Lack of social life, why
- Thread starter Pisces13
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Osamenor
Staff member
Okay, sounds true enough. Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it. And even though my judgement of California was a little ideal, at least I was able to confirm the guys indeed are generally more attractive and classy than here. Of course I imagine the quality of people out west in general is better than the redneck south. Thanks again for everything!
The quality of people just about everywhere is better than the redneck south! You wouldn't necessarily have to move to California to find them. There are lots of other places that would also fit the bill.
Based on your chart, I think you could do very well socially if you traveled, moved, or generally sought adventure and personal challenges. Venus's placement shows not only our approach to romantic relationships, but also to friendship in general (actually, there are several chart factors involved in that, but Venus is a biggy). You have it in the ninth house, which is all about having new experiences, expanding yourself, breaking up old routines. And in Aries, which thrives on challenge.
Your fantasies of traveling with a boyfriend fit that Venus placement--but on a more down to earth level, it also shows how you could find people you can relate to, romantically or platonically. You're likely to connect with adventurous types, people who want to be challenged and expand themselves. Your moon placement echoes that as well, and moon also has a message about personal relationships.
Sagittarius has a similar message to the ninth house: experience, expand, explore. Education and travel are among its traditional indicators, but only because those are traditional ways to expand yourself. Formal education can also become a chore and a routine, which makes it not a Sagittarian experience at all. If, however, you're all about learning just for its own sake, and you enjoy the process of it, that's a Sagittarius/ninth house experience.
If you're about to move to attend graduate school, that's one way to bring those kinds of experiences into your life.
Osamenor
Staff member
If you kept your nose to the grindstone all the time, that wouldn't be a Sag experience. If Sagittarius were a person, she would be a B student--one who outperforms everyone else in the classes she finds interesting but slacks off on the dull ones. She might drop out of school to hitchhike across the country, or maybe graduate but not care about achieving any honors, even if she does in fact achieve them.
You're not a pure Sagittarius, of course. No one is. That's just an archetype of the sign.
The real marker of Sagittarian tendencies will show up when you're through with school. If you're truly Sagittarian, you'll keep on learning. You'll be the kind of person who takes a class just because it's interesting, not because it's required for anything, or reads an interesting book just for fun, or goes out to try something new just because. And that's the kind of people you need in your life, too: those ninth house, self expansive adventurers. People who are not just ambitious in the sense of wanting a better job, but who want to keep developing themselves no matter what.
What could make you strong, confident, and independent?
That's probably not a question you can answer immediately, but think it over.
With your life experience being what it is, that's a perfectly reasonable fear. That doesn't necessarily mean it will come true, but you would be an idiot if you weren't afraid.
Aries also signifies test of courage. For you, taking those big steps out of your comfort zone would be a big test of courage. But it's also the best way to meet people you connect with (Venus). Your Mars placement in the eleventh house also signifies that. Mars rules Aries and also stands for courage and challenges. In Cancer, that's most likely to play out in the emotional realm. Moving would be a big emotional challenge for you. But accepting that kind of emotional challenge would help you find your tribe, that is, the people you connect with, like minded people (eleventh house).
You have Mars and Venus square, which means they challenge each other, kind of like two teams challenging each other to a game. Only in this case, the game is played in your own psyche, so it's not about one team beating the other, it's about both teams playing a good game and developing their strengths. A planet in square with its own native sign, like your Mars and Aries, makes it develop its message twice over.
That's another indicator that some sort of therapy would be very good for you. Therapy--the right kind of therapy, that is--challenges you and makes you grow on an emotional level.
Osamenor
Staff member
Pisces, I can't answer all of your questions. I know absolutely nothing about relocation astrology, except that there is such a thing and people talk about it on these boards. So people over in Relocation will have to help you out with that one.
I saw your post over there, and you mentioned that you were born in another country. Could that possibly be part of the problem you're having? I've never lived in the small town south, so can't speak from personal experience, but from what I hear, those small southern towns are often pretty xenophobic. If everyone knows you came from a different country, maybe they're subtly rejecting you as an outsider? If you have a name, accent, skin color, etc. that really marks you as foreign, maybe that's what's pushing those "good kids" away. Pure prejudice on their part.
