Hi
But he's constantly pulling me in just to push me away and it breaks my heart every time.
Your Moon is squared by his Uranus and that aspect could explain his push & pull behavior towards you. Uranus in touch with the Moon triggers some unexpected, sudden and inconsistent emotions in both of you. Uranus easily accept these upheavals, especially if it is in Sagittarius (who has an optimistic, relaxed and less emotional approach to changes), such as his. But for your gentle, hypersensitive Moon in Pisces, this is confusing, disturbing and disheartening.
Every logical thought in my head says don't look back, but I can't seem to get my heart on the same page.
Your Mercury is in Taurus, which means that your thinking is grounded, realistic and constructive. You know that you deserve better, fulfilling relationship, but the heart does not listen. Perhaps this is because you have the Moon in Pisces, which is inclined to sacrifice their own feelings of satisfaction on behalf of idealistic emotional images. Moon in Pisces sympathizes with people in pain. It is necessary to learn the difference between mature love and general compassion towards someone. On the other hand, this Moon learns about their own feelings through the understanding of and empathizing others (
"I relate to all his turmoil and I think in a strange way I admire how he just has it out there for every one to see. I kind of feel like he portrays outwardly what I feel inwardly and vice versa.")
Also, with Venus in Cancer you do not you tie easily and quickly (emotional security is of great importance), but once you tie to someone, it's hard to let go. Finally, once this Venus leaves someone, she tends to go back in time and never get over it completely (at least, not until she finds the right one and start a family with him).
I always feel like most people don't understand me, I'm definitely the kind who goes her own way and with him no explanations are needed because he's just as usual as I am, more so really. I can also be rather dark at times and I have to keep this part of me under wraps because most people aren't equipped to handle it, but I can tell him exactly how I'm feeling and he gets it.
Are you in love with him as a person (his features, lifestyle, beliefs and values, behavior etc.) or are you in love with how you feel next to him (what do you think of yourself or how he affects you) ? Because it seems to me that you uncovered a part of yourself by being with him, as like he reflects a part of you with whom you can relate to and sympathize.
But he touches me in a way that I'm not sure anyone ever has before.
With his Venus in your eight house, you may have a very strong and deep emotional reaction to his affection towards you.
With his Sun and Moon near your descendant, you may feel a natural partnership connection with him because he has the qualities that you seek in a partner.
And he knows the most honest part of me that I don't show anyone.
With his Mercury in your 7th, you may feel that you can communicate with him with ease and understanding.
With his Chiron conjunct your Mercury, he may open you up verbally in a way that he encourages you to talk about your wounds, which in turn heals his.
And I feel such a deep, emotional bond with him.
His Saturn (bond) is in your 5th house (love, romance). His Pluto here adds depth and Jupiter gives importance (and exaggeration) of your love for him.
His North Node conjunct your Venus. I think this aspect brings you a big love/life lesson. Maybe you two "had" to meet so you could learn something important from each other. I found something interesting for this position: "Many astrologers, like Celeste Teal, insist that when this aspect is present in synastry, the individuals are setting the stage for a future meeting, and that the likelihood of forming a real relationship in this lifetime is unlikely. In my personal experience, I've found this to be true. Perhaps barriers to love exist between the two of them, Which deny the formation of a love relationship. Perhaps the Node person does not feel "ready" to embrace the qualities the Venus person Represents because it makes them feel out of Their comfort zone. "More can be read here:
http://starscopestoday.wordpress.com/tag/north-node-conjunct-venus-synastry/
His Saturn square your Venus. Saturn represents a binding force, time and obstacles. Aspect between Saturn and Venus symbolizes the long-term relationship of any kind. However, the square is not harmonious aspect. It connects the two signs that do not comply and do not understand each other. This aspect can be explained by your running back to each other over a long period of time and not not getting anywhere.
I hope it helps
P.S. You CAN let it go, it "just" takes time and introspection. Be well