Why do I have such an extreme desire for control?

I'm 27 years old, female whose longest relationship has been 3 months. I can't seem to open myself emotionally or give up control in any aspects of my life. I try but I just can't let go of my control? My control has been a defense mechanism from an abusive and neglectful childhood. I thrive on control and sometimes I control other peoples minds/actions (especially men) - although, I try not to do this often because I know it's wrong. I have high principles so I don't play with peoples feelings etc. I know wrong from right. But just so you understand that level of control I am talking about, I cant even orgasm because I can't lose my control. I looked up my chart in astrodienst and it seems that everything seems to talk about aggression, control, or assertiveness. How can I learn to just let go? Why do I hate feelings vulnerable and weak? I'm also super egoistic that I would never ask for help. I think it's all the extreme conflicts in my chart. If I go for therapy, I cant be totally honest and subconsciously, I start to control the conversation/outcome of the session.
I know exactly what they are thinking, etc. I do that with a lot of people around me excluding my family whom I have no patience for.

Please see my chart and give me any advice that might be useful in creating a more honest, open and less controlled personality.
 

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conspiracy theorist

Well-known member
Based on your account I see:

1. Fixed sign preponderance - Fixed signs can be stubborn, insistent on their view point and stuck in their ways.

2. Both planets that signify the mind, mercury and moon, are placed in fixed signs.

3. Your primary motivation is determined by your rising sign. Water signs seek emotional security and Scorpio does this in a 'fixed' way. This may mean that you get into behaviours that gives you feelings of 'well-being' but it may be hard to change due to the stabilizing nature of fixed signs.

4. Moon is in fall in Scorpio. It is also located in the 12th. This may mean an emotional state that could be described as stormy and passionate but liable to bite you in the butt (12th house). Pluto close to the configuration exacerbates this. Even though it's in the 12th it's in the same sign of your ascendant so it will colour how you interact with the world.

5. Ruler of your ascendant is Mars located in Aquarius. As a saturnine sign, Aquarius has a reputation of being the most detached of signs. An element of holding-back the emotions (control) is present. It's located 5 degrees from the IC, the angle that has to do with early childhood. The stress that Mars is under from the oppositions on the taurus-scorpio axis paints a poignant picture of what you experienced during your childhood. It is an important point in your chart for both the Sun and Moon are configured in the opposition. Conflict with parents perhaps.

6. If you want to go with the modern rulerships. Pluto is domiciled in Scorpio and located in the 12th. This shows self-defeating tendencies centering around Pluto issues. Control and manipulation leaves you unfulfilled. You can't orgasm and this may come from an unconcious tendency to control the sexuality.

7. You have nothing in fire, Fire is known to be the most open and self-expressive of elements. Opening up and 'showing yourself' proves difficult to you as you have no conscious tools to access it.

There is a lot of corroborating evidence to show your controlling tendencies. It's so embedded in your chart I find it unlikely that you will erase it.

So why not use your fondness for control and people reading skills to help people?
 
Based on your account I see:

1. Fixed sign preponderance - Fixed signs can be stubborn, insistent on their view point and stuck in their ways.

2. Both planets that signify the mind, mercury and moon, are placed in fixed signs.

3. Your primary motivation is determined by your rising sign. Water signs seek emotional security and Scorpio does this in a 'fixed' way. This may mean that you get into behaviours that gives you feelings of 'well-being' but it may be hard to change due to the stabilizing nature of fixed signs.

4. Moon is in fall in Scorpio. It is also located in the 12th. This may mean an emotional state that could be described as stormy and passionate but liable to bite you in the butt (12th house). Pluto close to the configuration exacerbates this. Even though it's in the 12th it's in the same sign of your ascendant so it will colour how you interact with the world.

5. Ruler of your ascendant is Mars located in Aquarius. As a saturnine sign, Aquarius has a reputation of being the most detached of signs. An element of holding-back the emotions (control) is present. It's located 5 degrees from the IC, the angle that has to do with early childhood. The stress that Mars is under from the oppositions on the taurus-scorpio axis paints a poignant picture of what you experienced during your childhood. It is an important point in your chart for both the Sun and Moon are configured in the opposition. Conflict with parents perhaps.

6. If you want to go with the modern rulerships. Pluto is domiciled in Scorpio and located in the 12th. This shows self-defeating tendencies centering around Pluto issues. Control and manipulation leaves you unfulfilled. You can't orgasm and this may come from an unconcious tendency to control the sexuality.

