Twin Flame? Soulmate? Help me decipher!

Hey, this is my first post! Let me just jump right in! I'm pretty new to astrology in the sense of deciphering house synastry. It would be helpful if you can all help me! I'm also a psychology major and this stuff is so interesting, raw, and pretty real I think!

Hmm, to be straightforward, me and this man learned so much from each other, but only spiraled downward all year without meaning to. Things were good at first, until our fears came to the surface (at least that is what I believe).

We used weed to ease the emotional pain after each fight. Obviously that didn't work so well in the long-term scheme of things. We are now apart. I'm not staying stuck, I'm raising my vibration with energy clearing tools. I desire to keep my promise of never giving up on him. I desire to fix this no matter the outer reality! I feel married to him in my soul. Twin Flame or not, part of being a Twin is to bring Heaven on Earth - so I desire to keep my promise, and I hope my energy work is affecting him even while physically apart. My faith lies in the deep connection we built.

If ya'll want, I can post the whole story I wrote. I deleted it because I wanna see how accurate astrology is. I pasted it in my notes so please let me know if you would like to read everything!

So here we go:

I'm Pisces sun, he is Gemini sun.

Both of us are Scorpio moons. My moon falls on his 1st/12th house cusp. His moon falls in my 8th house (which is where my moon resides). So yeah I guess you can intuitively guess I'm Pisces rising. Hmm, makes sense! He is Scorpio rising btw.

My Chiron is in Scorpio in my 7th house - in his 12th house.
His Chiron is in Libra in his 12th house - in my 7th house.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN LOL? Especially when looking at our moons.

My mercury is in Aquarius in my 12th house - in his 4th house
His mercury in Gemini is in his 8th house - in my 3rd house.
What does this mean?

My Venus is in Pisces is in my 12th house - in his 4th house.
His Venus is in Cancer is in his 9th house - on my 4th/5th house cusp.

Hmm, what else. We both have Saturn in Aries (1st house for me, 6th house for him). My Saturn falls in his 5th however, but his falls in my 1st.

As a gay couple I feel like Mars places some interesting importance!
My mars in Libra is in my 7th house - in his 11th house.
His mars in Virgo is in his 11th house - in my 7th house.
AHH what does this mean too lol? So interesting!

Please let me know! This took forever to figure out and type lol.

Do you think he's my Twin Flame, or just a deep soul connection? Are we meant to create a life together, or did we just cross paths to learn lessons? What do you think? You insight would truly be so greatly appreciated

Welcome to the forum. Would you kindly post your charts? The ones at Astrodienst www.astro.com are the easiest to read. If you don't know his (or your) birth time, just input it as "unknown."

Synastry (horoscope comparisons) really goes by degrees and aspects, not so much by signs and houses. If your Scorpio moons are conjunct, that gives a strong feeling of an emotional connection.

Here are each of our charts! I hope it isn't too difficult since they aren't overlapped I'm sorry! Hmm I'll try to do an overlapping one.

It's fine to leave them as individual charts-- I can interpolate, but sorry-- these are nearly illegible. Can you do them at Astrodienst www.astro.com ? Thanks.

waybread said:

Welcome to the forum. Would you kindly post your charts? The ones at Astrodienst www.astro.com are the easiest to read. If you don't know his (or your) birth time, just input it as "unknown."

Synastry (horoscope comparisons) really goes by degrees and aspects, not so much by signs and houses. If your Scorpio moons are conjunct, that gives a strong feeling of an emotional connection.

Click to expand...

Okay here is one with our charts combined! Hope this helps! I'm so interested ahhhh I wonder what you're able to interpret and why?! I wonder what it all means I'm so interested in learning!

Yes let me do it in the other way just a sec!

The link to mine

https://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=astro_w2gw_nathaniel.16445.13328.png&res=63

To his

https://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=astro_w2gw_matthew.16407.12139.png&res=63

Suns squared-- connected but conflicting

Moons conjunct-- great aspect for feeling at home with someone, emotional compatibility.

