A really rough time for love in my husband's chart....!?

northernstar

Well-known member
No, I am thinking the same thing: really difficult to be a parent. Mine tried to do what they thought was best for me, to be there, comfort and support. And here I am, complaining that maybe they should've let me deal with some more on my own... :/ I am just used to be taken care of emotionally, I guess.. And that's part of what my husband now wants me to 'grow up' and do myself...

About my aqua moon.. no, I don't recognize the part of being left to fend for themselves. Or maybe more when I became older and stopped sharing everything w my parents.. Then I dealt w a lot of emotionality on my own, and at times I felt totally lost.. Existensial thoughts and grieving over all the pain in the world. And now hubby wants me to deal w my own stuff alone too..

About the abandonment things; he has really prioritized me always. His buddies have gone abroad for soccer trips etc many times and wanted him to come along, but he didn't go. Partly because of economic reasons, job reasons, but also - maybe mostly (according to him), he has said no because he knew I didn't like it.. I was thinking that since we were a family we should spend the money for holidays on things together (we became parents much earlier than his/my freinds), and i found it egoistic to go on such trips when being a father.. He gave in, and i remember us quarelling over this. This was among the issues bubbling up last year; he found it upsetting that I would in a way "deny him" this. He could have needed these trips w friends, to experience something else and maintain the bonds. I see now that I probably was too har on this.. He needed freedom in the relationship and I didn't want to give it at the time. .

But as this was brought up last year, he left on a trip w some freinds for a weekend. And since I have never been on a trip w friends (except work) all the years we have been together, I went on a weekend trip too.. But the thing is, he encourage this. He says he wants me to get out an make new experiences.. But i must admit, that trip was booked in desperation when I saw him spending more and more time away and making apointments constantly (and I became depressed and sad),.. I needed him to see how it feels. ANd i will go again soon. Most people we know have such trips outside their family, with friends, and I do see that one of course needs a life on his own too..

Thanks for the book tips! I will certainky look them up. I am very eager to work on such issues now, as you see... :)
 

northernstar

Well-known member
PS back to my original question in this thread; aren't the transits my husband has had lately tough on a relationship.. AND; welll, I looked into my brother's chart just now. Didn't get his birth time until now. A few years ago he and his wife split up and lived apart for a few years.. They have never been a great match and things have always been tough in their relationship. But what I saw was that in the year leading up to the separation, he had Pluto conj moon, and when they split and in the following year, he had uranus square moon.. The same two influences my husband had almost simultaneously last year..
 

Lin

Well-known member
First, NEVER compare anyone's transits to those of another. It's a really bad idea because each person experiences a transit according to their exact natal chart dynamics.

Next, you said this: "could have needed these trips w friends, to experience something else and maintain the bonds. I see now that I probably was too har on this.. He needed freedom in the relationship and I didn't want to give it at the time. "

Well, this is not an easy answer. Because you didn't have any agreements about "solo" vacations, I don't think it was wrong of you to balk at them. I don't think you were too hard on him. He wanted to pretend he was like them....free and unencumbered or whatever...and he WASN'T....he was not free. And family vacations should be enough for the most part, as long as HE got to pick some of the places you went.
If you controlled where these vacations were, then you were too controlling, in my opinion.

At this point in time he does need to have some freedom because of the transits and mid-life crisis.
BUT..YOU DO need to have friends and activities and maybe 3 or 4 day trips away...to get that true feeling of being totally "yourself" again. IF you have forgotten how to do this, then this is a problem you have to work on. If ALL of your definition of SELF involves your husband without any personal identity, then yes, this is something that requires guided work.
LIN
I will get to the transits on the composite tomorrow,
 

Lin

Well-known member
June, are you familiar with the Saturn return? Well, there is also a Saturn in a composite and even technically it's not a "return" it IS a transit....especially when it is on a heavy planet and is on an angle.

AND that is exactly what happened last year....in your composite chart. Saturn conjuncted the Neptune which is on the MC and that Neptune opposes Jupiter in that chart.

so you had transit Saturn (lessons and restructure) conjunct Neptune (deceit, fantasy, DENIAL, avoidance) and what you both got was a "wake up call."

THAT transit is GONE - and I believe you learned everything you could from it. And probably so did your husband.

LUckily after that transit came the Saturn TRINE the Mars and Venus in that chart.....and that is why you and he could have a new beginning.

