Why can't I let him go?

Jamisyn

Well-known member
This guy is no good for me, we're not well matched, we're like oil and water. Everyone tells me I can do better, that I deserve so much more than he gives. And it's true. But he touches me in a way that I'm not sure anyone ever has before. And he knows the most honest part of me that I don't show anyone. And I feel such a deep, emotional bond with him. But he's constantly pulling me in just to push me away and it breaks my heart every time. Every logical thought in my head says don't look back, but I can't seem to get my heart on the same page. It seems like every guy I date since him is just a distraction from him. I have plenty of other, more suitable guys practically begging me to go out with them and I usually have no issue with ending things and standing my ground without a second thought. What's the deal with this guy? Why does he have such a hold on me?

I know we have a very tight Venus/Pluto square, but I've had that aspect with many men, and while it's powerful, it's more of a dangerous sexual chemistry. But that's not what this is, it feels more like real love...as much as I wish it didn't.
 

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Vista

Well-known member
This chart is useless without the degrees of the planets and angles. I would post separately. Also, if you don't know the times of birth please disclose.

The more their outer planets contact your personal planets especially your Venus, the more power they have over your relationship. It's very attractive, compulsive and obsessive, and very hard to let go. Sometimes they don't even realize how much they affect you. Pluto squares can point to obsession, however usually there is more to the story astrologically. Obviously you have tried to work it out and it's not going anywhere. Whenever you break up and get back together especially when it's a few times, something is lost. Eventually you will move on, just give it time.


This guy is no good for me, we're not well matched, we're like oil and water. Everyone tells me I can do better, that I deserve so much more than he gives. And it's true. But he touches me in a way that I'm not sure anyone ever has before. And he knows the most honest part of me that I don't show anyone. And I feel such a deep, emotional bond with him. But he's constantly pulling me in just to push me away and it breaks my heart every time. Every logical thought in my head says don't look back, but I can't seem to get my heart on the same page. It seems like every guy I date since him is just a distraction from him. I have plenty of other, more suitable guys practically begging me to go out with them and I usually have no issue with ending things and standing my ground without a second thought. What's the deal with this guy? Why does he have such a hold on me?

I know we have a very tight Venus/Pluto square, but I've had that aspect with many men, and while it's powerful, it's more of a dangerous sexual chemistry. But that's not what this is, it feels more like real love...as much as I wish it didn't.
 

Jamisyn

Well-known member
This chart is useless without the degrees of the planets and angles. I would post separately. Also, if you don't know the times of birth please disclose.

Sorry! I didn't even realize it didn't have degrees. I've attached all the other info.

I don't feel obsessed with him at all, I'm very familiar with how nasty that Pluto/Venus square can be. I feel more of a heartfelt need to have him around. I just feel so close to him, I would be happy if we could just remain good friends, but he said he could never just be my friend. But he can't seem to handle a relationship with me either so...I'm at a loss.
 

Lion o ness

Well-known member
I think it's your Neptune conjunct his moon... It can be clingy, needy and can cause some co dependency issues with the two people...

I have something similar, we also have moon conjunct Neptune...
I'll tell u it's been on going like this for over 3 years....
We broke up, a while back ago... But never let go as of yet... Still talk 15x a day...

Here is a very good article on it.... If u can't see it, then you will have to join..

http://www.scribd.com/doc/8219806/Neptune-in-Synastry-and-the-Composite-Chart
 

Jamisyn

Well-known member
I think it's your Neptune conjunct his moon... It can be clingy, needy and can cause some co dependency issues with the two people...

Here is a very good article on it.... If u can't see it, then you will have to join..

http://www.scribd.com/doc/8219806/Neptune-in-Synastry-and-the-Composite-Chart

Looking over our aspects that did catch my eye initially, but then I realized he's going to have that with every woman in his general age group.

But you may be right, I've never had my Neptune conjunct anyone's Sun/Moon before that I've dated to my knowledge and considering Neptune's influence is so strong in my chart may that's it.

I was thinking it may be that he apspects my Moon so much as well.