No strong Venus-Mars interactions.

Venus-Ascendant interactions. Affectionate.

When you do the Astrodienst charts, can you input an additional data point called the vertex?

Did I do the Astrodienst charts right? How do I add the vertex ahh I'm sorry! Thank you, you're so kind to be helping me!

nnm227 said:

The link to mine

https://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=astro_w2gw_nathaniel.16445.13328.png&res=63

To his

https://www.astro.com/cgi/showgif.cgi?lang=e&gif=astro_w2gw_matthew.16407.12139.png&res=63

Click to expand...

You can't link directly to Astrodienst, unfortunately. Ideally you can save the charts as thumbnails on your computer and upload them here. If you are restricted to a cell phone, try linking them through Imgur.com .

Welcome to the wonderful world of astrology.

Lol 500th times a charm right lmao jk I'm just too excited I'm getting ahead of myself lol.

Okay here we go! And if there's a way to add the vertex (idk how yet) I'll add it when I figure out how.

OK, good work on the charts. The art of astrology consists of chart reading, so if we can't read the charts, it's hard to get very far.

I would say that the two of you have the capacity to relate on a deep level. The sun gives one's identity or sense of self; and the moon, one's emotional nature, so that when they are conjunct or in a sextile (60 degrees) or trine (120 degrees, more or less) relationship with one another, that confers a lot of compatibility. Venus rules affection and Mars is the go-getter, assertive planet, together they're the sexy planets. Here I'm not seeing the same profound contact. This doesn't mean you can't have a fulfilling relationship, only that each of you may have different needs.

Both of you have Neptune square moon in your individual charts, which isn't the most realistic aspect. It can confer a lot of idealism, as well as a proclivity to substance abuse if you don't watch it.

Twin flames? Soul mates? I dunno. I think that is something that people read into a chart or a relationship, not something that a chart would necessarily show you.

But read Alice Portman's comments on this thread: https://forum.astro.com/cgi/forum.cgi?num=1528692829/5#5 about Venus-Chiron. We'd have to stretch the orbs, but you'd know it if you felt it.

Hmm thanks for the insight!

I thought our Venus formed a trine (Cancer + Pisces), but I mean I guess my Venus is almost nearly in Aquarius when looking at the degrees?

What does it mean that his Mars in Virgo is opposite my Pisces sun?

Or doesn't my Libra Mars trine his Gemini mercury and his Gemini Sun?

What do all these aspects mean?

nnm227 said:

Hmm thanks for the insight!

I thought our Venus formed a trine (Cancer + Pisces), but I mean I guess my Venus is almost nearly in Aquarius when looking at the degrees?

What does it mean that his Mars in Virgo is opposite my Pisces sun?

Or doesn't my Libra Mars trine his Gemini mercury and his Gemini Sun?

What do all these aspects mean?

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Mars opp Sun, the Sun person is inclined to chase the Mars person.

If we have to follow the theory of twins, this is not such a chart. Twins are extraordinary ao the charts should be. Astrologers comment that the most common aspects between twins are quincunx and oppositions. Also the charts mimic each other. If you are to meet your other half it should be seen in the charts. For example one would have a stellium in 5th the other in 11th. Opposite ascendants or ascendants conjunct. Having the same aspects and/or planet positions.

Usually feeling a deep connection to someone doesn't mean a twin. We are human beings we can feel deep connections to all people, it depends on our conscious evolution. Hope that helped.

Are you familiar with aspects, and the meaning of different aspects?

Oh, dear...another self-sacrificing Pisces. You don’t owe him or anyone anything; martyrdom isn’t love.

In the words of Dolly Parton, “get off the cross, honey; somebody else needs the wood.” The whole Messiah thing may have worked for Jesus but it won’t work for you.

You can do so much good in the world on your own. Just briefly glancing at your chart showed me that you have incredible empathy for others. You’re sound like such a very likable person!