Those exercises Noel suggested, checking in with your various planets, sound like a great start to shadow work to me. Just from your posts on here, it sounds like you take naturally to doing that kind of deeply intuitive work. I'd do that to start with. As you get into it, you might find more opportunities opening up around you to do other kinds of shadow work--the various forms of therapy I mentioned, ie hypnotherapy, are some examples, but not the only ones, either.
I saw your post over there, and you mentioned that you were born in another country. Could that possibly be part of the problem you're having? I've never lived in the small town south, so can't speak from personal experience, but from what I hear, those small southern towns are often pretty xenophobic. If everyone knows you came from a different country, maybe they're subtly rejecting you as an outsider? If you have a name, accent, skin color, etc. that really marks you as foreign, maybe that's what's pushing those "good kids" away. Pure prejudice on their part.
Non-academic learning is thoroughly Sagittarian. You're definitely very Sag! You've also got some Capricorn motivations: a couple of Capricorn planets in the fifth house, coloring what you like to do, and Capricorn shaping your sixth house, giving you a driven and disciplined approach to work, which includes pursuing a degree so as to get the kind of job you want. Like I said, no one is purely Sagittarius.
That's a very tough question to answer, because the shadow side is deeply unconscious, for all of us. It looks to me like the people you've drawn into your life reflect what you're most deeply afraid of: becoming like them. That's one example of shadow. Another example is what you want but can't admit that you want. And yet another example is your deep unconscious motivations.
Those exercises Noel suggested, checking in with your various planets, sound like a great start to shadow work to me. Just from your posts on here, it sounds like you take naturally to doing that kind of deeply intuitive work. I'd do that to start with. As you get into it, you might find more opportunities opening up around you to do other kinds of shadow work--the various forms of therapy I mentioned, ie hypnotherapy, are some examples, but not the only ones, either.
Osamenor
Staff member
No, not at all! Heads up, though: I'm probably about to see an end to having this much time to go online, so if you want to continue the discussion, there might be days when you don't hear from me.
Nature or nurture? The age old question.
According to astrology, the Capricorn in your mom's birth chart would form some synastry with the Capricorn in yours, and possibly influence you that way. According to psychology, just the fact that you were raised by a serious mother and you have some seriousness in your own personality would do it. Astrology and psychology really say the same things when you get right down to it.
So your family is reflecting some shadow at you, too.
The negative energy has rubbed off on you. We're always affected by the energies of the people around us, and the energies in the place where we are. Most people don't acknowledge that, don't even notice it, but eighth house natives like you and me are usually pretty strongly attuned to that. Pisces also tends to be highly sensitive to those kinds of energies.
Don't limit your options to California! There are lots and lots and LOTS of places that would give you a better social environment. California is also one of the most expensive states to live in, so even if you do get into a school there, finances might be an issue. If you do move to California, you'll definitely need a roommate or two or three. There's just no way anyone on a student budget can afford a place of their own in any California city, especially on the coast. A small town inland, maybe, but that's not where the graduate schools are.
Why not start by looking at graduate schools everywhere that offer the kind of program you want? And, if it's feasible, visit some. That would give you a sense of what the area is like. Then, when you know where you have and haven't gotten in, you can decide.
Most universities don't offer on campus housing for graduate students. You'd have to find a place off campus, probably with roommates. Which would be a whole new social situation right there.
First of all - due to your concern to get out of the middle you will marry and will have kids. Mercury is also in the 7 with good aspect to Mars,so you will a marry a friend younger than you but probably around 40s. Also about the luck of friends it is not the 7house related in any way.the Mars in 11 in cancer is the problem, I believe that you will not have many frieds generally but for this is better to look a solar return charts.
Also I noticed people with leo asc getting late married in contrast to people with cancer asc who getting very early marriages. To your chart again, its not very well functional definitely, venus in aries its mean you are aggressive and mars in cancer it can show some bad luck with men, you have to learn how to approach people, you are pushy personality and most people can sense your inner tension.
About that tension now, You are very passionate and sexual persona sun in 8 house and asc leo, but this energy is not released so it burns you and it gives you that negativity and thats what repeals people from you generally. All the natal chart to give their best have to satisfy the sun first, for example if someone has his sun in 7house he gives his best when the person gets marry or if in 12h when he is alone.So you have to concentrate on the 8house needs to overcome your blogage.
