Why can't I express myself...?

Whenever I have a conversation with someone, I'm always the one asking the questions and doing the listening. Conversations feel good (to the other person) and people end up really liking me afterwards. But whenever I begin to try and share my own life during the conversation, it's like I just get shunned out, and no one really elaborates on what I've said, and It just feels like they don't care...Either that, or they use whatever I said as a reference to relate to something in their own lives, and it quickly goes back to square one, where I'm listening again and elaborating. Only this time, I don't really want to, but just do it to be kind... I'm offended by the fact that they quickly dismissed me. Just once I'd like someone to listen to me.

It's not that people don't want to get to know me. I get approached very frequently by people (not to sound arrogant).

I'm 22 years old. By now you'd think an individual would have a fairly strong grasp on how a conversation works, but I've always had issues with conversation. In Elementary school I guess you can say I was like a mute. I was incredibly shy, and quiet I had plenty of people interested in getting to know me, but I that spark quickly died because I just would not talk, or elaborate much. In high school, I started talking, and began making more friends...But I was awkward and didn't know how to have a normal conversation..

Even with parents. I'm 22 years old, so considered an adult, but I'd still consider myself to be young. You'd think parents would be the one asking me the questions. But no. I am asking them the questions. Usually I'm listening to them talk about their kids, and elaborating on that...It's the same thing as what I've typed in the first paragraph.

In my mind, when I talk about my own life, I feel like I am just a hassle. Whether it's an issue in my life, or just my own life stories, I feel like I'm just an extra obstacle in their lives, so I've always dealt with my own problems on my own, or use the good ol' internet to help me. Without it, I would be an even bigger mess I think.

Everyone at work likes me....they think I'm funny, and kind. To them, we're "the best of friends", and they enjoy my company often. But really, they don't know anything about ME, so how are we friends...?

I enjoy being alone, but I also have a strong need to be with people too. To be noticed...

Whenever someone asks me to hang out alone with them, I get very nervous. It could be just a friend, an interest, ect. I'll always be nervous, and overly cautious. So when we hang out, I play the "asking game." People love talking about themselves. You are you 24/7, so you are well educated on yourself. It's an easy thing to talk about...
So to feel "secure" I just ask a tonne of questions that seem relevant to the situation, and they are happy. But usually, in the end. I just want to go home...lol.

If I make plans with someone to hang out, I often will not be able to sleep, and will be worried that the conversation may go bad. I just think about what may happen. It's so pathetic that I will even type out a list of things to say on my phone. I'll use it as a reference as an emergency in case of a silence approaching..

It's easier when you go out in a group, because I know I won't have to do all the talking. The thought of an awkward silence approaching scares the hell out of me. I just feel like they will not like me. The thought of someone feeling bad in my presence scares me...

At one point in my life when I was younger, I lied about who I was. I would make up interesting stories just to win the attention of others. It worked, but I believe eventually others caught on. I don't do this anymore though.

I just feel like I'm messed up. I hated my childhood. I've been alone and depressed for quite some time. I'm gay. My family life was terrible and abusive. People think I'm this happy guy that has a great life (in public), but really I'm one miserable dude. Why is there such a blockage when it comes to my self-expression? Please help me. What does my chart say about this?

Wow...even typing this much about myself feels weird...I'm really sorry for ranting like this, I just wanted to be as specific as I could for the sake of the question.

I used to drive a taxicab. I loved the job because I'm a people-watcher; I study people's minds.

Here are some things I observed over many years of hauling the human animal from here to there.

50% of people think they are having a conversation (a dialogue) when in fact they are just emptying their heads of whatever is rolling around loose in there at the moment. In conversations with these folks the cab driver says "Uh-huh", "Wow", "Is that so?"

I haven't tabulated responses, but I think you will see that as you observe responses on this forum, about half (or some high percentage) of the responses revolve around the "Me" who happens to be doing the talking, and ignore the actual astrology of the question.

This means that about half the people you meet, and want to converse with, are so wrapped up in themselves they haven't the time or inclination to hear about you. Nothing personal, just human nature.

If you feel offended at being ignored, you are creating a problem for yourself, one that is rooted in the same egocentric attitude as that held by the people who ignore you. If we watch ourselves carefully, we come to see that many if not most of our problems in life stem from putting so much importance on ourselves, our ego-self. The geocentric horoscope puts "You" at the center of the universe for the simple reason that you are in fact the center of your universe. One of the challenges of the spiritual path is to detach ourselves from the egocentric view of the world. We are not our ego.