However, like most who study psychology, you’re converting your feelings to thoughts! You’re trying to come to a logical conclusion as to why you feel what you do. I think you have to remind yourself that it’s okay to have a relationship that makes you joyful and feel good...it doesn’t have to be justified. If it makes you happy, that’s reason enough.

I think that your conjunct moons are actually a bad thing; our moon shows how we react and handle emotions at our worst. The couples I’ve seen who share a moon sign are extremely codependent and enmeshed — they enable one another’s bad habits. It sounds like this may have been the case with you. I also think this relationship may stir up some mommy issues...as a psychology student, I’m sure you’re familiar with Freud. Scorpio is the sign associated with Oedipus complex. And the moon represents the mother in your chart. Looking at how this person hits your moon, I think this relationship may stir up some unresolved issues related to your mother; they almost act as a surrogate for her. What I see is that your mother, whether outwardly or subtly, made you feel responsible for her at a young age. It isn’t always something obvious — it could have been, for example, as subtle as her showing signs of frustration or discomfort when you cried. She may have had her hands full and unwittingly creates a template within you that has caused you to feel like you have to be someone’s savior. It’s unfortunate how the littlest thing a parent does (or doesn’t) do can translate into full blown issues for their child as they mature.

I think you might find The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller rather enlightening given your aptitude for psychology. It’s famously noted as the most common book gifted to psychologists by their patients.

That said, I also think one must we wary of the information online regarding twin flames. I believe in soulmates, however. And we don’t really just have one...we have one for each level we’re at. Each person were in a relationship with helps us grow and evolve. We have past life karma with these people and most relationships just give us the chance to work through it; those relationships are special and meaningful. Some people are lucky enough to get to a point where they find someone with whom they can share a healthy interdependency and grow together for life. However, masochistic sacrifice isn’t part of it!

Wishing you the best. You can make a positive impact on this world by your own merit (you obviously have special gifts) and that has nothing to do with this guy you’re talking about.

These two astrology videos may interest you:
https://youtu.be/HKkuQfVcJxs
https://youtu.be/tg_5xxlhxeM

Sagcap88 said:

Oh, dear...another self-sacrificing Pisces. You don’t owe him or anyone anything; martyrdom isn’t love.

In the words of Dolly Parton, “get off the cross, honey; somebody else needs the wood.” The whole Messiah thing may have worked for Jesus but it won’t work for you.

You can do so much good in the world on your own. Just briefly glancing at your chart showed me that you have incredible empathy for others. You’re sound like such a very likable person!

However, like most who study psychology, you’re converting your feelings to thoughts! You’re trying to come to a logical conclusion as to why you feel what you do. I think you have to remind yourself that it’s okay to have a relationship that makes you joyful and feel good...it doesn’t have to be justified. If it makes you happy, that’s reason enough.

I think that your conjunct moons are actually a bad thing; our moon shows how we react and handle emotions at our worst. The couples I’ve seen who share a moon sign are extremely codependent and enmeshed — they enable one another’s bad habits. It sounds like this may have been the case with you. I also think this relationship may stir up some mommy issues...as a psychology student, I’m sure you’re familiar with Freud. Scorpio is the sign associated with Oedipus complex. And the moon represents the mother in your chart. Looking at how this person hits your moon, I think this relationship may stir up some unresolved issues related to your mother; they almost act as a surrogate for her. What I see is that your mother, whether outwardly or subtly, made you feel responsible for her at a young age. It isn’t always something obvious — it could have been, for example, as subtle as her showing signs of frustration or discomfort when you cried. She may have had her hands full and unwittingly creates a template within you that has caused you to feel like you have to be someone’s savior. It’s unfortunate how the littlest thing a parent does (or doesn’t) do can translate into full blown issues for their child as they mature.

I think you might find The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller rather enlightening given your aptitude for psychology. It’s famously noted as the most common book gifted to psychologists by their patients.