I've never been so confused by a man before. He'll hit me out of the blue with these intense charm attacks, where he seems to sincerely be SO gone over me. You'd think he'd never felt such strong feelings for someone in his life. He'll talk like he thinks I'm the one and say how different I am. And then when he's got me just about convinced that this time is different and I'm falling for him all over again, he starts to back off. He slowly pulls away until we're barely talking and when I ask him what the problem is he says there's no problem, he's just busy and I'm being paranoid.

Then other times he says he pushes me away for self preservation because he thinks I would never stay with him and that if I left he wouldn't be able to bear it.

Which in reading it, I'm sure sounds like I'm an idiot who's being played and maybe I am. But...we've never even slept together, so what would be his motive in that? The things he says and the way he acts, I really do believe he means it, at least at the time. I just adore that he sees the real me, all of me and he completely respects who I am and what I think. We both had rough childhoods and he gets the damaged parts too. I just wish I could understand why he keeps professing all these feelings for me and trying to be with me only to run away when it's about to happen. I would be perfectly happy with a friendship, he's the one who's always trying to make it more?
 

Lion o ness

Well-known member
Neptune at times can get pretty tricky.... For me personally I love the way neptune aspects feel, but sometimes u get hit like bam...

It can feel very loving and supportive, in a way u dismiss the others flaws.. Either u choose not to see them, or u see them but accept it as a minor flaw.. While everyone else is saying wtf... Y don't u see that????

You know that movie with jack black, where the guy hypnotize him to only see the inner beauty in people.. (Can't remember the name) he falls for a girl ( gwenth ) she is actually over weight, but he sees her as thin and beautiful.. His friends can't believe he doesn't see the real her, and they wanna do anything to get him to really see her...
Once it did see her, he was like what the heck, how could I not see that...

This is a good example of Neptune...

But (in the movie) he realized he was in love with the person, and not the way she looked..

Soooo moral of the story.. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...

I'm not sure why people say he's bad... I can't say either way... Only u can judge that...
Your not in a relationship and no one should tell u who to be friends with..
But do set boundaries, and be honest..

I think it's a fated meeting nn conjunct Venus and vertex contacts also...
Good or bad, this has a purpose...
 

Munch

Well-known member
I am literally only glancing at this before I am off, but one thing jumped out to me in a huge way.

This guy is a double Capricorn with a sun/moon conjunction. He is likely one of the most insular people that you could ever possibly meet. The sun/moon conjunction in a person makes them very subjective indeed, but also extremely self sustaining. In Capricorn this could point to a person that seems to have it totally and completely together. I imagine that might be somewhat attractive to you since he is sitting all over your DC. You are also a Gemini, it might be awe inspiring to see someone so capable of realizing his dreams and ambitions.

His Jupiter also appears to trine your Pisces sun. Does he leave you feeling larger than life or vivified? Especially coming from Scorpio?

I agree about not looking to Neptune on this one, at least not exclusively. He is very well acquainted with Neptune energy, and he is a Capricorn. He will have likely worked over time, especially at the point just past his Saturn Return to move past anything restricting his growth; and seeing past Neptune's illusions will have been a large part of learning to accomplish and achieve.
 
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Jamisyn

Well-known member
You know that movie with jack black, where the guy hypnotize him to only see the inner beauty in people.. (Can't remember the name) he falls for a girl ( gwenth ) she is actually over weight, but he sees her as thin and beautiful.. His friends can't believe he doesn't see the real her, and they wanna do anything to get him to really see her...
Once it did see her, he was like what the heck, how could I not see that...

This is a good example of Neptune...

I think it's a fated meeting nn conjunct Venus and vertex contacts also...
Good or bad, this has a purpose...

The movie is Shallow Hal. Lol. And I definitely don't feel blind to his flaws, I see them very clearly (Sun/Moon in my 6th house), but I love him anyway. I'm not sure that it would ever work between us though.

What Vertex contacts are you seeing? Just that they are in opposition? I generally only consider a 2 degree orb when I look at Vertex or NN contacts, and it's my understanding that Vertex to Vertex contacts can't be felt?
 

Lion o ness

Well-known member
I agree with munch, it wouldn't be just one aspect alone... I do think Neptune plays a roll though, maybe more with u, since its an energy he is use to..

I can't see the orbs in synastry but it looks like ur mercury s conjunct his vertex.
Vertex is a fated point.. Destiny gates is what it's also called, also with the nn/Venus... I say it's a fated meeting..

