Raped by my bf under drug influence (25 yrs age gap)

Raped by my bf under drug influence

So i dated this older guy which is 25 years older than me, our relationship was only one and a half month since we knew each other till the end

There is a possibility that i fell head over heels towards him because he introduced me to my first love drug experience (he might or might not mentioned the drug intentionally in our conversation so i was interested to try it with him)
However the second time we went for the love drug, the place we went to ran out of it so we ate something else, i lose consciousness, woke up in his room without any clothes on (i agreed to slept over at his place but i didn’t plan to do “it”) And Him saying he did “it” to me and i bled but he didn’t consider it rape as he didn’t properly do “it” till he reach his peak

I wasn’t mad as i was madly in love (i also thought i was still a virgin because there was no “visible change on me”, that is why he also thought that i’m still a virgin too, thinking he didn’t take anything from me) instead, i planned to give it to him next time we had the chance. However we only met one last time and he left me, just before we had the chance to really do “it”

His reason was our age difference is way too much, we don’t have anything to talk about as we don’t really connect, and i live too far he feels like our relationship is long distance as we only see each other on the weekend (one and a half hour drive) while he wanted to find someone to wake up to every day. He also said he think about my future and doesn’t want to pressure me into doing “it” with him

I cried when we broke up via phone and i still call him whenever i drink. One day i was so emotional after i drink so i called countless times and left tons of voicemail, he was annoyed and blocked my number.
I just recently found out that i wasn’t a virgin anymore. I was devastated. I wanted to move on and leave everything behind so i told this to him by sending him an emotional text (my friends said the text was really heart touching) as a closure through my friend’s phone, he read it but he didn’t reply

By the way, he is a divorced guy with 2 children not living with him, he is divorced because he cheated on his wife (his defence is because he worked too hard, didn’t have time for his wife and family, so the relationship turned cold he found warmth in someone new). However his new girl cheated on him so he live alone now. He is also quite wealthy

My question are
1.) has he ever felt anything for me at all? (He said i love you twice and sometimes he felt like a really sweet person, he even stated that he wanted to go to my hometown to meet my parents)
2.) is it possible that he is by his nature a sociopath? Or is it just our really bad synastry?
3.) what aspects make a toxic and abusive relationship like this one? (i really need to know if this toxic relationship can really be seen from our synastry so i can avoid this later)
4.) are we really not meant for each other astrologycally?
5.) Do we still have the chance to be together in the future?

Thanks in advance!

For others to be able to answer any of your questions, you have to post the chart(s). Birth information alone isn't enough. The rule here is that if you're asking for astrological advice, it's your job to provide the appropriate chart. No asking others to do it for you.

Follow the instructions here to post a chart: https://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12126

For the kind of question you're asking, you'll need a synastry chart from the Extended Chart section. When you post it, be sure to specify which of you is on the inside and which on the outside.

Daydreamer, I am so sorry for your traumatic experience. I see that you are from Indonesia. I don't know what laws are like there, but in the US and Canada laws are changing so that a sexual encounter is rape if the woman does not give her consent. And even if she is conscious, a drugged or drunk woman is not capable of giving or withholding consent. Obviously an unconscious woman cannot give consent.

So this is not a nice man, to rape an unconscious drugged teenager, young enough to be his daughter. He is a merciless predator, and you are well out of his life. He's shown you, loud and clear, that he has no concern for your feelings.

I don't mean to go all preachy on you, but I hope you will stay clean and sober for your own sake. People who have long-term problems with drugs or alcohol tend to have the planet Neptune in hard aspect to a personal planet. You have Neptune opposite sun, plus your moon in Neptune ruled Pisces. You are probably extra-sensitive to drugs and alcohol. You have a very "watery" chart, so you probably tend to navigate through life based on your feelings, but now would be a really good time to think through the kind of life you truly want to have, and whether drugs and drink will get you there.

As I suspected, this man has Venus square Pluto natally. Not everyone with this aspect will behave this way, but there can be a tendency for a man with this aspect to behave in a ruthless, callous (Pluto) way towards young women (Venus.)

In terms of your second question, I think this man's behaviour speaks for itself. He seems entirely self-centered. It is entirely possible, and indeed very common, for women to fall in love with a really unsuitable man. That is not an indicator that it would be a good idea to get back together. I just hope he isn't harming some other young woman now.

Daydreamer, what do you need to heal and get your life back together? Rape counseling? A trusted friend, family member, or teacher to confide in?

