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  #1  
Unread 07-02-2019, 08:48 AM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Why i find it so hard to express myself clearly?

Good day everyone,*
I love astrology 🌹 and find it hard to understand my own chart 🍀*
Especially i find it too hard to express myself in the world.
Why i find it so hard to express myself clearly? I feel as if i have no protection. How to assert myself?
And also i don't know what's truely me. Or where to focus on.. I mostly like gardening and writing on my own..and travelling on my own. But i feel a bit guilthy and that's not a paid job and i always suppose i should be more social. I tried it, many times, but get easily exhausted and loosing myself in others (i had periods of exhaustion from young age).

Any suggestions?
It's a bit like posting this..i am not sure if it makes sense..



Last edited by ForestFairy; 07-02-2019 at 11:39 AM.
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  #2  
Unread 07-02-2019, 04:06 PM
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Re: Why i find it so hard to express myself clearly?

[QUOTE=ForestFairy;982794]

I love astrology �� and find it hard to understand my own chart ��*
Especially i find it too hard to express myself in the world.

Any suggestions?

....................

Hi ForestFairy,

Start by studying some of the more obvious aspects in a chart.....for example:

1. your Sun conjunct Neptune - study what this aspect could mean to you personally?
2. then look at what the Sun trine Ascendent means usually? But your Sun is conjunct Neptune.....hhhmmm?
2. your Venus is conjunct the South node? so is your Moon and Mercury? What do karmic astrologers have to say about the south node?
3. your rising sign is Aries with ruler Mars in 11th house - is that good or bad?
4. and your Saturn is conjunct Pluto, this is a generational aspect - what does this say about your generation? And how well do you fit in?

so on, and so on.....
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  #3  
Unread 07-02-2019, 04:23 PM
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IleneK IleneK is offline
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Re: Why i find it so hard to express myself clearly?

Hello, FF.
I think your inhibition in expressing yourself is your Ascendant ruler, Mars, in a square, [which is a challenging aspect] with Saturn, the great inhibitor [among many other things]. Saturn also rules your Moon.
Actually, your Mars likes its relationship with Saturn since Mars rules the sign that Saturn is in, Scorpio.
Moon, your feeling life, on the other hand, is not so happy in general, since it is in the sign of its detriment, Capricorn. It also doesn't like its ruler, Saturn, since Saturn is in the sign of Moon's fall. Both of these conditions about Moon are not conducive to expressing your feelings. Saturn's affect on Mars would tend to inhibit your taking action.

If I were to suggest a safer place for you to express yourself, I would say in a higher education institution, like college or university.

PS I don't think you need to be more social. I think you should be as social as comes naturally to you. There is great value to both introversion and extroversion in a relationship, a family, a community, a society. It takes all kinds to make the world whole.

I am truly wishing you the best.
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  #4  
Unread 07-02-2019, 06:59 PM
Janne Vellamo Janne Vellamo is offline
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Re: Why i find it so hard to express myself clearly?

Sol/Neptune feeling invisible or ignored is a classic. Connecting with people who aren't fellow Neptunians is hard work. Often, you feel like giving up. Being alone is easier than being with people, who tend to wear you out. You probably hate crowds. Losing yourself in others is standard issue for Sol/Neptune. Self expression can be difficult when you don't even know who or what you are. You have a tendency to become part of the furniture, sometimes the wallpaper. People have a hard time noticing you, because they can't see through the haze. Some people think you're a drunk, some are sure you're an addict. You're sure there's something wrong with you, but you can't put a finger on it. You probably have vivid dreams, you may hear voices and you may get revelations. Since your Sol/Neptune is in Sag, on the Galactic Center and in the 9th, you can have a spiritual connection to God, who may send you messages. What to do with the messages, is up to you. Sometimes you say strange things that nobody would say, as if you were prophesizing or something. You can have a psychic connection to some people. Sometimes you get the feeling you're hearing somebody's thoughts, or feeling somebody's feelings. It's very tiring when everybody is feeling like **** and you pick it all the time. You may wish you could live far from the madding crowd. You probably love swimming, especially in warm Southern waters. You may find it easier to get along with foreigners than your own people. You can hide in plain view and you like the idea of disappearing completely. You're probably very good at ducking and dodging. Grabbing you is pointless, you'll just slip away. You're not defenceless, you have Sol/Neptune on GC, which in astrology is the closest thing to generic deity, which means you're protected by a bunch of excellent Guardian Angels. If somebody tries to stab you, he's as likely to stab himself as you. If somebody tries to shoot you, his gun is likely to malfunction, or he may shoot himself in the knee. Your Guardians are likely to alert a friendly policeman. Saturn in the 7th attracts policemen and men in uniform.