Also I noticed people with leo asc getting late married in contrast to people with cancer asc who getting very early marriages. To your chart again, its not very well functional definitely, venus in aries its mean you are aggressive and mars in cancer it can show some bad luck with men, you have to learn how to approach people, you are pushy personality and most people can sense your inner tension.
About that tension now, You are very passionate and sexual persona sun in 8 house and asc leo, but this energy is not released so it burns you and it gives you that negativity and thats what repeals people from you generally. All the natal chart to give their best have to satisfy the sun first, for example if someone has his sun in 7house he gives his best when the person gets marry or if in 12h when he is alone.So you have to concentrate on the 8house needs to overcome your blogage.
1-this to be approached more accurate with solar return chart,the natal only shows a delated marriage whatever it could mean.
2- I do not know anything about relocation astrology but you could try going for vacations and see.
3- The 8 house is not only sex, its also death and many other things irrelevant google it, but even if you want to take that meaning it could say take more lightly sex matters, like having fun you do not have to wait "the one".
Osamenor
Staff member
Wow. You're right, it is very, very expensive. I looked at California because my relocated chart is pretty great for socialization and relationships there. But naturally things like expenses and grad schools not offering on-campus housing to grad students would happen to me at a time like this. I knew something was going to impede with my plans.Oh joy.
I like Chicago as well, but my relocated chart is the same there as it is here. I like big cities, California in general seemed great (relocated chart was bliss in a few cities), I mean I really, really always wanted to live there...but of course.
Do you know anything about LMU or USC? If they have grad school housing? Or how it works? My parents didn't go to school in the states so they don't know how any of that works...Oh my goodness, why is it so hard for me to catch a break? Every time I try, it's always something. On campus housing would've been perfect...but nooooo. They quite possibly don't offer it to grad students...I don't know anyone there so roommates aren't an option, can't live by myself it's far too expensive...Grad school housing would've been perfect, I could meet someone (a roommate) we'd be living together so we'd have to be friends at some point and she'd probably be from there, we'd hang out some places, she'd introduce me to people, bam! Social life. Just like the chart says I'd have. But no. Because me, of course.
There's essentially no hope for me. Being optimistic and thinking positive means nothing when realistic thinking tells you:
-I'll be moving to a state where I don't know anyone, so no roommates. That's not an option.
-Grad school students get no on-campus housing, where will I live?
As a general rule, universities in this country don't house graduate students on campus, mainly because of lack of space. Some don't even have enough on campus housing for all of their undergrads. It's very common, especially at the big, popular universities such as UC Berkeley, UCLA, etc., for the juniors and seniors to live off campus. They form housing collectives, and there's usually off campus student housing available, so it's still a student experience, just not in dorms.
The undergraduate college I went to didn't have on campus housing at all, and most new students didn't know anyone when they arrived. They did, however, offer lots of help with finding roommates and housing off campus. Any graduate school you go to will have the same. You don't have to know anyone when you arrive in order to find roommates. Get in touch with student services as soon as you get in and decide to attend. There will be lots of other students in the same boat, and they're bound to have some kind of system for getting in touch with potential roommates and finding available housing.
I think you're putting way too many eggs in the relocation astrology basket. While I don't know relocation astrology, I do know natal astrology well enough to know that every possible placement in a natal chart has myriad possible interpretations. A "bad" placement might actually be a very good placement, depending on what use you make of it, and vice versa. I suspect relocation astrology works the same way. It doesn't tell you what your fate will be if you move to x place, it tells you what kinds of energies are potentially in store for you in which areas of your life.It's actually pretty stupid I even got my hopes up and thought there was this one little chance I could go somewhere where I'm not doomed, could meet some nice, ambitious people in a fun state, etc. But nooooo. My relocated chart would love it. I'd have Jupiter in the 7th. Uranus (the fun planet) would be in the 11th! But where will Pisces13 be? Forever alone somewhere, back where I always was...because f**k grad students.
You say your relocated chart for your current location places Saturn in the eleventh house. To my mind, that indicates a need for associates who are, as you keep saying, ambitious and serious. The eleventh house doesn't actually rule friends in the modern sense of the word--people you like and have personal relationships with--but friends in the archaic sense, which means people you associate with, whether or not there's any personal relationship involved.
