I have an approaching Saturn Return and I'm feeling pretty pessimistic about my progress and where I am currently at in terms of life goals and vocation.
Here are somethings that popped out to me that I think may have an influence.
Uranus/Neptune/Saturn conjunction in Capricorn in the 10th ruled by Sagittarius.
Mars/Chiron conjunct in the 4th forming multiple oppositions to the 10th house planets.
Taurus Sun in the 2nd house
Moon in Virgo in the 6th house
Duplicated 3rd/4th in Gemini and 9th/10th Sagittarius
Pisces Ascendant
Pisces North Node in the 12th
I also have always felt restricted by my fear of failure, (10th house saturn stuff I think) perfectionism (I'm thinking a lot of this comes from 6th house moon in Virgo. Especially with Zosma fixed star there) depression and anxiety (probably all the 10th house action going on and their oppositions to my mars conjunct Chiron in the 4th and moon in virgo/Zosma).
I have always felt a sense of loss/wondering in terms of what it is exactly that I'm suppose to do with my life (Neptune, conjunct Saturn and Uranus, Pisces ascendant/north node and maybe also Acumen conjunct my Sagittarius MC).
I also have always hated the idea of feeling stuck in terms of location and travel. (I have duplicated 3rd/4th and 9th/10th houses in Gemini and Sagittarius) So I always imagined that whatever profession I was doing or would settle into would involve some travel.
When Saturn transit conjuncted my MC twice last year (2017) I applied for a study aboard (1st time) and (2nd time) then went to China for a 2 week study abroad. The trip while I was grateful and learned a lot was traumatic for me and I suspect added onto a burnout that I've recently experienced (non stop work and school for the past 4 years including the summers).
For some other personal background:
I enjoy creative artistic pursuits (such as singing and various visual arts) but overall my confidence has always been low, even in childhood. I wasn't allowed much room to explore what I would enjoy growing up and grew up in restrictive household. I could never picture myself pursuing something I wasn't passionate about. In my teen years I realized I wanted to pursue something within the arts.
After I graduated high school I ended up working in grocery/retail for 5 1/2 years before I went back to school.
Currently I am at a community college (has been about 4 years now) but I feel like my progress (in life and education) has always been slow. I plan to transfer to a 4 year institution and currently am pursuing an Ethnic Studies major and I'm hoping to also minor or somehow continue to study music. It took me a long time to figure out what major I wanted to pursue.
I also have a interest in herbalism, and recently within the past year have also begun to get involved in (courses, scholarships) in permaculture through a social justice lense. I've also recently been getting more involved in community organizing and social justice (although my interest in Ethnic Studies began to first develop around the time I went back to school). Giving something back to community/universe is something that is important and needed in my life I think.
I also wish to develop my writing skills (especially creative writing) to incorporate into songwriting.
I really enjoy music and would love to pursue this as a career/source of income however I never felt I had to skills or talent for it. I figured it would always be something I would have on the side or as a second job but not dependent on it as a main source of income. I am also extremely shy when it comes to performance and public speaking (mostly solo) which I feel is somewhat essential if I want to continue to pursue music.
Does anyone have an insights? It's much appreciated.
Here are somethings that popped out to me that I think may have an influence.
Uranus/Neptune/Saturn conjunction in Capricorn in the 10th ruled by Sagittarius.
Mars/Chiron conjunct in the 4th forming multiple oppositions to the 10th house planets.
Taurus Sun in the 2nd house
Moon in Virgo in the 6th house
Duplicated 3rd/4th in Gemini and 9th/10th Sagittarius
Pisces Ascendant
Pisces North Node in the 12th
I also have always felt restricted by my fear of failure, (10th house saturn stuff I think) perfectionism (I'm thinking a lot of this comes from 6th house moon in Virgo. Especially with Zosma fixed star there) depression and anxiety (probably all the 10th house action going on and their oppositions to my mars conjunct Chiron in the 4th and moon in virgo/Zosma).
I have always felt a sense of loss/wondering in terms of what it is exactly that I'm suppose to do with my life (Neptune, conjunct Saturn and Uranus, Pisces ascendant/north node and maybe also Acumen conjunct my Sagittarius MC).
I also have always hated the idea of feeling stuck in terms of location and travel. (I have duplicated 3rd/4th and 9th/10th houses in Gemini and Sagittarius) So I always imagined that whatever profession I was doing or would settle into would involve some travel.
When Saturn transit conjuncted my MC twice last year (2017) I applied for a study aboard (1st time) and (2nd time) then went to China for a 2 week study abroad. The trip while I was grateful and learned a lot was traumatic for me and I suspect added onto a burnout that I've recently experienced (non stop work and school for the past 4 years including the summers).
For some other personal background:
I enjoy creative artistic pursuits (such as singing and various visual arts) but overall my confidence has always been low, even in childhood. I wasn't allowed much room to explore what I would enjoy growing up and grew up in restrictive household. I could never picture myself pursuing something I wasn't passionate about. In my teen years I realized I wanted to pursue something within the arts.
After I graduated high school I ended up working in grocery/retail for 5 1/2 years before I went back to school.
Currently I am at a community college (has been about 4 years now) but I feel like my progress (in life and education) has always been slow. I plan to transfer to a 4 year institution and currently am pursuing an Ethnic Studies major and I'm hoping to also minor or somehow continue to study music. It took me a long time to figure out what major I wanted to pursue.
I also have a interest in herbalism, and recently within the past year have also begun to get involved in (courses, scholarships) in permaculture through a social justice lense. I've also recently been getting more involved in community organizing and social justice (although my interest in Ethnic Studies began to first develop around the time I went back to school). Giving something back to community/universe is something that is important and needed in my life I think.
I also wish to develop my writing skills (especially creative writing) to incorporate into songwriting.
I really enjoy music and would love to pursue this as a career/source of income however I never felt I had to skills or talent for it. I figured it would always be something I would have on the side or as a second job but not dependent on it as a main source of income. I am also extremely shy when it comes to performance and public speaking (mostly solo) which I feel is somewhat essential if I want to continue to pursue music.
Does anyone have an insights? It's much appreciated.
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