With Saturn in the 7th, you may have few lovers. You can attract much older men, men in uniform, your boss, Capricorns, politicians, entrepreneurs, workaholics, etc, if they can find you behind that Neptune. You may be attracted to them. Since Saturn is in Scorp and conjuncting Pluto, there's a good chance there's a powerful older man out there waiting for you. He'll have a much better chance of connecting with you if he's at least a bit psychic.
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  #5  
Unread 07-02-2019, 10:40 PM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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[QUOTE=Inline;982845]
Quote:
Originally Posted by ForestFairy View Post

I love astrology �� and find it hard to understand my own chart ��*
Especially i find it too hard to express myself in the world.

Any suggestions?

....................

Hi ForestFairy,

Start by studying some of the more obvious aspects in a chart.....for example:

1. your Sun conjunct Neptune - study what this aspect could mean to you personally?
2. then look at what the Sun trine Ascendent means usually? But your Sun is conjunct Neptune.....hhhmmm?
2. your Venus is conjunct the South node? so is your Moon and Mercury? What do karmic astrologers have to say about the south node?
3. your rising sign is Aries with ruler Mars in 11th house - is that good or bad?
4. and your Saturn is conjunct Pluto, this is a generational aspect - what does this say about your generation? And how well do you fit in?

so on, and so on.....
Thank you. This gave me more ideas about myself and reviewing these aspects. Maybe i took the sun/neptune for granted. I already did a lot of research on many aspects (might be thanks to my saggi sun and capricorn to keep on gathering information) and still couldn't feel the point.
But as i continue reading the other suggestions it's getting more clear.
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  #6  
Unread 07-02-2019, 10:53 PM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IleneK View Post
Hello, FF.
I think your inhibition in expressing yourself is your Ascendant ruler, Mars, in a square, [which is a challenging aspect] with Saturn, the great inhibitor [among many other things]. Saturn also rules your Moon.
Actually, your Mars likes its relationship with Saturn since Mars rules the sign that Saturn is in, Scorpio.
Moon, your feeling life, on the other hand, is not so happy in general, since it is in the sign of its detriment, Capricorn. It also doesn't like its ruler, Saturn, since Saturn is in the sign of Moon's fall. Both of these conditions about Moon are not conducive to expressing your feelings. Saturn's affect on Mars would tend to inhibit your taking action.
That's so kind of you.
I feel grateful for these insights. I didn't realise Scorpio (with saturn in it) rules Mars.
Yes, this aspected moon & saturn..and yes i also feel the blockage to go into action (but i always had to, the pushing of capricorn), and now i notice it's this interaction of mars-saturn.
I will let it sink in...


Quote:
Originally Posted by IleneK View Post

If I were to suggest a safer place for you to express yourself, I would say in a higher education institution, like college or university.
Yes, i can see that. A more or less structured/formal institution.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IleneK View Post
pS I don't think you need to be more social. I think you should be as social as comes naturally to you. There is great value to both introversion and extroversion in a relationship, a family, a community, a society. It takes all kinds to make the world whole.

I am truly wishing you the best.
Thank you. It's beneficial to read the value of introverts again It gives me much more peace in myself if i allow myself to stay rather quiet if i want to.

Last edited by ForestFairy; 07-04-2019 at 10:05 AM.
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  #7  
Unread 07-02-2019, 10:58 PM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janne Vellamo View Post
Sol/Neptune feeling invisible .....
i am very touched by your response.. As i read it there's a pretty silence in me. Most of it feels so resonating. It's confirming a part of me that often feels impossible to acknowledge. And it feels so valuable.

It's midnight (Europe) now. But I'd like to take more time to respond tomorrow. Some parts are also funny to recognise..Good day/night!

Last edited by ForestFairy; 07-04-2019 at 10:06 AM.
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  #8  
Unread 07-02-2019, 11:59 PM
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Re: I find it hard to feel heard or seen. I feel a bit fake when i am with others.

I agree on sun conjunct Neptune.

The sun indicates your core identity or sense of self. Yet the old sea god dissolves what he touches. This makes it hard to sustain a consistent sense of self. Neptune deals in bitter disillusionment and beautiful illusions, while missing the grounded reality in between. However, sun-Neptune plus your moon conjunct Mercury probably give you a vivid imagination. Can you express it artistically?