That doesn't mean you will never have problems again, but now you have a "template" of a sort to work on your problems.

And it doesn't invalidate the several oppositions in that composite. It's a theme. Learning how to both be together and occasionally let go, so that you are not traumatized and reactionary every time he isn't home.

And HE has to learn that YOUR history includes having someone there when you were needy....and so when you are feeling sad and even abandoned he needs to know that it is programmed in history and not a "choice" you make.
And so both of you need to adjust your behaviors - and be compassionate and understanding.
THIS part you may not find in counseling....unless you have a really great counselor. And if you do, then you are REALLY lucky.
LIN
 

northernstar

Well-known member
First, NEVER compare anyone's transits to those of another. It's a really bad idea because each person experiences a transit according to their exact natal chart dynamics.

Next, you said this: "could have needed these trips w friends, to experience something else and maintain the bonds. I see now that I probably was too har on this.. He needed freedom in the relationship and I didn't want to give it at the time. "

Well, this is not an easy answer. Because you didn't have any agreements about "solo" vacations, I don't think it was wrong of you to balk at them. I don't think you were too hard on him. He wanted to pretend he was like them....free and unencumbered or whatever...and he WASN'T....he was not free. And family vacations should be enough for the most part, as long as HE got to pick some of the places you went.
If you controlled where these vacations were, then you were too controlling, in my opinion.

At this point in time he does need to have some freedom because of the transits and mid-life crisis.
BUT..YOU DO need to have friends and activities and maybe 3 or 4 day trips away...to get that true feeling of being totally "yourself" again. IF you have forgotten how to do this, then this is a problem you have to work on. If ALL of your definition of SELF involves your husband without any personal identity, then yes, this is something that requires guided work.
LIN
I will get to the transits on the composite tomorrow,


Yes, I know that each person's natal chart is the key when reading transits.. Still, I read an article in a forum where "divorce transits" were discussed. I remember one astrologer writing that after having interpreted charts for several decades, he had noticed that uranus sc/opp venus usually did not bring a divorce (like many people thought), but a marital shake up. He claimed that solar arc pluto in hard aspects to venus or Uranus sq/opp/conj MOON was normal at the time of a break up.. So I guess there are some aspects that are more common than others in certain situations?

Many people write about changing homes when Pluto conjuncts the IC, for instance, or the transofmration of relationships when pluto conj the dc.. Anyway, just an observation I found a bit interesting.

About prioritizing own needs in a relationship.. no, there is no easy answer to such issues because we all have different needs.. Even though I am a gemini, I am very settled, like to stay at home, don't have many apointmets usually and I don't have a urge to be out and about or go on trips. I think I am more like a cancer or taurus in thee matters (although I love to chat with people and need people around me). My Taurus husband, however, can't stand routine, he likes to be spontaneous, like to go out and experience things- and has a greater urge to for instance travel w friends now and then, but of course often.

I think there might also be a cultural difference to our view on this. Scandinavians are very "liberal" and all the couples I know usually schedule trips without their partner from time to time, to go w friends. I don't have the need to do this, but I will now, to maintain the balance. And of course I like to be w my freinds. But I feel a bit bad for my kids, for instance. Would like to go w my family, for the most of the time..

You wrote that it is important for my husband to have some freedom now because of the transits and the mid life crisis.. I guess the same will go fr me, regarding specific midlife crisis transits, as we are born so close in time? Or do midlife crisis issues hit men harder than women? From what I know it seems like that, at least (stereotypical that a man will buy an expensive car, leave his wife for a younger version etc...)?? But as you say it is important for me too to have som sense of freedom and self I guess that it's these apsects you are thinking about..
 

northernstar

Well-known member
June, are you familiar with the Saturn return? Well, there is also a Saturn in a composite and even technically it's not a "return" it IS a transit....especially when it is on a heavy planet and is on an angle.

AND that is exactly what happened last year....in your composite chart. Saturn conjuncted the Neptune which is on the MC and that Neptune opposes Jupiter in that chart.

so you had transit Saturn (lessons and restructure) conjunct Neptune (deceit, fantasy, DENIAL, avoidance) and what you both got was a "wake up call."

THAT transit is GONE - and I believe you learned everything you could from it. And probably so did your husband.

LUckily after that transit came the Saturn TRINE the Mars and Venus in that chart.....and that is why you and he could have a new beginning.

That doesn't mean you will never have problems again, but now you have a "template" of a sort to work on your problems.