That said, I also think one must we wary of the information online regarding twin flames. I believe in soulmates, however. And we don’t really just have one...we have one for each level we’re at. Each person were in a relationship with helps us grow and evolve. We have past life karma with these people and most relationships just give us the chance to work through it; those relationships are special and meaningful. Some people are lucky enough to get to a point where they find someone with whom they can share a healthy interdependency and grow together for life. However, masochistic sacrifice isn’t part of it!

Wishing you the best. You can make a positive impact on this world by your own merit (you obviously have special gifts) and that has nothing to do with this guy you’re talking about.

These two astrology videos may interest you:
https://youtu.be/HKkuQfVcJxs
https://youtu.be/tg_5xxlhxeM

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I don't fully agree with your post, because you seem to be projecting your own beliefs.
Moon/Moon conjunctions are often time seen in married couples, simply because the moon is your unconscious desires, your soul desires, and the conjunction is the closest you get to a soulmate. Two people come together with the same desires of the soul, however our souls may want happiness but happiness for the ego is different as happiness for the soul. The ego wants all the fluffy , romantic good things, whereas the soul wants growth and learning, which is often times painful if we resist it. Definitely not pleasant for the ego.

Also some people don't mind being in a co-dependant relationships. It's a complete unification of two people and the highest possible commitment one can have. It's easy to be on your own, it's hard to be with someone else for the rest of your life, and accept them as part of you, no matter what.

The soul knows best what it wants and that's evident in the people we attract, and we can't always read it. Simply because we *don't know*. Reading the charts, the ego would say "Uh, end this, not good for you." but the souls says "Eh em, excuse moa? Not good? Says who?" so this things cannot be forced nor understood. The best you can do is play along and see where it goes, using astrology to get a better understanding.

I believe for two people who are aware Moon/Moon conjunction is one of the best thing ever. There is intuitive understanding, non verbal communication, often times psychic connection like dream communication, future revealing dreams.

I have this Moon/Moon conjunction with someone, and I gave up on trying to understand why or what, but I know I cannot escape it. It brings me much growth, whether i like it or not. Most of the time I don't won't lie haha. However, I do have strong psychic connection with that person, if we don't talk verbally, he comes to explain to me whats up in a dream, and later I find out it was true! It can drive someone mad, but this depends on the level of receptivity of someone.

nnm227, this person could indeed act as a twin flame to you. Mind you, I say ACT, not be one. And you have to understand what a twin flame is, and that it's not fluff or romance, it's more work, for which you don't get paid haha. Your best bet is to look at your ownself not the other person, and try to think how is this person triggering you and illuminating your issues, and how can you resolve them.

Just because someone triggers issues in you, doesn't mean the relationship is a no-no. On the contrary, it means its a significant connection that's here to help you and heal you, and for you to have it, means you are READY to have it. Ready to do the inner work.

On a more spiritual note, lets not forget we are all one, and only ego shows separation.

P.S. Freud is an outdated guy that cannot be found relevant in the modern collective consciousness. Jung is a lot more relevant.

ardentika said:

I don't fully agree with your post, because you seem to be projecting your own beliefs.
Moon/Moon conjunctions are often time seen in married couples, simply because the moon is your unconscious desires, your soul desires, and the conjunction is the closest you get to a soulmate. Two people come together with the same desires of the soul, however our souls may want happiness but happiness for the ego is different as happiness for the soul. The ego wants all the fluffy , romantic good things, whereas the soul wants growth and learning, which is often times painful if we resist it. Definitely not pleasant for the ego.

Also some people don't mind being in a co-dependant relationships. It's a complete unification of two people and the highest possible commitment one can have. It's easy to be on your own, it's hard to be with someone else for the rest of your life, and accept them as part of you, no matter what.

The soul knows best what it wants and that's evident in the people we attract, and we can't always read it. Simply because we *don't know*. Reading the charts, the ego would say "Uh, end this, not good for you." but the souls says "Eh em, excuse moa? Not good? Says who?" so this things cannot be forced nor understood. The best you can do is play along and see where it goes, using astrology to get a better understanding.

I believe for two people who are aware Moon/Moon conjunction is one of the best thing ever. There is intuitive understanding, non verbal communication, often times psychic connection like dream communication, future revealing dreams.