Your forum nickname seems entirely apt for these chart placements.
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  #9  
Unread 07-03-2019, 07:46 AM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Janne:

Yes, that's right! I merge with others and often has been unseen, invisible.
I feel i hear 'higher' realms, and also very concious others peoples thoughs, feelings, etc. Even after a small interaction i can still feel connected. I am more and more acknowledging this, that helps.
I got often confused about what's true..
e.g. my sisters says things that doesn't correspond with the feeling of frustration I get. I discovered, she just doesn't notice those feelings, but I do.

When i feel insulted by someone, i feel it deeply (interesting you mention that 'gun' like). And it's like i disappear, a groundlessness.
(Even though i try to learn to re-act different).

Often the way people see me is this neptunian r they see more 🔥 (Aries asc?) that seems fun and much much stronger then I am. Telling them otherwise, doesn't seem to change the picture.

(This saturn in 7th attracts people in uniform.. I very often got unkind responses from police/public transport checks, with fees others wouldn't get)

I take relationships way too serieus and let me be occupied by them. As i learned to say no -i keep feeling guilthy- and spend time alone, on my own i learned to enjoy life.. and nature.. and silence..birds and butterflies and did a lot of releasing of sadness.

(I copy pasted a sentence of someone else, which i could have written, about the depth i experience:
an intense emotional and spiritual nature. Delving the dark depths, the unseen, the hidden, rolling around in the mud and the muck of the personal, the collective, the family ancestral legacies. In my mid 30s now I am finally sensing a beginning of a clearing and spaciousness, with less static, less noise.)


🎨✏📕✂
Yes it makes me happy to do things creatively. I am not talented in specific art, but i use paint and sometimes poetry,I write a lot, do photography.
It helps to get a sense of where I am, acknowledge what I feel. But when I share, i feel scared, it is too intimate. And don't have anything to hold on to. As if it's my all inner. Does that make sense?
(Maybe learning it's ok to have like-Cancer-privacy and a will to decide what to show and what not to)
Showing it too early feels like i finally grow a plant and cut it to give it away.

Actually i would love staying in my own space/energy (nature) and creating something that can be sweet and inspirational for others too. Sharing the fragnance of the tree

Getting stronger to trust the inner guidance a bit more and more... That feels natural, even though i don't talk about it. And i know i should not to get too much into spiritually (disappear), but learn to apply it to daily life...

Oh oh i am writing so much about myself !(sorry guys, it's all messy inner life& emotions, i prefer to write with more clarity)..this is rare ☺☺☺

Last edited by ForestFairy; 07-04-2019 at 10:09 AM.
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  #10  
Unread 07-03-2019, 07:57 AM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waybread View Post
I agree on sun conjunct Neptune.

The sun indicates your core identity or sense of self. Yet the old sea god dissolves what he touches. This makes it hard to sustain a consistent sense of self. Neptune deals in bitter disillusionment and beautiful illusions, while missing the grounded reality in between. However, sun-Neptune plus your moon conjunct Mercury probably give you a vivid imagination. Can you express it artistically?

Your forum nickname seems entirely apt for these chart placements.
Yes, you are spot on. Very vivid imagination.
When i am having pressure to work i feel like robot/mind. When i have space and time to do what i like, i can make from nothing anything 😍 like my home space and garden. I just start doing something and go with the flow. It's a playful carefree (childlike) way of expressing. It's also sweet amazement about nature's gifts and colours. Or i use the rhythm of an poem i love and just write what pops up in my mind. I used to think of art in the serious ways (didn't learn technique, it's intuitive)..thank you for reminding about this!
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Unread 07-04-2019, 12:06 AM
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Re: I find it hard to feel heard or seen. I feel a bit fake when i am with others.

Forest Fairy, I occasionally read about new neuroscience research (dumbed down for the public.) Scientists now know where all kinds of our activities are located in the brain: language, numerical ability, motor skills, planning ahead, &c.

What they haven't found yet is a part of the brain related to our identity. There doesn't seem to be a "myself" part of the brain. Probably we have to learn this via our upbringing and social norms.

Maybe that "me" sense of ego just isn't so important to human survival.

I know and love the feeling of being in nature, when that chatterbox in my head quiets down, and that beautiful "oneness with nature" feeling takes hold. Maybe this is more like the true you. Maybe communing with those spirits of nature gives you an enhanced sense of self that doesn't begin or end with your bodily surface.

Neptune conjunct sun can often give the visionary. Literal contact with the earth should help you to stay grounded.

Are you familiar with Lao Tzu's classic The Tao te Ching? Or Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now? If not, I highly recommend them.
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  #12  
Unread 07-04-2019, 09:40 AM
david starling david starling is online now
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Smile Re: I find it hard to feel heard or seen. I feel a bit fake when i am with others.