I second Waybreads advice. Especially since you have Sun and Moon in aspect to Neptune (I have it too, Cancer Sun opposite Neptune and Gemini Moon opposite Neptune) so with those aspects, a trusted friend or a advisor is definitely beneficial to have around so you don't end up deluding yourself or your stuck in emotional delusion, because trust me I know it gets hard to see straight sometimes when Poseidon is fogging your intuition and awareness , and you tend to hold on to people and situations that are not beneficial at all for your well being. Plus he also got Moon in the 7th opposite Venus in the 1st, so in his current state of awareness it's manifesting as being a bit too preoccupied with himself to enjoy and receive comfort from a relationship, plus he's a Gemini Moon (I have this placement too), and with that combo with his Venus in Capricorn, he's too busy enjoying structuring his personalitity and the impression of authority to settle down his emotional needs to constantly find intellectual stimulation and communication in a committed relationship. Sending healing energy your way, Fam! Peace, love and gnosis!

I'm very sorry to hear you experienced this situation. I would agree about the Pisces. I have had my experiences in life other people around me, and being a sensitive and having Pisces in the 8th house, Neptune can kind of being blind to who your enemies are in life.

Pisces tends to be a huge problem for some of us especially if we're Introverts, and I had to learn this myself not use drugs or alcohol, because it leaves you in a vulnerable place where you can't defend or protect yourself, some times not having the strength to get up and move your physical body, or make appropriate choices or judgment. As a similar situation happen to me 22 years ago, and I thought I could trust the person, because they were someone in my community.

I think it is important to speak your voice with a therapist, because I can tell you from experience, keeping it a secret, only eat away at you. RAIN online is always available, and has online counselors.

https://www.rainn.org


Gemini can be very emotionally attached, and they can also appear one way, and be another behind the scenes. You will just have to be aware in the future when it comes to the masculine since you have Gemini in the 8th house that everyone isn't who they seem at face value.

I had to learn this myself with Neptune in Sagittarius (Rose Colored Glasses) wanting to believe everyone was a nice person. Pisces in entertainment gives you a clue that when you're out in entertainment, like I am with my placement there, you have to be alert, pay attention to who you are hanging out with, and perhaps not hang out in surroundings where drugs and alcohol are a main theme. While it may be fun, in my experience at the same age as you, it is hard to lesson to learn in bars, parties, and venues where you might have to much fun, and a predator watches.

I was always taught to watch my drinks, and never leave one behind, for people to plant date rape drugs.

I think the best case scenario you learned from the experience is to protect yourself, and not allow anyone to give you drugs.

While this is a painful experience, the event is over. And you have to speak with someone who can help you mend that wound, forgive the situation in time, and understand not every man is like this, and you will meet someone who will treat you much better.

I wouldn't dwell on his chart, because it really doesn't solve anything. And there is nothing you can do to change the man. He made a choice.

If you're able to press charges in your local area this is a personal choice and whether you want to press charges and go through the process of bringing justice and awareness, or allowing it to go, and process things in your own way, and know at some point justice will still be served by natural law.

The best plan of action is feeling better about yourself, and moving your life forward where you can feel better.

I hope the best for you.

F*ckin' drugs, man... Mind-control and brain-washing may be considered "evil" but is it better to let people do this kinda cr@p to themselves? God only knows she'd have had less trauma without the drugs, but wouldn't have chosen a drug-free path, so... where's the compassion in letting her smash her face into that wall over and over?

If done ethically, it can eliminate a lot of B.S. from her memory and spare her decades of emotionally-corrupted and drug-poisoned irrationality. Just saying.

I can't figure out what you are "just saying," AquarianRising. Clarify?

That selective memory-erasure is no worse than getting f*cked-up on drugs, and probably better in some ways. Arguably. I wouldn't opt for it, but I cope better with trauma than many I've known.

I still have no idea what you are trying to say, but it sounds really unhelpful and insensitive. Are you saying that Daydreamer123 will suppress her memories of learning that she was raped? There is no evidence in the annals of psychology that this happens, even when women are unconscious during the rape: in fact, quite the contrary.

We're not comparing or rank-ordering bad drug use vs. suppressing memories of rape. Obviously, both are harmful.

I think Daydreamer needs a crisis support center or hot line, and therapy; but I don't know how available such support services would be in Indonesia.

A really good support site is 7cupsoftea.com. On there, there are trained listeners and therapists to talk to. Talking to the trained listeners is free. Not all of the listeners are great, but most are. I highly recommend the website if not able to reach support services in Indonesia. There are also listeners from Indonesia, that may be able to provide more info. and support about reaching services in Indonesia.

I am so sorry that this horrible experience happened to you. It is a really terrible and tough thing to go through. This relationship sounds dangerous and not healthy at all, without even looking at the astrology; Best to stay away from it. It may take a lot of time to heal emotionally and forget it, but the healing process will happen and you will overcome this, having a much better future and healthier relationships. Wishing the very best to you, and let me know if you have any questions, such as about the 7cupsoftea.com website or anything.