I have this Moon/Moon conjunction with someone, and I gave up on trying to understand why or what, but I know I cannot escape it. It brings me much growth, whether i like it or not. Most of the time I don't won't lie haha. However, I do have strong psychic connection with that person, if we don't talk verbally, he comes to explain to me whats up in a dream, and later I find out it was true! It can drive someone mad, but this depends on the level of receptivity of someone.

nnm227, this person could indeed act as a twin flame to you. Mind you, I say ACT, not be one. And you have to understand what a twin flame is, and that it's not fluff or romance, it's more work, for which you don't get paid haha. Your best bet is to look at your ownself not the other person, and try to think how is this person triggering you and illuminating your issues, and how can you resolve them.

Just because someone triggers issues in you, doesn't mean the relationship is a no-no. On the contrary, it means its a significant connection that's here to help you and heal you, and for you to have it, means you are READY to have it. Ready to do the inner work.

On a more spiritual note, lets not forget we are all one, and only ego shows separation.

P.S. Freud is an outdated guy that cannot be found relevant in the modern collective consciousness. Jung is a lot more relevant.

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I respect your opinion but I wasn’t projecting my own beliefs. I was giving my perspective. I think that hearing from different ones of us helps him take a bit from each and find his truth. We all interpret things in our own way.

I do strongly believe that anyone who feels that they have to “save” or “fix” another behaves as such due to early childhood programming. Codependency keeps us shackled to another person and held back; it is ego. Codependency is ego interacting with ego — enabling each other to continue on in patterns that are unhealthy.

I believe there’s a lesson in every relationship, absolutely.

My approach isn’t everybody’s cup of tea...but for a few, it is their double shot of whiskey.

I also don’t base things on Freud. I think he has a few good points and was mentioning him in a tongue in cheek way.

I can’t get on board with the codependency thing, though.

But anyways, I always enjoy your posts and appreciate your perspective.

Sagcap88 said:

.....

I think that your conjunct moons are actually a bad thing; our moon shows how we react and handle emotions at our worst. The couples I’ve seen who share a moon sign are extremely codependent and enmeshed — they enable one another’s bad habits. It sounds like this may have been the case with you. .......

Click to expand...

I think we have to look at individual charts to see whether the moon is afflicted; and then try to determine whether the person is emotionally mature enough to deal with those inner proclivities. I was married for 20 years to my ex-husband, out-of-sign moon conjunction; and my son and daughter-in-law have been married for 10 years with a moon conjunction. At its best, this aspect is good for sharing a home and being on the same emotional wave-length.

That said, I also think one must we wary of the information online regarding twin flames. I believe in soulmates, however. And we don’t really just have one...we have one for each level we’re at. Each person were in a relationship with helps us grow and evolve. We have past life karma with these people and most relationships just give us the chance to work through it; those relationships are special and meaningful. Some people are lucky enough to get to a point where they find someone with whom they can share a healthy interdependency and grow together for life. However, masochistic sacrifice isn’t part of it!

Click to expand...

I agree with much of this paragraph, but am not a big fan of past-lives karmic astrology. Certainly issues in this life give us lots to work on, without invoking an imagined past that may never have happened.

...

Sagcap88 said:

I respect your opinion but I wasn’t projecting my own beliefs. I was giving my perspective. I think that hearing from different ones of us helps him take a bit from each and find his truth. We all interpret things in our own way.

I do strongly believe that anyone who feels that they have to “save” or “fix” another behaves as such due to early childhood programming. Codependency keeps us shackled to another person and held back; it is ego. Codependency is ego interacting with ego — enabling each other to continue on in patterns that are unhealthy.

I believe there’s a lesson in every relationship, absolutely.

My approach isn’t everybody’s cup of tea...but for a few, it is their double shot of whiskey.

I also don’t base things on Freud. I think he has a few good points and was mentioning him in a tongue in cheek way.

I can’t get on board with the codependency thing, though.

