Emotionally Abusive Childhood Friend and I Both Have Grand Earth Trines in Birthchart

PeacefulHeart · Jul 9, 2011

For the heck of it, I decided to look up a childhood friend's natal chart. This girl (now a woman) had a very negative influence in my life. She was very emotionally abusive and controlling. I was very surprised to see that she has a Grand Earth Trine (as do I).

I am wondering if there is anything in either of our charts that points to why she may have latched on to me. Could she have subconsciously sensed our similarities and latched on to me? Did she sense that I was weak in one area and that she had room to pounce? Was she weak in an area and saw one of my strengths as a way to balance herself out? I am intrigued about the possibility that some of this could be explained in our birth charts.

It may help if I give you a bit of a background about my friendship with this girl, so here goes:

I met her in junior high school, when I was 11. She had switched schools. She had always been overweight and because of this, other kids made fun of her. I remember her first day of school and how the other kids in our class didn't want to sit beside her because of the way she looked. I thought it was a stupid reason to judge someone and I sat beside her anyway. I decided to give her a chance. However, after time, I discovered the sort of person she really was.

Our "friendship" started out as a lie. She agreed to stop spreading rumours about me if I became friends with her (it sounds bizarre, but hey, this was junior high!) and from the start, she tried to get whatever she could from me. She used me for school lunches and convinced me to do her homework for her (ie. "a good friend would never let me fail".) She also controlled who I talked to and what I wore. She was very power-oriented and wanted to make sure that she looked better than me.

Even the teachers/staff at school couldn't figure out why we were friends. We seemed to be opposites. But over time, she completely crushed my self esteem and destroyed all of the other friendships that I had. I finally had enough during my first year of high school and stopped talking to her. However, she tried really hard to regain contact with me. She was a very toxic person and my family hated her.

I don't have any hard feelings towards her now. I realize that she did the things she did because of her upbringing and how she came to understand the world. Her mom was very verbally abusive with her and sometimes hit her. I think she felt powerless and sought out ways to make herself feel more in control.

Anyway, it's interesting that we both have Grand Earth Trines, and both of our Moons are in the Trines (in Virgo, nonetheless). It may be interesting to add that her Trine forms a Kite with Mercury and Mercury is a part of my Trine.

But, please take a look and let me know if you notice anything unusual about our charts. Don't let my insights/background info make you biased

Thank you.

R4VEN · Jul 12, 2011

I am not so interested in the grand trines since without your friend's birthtime you cannot be sure of the position of her moon. However, you both have a heavy influence of earth in your natal charts, plus a deficit of fire, so this is something you have in common.

As far as the emotional abuse goes, your friend has a difficult Pluto - where Pluto describes how we express power and control, among other things. Her Pluto is inconjunct her Sun and opposite Jupiter, a combination which creates the potential for misuse of power through manipulation of others. As you have already stated, this would have been as a reaction to misuse of others' power over her whilst she was young. Thus, she came into junior high needing a `power fix' so that she could feel safe in the world.

In contrast, you have the chart of a sensitive person who may not be clear about your own boundaries. Your Cap sun sits between Neptune and Saturn, each of which will colour your sun's expression - Neptune will highly sensitise you, and render you unsure about whether something is as you perceive it to be, while Saturn will give you a sense of having to be responsible and sensible, even when you don't want to be.

I think that she latched on to you because she sensed your uncertainty about boundaries. She would also have sensed your kindness and your valuing of relationships (your Venus-ruled chart). On a much deeper level also I feel that she was perhaps searching for understanding, and maybe even redemption. Perhaps she sensed your forgiving nature. She needed to feel power in her world, but she also needed to be acknowledged and loved, and she did not feel this in her own home.

I think that it is amazing that you became friends.

astrologer50 · Jul 12, 2011

Your friends chart has sun quincunx pluto and I feel this is probably responsible for the manipulations. Quite oftentimes, Scorpio IC with Pluto conj suggests some kind of abuse within family.

Sun Quincunx (Inconjunct) Pluto

You are forced to focus, time and again, on details that you would prefer to ignore. When life slows down or becomes uncomfortable, simplify and be patient. You are changing and growing in ways that you can scarcely perceive. Stay involved in your everyday routines and only force a change on yourself when you feel stuck in some repetitive pattern.

http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/quincunxinterpretations.html

the sun part suffers from constant unrest and tension, without knowing why. Often it gives enormous ambition and desire to remain viable and in control, and this can be why they enjoy manipulating others.

