ChihuahuaMom
Member
Hi guys!
This is my first post here. Truthfully, I don't know or understand much of reading astrological charts. I do tarot readings, so I understand the cards very well and picking up on things intuitively, however when it comes to reading an astrological chart it goes right over my head and becomes like solving a mathematical equation for me and gives me a headache.
To me it's very different because astrology feels very fixed and unchangeable, where as in tarot energy changes all the time making things much more open ended. This is where my frustration comes in.
I get very depressed looking at my chart because I feel it has set me up for failure in the areas of life that mean the most to me - relationships and family. I can only hope it is me misinterpreting it, but I don't think I am. I am turning 41 next month and it has always been a strong desire of mine to be a mother biologically since I was little girl. I have nearly no family. I am only child with absolutely no cousins (my only aunt on my dad's side passed away in a car accident when she was 16 and my only uncle on my mom's side simply never had children of his own). My dad died from cancer when I was 13, my grandparents have all been gone for a very long time. It's literally been just me and my mom for the longest amount of time. My uncle came back into my life about 8 years ago. But that's about it. My mom and uncle won't be here forever though and one day it will literally be just me, basically an adult orphan with no family.
I do have many friends, and I am grateful for them, but at the end of the day they all have their own families and their own lives. I don't feel comfortable infringing on that nor do I want to.
This is why it's very important to me that I want to be a mom biologically. I love my family, as small as it is, and don't want to see it end with just me!
I know adoption is an option, but I'm truthfully not interested in that at all. And the whole sperm donor thing... no. With an empty 5th house in Aires I'm panicked I've been astrologically *******. 
I'm very family oriented. I'm terrified my chart has set me up for isolation when my life's biggest dream and what I have always felt my purpose was to be a wife and a mom. While I can make money and have a career, that has never been my biggest dream. Money and opportunities will always be there. But a beefy bank account isn't going to hold my hand one day on my death bed.
When it comes to relationships, that house is empty as well. I've only had three long term meaningful relationships in my life, none of which resulted in marriage, I don't mean to be picky at all, but I usually know if that attraction is there with someone and it clicks. Sad to say with most people it doesn't, and I can't force it with someone I'm not feeling it with, which is why there have only been three men in my life, however I can safely say all three of those relationships were deeply meaningful and important. Two of the three I remained friends with after we parted romantically and they are more like brothers to me these days. The third one, who was actually my first love when I was 14-18, we were separated for 20 years and then he resurfaced in my life two years ago. Now there's this thing happening between us again, but I don't even know what it is other than it has me feeling like I'm 16 again.
Like me, he never got married or had a family either. I thought maybe with us having so much in common in our time of separation maybe we meant were meant to be together this whole time and found our way back together for that, but there have been hurdles to overcome. Unlike me, he had some rather negative relationship experiences during that time apart. Needless to say, he is not friends with his exes as I am. Yet we both moved across country to nearly the same area during our time apart and didn't even know we were anywhere near each other. Too many synchronicities that makes it unique for sure.
On the positive side, physically and biologically speaking I am actually good! I'm biologically still fertile, not perimenopasual, periods come like clockwork every month totally on time and normal. Medically speaking I'm in good health for this happen. It's not like I want five kids. Just one I'd be happy and blessed. And honestly when I pray, when I tap into my intuition, etc I feel like this will still happen, that I will still become a mother biologically.
But my birthchart scares the life out of me and makes me feel depressed and hopeless. This is why I have "Chihuahua Mom" as my username because my birth chart makes me scared I'll wind up having more chihuahuas than I already do now and those will be the only babies I have.
I'm a big overthinker, perhaps it shows that in my chart. I can only hope overthinking is what I'm doing. But this whole birth chart thing was really bothering me and I wanted to share. So that's basically it. I've included my chart if anyone is curious. If anything, thanks for listening to me vent.
This is my first post here. Truthfully, I don't know or understand much of reading astrological charts. I do tarot readings, so I understand the cards very well and picking up on things intuitively, however when it comes to reading an astrological chart it goes right over my head and becomes like solving a mathematical equation for me and gives me a headache.
To me it's very different because astrology feels very fixed and unchangeable, where as in tarot energy changes all the time making things much more open ended. This is where my frustration comes in.I get very depressed looking at my chart because I feel it has set me up for failure in the areas of life that mean the most to me - relationships and family. I can only hope it is me misinterpreting it, but I don't think I am. I am turning 41 next month and it has always been a strong desire of mine to be a mother biologically since I was little girl. I have nearly no family. I am only child with absolutely no cousins (my only aunt on my dad's side passed away in a car accident when she was 16 and my only uncle on my mom's side simply never had children of his own). My dad died from cancer when I was 13, my grandparents have all been gone for a very long time. It's literally been just me and my mom for the longest amount of time. My uncle came back into my life about 8 years ago. But that's about it. My mom and uncle won't be here forever though and one day it will literally be just me, basically an adult orphan with no family.
I do have many friends, and I am grateful for them, but at the end of the day they all have their own families and their own lives. I don't feel comfortable infringing on that nor do I want to.
This is why it's very important to me that I want to be a mom biologically. I love my family, as small as it is, and don't want to see it end with just me!
I know adoption is an option, but I'm truthfully not interested in that at all. And the whole sperm donor thing... no. With an empty 5th house in Aires I'm panicked I've been astrologically *******. I'm very family oriented. I'm terrified my chart has set me up for isolation when my life's biggest dream and what I have always felt my purpose was to be a wife and a mom. While I can make money and have a career, that has never been my biggest dream. Money and opportunities will always be there. But a beefy bank account isn't going to hold my hand one day on my death bed. When it comes to relationships, that house is empty as well. I've only had three long term meaningful relationships in my life, none of which resulted in marriage, I don't mean to be picky at all, but I usually know if that attraction is there with someone and it clicks. Sad to say with most people it doesn't, and I can't force it with someone I'm not feeling it with, which is why there have only been three men in my life, however I can safely say all three of those relationships were deeply meaningful and important. Two of the three I remained friends with after we parted romantically and they are more like brothers to me these days. The third one, who was actually my first love when I was 14-18, we were separated for 20 years and then he resurfaced in my life two years ago. Now there's this thing happening between us again, but I don't even know what it is other than it has me feeling like I'm 16 again.
Like me, he never got married or had a family either. I thought maybe with us having so much in common in our time of separation maybe we meant were meant to be together this whole time and found our way back together for that, but there have been hurdles to overcome. Unlike me, he had some rather negative relationship experiences during that time apart. Needless to say, he is not friends with his exes as I am. Yet we both moved across country to nearly the same area during our time apart and didn't even know we were anywhere near each other. Too many synchronicities that makes it unique for sure.
On the positive side, physically and biologically speaking I am actually good! I'm biologically still fertile, not perimenopasual, periods come like clockwork every month totally on time and normal. Medically speaking I'm in good health for this happen. It's not like I want five kids. Just one I'd be happy and blessed. And honestly when I pray, when I tap into my intuition, etc I feel like this will still happen, that I will still become a mother biologically.
But my birthchart scares the life out of me and makes me feel depressed and hopeless. This is why I have "Chihuahua Mom" as my username because my birth chart makes me scared I'll wind up having more chihuahuas than I already do now and those will be the only babies I have.
I'm a big overthinker, perhaps it shows that in my chart. I can only hope overthinking is what I'm doing. But this whole birth chart thing was really bothering me and I wanted to share. So that's basically it. I've included my chart if anyone is curious. If anything, thanks for listening to me vent.