And you are, in fact, associating with those people. Maybe only superficially, but you're still associating with them. You're in college. Either you've completed a bachelor degree, or you're close to it. Nobody gets that far in college without ambition. So you are surrounded by people who fit that Saturn indicator.
In your natal chart, Saturn in the seventh house has squares from Pluto and the moon in the fourth. If your relocated chart places Saturn in the eleventh house, you must have Pluto and the moon in the seventh or eighth house, or maybe sixth. If it's the seventh or eighth, which govern intimacy and personal relationships, you've got a challenging aspect between your need for intimacy and your need for associates.
Relocation charts, as I understand them, are a layer on top of the original birth chart. Your natal chart, cast for where you were born, is always the underlying influence in your life. If you move somewhere else, the influence of your relocated chart gets layered on top of that, but the original birth chart's influence doesn't disappear. In your original chart, you have Saturn on the DC ruling relationships with others, squared by Pluto and the moon in your fourth house, which rules your personal subconscious, home and family, sense of identity, etc. Do you see how that plays out in what we've talked about, shadow and pulling in people who reflect it?
As for your horary questions, I don't know horary astrology, either, but I do know some other divination methods (tarot, runes, medicine cards), and from that experience, I know that the answers to any divination question are affected by the querent's expectations. I don't know what your horary question was, but if you had false expectations about California, that would have affected the outcome. It sounds like you were stuck in the California dream, which doesn't really reflect the reality, any more than the American dream reflects the reality of America.
Osamenor
Staff member
Potentially, yes. Key word is potentially. My experience with astrology (limited as it is) tells me that blockages are much more closely related to Saturn transits than to Saturn's natal position. Right now, I have Saturn hovering around opposition with my natal Mars and conjunction with my natal north node, and I'm experiencing some major frustration in getting where I'm going, wherever that is! It's transiting my eleventh house, too. Which is really all about where you're going in the long run and who or what helps you get there.
No, friendships and social life have much more to do with the third, fifth, and seventh houses. Eleventh house is the ultimate level of social life, and it's strongest indicators typically don't start manifesting until you're entering middle age. It's not about who you go out and have fun with, and it's not about who you form intimate relationships with. It's about the meaning of your life in the long run and the people who help you get there.
Saturn in that context can mean a serious person, an older person, a wise person, a teacher or mentor. Mars can mean passionate people, people committed to a cause, creative people, your own creativity (Cancer amplifies those creativity messages), courage, sexuality.
I didn't start taking an interest in astrology til I was in my early thirties, and at that time, I went on a different astrology forum and had a friend there who was studying astrology and helped me figure out parts of my chart. One of his initial interpretations was that I was a teacher of spirituality, or something with strong spiritual implications, and that I surrounded myself with people on a spiritual path. My reaction was no way, that doesn't sound like me at all. He then double checked my birth date and said he got that picture from my eleventh house, and that part of the birth chart usually starts manifesting when you're around 40, give or take a few years.
I'm now almost 40, and it's starting to come true.
Your birth chart isn't a description of what's happening for you at every given moment in your life, but a picture of what you have the potential to develop over your lifetime. The younger you are, the more of it has yet to manifest. When you're young, the eleventh house of your birth chart is a suggestion of what you can become and who can help you become that. You might see it manifesting in your life in small ways, but for your day to day social life, other parts of your birth chart carry much more weight.
Saturn in the seventh can make you feel like you're cut off from others, especially if it's in a water sign (water signs rule emotions). I have Saturn in Cancer in the seventh, and it's certainly true for me, too. It can also make you comfortable with being alone, or at least with being single, and I think you probably are, at your core.
You feel so lonely now because you've spent so much time alone, without even basic intimacy, so now you're starving for it. But you're probably not the kind of person who feels they're nothing if not in a relationship. You keep saying you would be happy with just one or two good friends and a boyfriend. That's the perfect description of an introvert.
By unrealistic expectations, I meant that you seemed to be jumping to conclusions and leaving out lots of other options and considerations. You heard that California was better than Kentucky, so you decided it must be THE place for you, and you said that if you didn't go to grad school there, you'd just be stuck where you are. Completely ignoring the fact that there are lots of other places you could go to grad school that would also be better than where you are.