Jupiter opposition Pluto
The opposition of Jupiter and Pluto shows questioning of social ideology. You challenge dogma by asserting your own views, which may often be out of step with those of society. Autocratic attitudes and a lack of humility can cause a loss of popularity. This is a powerful placement for Jupiter, the planet associated with religious and philosophic issues. You may have much to offer in correcting social injustices. http://www.skyscript.co.uk/jupiteraspects.html#juopl

sun square saturn shows a lack of rapport with father and sun square neptune shows no clear self image. So by exerting control over others, maybe this helped her develop character .
Mercury square uranus shows argumentativeness, mercury square saturn can cause inferiority complex

Mercury square Saturn
The square between Mercury and Saturn suggests mental restraint and strong ties to traditional ways of thinking. Mental processes are on the pessimistic side. You worry too much, often about unimportant details. You have much concern about succeeding or failing to succeed. Your education may have been rigidly disciplined and conforming to traditional doctrine. There is a tendency because of this, to uphold the established order and resist change. http://www.skyscript.co.uk/mercuryaspects.html#mesju

astrologer50 · Jul 12, 2011

Anyway, it's interesting that we both have Grand Earth Trines, and both of our Moons are in the Trines (in Virgo, nonetheless). It may be interesting to add that her Trine forms a Kite with Mercury and Mercury is a part of my Trine.

But, please take a look and let me know if you notice anything unusual about our charts. Don't let my insights/background info make you biased

your ex friend has a kite, not grand trine. Your chart is hugely lobsided in placidus

You have calculated your chart using the default on astro.com of placidus and I use Equal House system and am a modern astrologer. Lots of people that come into Astrology get their free charts calculated at www.astro.com and the default ‘house system’ used is Placidus and think that’s just the norm and all that there is……..BUT that is just the tip of the iceberg. You can change the default on astro.com in Extended Chart selection to Equal house and a few more.

Throughout the forums but mainly in natal astrology there are two main branches Placidus (unequal size houses) v Equal House (whereby each house is same size) but lots more……. For more information on these go here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equal_house_system#Equal_House
http://www.astrolozy.com/article19.asp
http://www.skyviewzone.com/birthinfoforms2/housesexplained.htm
For further research try here...
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3280&highlight=placidus+equal
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=638&highlight=house+system
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?p=152849#post152849
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?p=189223#post189223

It's only with study and research will you be able to assess where your planets are deposited and in which houses... thus see which 'glove fits'

Now your stellium in Capricorn in 8th house Equal house
stelliums in houses
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080418162943AA1TzLE
http://www.lunarliving.org/astrology/stellium_grandquintile.shtml
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33102
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/aspects2.html

http://www.skyscript.co.uk/temples/h8.html

The Mysteries of the 8th House: House of Death & Transformation
by Carmen Turner-Schott
http://www.ofspirit.com/carmenturnerschott1.htm

your chart lacks the element of air or planets in air houses, which can suggest a bit of 'sweeping statement syndrome' with no enough clear thought process put behind speech patterns.

Lack of elements
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18077
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/elements.html
http://www.astrology.aryabhatt.com/Astrology_Elements.asp
http://www.bobmarksastrologer.com/EmptyElement12.1.htm
http://www.astrologyclub.org/article.../inferior2.htm

moon square venus suggests whomever you attracted to romantically don't always fulfill you emotionally and vice versa
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24933&highlight=venus+square+moon

when Saturn and Uranus fall in the same sign or house we get caught in a cleft stick, wanting to make changes but fearing to let go of the old.

Saturn conj Neptune -this can be a 'fear of the unknown' aspect and quite poss having your dreams, aspiratons crushed in early childhood by father and/or authority figures
http://astrologyforthesoul.com/billstreett/satnepgestalt.html

PeacefulHeart · Jul 13, 2011

R4VEN said:
As far as the emotional abuse goes, your friend has a difficult Pluto - where Pluto describes how we express power and control, among other things. Her Pluto is inconjunct her Sun and opposite Jupiter, a combination which creates the potential for misuse of power through manipulation of others. As you have already stated, this would have been as a reaction to misuse of others' power over her whilst she was young. Thus, she came into junior high needing a `power fix' so that she could feel safe in the world.

This is interesting. Thanks for the insight.