Him hitting ur dsc is I'm sure another factor, just everything pulled together.. I guess..

I like Jupiter contacts :smile:


Oo yeah shallow Hal!!!!!! That's right... I couldn't remember the name..
 

Jamisyn

Well-known member
I am literally only glancing at this before I am off, but one thing jumped out to me in a huge way.

This guy is a double Capricorn with a sun/moon conjunction. He is likely one of the most insular people that you could ever possibly meet. The sun/moon conjunction in a person makes them very subjective indeed, but also extremely self sustaining. In Capricorn this could point to a person that seems to have it totally and completely together. I imagine that might be somewhat attractive to you since he is sitting all over your DC. You are also a Gemini, it might be awe inspiring to see someone so capable of realizing his dreams and ambitions.

His Jupiter also appears to trine your Pisces sun. Does he leave you feeling larger than life or vivified? Especially coming from Scorpio?

I agree about not looking to Neptune on this one, at least not exclusively. He is very well acquainted with Neptune energy, and he is a Capricorn. He will have likely worked over time, especially at the point just past his Saturn Return to move past anything restricting his growth; and seeing past Neptune's illusions will have been a large part of learning to accomplish and achieve.

What's really funny is while he is very insular, he's quite a mess. He actually comes off as very much of a Neptune ruled person. He has a long history of alcohol and drug abuse, he's very creative and morbid and deep. He's amazingly talented and poetic and damaged. I'm both fascinated by and drawn to him. To me he seems to be a constant struggle between Neptune and Saturn. He goes from one extreme to the next, from indulging in his Neptune emotions and fantasies to being very cold and distant and "realistic" and pessimistic.

While I'm much more outwardly together, I relate to all his turmoil and I think in a strange way I admire how he just has it out there for every one to see. I kind of feel like he portrays outwardly what I feel inwardly and vice versa. I'm a very emotional person who tries to hide it and he's a contained person who is very emotional, if that makes sense?

He absolutely does leave me feeling vivified! I feel alive and seen and gotten when we talk. I always feel like most people don't understand me, I'm definitely the kind who goes her own way and with him no explanations are needed because he's just as usual as I am, more so really. I can also be rather dark at times and I have to keep this part of me under wraps because most people aren't equipped to handle it, but I can tell him exactly how I'm feeling and he gets it.

We once said no matter what we ended up being that we never wanted to stop talking to each other again...but I feel like he makes it so hard. We go from being so close to him shuting me out and it's unbearable for me, so I usually cut off contact because it's too painful to keep enduring this push/pull, love/hate, inseparable to barley speaking thing he keeps doing.

He claims that even if he met the right one for him he'd just push her away because he refuses to fall in love again. He typically dates the exact same kind of woman, but I am different than that. When he's in a vulnerable mood he confesses that he essentially thinks I'm just way to good for him and that "girls like me" don't date guys like him. It all sounds so cliché. I don't know how he truly feels about me.
 

Shemystery

New member
If alcohol and drugs is even in the mix there's no room for anyone else! You have read this story, You've seen it in movies, plays, television shows, even trails, you don't have to live it. Yes it's a powerfully magnetic and compelling relationship, intense, emotional. You say it all sounds so cliché? Take yourself to an AA meeting, A sex and love Addicts Meeting There you will see it's more than just cliché it's hurtful And life damaging. And it's your life we are talking about. Stop thinking about this go volunteer somewhere where things are really important and you can help someone else. Right now is the time between eclipses it's a great time to make a change!
 

Jamisyn

Well-known member
If alcohol and drugs is even in the mix there's no room for anyone else! You have read this story, You've seen it in movies, plays, television shows, even trails, you don't have to live it. Yes it's a powerfully magnetic and compelling relationship, intense, emotional. You say it all sounds so cliché? Take yourself to an AA meeting, A sex and love Addicts Meeting There you will see it's more than just cliché it's hurtful And life damaging. And it's your life we are talking about. Stop thinking about this go volunteer somewhere where things are really important and you can help someone else. Right now is the time between eclipses it's a great time to make a change!

Like I said in my original post, I know he's not good for me. I know he'll only bring me down, but it doesn't change the way I feel.
 