But anyways, I always enjoy your posts and appreciate your perspective.

Click to expand...

Wow I will definitely purchase that book and have some summer reading ooh! And I'll watch those 2 videos tomorrow! Wow I agree with both of your points of view to be honest. They are so insightful!

Okay so, hmm. Let me explain my truth chronologically. I'll try to keep it short. *Lol it isn't short, sorry.*

In 2016 I prayed for my soulmate and met this guy Anthony the very next day who prayed for his soulmate too. I remember I literally FELT my prayer being answered. It felt like I knew him before. He was really only meant to "wake me up" though, that's all. He isn't my soulmate. Although for a year and a half I was OBSESSED! I had to learn to love myself. I think with him it was more martyrdom as you describe. I wanted to save him from his life.

Eventually I started to love myself. I started doing energy clearing. Soon I met Matthew! I told myself change is good, and then I got fired from my job and boom, I met Matt. Meeting him felt like when I met Anthony. He felt like ME on some deep level. He lives more in ego, I'm a lot more spiritual and try to live from my soul! This brought up complications that only got worse throughout our time together.

At first, things we NOT codependent. Things were loving, and I felt as though my life was changing for the better. I was so centered and balanced, and always wanted to help him understand his feelings better. He didn't really wanna open up though, and I accepted that. I just tried helping him the best I could.

Getting fired and having no job meant I had to leave NYC once the semester ended. I went to a summer camp to work where there was no cell service or wifi half the time. He didn't really trust the truth. Fears of separation and abandonment were brought up. Trust issues too. His mom spreads so many false beliefs to him that only soak up in his mind. He chased me to Chicago (well, that is what it felt like, but I wanted him to come so bad), and that is when he asked me to promise him to never give up on him as he bawled at the airport. He didn't wanna leave me. Ugh, so many childhood fears were brought up for him that day. I don't think I knew how to handle his pain well either now that I look back.

Anyway, things only spiraled downward from there. Eventually he broke up with me after camp ended. I didn't care. I wasn't doing energy clearing like I was before I met him, I think I was living in ego hmm. Plus that camp was tough! I needed my ego to protect me. Part of me doing the energy clearings is why I think he may be my Twin Flame. I think the initial energy clearings before I met him attracted him to me. He broke up with his ex around that time and said he just got annoyed. I think that was him starting to shift, his soul starting to realize some kind of "truth"? I remember I tried hooking up with another guy cuz well, me and Matt weren't together, but I felt HORRIBLE. That is when I realized I felt married to Matt in my soul. The sex literally made us feel *one*.

I came back to NYC, and wow so good for quitting weed for him! He turned into a stoner and I jumped back in! Lol yeah, we got back together the day I got back. He said he hooked up with another guy too but felt awful because he only wanted me. And hey *update*, it isn't like he was open and direct like I was. It took him a week to tell me. This brought up fears in me because like, why was he not just being open with me? What else does he hide from me? That is what I think! We both know we share Scorpio moon, we have so many jealousy issues!

Honestly, looking back on the past year and a half with Matt (from the beginning I met him), I acted in ways that Anthony acted towards me. Matthew acted in ways that Anthony acted towards me as well. It only got worse as the 2017/2018 academic year went on. I keep thinking to myself now, why tf did I act in those ways?! I think our energy influenced one another and it's all unconscious maybe? Idk, I'm no psychologist - at least not yet lol I got ways to go.

Anyway, we turned CODEPENDENT after summer 2017 by smoking weed all year! There was a lot of hypocrisy between us - and this weed situation is only one example. I see it all more clearly now that we are apart, now that I am my positive self again, now that I have been doing energy clearings everyday again. Things just got really stagnant, yet we kept coming back together after each fight. The weed stopped us from healing the pain on a deep and true level. The weed made us able to stay with each other without doing any inner work.