You're definitely not a fake. You have both the desire and the ability to make this world a better place, in your own quiet way. You're on your own path, and you can trust it. Think of your "invisibility" as an asset. You're visible only to those who appreciate you for who you are, which is really what matters.
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Unread 07-04-2019, 07:10 PM
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Re: I find it hard to feel heard or seen. I feel a bit fake when i am with others.

i have the same problem and i have neptune conjunction my asc
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Unread 07-05-2019, 12:40 AM
david starling david starling is online now
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Smile Re: I find it hard to feel heard or seen. I feel a bit fake when i am with others.

The low energy would be explained by a difficult Moon in Capricorn squaring the Asc in Aries, which is normally high energy, especially with the Sun in Sagittarius. Sagittarius is a Sign of vision, which requires light, and in Capricorn, the Moon is revealing its dark side.
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Unread 07-05-2019, 03:03 AM
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ds, the Neptune conjunction alone is exhausting. Too much ethical and moral information and responsibility.
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Unread 07-05-2019, 03:48 AM
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Re: I find it hard to feel heard or seen. I feel a bit fake when i am with others.

@Passiflora Which sign is your Sun/Neptune located? I have a Sun/Neptune trine and I kind of feel like ForestFairy, invisible and misunderstood. But you know what? Sometimes the combo can be extremely useful when you need to go undercover. Sometimes, there are things about you that you wouldn't want the world to know (I speak as a 8H Pluto ). And over the year I have learned that the people who can't understand you aren't worth your time. It's like the aspect is acting as a filter, only worthy people are allowed to pass through. Just don't let the idealization of Neptune turn into perfectionism though.



In ForestFairy's case, I think deep down they want someone with honesty and consistency, someone who has a deep understanding of life and isn't afraid to connect with people of different background (Sag). They are just frustrated that they haven't met that kind of person in their life. I have an out-of-sign trine, Cap Neptune and Gem Sun. Neptune conj MC and wants to flow to a higher place, while Sun is more content with small things and mundane matters. I do want someone with a sense of humor and an ability to talk well, but as the same time harboring a serious outlook and commitment.
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Unread 07-05-2019, 10:15 AM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Thanks for your views. I am enjoying reading this. The encouragement helps me too.
David's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by david starling View Post
You're visible only to those who appreciate you for who you are, which is really what matters.
Capri moon and Sagittarius Sun. Interesting...I notice this light/dark theme in my life. They both need attention. Also had a severe allergic reaction to sun a couple of years ago, a tiny bit of sunshine was causing sun burn, but doctors couldn't help me. I guess it was the moon calling me to give HER space. After that, a lot of old pain has been processed.

I read a lot about spirituality. I believe from the spirit point of view we are one. But i won't go into that now. It's good to always know that, but i shouldn't go into 'spiritual bypass' and not stand up for myself (this expression of life i experience).
It's easy to be undercover or staying in the forest (as I am right now, it's grounding too and it can be fun, but i feel i also need to learn this lifetime to... *thinking out loud...* to not be washed away when I am with others. To feel 'free' also when other people want something from me.
I feel others feelings (also towards me), and of course that's not always positive. If I don't feel well myself, i find it really heard to stay in the group or place.
(I suppose people looking at me, ok yes, you can want that, but i don't hear/understand your problem)

Last edited by ForestFairy; 07-07-2019 at 01:05 PM.
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Unread 07-05-2019, 10:25 AM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Passiflora, Gemini: 🍀
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Originally Posted by Gemini888 View Post
And over the year I have learned that the people who can't understand you aren't worth your time. It's like the aspect is acting as a filter, only worthy people are allowed to pass through. Just don't let the idealization of Neptune turn into perfectionism though.
Yes, with less than a handfull of people, there's this strong sense of connection. I feel a relieve those people exist☺

With them I feel (sometimes it is also a bit scary to experience such sincerity in the connection) have a similarity in depth or understanding. I feel (more or less) seen. (Oh this might be Pluto in 7th at 28 libra -sextiling Neptune speaking)

And I had a tendency to admire those few people. And become submissive (First i didn't notice I did so, but now learn, even they have their own unique paths, and viewpoint, and I have to say goodbye sometimes too). And need to trust it's ok to be alone.

Last edited by ForestFairy; 07-06-2019 at 04:23 PM.
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Unread 07-07-2019, 01:06 PM
ForestFairy ForestFairy is offline
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Re: I find it hard to feel heard or seen. I feel a bit fake when i am with others.

I am re-reading about Chiron(2nd)-Quincunx Sun(9th)
and I that's ringing a bell too
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