Ουρανία

Active member
Hi :)

But he's constantly pulling me in just to push me away and it breaks my heart every time.

Your Moon is squared by his Uranus and that aspect could explain his push & pull behavior towards you. Uranus in touch with the Moon triggers some unexpected, sudden and inconsistent emotions in both of you. Uranus easily accept these upheavals, especially if it is in Sagittarius (who has an optimistic, relaxed and less emotional approach to changes), such as his. But for your gentle, hypersensitive Moon in Pisces, this is confusing, disturbing and disheartening.

Every logical thought in my head says don't look back, but I can't seem to get my heart on the same page.

Your Mercury is in Taurus, which means that your thinking is grounded, realistic and constructive. You know that you deserve better, fulfilling relationship, but the heart does not listen. Perhaps this is because you have the Moon in Pisces, which is inclined to sacrifice their own feelings of satisfaction on behalf of idealistic emotional images. Moon in Pisces sympathizes with people in pain. It is necessary to learn the difference between mature love and general compassion towards someone. On the other hand, this Moon learns about their own feelings through the understanding of and empathizing others ("I relate to all his turmoil and I think in a strange way I admire how he just has it out there for every one to see. I kind of feel like he portrays outwardly what I feel inwardly and vice versa.")
Also, with Venus in Cancer you do not you tie easily and quickly (emotional security is of great importance), but once you tie to someone, it's hard to let go. Finally, once this Venus leaves someone, she tends to go back in time and never get over it completely (at least, not until she finds the right one and start a family with him).


I always feel like most people don't understand me, I'm definitely the kind who goes her own way and with him no explanations are needed because he's just as usual as I am, more so really. I can also be rather dark at times and I have to keep this part of me under wraps because most people aren't equipped to handle it, but I can tell him exactly how I'm feeling and he gets it.

Are you in love with him as a person (his features, lifestyle, beliefs and values​​, behavior etc.) or are you in love with how you feel next to him (what do you think of yourself or how he affects you) ? Because it seems to me that you uncovered a part of yourself by being with him, as like he reflects a part of you with whom you can relate to and sympathize.

But he touches me in a way that I'm not sure anyone ever has before.

With his Venus in your eight house, you may have a very strong and deep emotional reaction to his affection towards you.

With his Sun and Moon near your descendant, you may feel a natural partnership connection with him because he has the qualities that you seek in a partner.

And he knows the most honest part of me that I don't show anyone.
With his Mercury in your 7th, you may feel that you can communicate with him with ease and understanding.
With his Chiron conjunct your Mercury, he may open you up verbally in a way that he encourages you to talk about your wounds, which in turn heals his.

And I feel such a deep, emotional bond with him.
His Saturn (bond) is in your 5th house (love, romance). His Pluto here adds depth and Jupiter gives importance (and exaggeration) of your love for him.

His North Node conjunct your Venus. I think this aspect brings you a big love/life lesson. Maybe you two "had" to meet so you could learn something important from each other. I found something interesting for this position: "Many astrologers, like Celeste Teal, insist that when this aspect is present in synastry, the individuals are setting the stage for a future meeting, and that the likelihood of forming a real relationship in this lifetime is unlikely. In my personal experience, I've found this to be true. Perhaps barriers to love exist between the two of them, Which deny the formation of a love relationship. Perhaps the Node person does not feel "ready" to embrace the qualities the Venus person Represents because it makes them feel out of Their comfort zone. "More can be read here: http://starscopestoday.wordpress.com/tag/north-node-conjunct-venus-synastry/

His Saturn square your Venus. Saturn represents a binding force, time and obstacles. Aspect between Saturn and Venus symbolizes the long-term relationship of any kind. However, the square is not harmonious aspect. It connects the two signs that do not comply and do not understand each other. This aspect can be explained by your running back to each other over a long period of time and not not getting anywhere.

I hope it helps :)

P.S. You CAN let it go, it "just" takes time and introspection. Be well :)
 
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Jamisyn

Well-known member
Ουρανία;469581 said:
Your Moon is squared by his Uranus and that aspect could explain his push & pull behavior towards you. Uranus in touch with the Moon triggers some unexpected, sudden and inconsistent emotions in both of you. Uranus easily accept these upheavals, especially if it is in Sagittarius (who has an optimistic, relaxed and less emotional approach to changes), such as his. But for your gentle, hypersensitive Moon in Pisces, this is confusing, disturbing and disheartening.

