I have read about Nessus on various places and I try to draw some conclusions from my experiences since it is impossible to find definitive truths within the field of astrology.
I have studied the Synastry charts between me and the seven men I have fallen for in my life. The only commonality that I have found is a connection between Nessus and a Node. I have also studied many charts between me and many men that I haven´t fallen for. In my natal chart I have Nessus 10 degrees from my North Node. I might be wrong, but my theory at this moment is that I am drawn to Nessus-connections. I often dream about these men before I meet them or I may for example hear someone speaking about them and then I just know that I will fall for the person they are talking about. The first time I see them I feel as if time stops and it feels as if I could just stare into their eyes for the rest of eternity, it feels like a soulmate connection.
I have never experienced a Nessus conjunct Ascendant connection, only someone´s Nessus/Saturn conjunct my descendent, opposite my ascendant. He was hot/cold and critical towards my appearance. I imagine that your guy feels a strong desire for your Ascendant, your looks and outer personality.
I read about an experiment with rats. Some rats were given a button in their cage and every time they pressed it they were given food. So they pushed the button when they were hungry. Some rats were given a button that did not give them any effect, the rats lost interest in the button. Some rats were given a button that sometimes gave them food and sometimes it didn´t. Those rats began pushing the button like crazy. They stopped taking care of their hygiene and became obsessed with pushing the button since it was unpredictable.
People who are hot/cold are like the scientists who control the buttons and they can make people feel an uncontrolled desire and obsession. The scientist is in control and receives a boost to their ego when the rat becomes obsessed, but this can lead to an addiction for the scientist to have control over the rat and receive attention. I have noticed that if I manage to become strong enough to not let a scientist control me through their manipulative behaviors and if I lose interest, they can become uncontrolled. But they see it as a game/competition and they don’t want to show any vulnerability. So they may turn ice cold and withdraw if they can. I usually test them. A man who has lost interest and is not playing games is willing to end things in a nice and respectful way if I show him that I accept his decision and respect him and care about him. A man who is playing games will use my intent to be nice to keep manipulating me or to be cruel in some way because he wants to hurt me or because he is defensive and wants to protect himself from feeling hurt. Of course there are also men who simply use people and then throw them away without being affected at all, they feel mere contempt for the person they have used. That is what many “rats” fear about the scientist, that the scientist is not affected at all and that the interest from the scientist was just a game with no feelings or empathy involved.
I believe that things can turn out in many ways. When your Nessus was conjunct someone´s Sun, he kept trying to make you give him food, and you did various times. He probably felt your reluctance and felt that he could not rely on you giving him food and that made him go after the button frenetically and try to find ways to make you give it to him. The thing is that both the Scientist and the Rat can feel like the victim in the scenario. And sometimes one of them or both of them does not feel anything for the other.
I have read that the asteroid Nessus has a lot in common with Pluto, but it is even darker.
I didn´t know that Nessus is connected to STD:s, it´s interesting to hear. It´s also interesting to read your info about Chiron, I am used to Chiron contacts and I have learnt to be vulnerable no matter what. It´s the risk one needs to take to be able to experience intimacy.
Thank you so much for sharing info about Mercury conjunct Chiron, you gave me a new perspective on that aspect. Your daughter seems very sweet and I love to know that there are many sweet children out there, they are our future. It is certainly not difficult to trigger my feelings of shame or hurt me with critique. I acted above my age when I was a child and I am also afraid of hurting others through my communication. I would rather sacrifice my own pride and get wounded myself than hurt someone else. I also have Neptune conjunct my ascendant, Venus in Pisces and Venus and Mars square Neptune as well as Venus quincunx Saturn so I have had to struggle with my codependency. It´s painful for me to know that there are people in this world who wants to hurt others and feels satisfied by it.
In my experience, a planet conjunct Nessus does have an influence, but it all depends on the level of awareness of the person.
Mars and Saturn conjunct Nessus might make him critical, he might have temperamental issues and attack others verbally or physically if some deep triggers are activated and he might be controlling. I know of one man with Mars and Nessus on his Ascendant who does not understand women´s rights to having sexual boundaries and on rare occasions he explodes with anger. They all seem like calm and nice men when you don´t know them, but they have their issues beneath the surface. One man I know of with Sun/Nessus/Nemesis/Saturn wants to control his partner, she is not allowed to do anything without his permission. I also know of a man with Venus and Jupiter conjunct Nessus, he is a player and a sex addict. A man with mercury conjunct Nessus hurt me a lot with his critique and his mindgames. My guess is that Nessus in Gemini can give a hot/cold behavior.
I myself have Nemesis conjunct my Mercury and Chiron, she is the goddess of revenge. She does not like it when people treat others unfairly. When I am deeply wounded or if I see someone else get hurt I feel a strange mix between the unconditional love and my desire to save the world with the urge to strike down upon the offender with my critique. I can feel that I want to find a weak spot in their ego and punch a hole in it and make them feel pain. I do not like it when someone abuses someone else and then they walk away calmly and they don’t care about what they have done; they live in their own bubble and they are not affected. They are the opposite of me, I feel everyone´s pain. I am learning how to give people some necessary truths in a soft way that may plant a seed within them.
Oh my, this turned into a very long response