And it doesn't invalidate the several oppositions in that composite. It's a theme. Learning how to both be together and occasionally let go, so that you are not traumatized and reactionary every time he isn't home.

And HE has to learn that YOUR history includes having someone there when you were needy....and so when you are feeling sad and even abandoned he needs to know that it is programmed in history and not a "choice" you make.
And so both of you need to adjust your behaviors - and be compassionate and understanding.
THIS part you may not find in counseling....unless you have a really great counselor. And if you do, then you are REALLY lucky.
LIN

Wow, that is so interesting!!! I don't know much about the saturn return, other than it is a stage for "growing up" and facing life's realities.. Do you manage to pinpoint this transit by the ephemeris and where saturn transited in 2016, btw?

I am really glad to hear that this transit is over now!!! ANd that a helpful trine appeared afterwards.. Yu wrote that now we have a template to work on later.. Does that mean that we haven't really had transits as heavy as this one before? It WAS without doubt the toughest time i had together with him... Because it was the first time we struggled with issues inside the relationship, between the two of us- not outside..

What you write in the last paragraph is words of wisdom. I must learn to let go at times, that is what I work on at t the moment.. ANd yes, he must realize that when i am needy or clingy or wants him to be there I don't do it to bother him or prevent him from doing other things.. It is a fear that is built in. We can discuss this in counseling next time!
 

Lin

Well-known member
June,
you said, "
About prioritizing own needs in a relationship.. no, there is no easy answer to such issues because we all have different needs.. Even though I am a gemini, I am very settled, like to stay at home, don't have many apointmets usually and I don't have a urge to be out and about or go on trips. I think I am more like a cancer or taurus in thee matters"

I see you as a "hiding Gemini".....the only way I would change this opinion is if you do research or writing for a living, or have a 12th house hobby. This is not an insult....please don't take it this way. 12th house people often feel very comfortable hiding. But Gemini.....to have Jupiter in Gemini and be in the 12th house makes me think that you have not emerged from some sort of metaphorical cocoon yet.

As I said above, no relationship is without challenges. Some are ongoing because they are built in to the relationship.
And people evolve. Hopefully as one person evolves the other can do so with him/her.
Like two people DANCiNG. We don't all dance alike when we dance by ourselves, but when we do "partner" dancing we have to dance in unison or else toes get stepped on.
Right?
As for heavy planets transiting the IC.....there are MANY manifestations of this short of moving. Of course there is moving without relocating. There is getting married or divorced...changing the household....but one can also change a household by having a relative or friend move in. Or take in a boarder (rent a space).....or get pets....or renovate one's home so that it looks different afterward.

Remember the angles cover MANY subjects. The 7th house cusp is NOT only marriage. It is ANY legal binding with another. Business, real estate, ownership of a home or sharing a lease on a vacation property, legal matters, THERAPY is a 7th house issue.
And of course partnership therapy is doubly so. Sharing any property which requires a signature.....for that matter if you want to extend this metaphor, your INSURANCE agent or stock broker....they are 7th house partners.
If you sign any contract it is a 7th house dealing.

So.....NEVER assume or generalize. The other transits will have input and modify most transits.
LIN
 

northernstar

Well-known member
June,
you said, "
About prioritizing own needs in a relationship.. no, there is no easy answer to such issues because we all have different needs.. Even though I am a gemini, I am very settled, like to stay at home, don't have many apointmets usually and I don't have a urge to be out and about or go on trips. I think I am more like a cancer or taurus in thee matters"

I see you as a "hiding Gemini".....the only way I would change this opinion is if you do research or writing for a living, or have a 12th house hobby. This is not an insult....please don't take it this way. 12th house people often feel very comfortable hiding. But Gemini.....to have Jupiter in Gemini and be in the 12th house makes me think that you have not emerged from some sort of metaphorical cocoon yet.

As I said above, no relationship is without challenges. Some are ongoing because they are built in to the relationship.
And people evolve. Hopefully as one person evolves the other can do so with him/her.
Like two people DANCiNG. We don't all dance alike when we dance by ourselves, but when we do "partner" dancing we have to dance in unison or else toes get stepped on.
Right?
As for heavy planets transiting the IC.....there are MANY manifestations of this short of moving. Of course there is moving without relocating. There is getting married or divorced...changing the household....but one can also change a household by having a relative or friend move in. Or take in a boarder (rent a space).....or get pets....or renovate one's home so that it looks different afterward.

