expressing my emotions is my job, and all this thinking and guilt and feeling of 'not good enough' is probably a part of this blockage. All this wasn't present in my youth.
I also add I feel large Saturn influence in my chart, 4th house, Libra, I always were a responsible one.
Funny, I achieved my highest acknowledgments and praise regarding arts when Saturn was at my MC at the age of 15, I got enrolled at one prestige art school, and was 1st among 200 candidates on the list. I felt on top of the world back then. It was nothing that important, but all my professors(well known painters) were predicting me great future. Now they all just wonder where did I go? They even assume I got married and dropped arts willingly.

Never as a child I thought I might be anything else in my life. That why this is so hard. I can't paint if I don't feel the need to do so within me. I never really understood where did that need come from. I used to skip classes in highschool and stayed home to work on my own things. I had this fear I won't have enough time to paint everything I wanted to. I had so much energy for it.
Now, if I am a painter who does not paint a thing - should I be still called that?
I still think this could be a passing thing, I have hopes of my MC ruler being in my 5th house, but I seriously hope I won't have to wait until I'm 42 for Saturn to get on MC again...

You have an exact square between Neptune and Venus, the principal artistic planets. It suggests that you have artistic talent, but that it won't come easy.

Sometimes Pluto destroys what it touches, but the purpose is to clear out the old, to make way for the new. When you are ready to paint again, try not to fall back on your past ideas, but consider what you might become. Note also that Uranus (the disrupter or liberator) has been challenging your Neptune and Venus, asking you to think about new ideas.

Dear Hermetic,

First of all, I'd like to second what Waybread said. Both Uranus and Pluto impacted your Venus Neptune square, and as a result of that you may have grown so that the work you did before has no meaning to you anymore. (Depression in artists, and everyone else, can often be associated with a lack of connection to the work that they.

Another point that I would like to make, since you experienced this block in your early twenties, when a lot of people start to get "serious" about growing up is that they may have been when your Saturn in the fourth (and ruling your SN in the sixth) may have started blocking your creativity (Pluto, ruling your 5th house), instead of providing your Pluto with a healthy structure to operate in. SN in the 6th will often mean that you overly value the daily grind, and also practical accomplishment esp in the service of others. When you were younger, this may not have been a concern because children are expected or allowed to "play" - it's part of their job, but adults aren't. You talk about the meaningless of exploring your feelings - that's your Saturn NN talking (and since their both in the fourth house) maybe your culture or your parents/family talking. Actually, your adult job as indicated by the Mars in the fifth deposed by the Jupiter in the fourth is to playfully, creatively, explore and express your feelings. You need to be ok with that, (and no one else) and then you will reconnect with your passion.
Also I'd like to point out that you have Chiron as a singleton in the eleventh, in close aspect to Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, Uranus,and Pluto- which is all good for an artist, but can also indicate a sense of being wounded, and also a need to have a purpose to your work and the ability to do so. I'd like to point out that many people are seriously disconnected from their emotions, and this is one reason there is so much violence and degradation of the envirornment occuring now- exploring ones emotions and developing them with maturity as oppsed to repressing them is one of the most useful things one can do in these times.
Anyway that you can connect with your Moon sign (nn in the 12th) will help you enormously to overcome this block - listening to music, being around spiritually oriented and supportive people, meditating, dating. Nurture your muse, don;t repress or overwork it. Give it time, and take baby steps.
Leeuba
PS you have Saturn on your Venus right now, so dont expect to a quick transformation, and also allow yourself to feel any and all negative feelings that you have. Jealously, hatred, anger are all neccessary emotions to express before you can feel happiness.

thank you both for replying
I am still unsure about whether the cause of this blockage of mine can be traced in my chart, but both of you made me open my eyes on some topics

I indeed have been considering new ideas about the arts, mainly conceptual arts, as it seems this Uranus influence of both Venus and Neptune is very strong now.
I don't know what will come out of these contemplations of mine.
In some ways traditional painting styles seem so old and unnecessary-pointless even in this world ; but it is what I've known and loved my whole life.
Change is definitely needed, suggested by this Uranus, yet I am affraid in a way and stuck, not daring to dive right into it.
I suppose it will take time to make this transition and fully establish myself in some other modes of artistic expression, and this Saturn and Uranus transit will be effecting my Venus and Neptune for a good 9 months, even a year perhaps.

