Nice to hear that it went back to normal. I think when you look back on things like that which are in the past, they don't seem to have that much of an impact on you. You are able to objectify. It becomes history.
I think I am on the way out of that darkness. It was darkness. Like you said. I feel I have changed my attitude as well. But in a different way. I am a different person. I can't say how. It's like that saying about going to Hell in order to know God, or going to Hell in order to become something greater. I can't remember what it was.
I see things differently. People differently. In what way? I can't say. To be able to size them up in an instant. To be able to know their motivation in an instant. Pluto has some affinity with X-Rays. Maybe I have simply become more like a Scorpio? That whole myth about dying and being resurrected like a pheonix. I hope it is true. Still on very unstable ground at the moment. I find I act very differently to how I used to act. I have found an enjoyment in bringing out what other people really think, through provokation, through speaking my mind, it has become a hobby to uncover people of their pretences, Pluto doesn't care for etiquette, Pluto is extremely softly spoken and subtle, doesn't use force, but is able to see and to know what is really going on in people's minds.
Pluto is actually a gentle planet, death can be gentle. psychology is gentle, just a few words, just a few subtle words. I used to be naive. I used to be unaware of other people's motivations. But now I can see it miles away. Still got 20' minutes of the Arc to go before I can say I am safe. But I am hoping that I will continue to be aware of what I have become aware of. It is a kind of truth of humanity. I am grateful to Pluto.
I feel that I am now free of falseness. It is difficult to describe the change between now and June 2007. Back then I had certain ideas of what life was about. I am aware of its biological foundations. Life has been stripped down to its extreme basics. It is odd how you must be forced through a grinder in order to truly understand the meaning of life. In order to appreciate life you must be stripped of it in the most painful way.
One thing I have learnt how to do is to pray. Just me and God though, no other "stuff" in between. I pray, I get relief, I as a result believe. I used to try and read every book under the Sun, I was fascinated, I was a bookworm. During this period I stopped reading. I saw through every book for what it was. Something written by someone, with their own set of mistaken beliefs and pretenses. Even stuff that is considered "literature", especially that.
Someone tried to rob me today. The old me would have probably bowed and given in out of both fear of the unknown and out of pre-programmed "don't upset the boat" mentality. But I spoke a few words in anger, repeated them and controlled this person. Called them friend. Gave them reason to like me and fear me at the same time. I defended my old father. There was possibility of danger. But I was aware, I was fast and I was not the person I would have been in 2007. That money that I would have lost was nothing, of no value, of no real value. It was the act, it was the disrespect.
I think Pluto played a greater role in pre-historic people. They were able to size things up in an instant. Understand the true value and nature of things. But they also lived in fear, in constant fear for their lives. They didn't have the luxury of being able to relax and read books, watch TV, think about love or about things that are not based in biological reality.