I can feel what you mean but it's so hard to overcome this square with mercury and jupiter.
Well, yes my mom is pushing me to go to school. I would've gone to school any way but it's pretty annoying when she gets angry when I can't get exellent grades. I may be one of the best in class but she still wants me to stand on the top. I'm born in China but moved to Sweden when I was little so I still have more of a western thinking, I'm also the only child so my mom sees me as her only hope. She's been asking for over five years now what I will doing after high school, for her I have to go to university but I got no clue what I want to be. So I think I will go to China and learn more chinese, just to get away from her influence and think more about my future. But she's not mercurian, her sun sign is in cancer.
Even though I have scorpio sun and mars conjunct the sun, why do I lack will or desire? I feel so apathetic, except when I'm reading a book. All astrology books says sun conj mars will give a great boost to the vital force or something like that and have a more agressive or dominating/controlling character. But all of my friends (well, except my best friend but he got a pretty intrersting/unique chart so I never understand what he thinks) and family see me as a quiet and emotionless person (I really mean emotionless person, my mom seriously asks me sometimes if I would miss or cry for her if she dies). Strangers see me just as a shy person.
I have also read in astrology books that helping others would fit me especially with moon in the first house and in pisces. I want to but I don't feel the drive to do it.
The only book I have in bookshelf about pluto in 9th house is Sydney Omarr's book "My world of astrolgy". It says something like this: pluto is willing to throw away the good with the bad in order to get started again. The native tends to feel that he has all the answers. The astrologer must guide him along lines to which develop a love of ideas for themselves, rather than blind adherence to one concept, idea or method. Much travel is indicated.
And I don't even really understand what he means.
Thank you very much for the answers! I have never discussed in a forum with other astrology interested before. It really gives one more insights