When I'm depressed, why do I feel irritated when people comfort me?

Sometimes I feel like that. I feel like the people comforting me are just using me or uncomfortable to see a depressed person. I feel like it's all about them and not me.



Intellectually, I know it's irrational, but I can't help the feeling.


I'm intrigued to ask because I just saw a clip where a depressed man is angry with a lot of people because he thinks they are trying to get something from him (get him to buy stuff for example), and I can see a lot of myself in it.

Some people genuinely want to be helpful. Some people may be uncomfortable around you.

Hopefully you've got the presence of mind to explain to both types of people how you would like to be treated during a bout of depression. It's also not fair to expect them to guess what you want.

waybread said:

Some people genuinely want to be helpful. Some people may be uncomfortable around you.

Hopefully you've got the presence of mind to explain to both types of people how you would like to be treated during a bout of depression. It's also not fair to expect them to guess what you want.

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I haven't rubbed anyone the wrong way with my depression bouts fortunately. I haven't told anyone how I want to be treated though. I also don't expect people to read my mind.

I'm just curious about why I feel annoyed when certain people comfort me. Maybe I sense that they are being phony when they come to me. It's like "if you have nothing useful to offer then don't". But it's just feel irrational to be irritated by help like that, like I feel like I should appreciate the help I get.

Maybe the issue is how you behave around other people when you're depressed.

Obviously people are trying to be useful, but they're probably not experienced psychotherapists.

Would you describe yourself as moody around other people when you feel depressed? Or do you try to be by yourself for a while?

Maybe you have a problem accepting help from other people because you don't like to be seen as weak.

waybread said:

Maybe the issue is how you behave around other people when you're depressed.

Obviously people are trying to be useful, but they're probably not experienced psychotherapists.

Would you describe yourself as moody around other people when you feel depressed? Or do you try to be by yourself for a while?

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I'm quite moody and irritable when I'm depressed and I don't like it when people ask me for help in this state. But I try to take my mood and I get requests for help a LOT of time, maybe because when I'm not depressed I help people a lot. Also people will jokingly ask if I'm fine because I present myself as a sunny person in public, and I just say yes.

Maybe AppLeo was right, I just don't want to be seen as weak. Also I don't like people to see my dark side.

How much Gemini do you have? Do you have a lot of Gemini influences?

My Gemini daughter gets very irritable when she is upset or depressed, and I try to talk her out of it. lol

I learned from her, that she doesn't want me to talk, she just wants me too listen. She wants to logically talk things through, and have someone hear her, and commiserate, but not to try to 'fix' things by suggesting this or that.

She feels that is being dismissive of her concerns. Like someone is saying they know better than her what she needs to do to correct things. So she will get irritated and I have learned to listen and let her vent.

AFTER she vents, and talks things through, she will then lighten up, and we can discuss her options. But she wants to come to the decisions. She doesn't want to be told what to do. lol

katydid said:

How much Gemini do you have? Do you have a lot of Gemini influences?

My Gemini daughter gets very irritable when she is upset or depressed, and I try to talk her out of it. lol

I learned from her, that she doesn't want me to talk, she just wants me too listen. She wants to logically talk things through, and have someone hear her, and commiserate, but not to try to 'fix' things by suggesting this or that.

She feels that is being dismissive of her concerns. Like someone is saying they know better than her what she needs to do to correct things. So she will get irritated and I have learned to listen and let her vent.

AFTER she vents, and talks things through, she will then lighten up, and we can discuss her options. But she wants to come to the decisions. She doesn't want to be told what to do. lol

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Here's my chart. How much Gemini do you think I have? My planets are not that focused.


I do want people to listen. But I really appreciate that someone will come up with a suggestion or two for my problem. What I hate is the shallow "that's nothing" talk.

katydid said:

How much Gemini do you have? Do you have a lot of Gemini influences?

My Gemini daughter gets very irritable when she is upset or depressed, and I try to talk her out of it. lol

I learned from her, that she doesn't want me to talk, she just wants me too listen. She wants to logically talk things through, and have someone hear her, and commiserate, but not to try to 'fix' things by suggesting this or that.