Remember the angles cover MANY subjects. The 7th house cusp is NOT only marriage. It is ANY legal binding with another. Business, real estate, ownership of a home or sharing a lease on a vacation property, legal matters, THERAPY is a 7th house issue.
And of course partnership therapy is doubly so. Sharing any property which requires a signature.....for that matter if you want to extend this metaphor, your INSURANCE agent or stock broker....they are 7th house partners.
If you sign any contract it is a 7th house dealing.

So.....NEVER assume or generalize. The other transits will have input and modify most transits.
LIN

LOL you wrote:
"I see you as a "hiding Gemini".....the only way I would change this opinion is if you do research or writing for a living, or have a 12th house hobby. This is not an insult....please don't take it this way. 12th house people often feel very comfortable hiding. But Gemini.....to have Jupiter in Gemini and be in the 12th house makes me think that you have not emerged from some sort of metaphorical cocoon yet."

WELL- I DO have research for a living!!! :) Did a PhD, now stuck in an office by myself and my data files..... :/ I sought this actively, thought I Would love to be by myself and sit in an office and write... And i HAVE loved my job- up until last year.. when everything all of a sudden became a drag and I hardly could stand it anymore... I did have saturn in 6th of course, and opposing my sun, but still.. I think I now AM coming out of my cocoon....! I now want to do something completely different.. Be among people, be on stage, experience new things all the time... or at least often.. I wrote a thread about it in the "vocational astrology" forum, btw.. :) I need to find a new job by sept, but the problem is that i now am quite specialized..

And the fact that the 7th house cusp may mean other legal issues, like buying a new home- I hope that will happen too. We moved last year, but our neighbors are just too noisy.. :( ANd I see what you mean by the dance- and will order the book you recommended! :)

will be back later!
 
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Lin

Well-known member
I am glad you told me about the research!
So now you see that "balance" is required in life.
Last year Jupiter entered Libra....and that is why you began to need to "break out" of that 12th dynamic.

And yes, you need to learn to read the ephemeris...and you can buy one on line (2000-2050) or you can get separate on line ones for the year. If you go to Astro.com you can click on "home" and on the lower right hand corner you will find prompts for the ephemeris of any year. Just keep clicking till you find the year you want.
the year will come up or you may need to "save" it and then open it as a file. But then you will always have it.

Being an astrologer I have the 20th century ephemeris and the 21st. If you feel you want to go further in this subject I suggest you buy the ephemerises. For the future you need the 21st century....

Of course on Astro.com you can get free charts for any year also.

Anyway, there is one thing I'm confused about. I assumed you were both Scandinavian.
Where were you born? If you weren't born in north west Europe, how did you and he meet? And now do you live in Scandinavia? If you'd rather send me this info via PM that's ok, though I don't think anyone else is reading these long posts as this point.

You know, you shouldn't try to generalize about the "mid-life crisis." First of all, I had MINE at 36. LOL.....I don't know why. I had never looked so good, and things were pretty much ok in my life.

Men can leave their wives at any age. Often they make major changes around 30 - the Saturn return. But it really depends upon their OWN vulnerabilities....their individual charts and the transits at the time. There are no guarantees.

Finding common activities and goals are the best defenses against relationships ending.
And mutual chemistry of course.
They say that men feel the closest to the woman who makes them feel the best when with that person. Marriage is work....but it also has to be play. So that if a man is making two list, the list for "marriage" is longer and fuller than the list for NOT marriage.
But I don't see divorce in your charts. If you've come this far....I can't imagine either of you giving up - esp. with his being close to the children as he is.

I don't think you should obsess about this subject. And it seems you are. That doesn't surprise me. Neptune is a big energy in your chart and the composite and Neptune rules fear. I think you need to find work you love again really soon...because an "idle mind in the devil's playground" as they say....don't you agree??
LIN
 

northernstar

Well-known member
I am glad you told me about the research!
So now you see that "balance" is required in life.
Last year Jupiter entered Libra....and that is why you began to need to "break out" of that 12th dynamic.

And yes, you need to learn to read the ephemeris...

Of course on Astro.com you can get free charts for any year also.

Anyway, there is one thing I'm confused about. I assumed you were both Scandinavian.
Where were you born? If you weren't born in north west Europe, how did you and he meet? And now do you live in Scandinavia? If you'd rather send me this info via PM that's ok, though I don't think anyone else is reading these long posts as this point.

