Pluto's conjunct my MC right now. My MC is conjunct my Sun. Mercury, Juno, Venus, and Neptune are conjunct before that, in a different zoida (sign) but according to some also conjunct the sun (via mercury).
Either way, Pluto has apparently been running a train on me for some time.
Please some insight from anyone would be appreciated.
I've been through a lot. I have very little left except hope and faith, and I've never been real strong in those areas. Think athiests and foxholes.
My identity is completely transforming. I don't even look quite the same, apparently, as many people who know me well are failing to recognise me. I feel like I am even being physically reconstructed, to the level of DNA or molecularly.
I have twice since this Saturn return thing (convenient) started actually lost over 30lbs. Being I'm a 6ft male with virtually no body fat averaging about 155lbs, it scares people. I swear my bones were shrinking last time. I really got the distinct sensation of being rebuilt after that.
The last time I simultaneously started smoking ciggarettes again after quitting for three + years, quit smoking pot and drinking (after about 18 or so years), and spent close to 30 days alternatingly meditating and sitting there numbly unaware of almost everything- except when I remembered to eat or cry myself to sleep, which I guess happened about once or twice a week.
my spiritual life has exploded, I am much stronger energetically, although it's not helping my social life, since what I now admit to regularly percieving makes people think I'm insane. It gets that way when you can't hide the fact you feel other people's emotions or physical conditions and stuff. . . or see their past or their dreams or whatever it is next.
but everything seems to slip through my fingers somehow. I can help other people, apparently even change their physiology at a distancem, but it doesn't seem to do me much good. Many physical ailments of my own have spontaneously disappeared or appeared out of nowhere. Suddenly I have no asthma after 15 years, for instance.
All my relationships have or are undergoing complete de or re construction. Hard to say which most of the time. I barely have avoided suicide and being locked the nut-house, death by motorcycle vs ice and (not joking) even supernatural attempts on my life.
I have not avoided losing my closest relationships, home, transportation, all my money, at least three jobs, am about to lose another home, --and just the other day-- had a perfect opportunity to own my own place, seemingly perfect for my needs, and seemingly delivered by the heavens, ripped from my grasp just when I thought something would go right. All this in the last 6 months.
Similarly the love of my life came back to me after I'd finally given up, late last year: everything seemed sooo right and I was just thinking, "y'know, my life could turn out 1/2 way normal after all, I should marry this person, maybe have kids someday" - which is not anywhere near my normal thoughts or behavior- when I got dropped like a blighted lumper (that's a rotten potato) with no warning and no discernable cause. At right about valentine's day.
Everyone I know seems to think she lost her mind, (the instant about-face from me being "the best thing that ever happened" to her to being "over" was not hte only sudden erratic behavior she displayed at the time) unfortunately she took mine with her.
Now, (just now) looking back at the 14, it appears
Pluto was about exactly conjunct my natal
Juno, and
Lilith conjunct Natal
Eros. I don't even know real consciously what that means, but I get a distinctly uncomfortable feeling about it. Looks like actual
Juno and
Eros were just getting around to contacting natal
Chiron, too. Lovely.
OK, here's a chart already. I'm pretty new at this stuff, and for some reason it's been easier for me to look at a chart than to read or hear all about aspects and what's where. It's like I got some direct intuitive reading first from the chart, as soon as I see the geometry. Now that I know a little about grand squares, trines, etc I am beginning to get more conscious about it.
Juno aint there, but she's at 26 sag, between mercury and the sun. I'm posting an equal house chart even though I think some things are more correct maybe about placidus, but that's a conversation for another time.
Well I could go on and on, there are some very profound changes happening to me spiritually or energetically. I think some of you "lightworkers" and such might have something useful for me. I don't know how many of you do any "true self" work, or if you know what that refers to (as opposed to "higher self" etc, in the school of thought/traditions I'm working with it is distinct) but it is getting pretty intense for me.
I seem to be getting pushed into fulfilling some kind of built in destiny or at least skillset between esoteric studies ranging from shamanism to ceremonial magic, qi gong, astrology, Reiki, Chinese medicine, Shiatsu, Shamanism, and music. Once these things took up some of my time and now seem to be all I can do with it.
Most days I'm not sure who the heck I am anymore. I certainly am not prone to trusting anyone at this point, and I don't know what to do next, although it seems like everything I do is equally in vain anyway.
But somehow I just know I'm going to win, and that is most definitely new. I've never been accused of being an optimist. But it's not optimism, it's like what the word determination was meant to describe, yet fails to. It's that I'm
INTENT upon it. . . and I've never felt anything I would describe as ambition before, but that's the only word I can think of for it.
It's just ambition for
what?
And if you figure different, just don't say anything about it, I hardly need an excuse to resign from this current physical employment.
Now that I've aired out my Gemini moon and spilled my guts to a bunch of strangers, Please by all means lemme know what you think, if you think, etc, I'm ready for some information transfer with someone who isn't close enough to stab me in the back too easily the first chance they get.