What strikes me most about my childhood, is that I have very few happy memories and those I have are only from the age of around 11 years (its as if I was in a coma before that). There must be so many memories that are suppressed and I often wonder if and when I will remember them so that I can face and deal with them. How else does the soul grow without dealing with it?
Hello 07Re, well, I have exactly the same. I cannot remember anything much about my childhood up till the age of 12-13. I dont remember bad things, just one or two anxious things like when the gardeners killed a Boa constrictor in our garden, hitting it with sticks. (I lived in Indonesia where you could get these sort of animals in your trees). It was horrendous to me to see this. I also once sat on a swing in the garden and a small snake was crawling underneath it, so I did not dare to get off the swings.
Then the very bad way I was treated by an Indonesian teacher (I am Dutch, so the animosity versus the Dutch was everywhere at that time). Also a lot of harassment lateron in school.
But also one or two good memories. But just like a picture, not a whole situation.
I also figured out that something was strange when my partner said he could remember from the age of 2!! It is as if I have lived in a fog all that time.
I have a T-square between Pluto in 9(Apex), Moon in my 12th house and Sun in 6. Mars makes an inconjunct to my Moon from the 5th house and trines Pluto.
My parents did not divorce but there were problems which were very cleverly hidden (the famous sceletons in the closet!). I found out about all this when my father died and I found letters from him to my mother whom he kept all his life. He adored her, but it was very unrealistic, almost as if he had to convince himself about it. She was very insecure and introvert and did not like at all that he was so "all over" her with his compliments. She did not think she deserved it I guess (had psychological treatment whilst putting me in a childrens house in the meantime. not my brother though.). Yes, little by little I did come to see what this T-square was all about.
My father was absent from my life until I turned 22y.
My father was also not always around due to circumstances. My mother had to leave him with the kids coming to Europe while he stayed behind in Indonesia. On another level he was also not there for us. He was a total introvert, very musical, genious really, wrote music when he was 6 years old already, lost his mother when he was 19 so maybe that's why he (over)adored my mother, no matter how cold she could be to him (she was not nasty or so, just could not give love, Saturn-Moon conj. in Virgo).
He would sit for hours playing the piano and chess after work. No communication at all.
In order to go to the depth of my feelings, I did several things, courses, hypno-acupuncture ( needles in certain places which brought up memories, most interesting. ) and other treatments. I think you will feel the need to do these things, usually later in life. I asked one of the therapists (not psycho analysts) why I only came to do this now, after soooo many years and they said indeed that I was not ready yet and would not have accepted it if I had done it earlier on.