Leeuba, your explanation of my SN is very on spot as to how I feel most of the time - overly value the daily grind, and also practical accomplishment esp in the service of others. Yet my NN in 12th clearly shows where I should go -> in the Neptune realm. And since NN is in Cancer, with my Moon being in Aqua - back to Uranus I guess - new and unusual ways of making it work.

Hello,
Looking at your natal Horoscope the suggestion is the following :
1- Aries Mh id disposited by Mars (in 5th) cj. To Uranus( 5 th-r.8 th) – immediately keys energy management, Technology, invention, innovation, helping others.

2- This special needs for helping-healing others it includes also Neptune as exactly as Mars-Uranus connection because they are all disposited by Jupiter. ( the need to have the own opinions respected ). Jupiter in turn is disposited by Pluto and then by Venus, which is in mutual reception with Mercury, ruling the third house- So the conclusion here is that communications, creative writings, sales promotion do have enormous and undeniable weight at your personal profile. Mercury curiously is a Peregrine planet running away with the entire Horoscope.

3- The Moon in the 7 th house being in Aquarius co-ruling the 12 th- 1 st house it suggests the need of a work situation tied to public projection. The push for humanitarian and unusual causes.
Therefore in this view, what the Horoscope clearly it suggests is a career profile linked to creative communications, technology- scientific dimension, inventiveness, sales promotion.
Note: Sun/Moon=Mars, describes the personal mechanism for pursuing a career where your high opiniation is respected, heard, by using the tools above indicated.
That’s why you’re feeling the way you feel right now.
I hope that helps you.
Lila

Hermetic,
First of all I definitely think that you are an artist and painting is a really good thing to do, having your chart. Mars the ruler of your MC is in the 5th house of creative self-expression and it is conjunct Uranus which means your will unites with your need to break free (which you really need to do looking at your loaded 4th house) , so this is a highly energetic aspect that is difficult to control but can be channeled into self-expression. Furthermore your whole chart is oriented to the quadrant of self-expression and the IC.
With the Sun conj. IC you really want to bring illumination to the deepest part of your inner self but it is probably not easy to go there because the Saturn/Pluto conj. in your 4th house suggest that there was a threat of annihilation looming in your early childhood and home which you no might carry with you looked deep within. But I think doing art can be a way for you to experience your inner self in the moment of expression.
I think your lost of direction is only transient, as has been suggested earlier in this thread, your artistic expression probably ceased to be a true expression of that deep part of you. So I think your Pluto transit cleared the ground so you can get now impregnated with a new creative spark and I think this will happen pretty soon when Uranus opposes your Venus. Also a bit later Saturn will be conj. your Venus which might represent a new commitment to your artistic expression. Still a bit later (next year) Saturn will cross your IC which always marks a new beginning. It is here that Saturn retrieves his treasure and starts his ascent to the Mc with it.
You also have Pluto square your MC now which is always a major change.
It will give you a new perspectiv on life and new priorities.

Hi Lila,

thanks for the reply very much

Mercury curiously is a Peregrine planet running away with the entire Horoscope.

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I am not sure what you meant by this. I consider Mercury to be only unaspected planet in my chart. And final dispositor along with Venus. But 'running away' part I do not get???

That’s why you’re feeling the way you feel right now.