Nothing ever worked out. Our one year anniversary was a DISASTER. Christmas was a disaster. Disney World never worked out, that only brought fears in me too! On 11/09, around 11/11, we got into a HUGE fight..... over pajama pants wtf.... He broke up with me in May when I accidentally brought up this fight! We were with a friend, and that fight slipped into my mind (the conversation just made it pop up) and I didn't think before I spoke! That is the last time I saw Matthew. It shows ME that we NEVER healed that pain. I also let my hurtful emotions control me. Well, we both did, and it was INTENSE as our emotions are magnified around each other.

Oh, when he found out I'm studying abroad in March, things got even more worse from there - fears of separation and abandonment once again. I wouldn't listen to his emotions as I wanted things to be perfect. I'm telling you, the weed really inhibited us. He doesn't want to be away from me for 9 months which is why he's with a new boyfriend now

With him being in ego and me being the aware one, he had enough of this pain and ran. That is why he is with a 27 year old now. I am happy for him, he deserves more happiness. Yes, at first I got jealous and acted in ways I'm not proud of. But I am genuinely happy for him. I realize we didn't have anything good going for us, at least not in this state of being.

Even being apart I can still feel his emotions when on the phone. WTF! Is that normal? That only gives me more reason to believe the Twin Flame thins is true between us.

I think I need to have faith that things will work out in the end, just as they did in the past. We will come back together just as we always did, but I cannot fixate on this. I can't obsess, I have to love myself on an EVEN DEEPER level. I have to keep working on forgiving not only myself, but him as well. I work on it everyday actually. I have to dig deep. I have to cleanse all these fears away that I have - and he mirrors them to me I think. I'm not saying he's my "twin flame mirror", but if he really is the other part of my soul, then any energy work I do will automatically affect him I don't care though, I just know I deserve better. I guess we both just need to learn life lessons apart. Maybe I'm ultimately meant to be with someone else, I don't know! Or maybe it is him, which I *think* I feel deep down.

Maybe I am turning my feelings into thoughts? Idk. Time will tell. When his ego dies down and he's ready to face his past and EMOTIONS and be open with me naturally, THEN we will work out. He was never ready to fully open up to me, I always felt like I had to force him to be open.

Hmm, I wrote this all for you guys to hear MY truth and MY story. I think sharing moons is GOOD because we can sense each others emotions. It was too much to handle and weed had a big part in our downfall. Especially being Scorpio moon, I just see now that we cannot be together unless we are BOTH aware and awake.

I have inner work to do to awaken even more. And ultimately, maybe it isn't him. I accept that. But from the beginning I always told myself in my mind "I CHOOSE HIM" "I AM LOVING HIM LIKE HE IS MY TWIN FLAME". But in reality, it just doesn't matter. Let me just do my inner work and live freely!

Oh, and my mother did yell at me as a kid, I remember a specific incident. She had me at 20. I recall that I was 2, I accidentally put my feet on her hair and she YELLED! Maybe I don't feel that pain NOW, but I need to do an inner child healing and heal that because I remember that caused a lot of pain in that moment. My mom was single for some time too, I took responsibility and practically raised my little sister. I felt responsible, she would go out partying and there I was watching my two younger siblings. My dad was out of my life for a bit. His dad got deported to Colombia. We both moved around a lot. We both have some similarities but our lives are definitely NOT parallel. But they ARE similar.

Idk if he's my twin and I truly don't care. Okay I'm done typing for now lol. Hmmm also, maybe he is just a kind of "sexual soulmate" idk. I really don't care if he is my twin flame. I never felt true openness from him, but I am able to realize that challenges don't mean we aren't compatible. Only when he is living in authenticity. And hey, was I living in authenticity the past year? No. Only time will tell what the truth is. But also he isn't the brightest person on the planet, but love has no boundaries. My ego wants a smart college educated man that is ambitious. Also, yeah I'm ambitious too, so as my twin shouldn't he if he is? Was I acting on my ambitions though? NO!!! OH and I quit weed a month ago by the way. Like I am really set to dig deep. Okay lol I'm done! Sorry for the length I hope this is at the very least entertaining lol.

Thank you all for the wonderful insight!!