7. You have nothing in fire, Fire is known to be the most open and self-expressive of elements. Opening up and 'showing yourself' proves difficult to you as you have no conscious tools to access it.

There is a lot of corroborating evidence to show your controlling tendencies. It's so embedded in your chart I find it unlikely that you will erase it.

So why not use your fondness for control and people reading skills to help people?

Wow, that's impressive. So it's unlikely that I will be able to let go. I'm controlling in relationships as well and unable to form attachments or deep feelings due to my need for control. I have a desire to own my partner to the extent that I control the direct of the relationship. However, I'm unable to since I don't feel comfortable feelings yet my soul yearns for a deep connection (unable to because of inability to trust or be vulnerable).

As far as helping ppl, I do try to help others but I also get bored or try to not get to emotionally involved as I have an empathic nature. I'll help them and then move on.

I just don't know how to fulfill my two contradictory needs.
 

conspiracy theorist

Well-known member
How about creating a charity/business dedicated to helping folks? Some organization centered around the principles that you say you possess. That way you can help folks whilst simultaneously keeping your distance. For your charity/business to gain traction and remain viable a tough, obstinate mind/personality is necessary and you seem to have that covered. Your 10th house(career,reputation) is in Leo and Leo is a sign of Leadership.
 

emily23

Well-known member
There are astro factors that point to this control theme, pluto conjunct moon in 12th (not something you can get a clear handle on as its subconscious) then its opposite sun jupiter in 7th house of relationships and square mars down to your core

I think you have a lovely chart, especially the sun conjunct jupiter, a mighty big spirit, which energies can be redirected from untrust to throwing out your impressive energy to issues that need debating in society

Let it all hang out. Maybe you dont trust yourself sometimes, dont leak that to others with no reason, good luck!
 

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
I'm 27 years old, female whose longest relationship has been 3 months. I can't seem to open myself emotionally or give up control in any aspects of my life. I try but I just can't let go of my control? My control has been a defense mechanism from an abusive and neglectful childhood. I thrive on control and sometimes I control other peoples minds/actions (especially men) - although, I try not to do this often because I know it's wrong. I have high principles so I don't play with peoples feelings etc. I know wrong from right. But just so you understand that level of control I am talking about, I cant even orgasm because I can't lose my control. I looked up my chart in astrodienst and it seems that everything seems to talk about aggression, control, or assertiveness. How can I learn to just let go? Why do I hate feelings vulnerable and weak? I'm also super egoistic that I would never ask for help. I think it's all the extreme conflicts in my chart. If I go for therapy, I cant be totally honest and subconsciously, I start to control the conversation/outcome of the session.
I know exactly what they are thinking, etc. I do that with a lot of people around me excluding my family whom I have no patience for.

Please see my chart and give me any advice that might be useful in creating a more honest, open and less controlled personality.
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How about creating a charity/business dedicated to helping folks? Some organization centered around the principles that you say you possess. That way you can help folks whilst simultaneously keeping your distance. For your charity/business to gain traction and remain viable a tough, obstinate mind/personality is necessary and you seem to have that covered. Your 10th house(career,reputation) is in Leo and Leo is a sign of Leadership.

I agree that I could and would like to give back to others.

Its just emotionally I'm unfulfilled in love & relationships. I wish to bare my soul but unable to do so.
 
There are astro factors that point to this control theme, pluto conjunct moon in 12th (not something you can get a clear handle on as its subconscious) then its opposite sun jupiter in 7th house of relationships and square mars down to your core

I think you have a lovely chart, especially the sun conjunct jupiter, a mighty big spirit, which energies can be redirected from untrust to throwing out your impressive energy to issues that need debating in society

Let it all hang out. Maybe you dont trust yourself sometimes, dont leak that to others with no reason, good luck!

You're right. But I feel like my placements are so difficult. Too many challenges. I just wish I was more simple and able to have a deep connection.
 

SDragon

Active member
Actually, I feel that you're very aware of what you need to work on. Now it's just understanding how to go from where you are now to what your soul wants to experience during this life. After 27 years, your soul is saying enough is enough, I've seen the past and it's not working and not what I need in my life.

Usually the first thing I look at are the north node to determine life lessons and issues that need realignment.