No, I'm saying drug abuse has a causative factor. Remove the causative factor and you eliminate the symptoms of that root cause. It's called treatment. And "brain washing" is just as maligned a term as "manipulation". Both are essentially innocuous concepts until people project their insecurities onto them. (Or until some jerk abuses either process.)

There are licensed hypnotherapists who can help to resolve the memories she holds in such a way as to bring her a measure of peace and closure. In the meantime, she's apt to revert to drug abuse in an attempt to cope with the memories that are evidently deeply emotionally significant to her. Furthermore, those feeling for the guy that caused her to begin using drugs in the first place? Those won't necessarily have gone anywhere in the interim, meaning they'll have gotten all bound up with feelings of resentment, rage, and the depression of close betrayal. (Hypothetically.) That's one incredibly tangled ball of strings, and most people - the vast majority - lack the sophistication to navigate a resolution on their own.

She could have much of the emotional confusion reduced or eliminated by breaking the associations her mind has made with those memories. You've reeeeeeally gotta work hard to read any kinda negativity or ill-intent from what I wrote. That effort could be better put to use trying to actually understand what I'm saying and maybe even contemplate how it might be synthesized with your own hypothetical solutions for a more effective outcome. My pardon for opening my friggin' mouth. (So to speak.)

That said, I've often contemplated the necessity of forced intervention and the philosophical dilemmas that arise from it. If there's a kid who, by all accounts, is emotionally volatile and in a psychological position to cause damage to him/herself or others, is it not the duty of his/her peers to ensure not only his/her safety, but their own? And if one uses such heavy-handed methods of intervention, to whom does the authority fall to determine when such methods are warranted? There's no easy answer, but I can sure as hell say with confidence that ignoring these sort of issues and hoping they'll go away is not only an irresponsible choice, it enables the degradation of these very human beings. And presuming that the average person, particularly one who falls to drug abuse in the first place, is possessed of the qualities necessary to extricate herself from her own bundle of confused memories and emotional turbulence? Yeah, also kinda irresponsible, not to mention unreasoning. So, yes, I'm in favor of forced intervention. But I'm not in favor of tyranny. Do you see how problematic that scenario becomes?

As a final note, I skimmed much of the original post and the replies and did not notice any mention of her residence in Indonesia in my first pass. That complicates matters significantly. Hypnotherapists are relatively abundant here in the States or the U.K. But Indonesia? Seems like a longshot. I know there are Christian missionaries all over that area, or at least were a decade or so ago, and some of them folks have surprising skillsets in spite of their religious impediments. At the very least, they might have familial or congregational connections that could serve to connect her to resources that could aid her recovery. Without a deeper familiarity with her cultural limitations, I couldn't begin to offer a more certain suggestion.

ZoraEos said:

A really good support site is 7cupsoftea.com. On there, there are trained listeners and therapists to talk to. Talking to the trained listeners is free. Not all of the listeners are great, but most are. I highly recommend the website if not able to reach support services in Indonesia. There are also listeners from Indonesia, that may be able to provide more info. and support about reaching services in Indonesia.

I am so sorry that this horrible experience happened to you. It is a really terrible and tough thing to go through. This relationship sounds dangerous and not healthy at all, without even looking at the astrology; Best to stay away from it. It may take a lot of time to heal emotionally and forget it, but the healing process will happen and you will overcome this, having a much better future and healthier relationships. Wishing the very best to you, and let me know if you have any questions, such as about the 7cupsoftea.com website or anything.

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Ah! Speak of David Blane and he shall make your national monuments vanish. Good catch on that resource. My mother's a licensed psychologist; she might know of more online trauma-recovery resources that could be tapped into. I'll ask her when she returns home from work for the weekend.

AquarianRising, you are starting to make sense. I think.

You will note from the charts that both DayDreamer and her former BF were born in Indonesia. I assume they still live there. If not, she can tell us if she returns.

My own questions would be what kind of previous emotional chaos would lead Daydreamer to engage in such self-destructive, risk-taking behaviour in the first place. Probably most of us "experiment" with risk-taking behaviour at around age 19, but this seems beyond the norm to me.

The birth times appear to be rounded but if she does have Chiron in the first house, this is a placement of "It hurts to be me." Neptune opposite sun can also give a weak self-image. Then there is a yod pointing to Pluto.

AquarianRising, I am not interested in playing mind-games here, to see who gets to out-psychologize whom. Daydreamer is clearly in a big world of hurt, and she is the focus. Starting with encouraging her to seek support from a rape hot-line staffed by well-trained volunteers or professional staff seems like the compassionate starting point. I note that DD has asked some astrological questions, as well, with some common-sense responses.

Hopefully your mother has some other good ideas.