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are you saying I am on the wrong path with arts and I should be switching/focusing on something else, more on the line of what you are describing - creative communications/techology/invention, or somehow incorporate those keywords into art practice?
I am somehow having a hard time seeing myself in any other profession since this has been my life so far, plus I am not educated in any other area, nor do I have the confidence for any public or people related job. hmmm, this is tought one. Cancer asc, Sun conj IC and Saturn in 4th marked my life as being very withdrawn and shy person - so I cannot really be what you describe Mars position - my opinions heard and such... I do not have Mars energies integrated, I almost never feel my Mars, and since it is rulling my MC probably explains block in career area/inexistant career.
Guess I need to work on that one.
Thanks a lot, your reply really made me think about this

Ture said:

Hermetic,
First of all I definitely think that you are an artist and painting is a really good thing to do, having your chart. Mars the ruler of your MC is in the 5th house of creative self-expression and it is conjunct Uranus which means your will unites with your need to break free (which you really need to do looking at your loaded 4th house) , so this is a highly energetic aspect that is difficult to control but can be channeled into self-expression. Furthermore your whole chart is oriented to the quadrant of self-expression and the IC.
With the Sun conj. IC you really want to bring illumination to the deepest part of your inner self but it is probably not easy to go there because the Saturn/Pluto conj. in your 4th house suggest that there was a threat of annihilation looming in your early childhood and home which you no might carry with you looked deep within. But I think doing art can be a way for you to experience your inner self in the moment of expression.
I think your lost of direction is only transient, as has been suggested earlier in this thread, your artistic expression probably ceased to be a true expression of that deep part of you. So I think your Pluto transit cleared the ground so you can get now impregnated with a new creative spark and I think this will happen pretty soon when Uranus opposes your Venus. Also a bit later Saturn will be conj. your Venus which might represent a new commitment to your artistic expression. Still a bit later (next year) Saturn will cross your IC which always marks a new beginning. It is here that Saturn retrieves his treasure and starts his ascent to the Mc with it.
You also have Pluto square your MC now which is always a major change.
It will give you a new perspectiv on life and new priorities.

Click to expand...

Hey Ture,
glad you replied, the part I bolded from your post is very very accurate in my case. I do experience myself during those times when I make paintings, and quite possibly, only at those times. So you might imagine how hard life gets when I haven't been painting for months.

I do hope those transits to come will clear some things in my life. Pluto to MC will last a while tho. And Saturn entering 4th is scary for me I imagine it opening all those childhood wounds and fears to resolve once and for all.
I do appreciate your reply very much

Hey Hermatic,
yes I can indeed imagine that not being able to paint is hard for you but I trust your art will come back and I hope it will bring you trough those possible difficult Saturn transits in the 4th.
I know it is easy for me to say but I want to give you one advice that I feel is very important. Whatever comes to the surface trough those transits don't push it back down no matter how painful it is. Pain is our best healer, the only way to get rid of it is to let it go trough.
best wishes Ture

Hi Hermetic,
Mercury and Venus are in a Mutual reception between them, that is , each is placed in the sign ruled by the other, each is the dispositor of the other. We may say there is an affinity created between them; they go together so to speak.
Which house do they rule? What do they possess in common? They both rule the 3 rd house- the communication channel. Mercury it rules the 3 rd house’s cusp. Venus is also placed on the 3 rd house. No doubt about that.
You misunderstood me about Mercury. Mercury is a peregrine planet, a planet that does not make a Ptolemaic aspect. “Peregrine” means (from the Latin) being foreign, alien being away from it belongs.( Mercury also rules your 12 th, by the way). This lack of integration frequently encourages the peregrine planet to assert itself forcefully in its correspondent functions.
So in short, the Horoscope is suggesting clearly the use of the Creative communication Channel. The outlet could be painting, photopraphy/ Television, even the Internet but always with a writing connotation. Your natural artistry could contain to the Home.
I do think you honestly should incorporate the keywords I wrote previously. That’s up to you. Planets don’t do things happen, people do.
Think about that.
Lila