Long-term relationship just ended

melisa

Well-known member
Hi---
My relationship of several years just ended. First he broke it off (he doesn't think he can make me happy, since I get angry about his job/family interfering with our relationship time)---then he suggested a break, which I refused. I feel upset, and would be grateful for any insights----I posted our synasty and our composite
Thank you
Melisa
 

Attachments

  • Chart--synastry-Fred.doc
    379 KB · Views: 66
  • Composite2-Fred.doc
    56 KB · Views: 54

waybread

Well-known member
Fred's birth time appears to be rounded, so I don't think the houses will be meaningful. Also, I have difficulty reading those bi-wheel charts, so let me mostly talk about your planets in composite.

In the bi-wheel it does look like you have beautiful sun-moon chemistry! (But again, without being able to see the degrees I'm not sure. Can you post your two charts separately?) However, Fred's sun is getting a big hit of Chiron (yours and his) so his self-esteem is easily hurt. Extreme sensitivity from you towards his feelings would go a long way in this relationship. With Pluto in the mix, it is too easy to devolve into daily power struggles, where compromise becomes difficult.

The composite sun-Mercury-Venus looks great: the relationship is characterized by affection and communication.

Problems show up with the Neptune opposition. Neptune can be idealistic to the point of being truly unrealistic. Then it can only be followed by disillusionment. With Neptune in the works it can be hard to know where the relationship stands. This can be helped if the couple are willing to work on a constructive Neptunian theme (could be a love of cinema, spirituality, or even the ocean) but both people have to want the relationship to succeed for this to happen.

And reality will intervene, with Saturn square sun. You mentioned your partner's job interfering. Saturn knows that someone has to pay the bills; and if your BF is ambitious, Saturn will goad him into taking the steps up his career ladder.

I've been married (2x) for 38 years, and I can't think that we ever put the relationship first. It is always more like "the wind beneath my wings" or the platform from which each person achieves his/her personal dreams. Of course, we try to be considerate of one another! Sadly, men and women too often go through a kind of ballroom dance when anger intrudes, where as she moves forward, he retreats. The more she applies pressure, the more remote he becomes.

A cooling off period may not be a bad idea, if it helps you both gain perspective.

If you both decide to stay together, see if you can embrace his family (no matter how unlike you they may be) and support his career aspirations. You may just find that he reciprocates in kind and gives you the support you need for your personal goals.
 
Last edited:

melisa

Well-known member
Hi
Thank you for the time and attention you put into your reply. Fred's birthtime is (reportedly) exact. I posted our natal charts separately, as you requested ---mine includes current transits:
I notice that when we broke up (or took a break)

Merc was square my natal Merc,
Saturn was square my 7th
Sun and Venus conj my 4th and trine my Venus

Moon was conj his 8th house
Mars was conj his 3rd

Thanks
Melisa
 

Attachments

  • mel.gif
    mel.gif
    58 KB · Views: 55
  • Chart-2.doc
    387.5 KB · Views: 31

melisa

Well-known member
Yes, your analysis is accurate----both in Synastry and the composite the Sun-Venus moon aspects are many and positive....and there are a lot of Saturn contacts, adding to the long-term nature of the relationship.
The Neptune oppositions you mentioned in the composite could be related to alcohol abuse as well.
For me, the other main problems are 1) his emotional distance (rare for a Pisces, yet I see all the Aquarian planets, plus the Virgo moon----when he ended it (or took a break) he said "We didn't see each other that often anyway---don't make it seem like we were married or anything". I was so hurt, because when we were together he was very emotionally attached and loving, but then would pull away and be more distant.
2) He reacts to my anger by suggesting a separation, and I would prefer to talk and work things out calmly. I feel like he never wants my anger or any conflicts!

Thank you
Melisa
 

waybread

Well-known member
Melisa, your synasty with Fred actually looks really good. (Something I don't often say.) Unless their are some more serious problems with the relationship than what you've described (and drinking could be one,) I hope you can work things out.

Fred has a very strong 4th house-10th house axis. 4th meaning his family, and 10th meaning his career. These are areas of his life demanding his focus if he is to be at all true to himself. However, with your powerful Cancer yearning to belong to and blend with another person, and your possessive Scorpio moon, I can see why Fred's foci wouldn't sit well with you. The Saturn, opposite your sun, is always ready to feed into your feelings of insecurities.

With Pluto opposite his sun, plus a strong slug of Aquarius in his chart, Fred will have a perfect dislike or fear of being dominated by anybody.

