Why do we always get ******* over by fam?

So I asked this question tonight due to once again getting slapped in the face by family drama.. Quite honestly, if you've seen my other posts about my daughter and her condition, you can imagine the med bills that have been wracked up. Hubby, just got laid off.. another post... And now we come to find ourselves in a sticky situation. Now, his dad is somewhat well off. BUT, for the last few years has been paying for his lazy daughter's lifestyle off and on... She's 28 and pretty much refuses to work. Not to mention she qualifies for unemployment AND disability, but refuses to apply for them. So there's one kid.. My hubby's bro has been in and out of drugs (we actually took him in at one point to get him off coke), is married to an alcoholic, and goes from one construction job to the next sometimes not being paid. But that's what he enjoys doing so he won't find any other type of job. His wife does work and they have a daughter. But somehow they managed to get themselves into a situation themselves.. OK, well they're alcoholics and would rather spend their money on beer and eating out rather than bills.... Soooo.. we then come to find out dad bails them out, but not just for what they need.. bailed out to the point to where they felt they were entitled to a vacation!!! So when my hubby calls up dad to let him know the situation, he gets told, well I've had to help everyone else so I don't know what I can do. We have only asked for help one other time from him when we ended up having to move and it's not even close to what they other 2 have gotten throughout the years. My hubby's brother had his truck paid off, his wedding paid for, and who knows what else over the years... So then I just got to thinking tonight.. Why DO we keep getting ******* over by the family?!? They always say how hard we have it and everything else, but then turn around and give everything under the sun to the other 2 who don't put any sort of effort in their lives and always just get bailed out! Anyways, before I get into my thoughts about it, I just wanted to know how I should approach it?? 4th is usually represents ones father, and since I'm the one asking the question, do I look at it in that way or do I base it off that he is NOT my father, but my hubby's so 4th from 7th?!? Either way I think it would still be Mercury that I would be looking at then, right? And then I start getting confused because do I look to the 8th ruler for other people's money?!? Maybe I'm just making it a lot more complicated than it seems!! LOL! I seem to do that a lot!

Thanks for the help guys!! And really looking forward to figuring this one out! LOL!!

In this case, you are correct in that mercury is the planet to look at. I'm not sure what your exact question is though. If you are looking to borrow or get some money from the in-laws, I didn't see any particular contra-indications.

You have expressed some concern over your sister-in-law and brother-in-law and in the past have done your best to help them. In my experience, there are some people that cannot be helped. Try not to worry about them. it is difficult, I know--I'm a worrywort myself. Our opinions are usually not asked anyway and if they are, they are usually disregarded. So your in-laws will probably choose to continue to help your brother-in-law and sister-in-law.

But on the bright side, keep doing what you know to be right and it looks like that eventually you and your spouse will come out okay. (Mercury conjunct Jupiter. Jupiter sextile Moon and Trine Saturn).

I'll give you a non-horary answer, because I'm not so sure a horary can judge the 'why' of someone else's intent. Your FIL bails out the family members because he wants to: it's that simple and that complicated.

My family situation is fairly similar to yours: my FIL has just sold a VERY expensive house, lives in his 2nd wife's house (owned by her), and lacks for nothing. My MIL (they are divorced, obviously) also just sold a very expensive house, and now lives in a small apartment. My husband's two older brothers are both nice guys but totally inept at coping with life.

The oldest brother (the narcissist: see other threads about him! ) has got himself into a financial quagmire due to living WELL beyond his means (20k car; huge mortgage; 20k cherrywood floor in the house...most of this put on credit cards! )He got laid off from his part-time job and managed to milk the company for 11k.

The middle brother is an alcoholic and has rarely been employed for very long, is divorced and has two children, who live with the ex. He is famous for not paying his bills; he puts them in drawers and ignores them until the bailiffs arrive, and then he will grudgingly pay.

Mr. Archergirl, the youngest with a four-year gap in age, is competent, hard-working, got a master's degree, and is never unemployed (he would take a factory job packing toilet paper if he had to), but due to the cost of living here, we can never manage to save enough to buy a house, even though both of us work full-time. We rent a small, moldy house; I drive a car that looks like it went through a barbed-wire car wash and uses tape to hold the wing mirror on; we struggle and pretty much live paycheck-to-paycheck and have big student loans to pay off in the States.

The MIL gave ALL the sons 20k out of the sale of her house; the FIL, even though he got nearly 3/4 of a million pounds for his house, gave them nothing. However, the FIL bought the alcoholic middle brother a new car (BIL hasn't paid rent on his house in about a year, btw...the landlord is a friend and can't bear to take him to court) and 'loaned' the eldest 6k. The eldest brother gave a sad story to the MIL and she has basically given him an extra 20k or so to float his finances (some of which he spent on two vacations to the US). The MIL has been paying the middle brother's mobile phone bills for about a year, which run about 100 a month.

Apart from the initial 20k (some of which went on bills; the rest won't get us a mortgage in these times) Mr. Archergirl has received nothing from his family; and when he has protested to both father and mother about the amount of 'help' his brothers have received, the reaction is that he is feeling 'sour grapes', rather than them examining the gross inequity of the situation.

In a nutshell, AineB, what I have realised is that some families, for whatever reason, choose to reward incompetence with 'help', and reward competence with ...nothing. This runs in complete opposition to my own views on how things should be, and no doubt your views, as well.

