northernstar
Well-known member
No, I am thinking the same thing: really difficult to be a parent. Mine tried to do what they thought was best for me, to be there, comfort and support. And here I am, complaining that maybe they should've let me deal with some more on my own... :/ I am just used to be taken care of emotionally, I guess.. And that's part of what my husband now wants me to 'grow up' and do myself...
About my aqua moon.. no, I don't recognize the part of being left to fend for themselves. Or maybe more when I became older and stopped sharing everything w my parents.. Then I dealt w a lot of emotionality on my own, and at times I felt totally lost.. Existensial thoughts and grieving over all the pain in the world. And now hubby wants me to deal w my own stuff alone too..
About the abandonment things; he has really prioritized me always. His buddies have gone abroad for soccer trips etc many times and wanted him to come along, but he didn't go. Partly because of economic reasons, job reasons, but also - maybe mostly (according to him), he has said no because he knew I didn't like it.. I was thinking that since we were a family we should spend the money for holidays on things together (we became parents much earlier than his/my freinds), and i found it egoistic to go on such trips when being a father.. He gave in, and i remember us quarelling over this. This was among the issues bubbling up last year; he found it upsetting that I would in a way "deny him" this. He could have needed these trips w friends, to experience something else and maintain the bonds. I see now that I probably was too har on this.. He needed freedom in the relationship and I didn't want to give it at the time. .
But as this was brought up last year, he left on a trip w some freinds for a weekend. And since I have never been on a trip w friends (except work) all the years we have been together, I went on a weekend trip too.. But the thing is, he encourage this. He says he wants me to get out an make new experiences.. But i must admit, that trip was booked in desperation when I saw him spending more and more time away and making apointments constantly (and I became depressed and sad),.. I needed him to see how it feels. ANd i will go again soon. Most people we know have such trips outside their family, with friends, and I do see that one of course needs a life on his own too..
Thanks for the book tips! I will certainky look them up. I am very eager to work on such issues now, as you see...
About my aqua moon.. no, I don't recognize the part of being left to fend for themselves. Or maybe more when I became older and stopped sharing everything w my parents.. Then I dealt w a lot of emotionality on my own, and at times I felt totally lost.. Existensial thoughts and grieving over all the pain in the world. And now hubby wants me to deal w my own stuff alone too..
About the abandonment things; he has really prioritized me always. His buddies have gone abroad for soccer trips etc many times and wanted him to come along, but he didn't go. Partly because of economic reasons, job reasons, but also - maybe mostly (according to him), he has said no because he knew I didn't like it.. I was thinking that since we were a family we should spend the money for holidays on things together (we became parents much earlier than his/my freinds), and i found it egoistic to go on such trips when being a father.. He gave in, and i remember us quarelling over this. This was among the issues bubbling up last year; he found it upsetting that I would in a way "deny him" this. He could have needed these trips w friends, to experience something else and maintain the bonds. I see now that I probably was too har on this.. He needed freedom in the relationship and I didn't want to give it at the time. .
But as this was brought up last year, he left on a trip w some freinds for a weekend. And since I have never been on a trip w friends (except work) all the years we have been together, I went on a weekend trip too.. But the thing is, he encourage this. He says he wants me to get out an make new experiences.. But i must admit, that trip was booked in desperation when I saw him spending more and more time away and making apointments constantly (and I became depressed and sad),.. I needed him to see how it feels. ANd i will go again soon. Most people we know have such trips outside their family, with friends, and I do see that one of course needs a life on his own too..
Thanks for the book tips! I will certainky look them up. I am very eager to work on such issues now, as you see...