If I didn't have this aspect natally and with pretty much everyone within my own age group, I would of saw this in the same light. But I think I give it less credit due to these factors. I completely agree that his reactions toward me are extremely Uranian though. I have wondered if this is due to his Venus in Aquarius and the fact that Venus is so strong in his chart? I also considered that maybe I take these actions much more to heart with him because his Venus falls in my 8th?


Ουρανία;469581 said:
Your Mercury is in Taurus, which means that your thinking is grounded, realistic and constructive. You know that you deserve better, fulfilling relationship, but the heart does not listen. Perhaps this is because you have the Moon in Pisces, which is inclined to sacrifice their own feelings of satisfaction on behalf of idealistic emotional images. Moon in Pisces sympathizes with people in pain. It is necessary to learn the difference between mature love and general compassion towards someone. On the other hand, this Moon learns about their own feelings through the understanding of and empathizing others ("I relate to all his turmoil and I think in a strange way I admire how he just has it out there for every one to see. I kind of feel like he portrays outwardly what I feel inwardly and vice versa.")
Also, with Venus in Cancer you do not you tie easily and quickly (emotional security is of great importance), but once you tie to someone, it's hard to let go. Finally, once this Venus leaves someone, she tends to go back in time and never get over it completely (at least, not until she finds the right one and start a family with him).

All VERY true! It's hard being me, with all my complex emotions and my gifted logic that always goes ignored. Lol ; )
The words on Venus in Cancer I feel wholeheartedly. I've never heard anyone say the part about having trouble getting over someone completely, but it's right on. I think that sometimes I nearly ruin the relationships that are right in front of me because I am too hung up on hoping the last one might still work. I think that because I do take SO long to truly invest my heart in someone that I have an extremely hard time then walking away, I can't stand that all my time and energy was wasted.



Ουρανία;469581 said:
Are you in love with him as a person (his features, lifestyle, beliefs and values​​, behavior etc.) or are you in love with how you feel next to him (what do you think of yourself or how he affects you) ? Because it seems to me that you uncovered a part of yourself by being with him, as like he reflects a part of you with whom you can relate to and sympathize.

This comment really hit me. I without a doubt know that I love the person he brings out in me. I feel like my truest self in his company. He sees me and sees in me all the things that I love about myself but feel go completely unrecognized by most. I think that they go unnoticed and unappreciated so often that I almost forget they exist, like they were only a figment of my imagination, until he gave them life. He validates my best qualities and gives them expression. I've told him before that he is like my mirror. I love seeing myself through his eyes, it's such a wonderful, uplifting, yet humbling feeling. Not everything I see in this reflection is good, but what isn't good I learn so much from. Your question made me wonder if I am not so afraid to lose him because I feel that when he goes, that part of myself he lights up goes with him. The fact is, it does. Without him I feel like I'm on stage without my spotlight. I think I am so grateful for this that I want to make him feel as whole as he makes me, which may explain the willingness to self-sacrifice in certain areas. I'm not sure what aspect it is that ignites this feeling, but I know that I have never felt it before. Could it be my Venus conjunct his MC? It really sounds a bit like maybe our Neptune conjunct aspects are somehow reversed doesn't it? Like he lights up (mirrors) my Sun and Moon with Neptune energy, even though it's my Neptune aspecting his Planets...I'm just thinking out loud now.



Ουρανία;469581 said:
With his Mercury in your 7th, you may feel that you can communicate with him with ease and understanding.
With his Chiron conjunct your Mercury, he may open you up verbally in a way that he encourages you to talk about your wounds, which in turn heals his.

I do and he does!

Ουρανία;469581 said:
His Saturn (bond) is in your 5th house (love, romance). His Pluto here adds depth and Jupiter gives importance (and exaggeration) of your love for him.

This is one, I don't know how to evaluate because, again, everyone within my age group has their Saturn/Pluto in my 5th, as do I natally. Jupiter I can see, his Jupiter also trines my moon so I think it's even more impactful.