You know, you shouldn't try to generalize about the "mid-life crisis." First of all, I had MINE at 36. LOL.....I don't know why. I had never looked so good, and things were pretty much ok in my life.

Men can leave their wives at any age. Often they make major changes around 30 - the Saturn return. But it really depends upon their OWN vulnerabilities....their individual charts and the transits at the time. There are no guarantees.

Finding common activities and goals are the best defenses against relationships ending.
And mutual chemistry of course.
They say that men feel the closest to the woman who makes them feel the best when with that person. Marriage is work....but it also has to be play. So that if a man is making two list, the list for "marriage" is longer and fuller than the list for NOT marriage.
But I don't see divorce in your charts. If you've come this far....I can't imagine either of you giving up - esp. with his being close to the children as he is.

I don't think you should obsess about this subject. And it seems you are. That doesn't surprise me. Neptune is a big energy in your chart and the composite and Neptune rules fear. I think you need to find work you love again really soon...because an "idle mind in the devil's playground" as they say....don't you agree??
LIN


Thanks again for another interesting answer, Lin. I really learn a lot from you!!

Jupiter entering Libra may explain some of my growing discomfort with my "hidden" job.. (It is also very interesting that my best friend, whom I share everything with, has a chart pretty similar to mine.. She is also a 12th house gemini with cancer asc. AND she has had similar experiences with her work last year, experiencing the same transits.. She has less of a need to be "on stage" than I now have (she has jupiter in cancer), but she questions her choice of profession; she chose to be an accountant just for the "safety" of it- the fact that she would sit alone at a desk and never be forced to talk in front of people. And now wonders if she should change completely, like I now think too..balance).

Yes, I am familiar with the ephemerises at astro.com (year by year). I just wondered if you managed to pinpoint transits in the composite by using those too (with regard to the fact that the composite is not a "real" natal chart with "real" starting points of planets, more a calculated one..)- And btw regarding composite..: I see we also has uranus transiting venus there last year.. Glad i didn't knew at the time.. would've freaked me out even more.

To your question; yes, we are both Scandinavian. Both born here and met here. (I assume you might have become confused when I wrote something about cultural differences btween Scand and the US for instance, in terms of liberty within in relationship; that was written to explain why I think I might have been too hard, and why you might disagree- being American.. :)).

About the midlife crisis transits; do you believe they affect genders differently? Are men more prone to be affected by such influences, or is everything based on an individuals dispositions? I of course ask because my husband seems to have been hit by the midlife crisis last year, while I am not (well, unless considering changing profession might count), and me and him experience the same major life changing transits simultaneously. I know you said I shouldn't generalize, but still wonder about this.


You said: "Finding common activities and goals are the best defenses against relationships ending. And mutual chemistry of course. " Mutual chemistry we have tons of. And common activities we've had plenty of. Earlier we used to do everything together, and I think that us being colleagues might have spoiled something before he quit last year.. It was just too tight, too much. Rides together to work, lunches together, discussing work and our joint colleagues after work.. (As well as him having no sparetime to meet other people/do hobbies because he was finishing a degree after work).. This tight connection is partly what he fled from.. which ruined common activities in the evenings. But- we have always enjoyed doing stuff together, boat trips, hiking in the mountains etc. And I feel we are now coming back to this after getting some "air".

I don't believe/see or think he will leave me either. And I know I will not leave him. Things are back to normal now.. The days feel safe again. He acts like a Taurus and not a Gemini anymore, he spends time at home, he wants to be close and he says he loves me -with affection. He seems happier and no longer frustrated.

You are absolutely right I've been obsessing over this. Last summer I could hardly get anything done at work.. Couldn't help but worrying what was happening all the time. Felt all lost and left behind and I was close to paranoid (someone pointed out I had pluto inconj my sun last year too, which might have explained parts of this). So i totally agree that finding an intersting job where lots of things happen, keep busy and be content with the every day tasks is what I need..
(..Still, I think anyone would freak out if their partner through so many years suddenly changes towards them, withdraws both physically and emotionally after changing jobs and meeting new people, pushes you away, are frustrated when you try to be kind, stays out, turns off his phone, starts caring how he looks, exercising, going to parties all the time, even telling you he needs space away from you and suggesting you could go alone on summer holiday w the kids..  The latter didn’t happen and we have talked it through and he ensures me that all is good and he now feels I understands him better than ever.. But things were almost unbearable to him at the time.. this all came as a shock to me, the safest place on earth was no longer safe to me, and so I’ve been a tad worried that this may happen again.. That's why I still ask questions and read charts. Because it was so extremely painful and hard to understand. The charts have helped my understanding, though. And also helped me seeing that the same heavy load won't hit him again anytime soon... And of course, Neptune has not been helping me through exactly.. will have to be aware of this influence..).
 