There is something in my FIL (who hasn't worked a day in his life but inherited a substantial amount of money/property from his hard-working father) that is doing the same thing for his 'useless' sons that was done for him: money given to 'help': to bail out bad decisions (the FIL made many), to support ineptitude and laziness, etc. My MIL is such a soft touch it is likely that she will give what money she has left, away (to the eldest son, no doubt, who can spin a tale like no-one else).

There is really not much point in asking a horary question about this...what will it tell you, except that for whatever reason you have received the sh**ty end of the stick?

What I tell Mr. Archergirl is what Eckhart Tolle says: There are three ways to handle any problem: Accept it, fix it, or walk away from it.

In your case, although I totally understand the profound unfairness of it, the best bet is just to accept that you will have little or no help from the FIL, no matter how unfair, no matter how badly you need the help; and withdraw yourselves from the 'information' that is leaked about how much 'help' the other, less competent but more 'needy' family members get from him. Your FIL is choosing to reward incompetence, and no matter how sad or twisted or wrong that is, it is his choice.

Sometimes when we free ourselves from the hope and expectation that we will receive help from others, it galvanizes us to use our own, internal resources more effectively.

You are in a very stressful situation, but what I have found in our own case is that when our backs are against the wall we work better together...when there is no expectation of the cavalry coming to rescue you, you have no other choice but to draw on your reserves and 'handle it', and that in itself can be very powerful, no matter how difficult the circumstances.

As someone once said, you can't choose your family, but you CAN choose how you deal with them, or choose to not deal with them at all, which is often better.

Edit: and having said that, the Moon applies by sextile to Jupiter, your hubby, from the 7th and in a sympathetic sign. This is a good indication that your hubby will 'make an opportunity' somehow...the Moon then passes to Mercury after a change of signs...in this case, his father...so maybe another 'opportunity' to get help from your FIL. No guarantee; sextiles don't guarantee anything, but what they present is the opportunity. It will be up to your husband to 'make' the opportunity.

AG

Hi,
To add to what's been said above, I don't think we can ask a question worded * why do we.....*.You can ask *Why do I feel ripped off by my family?*, quite legitimately, but Archer is right (again. sigh. ), we cant ascertain the motivations of a group of people, or even one, from horary. Horary is good at telling us what will happen, what will x do, where is such and such...etc, but not *why* a thing will occur.
In your position, I'd examine closely your natal chart, specifically the lords of houses 4 and 10 and how they relate to your ascendant ruler. That should shed light on your familial patterns.
At some point in our life we become independent of our families.That is the healthy outcome anyway.When we don't depend on others, it is not as easy for us to feel ripped off by them.Perhaps your challenge at this time is to transcend the limitations of your familial ties (as Archer suggested. )
Cheers,
Lillyjgc

WOW GUYS!! You have NO idea how much all that has helped!! (((HUGS)))

archergirl said:

There is really not much point in asking a horary question about this...what will it tell you, except that for whatever reason you have received the sh**ty end of the stick?

What I tell Mr. Archergirl is what Eckhart Tolle says: There are three ways to handle any problem: Accept it, fix it, or walk away from it.

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Yeah I know there's really not much of a point in asking.. But at the same time it is kinda the whole Why is my hubby (oh yeah he's the middle kid too.. you know what they say..) left out when he's the one everyone comes crying to when things start running amuck?!?! And I pretty much tell my hubby the same thing; but I'm more of the "fix it" type!! There's definitely no walking away or accepting.. well unless it's truly something I can't fix and then of course ya gotta accept it! We try not to really burden people with our issues... So even when people ask how things are going it's usually "fine" or "same as always", when really I'd like to say "life flippin *****!! DUH!" LOL!! And things usually end up working out anyways... But with this constant family BS I'd just like to hop on a plane and start bustin some butt. Hubby's lil sis has ALWAYS been a selfish snot! And she lays the most horrible guilt trips on her father and mother! When the MIL was in town she played us some straight up crazy voicemails she had gotten from her daughter. And the bro... well after taking him in to get him off drugs, he never left for 5 years!! Until he got the crazy he's with now... Did I happen to mention we didn't go to the wedding since we were totally against it? Now we get told by the FIL and MIL (who are divorced btw), that they were against it as well and shouldn't of gone... Oh and yes, the wifey got pregnant on the sly. So there's just some serious family issues...

Growing up I never really had it very easy so I never really expect any sort of bailout from anyone. My own father stole my college savings to buy himself a Camaro. But I can see how it's upsetting the hubby who's gone to college, "saved" his siblings in the past (heck he went to JAIL for them, but that's another story!!), and just continually gets passed over because he refuses to guilt trip his family or straight up lie to them.

Now astrologically speaking... I've been watching transits and looking into our progressions.. and solar returns have been dead on. So I definitely have noticed the "opportunity" coming about. Which I think has to do with getting the hubby to work from home again. It's been 2 years trying to convince him to quit working for the man again. He's had his own businesses twice, but then gets bored because the work pays good but there's not enough to keep him intellectually stimulated. He's just not a lazy type. I on the other hand am like.. gee work a little and get paid a lot and have time to do what you want?! Sounds good to me!!!

So once again I wanna thank you guys for everything!! I woulda posted some more on everyone's thoughts.. I might go back in and do that. But I seriously need to get some coffee in me!! I thought I'd check on here and be like dang, no responses.. So I was pleasantly surprised when I hopped on in here this morning!! Oh and AG, did I say this before?!?, are we like long lost sisters?!?! LOL!!!!

Hope everyone's having a great day!!