Have you ever been away from home before, at all? If not, moving would be extremely overwhelming for you, maybe too much. The solution to that is to take smaller steps and experience being away from home for shorter periods of time before you make a big move.
Have you ever thought about taking a summer job away from home? There are lots of places--resorts, summer camps, cruise ships, to name a few--that hire students for seasonal jobs and provide room and board while you're working there. You don't have to make housing arrangements, they're made for you, and it's a great way to get some experience with being out on your own.
What about Americorps? They provide housing, a stipend, and, when you finish, money to use for college or graduate school. That's usually a year-long commitment. Perhaps you could do it between finishing college and going to graduate school.
I notice that you've said a lot about needing to go to graduate school to get away from home, but nothing about what you want to study or what kind of career you're aiming for. That makes it sound like your sole motivation for going to grad school is to get away. Maybe it's not, maybe you're seriously thinking about degree and career as well--but if leaving home is your top motivation, a job away from home would fit the bill as well or better. You wouldn't have to spend money or take out loans to do that, you would make some money, you would get some experience to put on your resume, and you would make yourself a better candidate for graduate school, too. Graduate schools like to see applicants who've done something more in their lives than just go to school.
Osamenor
Staff member
Probably not because of your Saturn house placements. At most, they might be a small contributing factor, but they're not the sole reason at all. The social environment you're in probably has a lot to do with it, but you could get into a vastly different social environment without going far enough to change the placements in your relocated chart.
It has more to do with how you yourself have responded to what life has thrown at you, both in the material world and subconsciously. How you respond is always changeable. Changing your responses would change the outcome, no matter what your chart shows.
Online descriptions are cookbook astrology, and cookbook astrology is deliberately vague enough to make the majority of readers think it's true for them. And typically, what cookbook astrology describes for any placement is a possible manifestation of that placement. What cookbook astrology doesn't tell you is that it's just one possible manifestation out of many.
People grow and change throughout their lives, and their situations change. But cookbook astrology's description of your birth chart does not. If cookbook astrology were accurate, you would never change at all.
You don't need friends to travel, all you need is a reason to travel and enough money to afford it. A job would be a reason. Just plain wanting to go somewhere would also be a reason.
Does your school offer any assistance with finding summer jobs? Most jobs for this summer would be filled by now, but it's possible that some places still need someone at the last minute. There are always people who back out of their summer job commitments at the last minute, who can't make it because of emergencies, or who do something really dumb and get themselves fired early on.
If you've ever worked at a restaurant or a hotel, resort work would be more of the same. If you've ever done any work with kids, even just baby sitting, you have enough experience to be a camp counselor. And that's just the beginning of the list.
If you'd never heard of relocation astrology, would you still want to go to Chicago?
If the answer is yes, don't let your relocation chart change your mind. First of all, it's not the chart, it's what you do with it. Secondly, relocation astrology is extremely complex, the accuracy of various methods is in dispute (I noticed some posts about it in the Relocation forum), and you seem intent on grossly oversimplifying it.
Based on your natal chart, just plain travel is likely to bring people you can connect with into your life: Venus in the ninth house. It also shows you have a deeply adventurous streak. If you've always lived in the same small town and never even gone anywhere on your own, you might not see it, but it's there: Venus in Aries in the ninth; moon in adventurous Sagittarius; unexpected Uranus making strong aspects. All you have to do is activate it.
Osamenor
Staff member
Awesome!
That's a very common way for very sensitive people to react. Your chart does show high sensitivity.
Perhaps some sort of desensitization is in order. If you enter any kind of therapy, there are lots of therapeutic techniques that work on exactly this. And, for a do-it-yourself method, there's meditation. Just being aware of your thoughts and feelings, and whenever something comes up, telling yourself that's a thought and thoughts can change, helps a lot.
Surely you've been snapped at by teachers before. How did you react to that? Think of the workplace as like another classroom, and your boss as like another teacher. The analogy doesn't necessarily hold up across the board, but it's close enough.
If you've never had any job before, getting a job at all will be an expansion of your horizons, no matter where it is.
I haven't been using astrology long enough to develop a preference for one house system. In any case, your Mercury is right on the cusp of the seventh and eighth houses, so I would think it would carry some of the implications of both houses.