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Lin

Well-known member
Yes, transits affect the Composite chart also. But reading these is advanced astrology.

Neptune rules fear and anxiety and all the dark thoughts you can have.

And of course I would have questioned my husband's sudden change of habits.

But now you know what it was. I think the more disturbing issue is why you didn't have a CLUE about how he was feeling. And that, of course, is represented by the composite Neptune. It's called denial and avoidance. Two of the dynamics that Neptune is so good at. And I might have done something earlier than you did. I would have noticed the change right away (I have Mars in Virgo on my MC)....so I notice details.

But it finally all came out and you and he are working at it. And that is the bottom line. Discuss, and don't be afraid to go back to counseling every once in a while if you are feeling confused (and if you can't explain it thru the charts).

I really think you would do well to work on some charts that are NOT yours or in the family. Learn a bit about astrology and get some objectivity, which is something you can never get working on your own charts.
LIN
 

northernstar

Well-known member
Yes, transits affect the Composite chart also. But reading these is advanced astrology.

Neptune rules fear and anxiety and all the dark thoughts you can have.

And of course I would have questioned my husband's sudden change of habits.

But now you know what it was. I think the more disturbing issue is why you didn't have a CLUE about how he was feeling. And that, of course, is represented by the composite Neptune. It's called denial and avoidance. Two of the dynamics that Neptune is so good at. And I might have done something earlier than you did. I would have noticed the change right away (I have Mars in Virgo on my MC)....so I notice details.

But it finally all came out and you and he are working at it. And that is the bottom line. Discuss, and don't be afraid to go back to counseling every once in a while if you are feeling confused (and if you can't explain it thru the charts).

I really think you would do well to work on some charts that are NOT yours or in the family. Learn a bit about astrology and get some objectivity, which is something you can never get working on your own charts.
LIN

Well, to your question about why I didn't have a clue about his feelings; I knew we had our discussions about freedom issues for instance over the years, but I couldn't know how big deal this was for him- because he never said!! I noticed that the year before last summer he was unusually grumpy and hypercritical, moody.. I am in fact extremely sensitive to mood changes and very focused on details myself (my husband actually calls me sherlock holmes..), and I tried to ask but never got an answer. But then again- that whole year was unusual for us, as he worked his *** off evenings and weekends after work to finish his PhD.. So he was not musch home, under a LOT of pressure (I knew as I went through the same myself earlier), and stressed to find new work,- and so I swallowed all the criticism and thought he was only stressed out, although I did my best to keep the wheels running at home..

Besides our everyday life ran quite normally. There was no obvious way I could know about these issues. Except his moods, which could be attributed to work+ us moving homes, stress..

And later on, he told me that in fact he was not aware of all these feelings himself before he started taking time away, flee. And when he was away he had many discussions with his friend who left his wife at the time, about compromises made and things that they were not happy about.. that made things bubble up, resentment and anger.

Anyway, yes now i know. And I know how neptune works..

And yes- I AM in fact practicing to read charts by reading other people's charts now.. I look into charts of friends, colleagues and my siblings. :) I find it particularly fascinating to check whether something particular happened that would disrupt their lives the last time uranus crossed an angle.. and usually it did!!

Thanks for all the input and the time you spent on this! :) :sideways:
 

Lin

Well-known member
"but I couldn't know how big deal this was for him- because he never said!"

They usually DON'T.....or if they do they talk ARound their feelings....or around the main issues.
this is very common in marriage. Don't talk about the CORE issues, but about the surrounding issues and manifestations of the core issues.

So, again, Neptune.
LIN
 

northernstar

Well-known member
"but I couldn't know how big deal this was for him- because he never said!"

They usually DON'T.....or if they do they talk ARound their feelings....or around the main issues.
this is very common in marriage. Don't talk about the CORE issues, but about the surrounding issues and manifestations of the core issues.

So, again, Neptune.
LIN

Am bumping the charts, LIN,

Best, June
 
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