Re: Raped by my bf under drug influence

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. I hope you get the help you need to cope with this and move on. I know this isn't what you want to hear but this guy used you. He lied to you by drugging you and raping you. He knew what he was doing which is why as soon as he got it, he dropped it. It seems like he figured you would have been drama because of what happened and because he was afraid you were going to get attached. My cousin would avoid virgins like the plague. His logic was that they would get attached after sex and it wasn't what he wanted because he just wanted a good screwing around. A serious man would not do this and would stick around.

Move on....

♥

The guy is a preditor and should be held accountable in the court of law for his actions of rape.

Love2Know said:

The guy is a preditor and should be held accountable in the court of law for his actions of rape.

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I agree, but it should also be noted that some underlying trauma began his own drug-abuse, which led to these circumstances. The OP should stay far, far away from him, but we shouldn't forget that degeneration is a process, not a birthright. Would never defend his actions, just cautioning empathy to balance the outrage; that's how we arrive at "justice".

Hi guys, thanks for the responses and the supports
Actually, i’m not depressed at all, i’m just curious about our charts, synastry, and whether astrology can actually predict this kind of event to happen (i just knew him on october 2017). Although i feel sad and heartbroken that he did this to me and just left, i’m not traumatized or anything. Yes i feel upset that i won’t be able to experience my first time while i’m sober with a significance someone, but i don’t hate him at all (i never really hate people). he did me wrong but i forgave him as i know hatred will do nothing but more harm to myself. Besides, i talked to my mom about this and she’s been a great support, so no worries at all guys, i’m really fine. 😊

Daydreamer123 said:

Hi guys, thanks for the responses and the supports
Actually, i’m not depressed at all, i’m just curious about our charts, synastry, and whether astrology can actually predict this kind of event to happen (i just knew him on october 2017). Although i feel sad and heartbroken that he did this to me and just left, i’m not traumatized or anything. Yes i feel upset that i won’t be able to experience my first time while i’m sober with a significance someone, but i don’t hate him at all (i never really hate people). he did me wrong but i forgave him as i know hatred will do nothing but more harm to myself. Besides, i talked to my mom about this and she’s been a great support, so no worries at all guys, i’m really fine. 😊

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The chances of him doing this to someone else or he has done this before seem pretty high to me. I am happy you have support and in theory you could also check both your charts at the time. In the end astrology does not force or excuse anyone to do this to another person. I wish you a happy life.

AquarianRising said:

I agree, but it should also be noted that some underlying trauma began his own drug-abuse, which led to these circumstances. The OP should stay far, far away from him, but we shouldn't forget that degeneration is a process, not a birthright. Would never defend his actions, just cautioning empathy to balance the outrage; that's how we arrive at "justice".

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He doesn’t need my empathy he needs professional help and to be jailed and registered as a sex offender.

It is an interesting question to ask 'when does the victim become the abuser?' I understand AquarianRising is saying abusers are usually victims but surely there is also a choice whether to continue the abuse and have the responsibility to stop it yourself? That does not mean we should forget they were once victims but everyone has a choice. The only way we can progress is by changing the cycle.

It is lucky that we know about astrology and through this we know the importance of being responsible for ourselves but it is also true that although people may be aware they are doing something bad, and have made that choice, that do not have the experience or soul awakening to see that this is correct path. So it is important to notice the difference between those on a spiritual path and those who are not.

But do you really need knowledge in metaphysics or astrology to understand the importance of not becoming an abuser, is your own intuition not enough? To become an abuser means you are saying your feelings are too painful but also more important than the person you choose to abuse. Even if the person had not been abused before, apparently their sexual desires are more important than the victims feelings.

If you go down the road of being an abuser then you will have to use tactics to lie and deceive so you are not caught or the victim allows you to do it. So that means you will become more aware you are an abuser. I cant imagine what it will feel like at that moment to be aware you are an abuser. If the guilt didn't eat you up I don't know what it would feel like.

From my own experiences I can say I don't think the op has realized how much of a victim she is yet because she is accepting of him abusing her. Everyone does this to some degree, pretend a problem is not as big as it is until we really start to be responsible for it then the issue seems so huge because the feelings of stress we tried to hide appear for the first time. It will be a shock but it is only a shock because of the denial before and not because the problem cannot be overcome.

The abuser turned his back in order to preserve his lies yes but also out of guilt. How long can you really bury guilt for and the realisation you are an abuser? Can sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths really not feel guilt? The psychopath probably wont feel any guilt but this man sounds like AquarianRising suggested he was made into an abuser, so he turned his back out of guilt.

The best thing to do is try to separate all thoughts or thinking towards this man. I have come to realize myself that you send out energy to people without realizing it. Only if he is aware will he know you are thinking of him so instead he will just feel your energy. The last thing you want to do is give him any more of your energy because he will just use it to bury his guilt and continue to abuse.

It is true low vibe people are people too and I agree but it is a scary world out there and there needs to be boundaries.