I am trying to figure out what is so wrong about asking questions and listening. I think that as you go through life you will find that trait uncommon, and a very valuable asset. From one point of view, if I can get you to talk and talk, I will soon know a lot about you, while you know next to nothing about me. Who has the advantage?

Your Sun, Moon and Ascendant all occupy Water signs: Water signs are "mute." They are reticent and unwilling to disclose themselves. You have Pluto rising. Pluto keeps things to himself, is secretive. Saturn disposes all planets in the chart (except Pluto), so the influence of Saturn pervades the personality. Saturn is also reticent to divulge himself. There is ample astrological reason for your question. A brief and incomplete answer to the question is that it is your nature and your desire (even if unconscious), as is shown by the horoscope. It is largely a self-protective device for a sensitive and private inner self.

PS: Just so you know, deleting date and place from the chart does not keep that information secret. In a very few minutes I can tell you exactly when and where you were born by "reverse engineering" the chart. A horoscope fits one and only one time and place. If you share your chart you are also sharing time and place of birth with anyone interested in knowing that.

greybeard said:

....... but I think you will see that as you observe responses on this forum, about half (or some high percentage) of the responses revolve around the "Me" who happens to be doing the talking, and ignore the actual astrology of the question.

Click to expand...

I have a phrase I end up using, after I've offered to help and the response is more of the same ME, ME, Me stuff, something to this effect: "Well, it looks like you've got a handle on this now. Good luck to you!"

And then I move on. Many times....nobody else responds.

The OP here.... has obliterarted all the chart data that would make it possible for me to do the in depth analysis I always like to do by looking at it with my own software.

greybeard said:

I used to drive a taxicab. I loved the job because I'm a people-watcher; I study people's minds.

Here are some things I observed over many years of hauling the human animal from here to there.

50% of people think they are having a conversation (a dialogue) when in fact they are just emptying their heads of whatever is rolling around loose in there at the moment. In conversations with these folks the cab driver says "Uh-huh", "Wow", "Is that so?"

I haven't tabulated responses, but I think you will see that as you observe responses on this forum, about half (or some high percentage) of the responses revolve around the "Me" who happens to be doing the talking, and ignore the actual astrology of the question.

This means that about half the people you meet, and want to converse with, are so wrapped up in themselves they haven't the time or inclination to hear about you. Nothing personal, just human nature.

If you feel offended at being ignored, you are creating a problem for yourself, one that is rooted in the same egocentric attitude as that held by the people who ignore you. If we watch ourselves carefully, we come to see that many if not most of our problems in life stem from putting so much importance on ourselves, our ego-self.

I am trying to figure out what is so wrong about asking questions and listening. I think that as you go through life you will find that trait uncommon, and a very valuable asset. From one point of view, if I can get you to talk and talk, I will soon know a lot about you, while you know next to nothing about me. Who has the advantage?

Your Sun, Moon and Ascendant all occupy Water signs: Water signs are "mute." They are reticent and unwilling to disclose themselves. You have Pluto rising. Pluto keeps things to himself, is secretive. Saturn disposes all planets in the chart (except Pluto), so the influence of Saturn pervades the personality. Saturn is also reticent to divulge himself. There is ample astrological reason for your question. A brief and incomplete answer to the question is that it is your nature and your desire (even if unconscious), as is shown by the horoscope. It is largely a self-protective device for a sensitive and private inner self.

Click to expand...

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I couldn't agree more. So well stated. BTW, which Taxi TV cast member were you?

I too am a multi water (sun, moon and asc) yet don't relate to much of the experiences and observations CancerianBoi shares. Sure, I know folks are all wrapped up in themselves but it is what it is. Perhaps my Sun conj. asc give an Aries twist... thus not so watery. I've always thought so, anyway.

My grandmother used to say, "Now, I'm going to tell you what I think and you're going to listen. You may not like what I have to say but I'm going to tell you anyway. Take it or leave it." Ha! Loved that old gal. With a lead in like that you couldn't help but listen... and I did.

But Graybeard, you are correct. It is a world filled with many MEs—and many mini mes. It is simply the way of the world. Yet what a change it would make if more people truly learned to listen and immerse their attention into what others have to share—the meaningful stuff anyway. Both would be the better for it. In the simplest sense it is what is called "giving of one's Self."

I enjoyed your thoughts.
A*L