North Node in Pisces and/or in the Twelfth House
A tendency to worry unremittingly, to be plagued by vague (and sometimes not so vague) feelings of guilt about under-performing, to lack faith and trust in a larger more spiritual plan, and to over-analyze ourselves and others are some of the issues this position suggests.

North Node in Cancer and/or in the Fourth House
A tendency to feel the need to be in control, to take responsibilities too seriously, and to be rigid and fearful of being dependent on others are some of the issues this position suggests.

[edited quote over 100 words against Forum rules - Moderator - from http://www.cafeastrology.com/nodesofthemoon.html ]


In esoteric astrology, the moon is past karma that needs to be transcended which is interesting because both moon conjunct pluto is opposite your sun in Taurus. Taurus can be one of the most honest, truthful, trusting and independent sign out there. In it's most powerful, Taurus exudes unconditional love as love is it's truest nature.

Lastly, with 4 interpersonal planets in retrograde, it seems to me that with enough introspection and TIME, you can learn to rework your defense mechanisms if you really want to. With your Saturn return just around the corner, you may find that your whole reality shifts within the next 4 years but it won't do it on it's own. You'll have to decide what to keep and what to let go of during this time. Maybe read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now?
 
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JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Thank you, I wish one day I can let go.
My secret desire is to just let go of my control completely.
It just seems impossible.
Who am I without my control?
And yet 'control' is illusory because we are all interdependent :smile:
everything is interdependent ~
Ajahn Brahm' talks about the control/freedom paradox.
How much of our lives is *actually* controlled by us and how free are we?
The relinquishment of our controlling impulse brings freedom,
while the ego, with its judgement apparatus, leads to bondage and despair
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKxKGFw6B68
 

Stubborn Virgo

Active member
You have Pluto conjunct Moon in Scorpio and your 12th house. My brother has this placement. He also has a stellium in Aquarius, which is also a fixed sign.

You need to learn how to laugh. I know that seems so simplistic, but it's true. My brother surrounds himself with people as well as TV shows/movies that make him laugh. If it succeeds in lifting his mood, it usually makes him relax. I also notice that he usually dates women who have a good sense of humor. He has a wide variety of hobbies to keep himself busy: he plays guitar, rides his bike, reads a lot of books, studies new subjects, works on creative projects during his off time, donates his time to his friends and family, goes on day trips with his friends or girlfriend, etc.

Surround yourself with activities that you enjoy and people who make you feel good about being you. Find an outlet for all of that energy, so you can concentrate on building open and honest relationships with people. Are you artistic or musical? Are you a writer? I think if you find the proper outlet for that controlling energy, you'll be able to give those around you a chance to prove themselves before you dismiss them.

As far as not letting yourself feel weak and vulnerable, that's a tough one to overcome. I do think that it's important to find at least one person who you can be completely honest with. It may not be your therapist. Maybe it's a long-time friend. IMO Scorpio moons in the 12th house usually keep the same friends for a very long time. They're loyal to them, and in return, the friend is there when the Scorpio Moon just needs to let go for a little while. There's nothing wrong with this. I think that my brother would be a much different person if he didn't have his tight circle of friends. Find some people you connect with and cherish (not control) the relationships that you have with them.

I hope that helps.
 
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Sweet Pea

Well-known member
That's one big fat t-square complex in your chart - the red triangle. It goes back into the 12th house of the past, you are perpetually tugged by your Moon which has a bottomless need for control, exacerbated by Pluto and a Scorpio Ascendant.

They say you escape from your t-square energies by trying out the energy in the missing corner, which is Leo/9th house. Harness the sun's warmth, shine upon people but don't try to micromanage them (Virgo south node). Go towards your North Node Pisces which is spiritual, go towards the Jupiter attached to your Sun, which sees the bigger picture and corresponds to your 9th house, go down that trine aspect from Sun to Neptune (submission, release, trust in the universe) which is the ruler of your North Node, and in the 2nd house of peace and Zen, which also corresponds to your Sun.

Ruler of your Sun, Venus is in the 8th house of intimacy and conjunct Chiron and here lies your problem with sexual response.

Becoming more comfortable and intimate with your inner self, will help you be more comfortable with others. Loving yourself first, then allowing others to love you. Loving yourself helps you to attract the right partner, who you can release yourself to.

Sometimes all the difficult stuff in our charts is simply there to make us stop and investigate what is going on! The unexamined life is not worth living, said Socrates. You've embarked on a journey towards greater harmony, greater capacity for love and sharing.

:)
 
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