AriesSun100, you do have what I would call a "difficult chart." You incarnated with some real life challenges, but also with the energy and courage to face and even defy them.
1. Pluto opposite sun often shows up in the charts of people with a dysfunctional relationship with their father. With Pluto opposite your Aries stellium, you may have a real fear of being controlled by people whom you deem to be bullying, domineering, and aggressive. This can lead to the philosophy that "the best defense is a good offense," when actually the others oftentimes weren't trying to be your enemy at all.
2. You've got a real paradox with those independent active Aries planets in the 7th house. This is the traditional house of committed partnerships such as marriage, but it is also the house of "open enemies"-- the ones you identify vs. the secretive back-stabbing sorts. Aries needs to be independent, yet the 7th house asks for a long-term commitment to someone else.
3. Then your powerful moon (emotional nature) in Cancer truly longs to merge with other people, be they close friends, a lover, or even co-workers. So there's a head-heart conflict between your Aries sun and Cancer moon. It's as though you fend people off with a stick at the same time that you long for emotional closeness. This dissonance between your sense of identity and your emotional needs may make you feel emotionally moody, such that a vicious circle sets in.
4. With that first house Jupiter retrograde and Saturn, you may come across to other people as thinking that you know more than they do and being critical of them-- even when you don't mean to. I suspect that mostly you don't expect other people to like you, so that is the "face" that people see.
I think the best way around this is to befriend people who also need their space. With so much Aries in your chart, a good athletic activity that requires a partner, such as fencing, tennis or another racquet sport might be very beneficial.
Try to experience your Cancerian love for people. Yes, they may hurt your feelings, and leave you feeling exposed and vulnerable. At times you may give and not receive. But AriesSun100, you have strength and courage to burn! With a chart like yours, you have had to be very, very strong-- on a survival level. You can handle a bit more hurt in the quest for friends and loved ones. Your north node of personal growth lies in the 11th house of friends. So this is a good area to develop.
One really harmonious area of your chart is that nice Venus-Mars-sun trine to Neptune. You probably have a rich imagination. So long as it doesn't become escapism to compensate for the difficulties you experience, I hope you can develop it-- even if just as a hobby. Try a class in art or film-making, and see what happens! Or keep a journal for your private poetry collection. Just something so that your creative artistic side has an outlet.
In terms of career, do you know if your birth time is accurate? I ask because your MC is right on the cusp, and it does matter which sign it's in.
Generally graduate school is for people who know what they want to do, and who acquired the credentials as undergrads for admission into a specific program. With your strong 7th house emphasis, however, you might think about law school, as that 7th house of "open enemies" includes litigation. That 10th house moon might like to "parent" people in some way-- note that lawyers are sometimes called "counselor."
I think you would also be good as a physical education teacher.
Incidentally, your chart doesn't show your Part of Fortune, which you can input on the Astrodienst free charts pages. This indicates an area of your life that is likely to go well for you, so it is worth making its acquaintance.
1. You are very right regarding my fear of being controlled by aggressive people. The fear started, I believe, in my childhood. My relationship with my mom was difficult; she was a very controlling person who would always want her way. She was very critical, and I felt a lack of affection and warmth from her. I would always envy my friends' mothers who were understanding, loving, and caring. As years passed, she has gotten better, and our relationship has gotten better. But my relationship with my dad is a blessing. He is my dad, my mom, and my best friend all rolled into one. I fight every day to become half the person he is. He is such a good human being with such a good, pure heart. There are always two types of people that enter my life like a pattern: people like my mom and then people like my dad. The men that come into my life have very similar personalities with my mom: controlling, possessive, and aggressive.
2. I hate the 4 planets in Aries in the 7th house! I attract a lot of enemies, and they tend to be Aries-like. I can sit and do nothing but just breath, and it seems like I attract enemies. I don't see them as enemies, but one way or the other they feel threatened by me. From reading about all the aspects in my chart, I think its the Mars Pluto opposition. I am very independent; I feel like I can forever live without a man in my life, but I don't know if that's because of the Aries influence, or I am just put off by the men I attract. But I do know that if I ever fall in love deeply, I will commit with my entire heart, but getting there is a big obstacle.
3. Totally correct! You have described me better than I can ever describe myself. This entire paragraph is me. Even though I describe myself as independent, when it comes to my family, they have my entire heart. I will do anything for them. They are the only ones that can bring out emotions in me (by emotions I mean, my Cancerian traits). There is a desire to truly merge with people, but I keep them at an arms length. There are so many friends that I have lost touch with because of my fear of getting too close. I feel like if I ask for help from friends or show any emotional neediness, then I am showing them my weak side. I used to think of myself as a strong personality with fixed values that can tough it out, but things have changed, and I realized the importance of having healthy friendships in life that you can lean on.
4. Different people see different faces on me. Some people say that I am shy, some say I am bubbly. Once, two of my closest friends got together and they were talking about me and one friend described me as very shy and conservative, and my other friend described me as outgoing, and very chill and laid back about things. They couldn't see the other's description in me. Then there are the people who say I am an *itch and unapproachable, but then I smile and talk, and they are surprised. Yes, I expect people not to like me at first impression. I have always wanted to learn tennis! I might try that out.
5. "You may give and not receive" - that is something that is very hard for me to hear. I feel like in my relationship w/ my mom, I gave and gave and got little in return. I fear getting into a relationship where I have to give more. I feel like if they don't put the same amount of effort in me that I put into them, then they don't love me enough.
So personal growth comes from making friends? Making friends is difficult for me right now, but I do want to be in a happier place with happy people. I want to put myself out there to meet people from all walks of life, but in my mind right now I feel like I need to do some healing and personal growth privately before I let people into my life again. I hate showing people any kinds of emotions, or weakness.
6. I used to daydream a lot about how great my future was going to be. Does that count? LOL. I used to have creative hobbies such as learning to play the guitar, and knitting, but right now it feels like mental energy drainage when I attempt it. It tires me out.
7. Yup, my birth time is correct; my mom made sure she had someone record it. I have thought about law and business. I have been studying Vedic astrology also, and while I feel like I am an Aries Sun, I feel like Mercury in Pisces fits me better. It's hard to explain, but I feel like I might not do so well in law because my mind thinks in a very abstract, watery way. But I did well in business, so I thought why not just continue that. I always wanted to do law, so there is a divergence of head and heart.
8. I believe my Part of Fortune is in the third house.