Hi,
If I came to you and said, everytime I finish a pack of cigs a day, my chest aches from the terrible cough, and I can't sleep. What would you say to me? Then, don't puff puff.
Now, let's swap roles. So, here's what we are telling you: firstly, big compliment that you have the courage to so openly admit your shortcomings. Most of us rather lie to ourselves to keep our ugly side hidden from our ownselves. How can such people ever improve? So, as Sequestra says, half the job is already done. However, the real challenge lies ahead of you: to DO something about it. What is otherwise the use of admitting that something needs 'mending', and leaving it at that. You have recognised where you are going wrong at a very young age, which makes it easier to tackle the problem. But you have to do it: one step at a time, gradually but firmly.
I also feel easily threatened. For example, i sense competition easily and worry that others may try to do better than me and it makes me so aggressive. I also try to influence and control others as i worry that they may betray me for new friends as such, but it always backfires and works the other way instead, losing friends, and when i make new friends, the vicious cycle starts again. It just gets on my nerves when friends that i really cherish make friends with people that I don't really like.
This is a lot of that Scorpion energy panning out. The pattern is such: you easily win people over in the beginning, but have painful experiences of losing friends in the past at the back of your head. This propels the urge to control current friendships so much, out of sheer fear of meeting the same fate and losing them, too. However, you have to know that the other party (those new friends) only see someone that they have only just met, and who wants to start calling the shots and even tell them, who they are to be friends with and who not. You are letting fear overpower you and (mis)lead all your actions. However, fear leading to wanting to control others lives, is, at the end of the day, only taking people further away from you. You cannot force people by actually practising such force/pressure on them to stick to you. You can, however, 'force' people (indirectly) to want to be with you in that they acually take a liking to you because they find you fun to be with, happy-go-lucky sorts. You have to tell yourself, the technique of trying to 'control' others has NOT worked. You have to try the opposite: meet and greet people, make plans with them to meet up the next time, and leave it at that. Give them then the chance to approach you, even miss your company. Don't try and rule over them, be in control of the situation always. That sends vibes of of heaviness/pressure and also shows personal insecurities. This creates a negative energy/aura and people want to try and run away from it. How can a fun/joy factor arise in such an atmosphere. Hence, do just the opposite: be lighthearted and cheerful/smile and leave the rest to chance and to others. Let them know, you would be interested in seeing them again sometime, if they would like to, too: leave it sort of open-ended. Don't try and 'fix' plans yourself out of fear of not seeing them perhaps again. That puts a lot of pressure on the others, and the first human reaction to pressure or a must-must feeling is evasion, even aversion.
As to not liking the fact that your friends make friends with people you don't like, simply shows jealousy and insercurity out of fear (of losing them to others) again. You fear that they might like those you don't like better that you, and thus choose to be with them instead of you. However, you have to understand that if you make yourself amiable and likeable, why would your friends ever want to leave you, in the first place no matter who they meet? That is all that should interest you.
The Astrology at work in your present behaviour is Venus-Plu and Moon-Mars. I have the latter aspect, too, and, instead of Plu-Ven, I have Plu-Moon, so I know what you mean. Pluto can instill a lot of fear and jealousy. One has to keep oneself in constant check, as Plutonic emotions are powerful, and before you know they over'power' you. You have to try and do just the opposite when you feel jealousy building up. Smile, joke about things, make plans to do things that mean fun with friends. And, internally, tell yourself, you have to take it easy. You have to let others decide for themselves. They just need to know you are there and interested in their friendship. Full stop. Let the energy flow on its own.
People also view me as rather eccentric and loud, and they think i'm a sag. i don't know why,(i think it could be the Aquarius ascendant) but sometimes i also have some sort of an urge to tease others and push their buttons just for the fun of it and people also say that i'm tactless and pass judgements very fast.
. The eccentric part sure comes from Aquarius, which may be shrill and loud due to say their appearance. Loud in terms of literally loud is more the Jup-conj-Moon in Sag bit (no wonder they think you are Sag). The Sag energy is a very 'pronounced' energy, and tends to 'over do' (Jup likes it big).
The tactlessness comes from 'Mars'-Moon again: give it to them 'raw'. After all, Aries (Mars) is the sign opposite of Libra (diplomacy). Mars-Moon can also cause a loud effect, sometimes. However, you also have a Mercury in Libra, and Mer rules your 5th house (one-on-one friendships), so that is where balance and diplomacy needs to be practised most. Btw, you have your N node in Libra as well, so diplomacy and balance in emotions is underlined heavily.
Worse still, some think i simply love to hate on others and think i'm just plain cruel and vindictive, even when that is not what i'm really trying to get across. I always feel so misunderstood.
This simply happens because others cannot understand the reason perhaps behind your extreme behaviour, your very controlling nature. They do not know that a very insecure inside and fear of losing is wht is driving you towards such behaviour. They misunderstand, but that is also human. Imagine, if you could tackle the points mentioned afore, it would never come this far. Practise makes perfect. So you have to practise being lighthearted. You are very lucky to have specks of that cool and airy Libra/ Aqua and Sag in your chart to balance out those heavy Pluto/Sco aspects and Sat-Moon. You have yourself also determined as to why people generally like you in the beginning (this is proof enough that you have it in you to be liked), so make that particular trait a habit and move towards that trait.
As for the emotional side that you asked me, i think i'm more of a manic depressive. I feel extremely happy and enthusiastic and one moment and then all of a sudden when the realities of life come back to me i feel pessimistic and easily depressed, and i don't know why.
The extremely happy to extremely pessimistic behaviour comes from Sat-Jup. Its like a see-saw effect. I think again, if you check and correct your behaviour as discussed above, this see-saw effect will automatically get better in the process.
I read on many websites that Sun square ascendant people are aggressive, and so are people with moon conjunct mars. I have both. I feel like my personality was born as a mistake.
I have a long way still to go in Astrology in terms of learning. Personally, I don't subscribe to the Sun-square-Asc-making-people-agressive bit. The Sun simply shows our basic personality, our focus. If it is squares our Asc, then we just come across quite different than how we are. I have Sun in opposition to my Asc. Now, as I have a Leo Asc (Sun rules), the Sun in Aqua opposing the Leo Asc makes me dislike being in focus (which otherwise Leo Asc's love). It is like the Sun fighting its own self, or how we (may) come across (Asc). What does make one agressive, I said this in my previous post, is what you have rightly said: Mars-Moon. However, Mars also cools down fast. What can make this agression linger is Plu-Mars, and Sat-Mars (you don't have this, but I do). In fact I have them all and even more
: Plu-Mars, Mars-Moon, Mars-Sat, Sat-Moon, Sun-opp-Asc (my chart is tougher than yours). Still, I will never say, I was born as a mistake. Would you say I was? Would I say you were? No, I think you're a fine person that has realised his/her drawbacks early enough in life. This is a big step. The challenge, as said above, is to not stop there.
Try this out: write down on a sheet of paper as to how you want to actually come across and be. Sitck this inside your closet. Then, try to try out the new envisaged 'character traits' out (like new clothes). Once you find you look better in your new clothes (one successful hit), you do it more often. Everytime you have tried, come back and put a tick mark on that sheet in your closet. After sometime you can see how the progress is, and may be even leave us some feedback here.
. It's not easy (but then: no pain, no gain), but your chart clearly shows you can most certainly do it.
Best
AQ7
AHAHA
And try to don't let anyone to intrude upon. I can relate so much to this. And also you say others see you as eccentric and sag-like ... LOL *SUNS SQUARE ASC*
to some unhealthy levels and just realized that lately.