Hence you can get into a dance of sorts, where the more you push, the more he pulls away. There's a lot I don't know about men, but processing a woman's anger and wanting to talk it through is generally not one of their skill sets. (You need a sympathetic girl friend for that kind of moral support.)

Getting angry at a guy who is in deep chill mode, is a sure way to drive him away even further. No, he won't want to talk about it. He will construe your efforts at logical discussion as your way of proving why you're right and he's wrong.

Your beautiful loving sun-Venus in Cancer is just now getting hit by the generational Pluto-Uranus square, forming a T-square with your sun-Venus. No doubt tensions have been building for a while. While this can be terribly trying emotionally, you can make the best use of it by learning to grow emotionally and breaking free of old habits that no longer support you.

Fred's Pisces planets have been hit by transiting Neptune, which can be a big time of confusion and low energy. If your relationship has been hitting a rough patch, right now he may simply be feeling demoralized and exhausted by it.
But these transits always pass, and hopefully we emerge as the "sadder but wiser girl" (and guy) from them.
 
Last edited:

waybread

Well-known member
Just one more thing, Melisa-- Is Fred usually the ultimate Sensitive Guy? That strong Pisces-Virgo axis suggests that he is. He is probably super-sensitive to your anger, notably with his sun conjunct Chiron. Pisces people can be psychic sponges. They pick up on other's negativity and absorb it, even if nothing is actually said; which means that sometimes they do have to remove themselves from a stressful situation simply to recharge.
 

thelivingsky

Well-known member
Hello Melissa,

I only had time to take a glance at the composite chart. Right now Pluto is transiting and making a square to the Comp Moon and transiting Uranus is opposite same Moon position. Also, Saturn in late Scorpio is starting to come into orb of the nodes. All 3 are very difficult challenges to the relationship at this time. In a composite I like to see the stellium of Sun, venus and merc. and with a good aspect to it. you have that. But I don't like to see more than two hard aspects of an outer planet to the personal planets. The Neptune opposition makes 3 difficult ones by itself. I also have seen that a good indicator of longevity is when the nodal axis is in the stellium or square the stellium, or the nodal axis is on the ASC/DES axis. I don't see that.

So the timing of your break up is evident in transits. Since he is not sounding like he wants to reconcile I can't offer much advice. His transits may reveal if there is an opportunity for a change of heart.
Good luck I hope things work out.
Saggy Barb
thelivingsky.wordpress.com
 

thelivingsky

Well-known member
Melissa,

This has nothing to do with astrology, but if he cannot deal with anger expressed honestly and respectfully he is going to have a hard time in any intimate relationship. Long term intimacies are bound to generate some conflict, resentments and anger.

I took a second look at your composite chart and the Moon has no good aspects but has a square to Saturn. This is a sign of emotional alienation and the inability to feel emotionally connected and express emotions. I think synastry is an indicator of attraction and can give clues to how to work with difficult aspects (best book on this is Steven Forrests Skymates.) But ultimately the character, purpose and longevity of the relationship is better ascertained by the composite.

As helpful a both synastry and composites are, the relative psychological health and maturity of each partner are extremely important and no astrologer can determine this from looking at charts. Only you can assess a person's character, values and level of commitment. You deserve someone who scores high in these areas and really wants to work to create a great relationship with you.

Saggy Barb
 

melisa

Well-known member
Hi
Wavbread wrote---

"With Pluto opposite his sun, plus a strong slug of Aquarius in his chart, Fred will have a perfect dislike or fear of being dominated by anybody.Hence you can get into a dance of sorts, where the more you push, the more he pulls away. There's a lot I don't know about men, but processing a woman's anger and wanting to talk it through is generally not one of their skill sets.,,,his Pisces/virgo sun moon plus Sun conjunct Chiron make him sensitive to your anger"

----Yes, you are correct in your analysis. I also feel his Pluto and Aquarian influences make him uncomfortable expressing emotion (plus the Virgo moon adds to that reserve). And the Pisces Sun, with Neptune conj his ascendant makes him less consistent than I would like.

Melisa
 

melisa

Well-known member
Hi
Livingsky wrote--
"In the composite, The Neptune opposition makes 3 difficult ones by itself. I also have seen that a good indicator of longevity is when the nodal axis is in the stellium or square the stellium, or the nodal axis is on the ASC/DES axis. I don't see that."
----Well, the nodal axis loosely trines the stellium---not sure what that means. The node also conjuncts Pluto (deep and psychological, fated relationship), and opposes Chiron (wounding and healing taking place between the couple).
----You also wrote about the composite moon square Saturn (the only other aspects are inconjunct Venus and trine Juno)----this made for a long-term but, as you wrote, emotionally alienated connection.