She feels that is being dismissive of her concerns. Like someone is saying they know better than her what she needs to do to correct things. So she will get irritated and I have learned to listen and let her vent.

AFTER she vents, and talks things through, she will then lighten up, and we can discuss her options. But she wants to come to the decisions. She doesn't want to be told what to do. lol

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I'm like this too. I don't want suggestions or advice when I vent. I think it's hard for people to see I'm distressed and not offer help. In fact, I know it's hard, because despite being like that myself, I still want to offer advice to other people when they're depressed. Just listening is so hard.

Gemini888 said:

Sometimes I feel like that. I feel like the people comforting me are just using me or uncomfortable to see a depressed person. I feel like it's all about them and not me.



Intellectually, I know it's irrational, but I can't help the feeling.


I'm intrigued to ask because I just saw a clip where a depressed man is angry with a lot of people because he thinks they are trying to get something from him (get him to buy stuff for example), and I can see a lot of myself in it.

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Well the same goes for those who are wealthy and successful, people either feel uncomfortable or want to use them. There is absolutely no in between those two, its either or and everything else is a lie for sure.

Y

Look, Gemini888, if you or anyone is clinically depressed, that's a specific issue. It requires professional assistance from a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist, not from well-meaning friends or family members. If someone is diagnosed with depression (vs. normal moodiness or sadness) I think it is fair to suggest that this person seek professional assistance.

I don't mean to pick on you personally, Gemini888, but I was married for 20 years to a sun-Gemini with his Saturn-Pluto conjunct in Cancer. I don't have a birth time for him, but I know his moon was in Cancer, as the moon did not change signs on his birth date. I'm pretty sure his moon conjuncted Saturn and Pluto.

Generally we got along well, with trined suns and conjunct out-of-sign moons. But brother, did he get into some foul, dark moods.

Me: "What's wrong?"

Him: "Nothing."

I mean, a child could see that he was in a vile temper, as did many of his associates. There was nothing I could do to fix it, but it dragged me down into a lot of worry and stress.

I believe his brother really suffered from depression and panic attacks. He had a "bucket" chart, with Mars retrograde in Pisces as the handle. My ex-brother-in-law would often complain about how life was unfair to him, but really resented anyone offering him suggestions about how to improve his situation. (Hence, my wondering, why complain to people at all?)

So, it makes me wonder, how you behave around people when you feel depressed.

Whether you mean to or not, you are probably presenting yourself as asking for advice, but when they give it, you get mad at them.

A special case is with people who grew up on farms, ranches, or other situations where getting gloomy about something really wasn't an option. If they couldn't suck it up and get on with the chores, they would have jeopardized a lot more than just their own feelings.

In your chart Saturn square Mercury is a recipe for depressed (Saturn) thinking (Mercury.)

Rather than put the onus on other people for not responding as you wish, it seems to me that it is your responsibility to take charge of your behaviour and your relationships with others. Perhaps this should be done with professional support.

I think you're right, Waybread. I can be really selfish when I'm in bad mood, and I may not notice how my behavior impact other people. I don't mean to put anyone down, but when I'm in that mood it's all about how I feel. Maybe that's how people feel about me too.

Now you makes me feel worried about how I come across to people when I'm depressed. I feel the urge to check in with my loved one.

I'm similar to you. I don't know if it has any roots in astrology and I don't know what your chart is since it seems you've removed it, but I have been similar. Even if people were ever giving me the right advice, I didn't want to take it. I read once there was a specific gene that dictated(though I question if it's rather a gene set) whether people had to experience things to learn or could just take advice of the elders. I can easily say I'm the former. I can't just take the advice. I have to experience things for myself whether it leads to pain and suffering, or glory and grace

I'm the type who, if asked, even if I'm not feeling well, will not spill my guts. I won't say anything. I'll say 'nothing' and get on with what I'm doing. a terrible habit of mine is alienating myself and withdrawing. Idk if that's the case for you too. By nature, I don't want to ask for help, but maybe the lesson for some is that they need to ask for it sometimes. What's more is maybe we need to listen a little more

Moreso for me, I've had suspicions of manipulation even though I realize now that was never the case. It's easy to see people trying to help you as manipulation when you're bent on sticking to your darkness