Ουρανία;469581 said:
His North Node conjunct your Venus. I think this aspect brings you a big love/life lesson. Maybe you two "had" to meet so you could learn something important from each other. I found something interesting for this position: "Many astrologers, like Celeste Teal, insist that when this aspect is present in synastry, the individuals are setting the stage for a future meeting, and that the likelihood of forming a real relationship in this lifetime is unlikely. In my personal experience, I've found this to be true. Perhaps barriers to love exist between the two of them, Which deny the formation of a love relationship. Perhaps the Node person does not feel "ready" to embrace the qualities the Venus person Represents because it makes them feel out of Their comfort zone.

This is sad =( Although, so far, seems to be true. That article makes me question if the intense need he seems to feel to be in a relationship with me at times, followed by his equally intense fear or aversion to it is not due to this NN conjunction? The two most serious relationships he's had have been with Venus in Cap women (his South Node).

Ουρανία;469581 said:
I hope it helps :)

It really has. Thank you!
 

Ουρανία

Active member
If I didn't have this aspect natally and with pretty much everyone within my own age group, I would of saw this in the same light. But I think I give it less credit due to these factors. I completely agree that his reactions toward me are extremely Uranian though. I have wondered if this is due to his Venus in Aquarius and the fact that Venus is so strong in his chart? I also considered that maybe I take these actions much more to heart with him because his Venus falls in my 8th?

I understand, but I have a somewhat different experience with generational planets in synastry. Because even though I have the same aspect with a mass of people , I am not in a close, one to one relationship with all that people, so that aspect is not activated on an intimate level. On the other hand, in the very personal contact with some of those people with whom I have a some generational aspect, that aspect affects me on a personal level.
Especially if it is a small orbis, or when dispositor of some personal planet is an outer planet (his Venus is ruled by Uranus, so Uranus is important factor in his love life).

I think that because I do take SO long to truly invest my heart in someone that I have an extremely hard time then walking away, I can't stand that all my time and energy was wasted.

Maybe you waste your time and energy by staying, not walking away from relationships that does not work. Sorry if this sounds insensitive. I have Moon in Virgo. :pouty:


Your question made me wonder if I am not so afraid to lose him because I feel that when he goes, that part of myself he lights up goes with him. The fact is, it does. Without him I feel like I'm on stage without my spotlight. I think I am so grateful for this that I want to make him feel as whole as he makes me, which may explain the willingness to self-sacrifice in certain areas. I'm not sure what aspect it is that ignites this feeling, but I know that I have never felt it before. Could it be my Venus conjunct his MC?

It could be Venus-MC conjunction if Venus is that part he lights up in you (You haven´t mention what is it exactly). Did you feel like his girlfriend from the very beginning, when you two haven´t yet been in a relationship?


It really sounds a bit like maybe our Neptune conjunct aspects are somehow reversed doesn't it? Like he lights up (mirrors) my Sun and Moon with Neptune energy, even though it's my Neptune aspecting his Planets...I'm just thinking out loud now.

I do not know what positive aspects between Neptune and personal planets mean. I have nine of them in synastry with my partner (and my Neptune is also in conjunction with his stellium of personal planets in Capricorn) and I have never explained them. :confused:
Didn´t you just said that you ignore generational aspects?

This is one, I don't know how to evaluate because, again, everyone within my age group has their Saturn/Pluto in my 5th, as do I natally. Jupiter I can see, his Jupiter also trines my moon so I think it's even more impactful.
Well, his Pluto in your 5th house square your Venus exactly (0°35s). Saturn (8°02a) and Jupiter (6°03s) too, but in a wider orb than Jupiter/Moon trine.
(Saturn also trines your Sun and Mars, that two are very good :)


This is sad =( Although, so far, seems to be true. That article makes me question if the intense need he seems to feel to be in a relationship with me at times, followed by his equally intense fear or aversion to it is not due to this NN conjunction? The two most serious relationships he's had have been with Venus in Cap women (his South Node).

Perhaps. I have NN in Capricorn and it conjuncts my partner´s Moon. I see him as the greatest support for my personal growth. But also, I think my own Capricorn qualities are less developed than his and it scares me sometimes because I have to face my own weaknesses watching him and deal with them. He is not aware of it though. He feels he need to take care of me and great responsibility for me (Moon in Capricorn). Do you see similarities between this and NN conjunction with Venus in your case?
 
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