I was able to post here a progressed composite with transits of the day of the break up----if anyone has any thoughts it would be appreciated.

I see in the progressed composite that:
my natal Moon is exactly conj. our progressed composite ascendant, transiting Sun just entered our ascendant when we broke up
transiting Mercury is squaring our Jupiter/Saturn conjunction (communication causing conflict with our happiness and committment?)

Thank you
Melisa
 

Attachments

  • Progressed composite with transits--break-up.gif
    Progressed composite with transits--break-up.gif
    62.5 KB · Views: 30

melisa

Well-known member
I just noticed something about the composite and transits:

Composite Neptune is exactly squared Lilith,
which is exactly trine Ceres,
which is exactly inconjunct Neptune.

Transiting Mars 9 Capricorn is exac sextile composite Neptune,
and exactly square comp. Ceres
and exactly semi-sextile composite lilith

This got my attention as they are exact. I wonder if this means Mars (anger, conflict) got "in the way" of that 3-way exact aspect between hidden emotions and letting go (lilith), nurturance (Ceres) and illusions/romance (Neptune)?

Melisa
 

Zarathu

Account Closed
I'm presuming that neither of you have moved from NYC during your whole lives.

If so, while a natal synastry can help, by this time in your lives a progressed synastry might be of more assistance.

The 2ndary progressed chart may be more likely to show how you are today.

The Tertiary progressed chart will show what kinds of tender emotional spots you are both going through.

The Minor progressed chart will show what kinds thought patterns are likely to be sensitive for you both now.

When you compared the progressed synastry, you may get a better picture of your actual position in your mid 50's than the natal synastry did for when you were just young kids.
 

melisa

Well-known member
Zarathu---
I looked up the tertiary progressions chart and tertiary minor progressions chart for him and then for meat break up time---the closest aspects were:

--In my tertiary progressed natal, Neptune was exactly conjunct transiting Sun

---In his tertiary progressive chart, his Node was exac. conjunct my natal Sun
His Saturn was exactly conjunct my natal 7th house
His Mercury was exactly conjunct transiting Mars

I don't know how to work with these types of charts, but I would guess that the transiting Sun was awakening my healing (Nept)?
And there was a connection as we parted between his destiny (node) and me (my Sun)? And his Saturn was putting a damper, limitation, ending, and lesson on my relationship area...and transiting Mars was fueling his Merc communicatin with anger and impulsivity?

I ddin't see anything on astro.com for looking up a 2ndry progressed chart, or for progressed synastry...do you know where to get those?

Any feedback would be appreciated.
Thank you
Melisa
 

Zarathu

Account Closed
Zarathu---
I looked up the tertiary progressions chart and tertiary minor progressions chart for him and then for meat break up time---the closest aspects were:

--In my tertiary progressed natal, Neptune was exactly conjunct transiting Sun

---In his tertiary progressive chart, his Node was exac. conjunct my natal Sun
His Saturn was exactly conjunct my natal 7th house
His Mercury was exactly conjunct transiting Mars

The only tertiary and minor progressed charts which I have found to be at all accurate are those produced by Haloran AstrolDeluxe. I presume that you don't have that program. So I'd be happy to help but you'll need to answer my question in the above post.
 

melisa

Well-known member
Zarathu===
No I don't have the program and am not familiar with those types of progressed charts. Re: your question on where we live, we have traveled other places, but in terms of residence yes we each live in NY.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you
Melisa
 

thelivingsky

Well-known member
One would think the nodes being trine or sextile the Stellium in the Composite would be good. But for longevity it seems that it doesn't contribute. It seems counterintuitive that having the nodes square the stellium or the ASC/DESC axis is an indicator of a lasting relationship, but it is what I have seen.
 

melisa

Well-known member
We had other indicators in the composite and the synastry that helped with longevity (Comp. Sun and Venus in Taurus, Saturn and Pluto aspects, for example)---helping it to last the several years that it lasted.

The composite node also conjuncts Pluto (deep and psychological, fated relationship), and opposes Chiron (wounding and healing taking place between us). His progressed node was exactly conjunct my natal Sun....I am wondering how these relate to the relationship and ending?

Thank you
Melisa
 

thelivingsky

Well-known member
The only work I do with synastry, except for looking for really big obvious negative indicators, is to recommend specific practices and interventions to improve existing relationships. I've never seriously studied progressions. It seems I can make really accurate determinations with composite and basic synastry.

I do agree that Pluto on a node in a composite indicates a very profound relationship that needs to involve very deep psychological growth. But both partners have to accept this challenge or it becomes a negative.
Thanks!
 
Top