A lot of your assumptions are incorrect. Because you are VERY young. Astrologically, you won't be a man until your Saturn return.
From YOUR point of view (still a child) your experience in your narrow environment tells you that you are nobody.
One of the reasons is that you have that attitude is that with Saturn on your 8th house cusp you have GIVEN "other people" too much power in your life. You have been brainwashed to believe what others "think" about you or "project" upon you.
That's all c r a p o l a and not true. From YOUR point of view you cannot imagine a different environment or a different life. When I was around your age I had a pretty poor self image. My mother was a Capricorn.....a BIG one. EVERY one of her planets inconjuncted one of my planets. It was as tho she and I were from different planets.
If I got a good report card, my parents wanted it better. Whatever I did (all thru her life) whatever I did was not good enough because OUR VALUES WERE DIFFERENT.
She judged me according to HER value system.
When I decided to follow my own impulses regarding what type of work I wanted to do, how I wanted to spend my money, who my friends were, (I could go on but I won't)
I found that I could separate my own "identity" from the one SHE had imposed upon me.
From the time I was 16 all I could think of was the day I could live on my own. In order to do that I had to graduate from high school and get a job. THAT was my goal.
GET AWAY from the toxic parents.
And I did.
You need to figure out what your immediate GOAL is. NOT what you want to do in 10 years but what you want NEXT. Keep it simple. Don't PROJECT too far into the future.
Learn to cancel out what you hear that is negative. Learn to TELL YOURSELF that she is the way she is because of her own childhood **** and psychic makeup. And remind yourself that you don't have to believe every negative person who dumps their stuff onto you.
Learn to be around people who you like and who like the things you like. Don't think about how much do they like me?" Find activities you like and then find people who like the same things. Be around people who are not judgmental. Don't be defensive.
If you find yourself being defensive with this or that person, you have to realize that you are attracted "your mother" to you. WHY? Because that is what you expect.
Growing up, becoming wise, learning to navigate the world....navigate "social life" is a long term process. It doesn't happen overnight. MOST people find this growing up process difficult.
It's true that there are people who seem to have the happy luck to have an easygoing and magnetic personality. But for every one of them there are 50 of us. We need to learn how to fit into life. But the definition of that should be OUR definition...not someone ELSE'S.
LIN