In contrast, you have the chart of a sensitive person who may not be clear about your own boundaries. Your Cap sun sits between Neptune and Saturn, each of which will colour your sun's expression - Neptune will highly sensitise you, and render you unsure about whether something is as you perceive it to be, while Saturn will give you a sense of having to be responsible and sensible, even when you don't want to be.

Thanks. I was wondering if the fact that all three planets were in close distance of each other was significant and what it might mean. Both points are very true.

I think that she latched on to you because she sensed your uncertainty about boundaries.

Yes, I was thinking the same thing.

She would also have sensed your kindness and your valuing of relationships (your Venus-ruled chart).

She probably did. As for my chart being ruled by Venus, that was something I didn't know. I know that my Mars being in Aries means that it is in its home sign and that it is dignified. However, maybe the dignity it receives there is weakened because it is in my 12th house. My Saturn is also in its home in Capricorn. However, like Mars, it receives no dignity there (but maybe isn't weakened there.) Venus isn't in its home sign in Sagittarius, but it receives mutual reception with Jupiter in Taurus. Being that Venus is in its dignified house, does that make its influence stronger than Mars and Saturn? If so, why?

Sorry for asking so many questions. But, I'm just starting out in Astrology and want to learn all that I can and the reasons why the planets have the influence they do in charts.

On a much deeper level also I feel that she was perhaps searching for understanding, and maybe even redemption. Perhaps she sensed your forgiving nature. She needed to feel power in her world, but she also needed to be acknowledged and loved, and she did not feel this in her own home.

Yes, I think so. One of her manipulation tactics was telling me that I was the only one who truly understood her and that she couldn't bear to be without me. (She threatened to commit suicide and then blame it on me, if I ever stopped being friends with her. Though, she is very much alive today.)

I think that it is amazing that you became friends.

Thanks. Though, I seem to attract people like her. I was actually wondering if there was something in my chart that branded me as over-sympathetic, sensitive, and merciful, and whether my chart shows the potential to be abused by others. Though, I think that some of the insights you have provided in your post fit that. I'm not trying to blame my misfortunes on others. I'm just interested in seeing if there is some sort of correlation.

astrologer50 · Jul 13, 2011

She probably did. As for my chart being ruled by Venus, that was something I didn't know. I know that my Mars being in Aries means that it is in its home sign and that it is dignified. However, maybe the dignity it receives there is weakened because it is in my 12th house. My Saturn is also in its home in Capricorn. However, like Mars, it receives no dignity there (but maybe isn't weakened there.)[Yep, having anything in 12th house ain't good] Venus isn't in its home sign in Sagittarius, but it receives mutual reception with Jupiter in Taurus. Being that Venus is in its [accidentally] dignified house, does that make its influence stronger than Mars and Saturn? If so, why?

Sorry for asking so many questions. But, I'm just starting out in Astrology and want to learn all that I can and the reasons why the planets have the influence they do in charts.

mars in 12th suggests that perhaps you were not able to act (mars) openly, express yourself or have a temper tantrum on childhood.quite poss sent to your room to cool off and thereby 'learnt' not to express overtly as it didn't bring/get the results.
Some of the terminology you are using/asking about is Traditional astrology and Modern astrologers, whilst taking into account some of these do not focus primarily on them. Remember planets are modified by signs,where they express are houses and how they express are *aspects*

Re: Need some education: Which charts to use when?
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=17514

Beginning to Study Astrology
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showpost.php?p=154469&postcount=10
http://www.soulhealing.com/tutorialwest.htm
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/learn-astrology/astrology-glyphs.php

I was actually wondering if there was something in my chart that branded me as over-sympathetic, sensitive, and merciful, and whether my chart shows the potential to be abused by others

Taurus Asc is very placid and laid back, practical and sensuous. I can't see anything that could directly be linked to abuse. Although sun conj neptune in childhood may not have given you any clear image and the people around you 'fed you' the wrong image to maintain control

mutual reception
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutual_reception
detriment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Detriment_(astrology)
http://altairastrology.wordpress.com/2008/03/03/understanding-the-three-debilities-of-detriment-fall-and-being-perigrine/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_dignity

Exaltation
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exaltation_(astrology)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fall_(astrology)

PeacefulHeart · Jul 13, 2011

@astrologer50

I'm going to move half of your reply to my thread about needing help reading my natal chart. I think it will make more sense to keep the conversations distinct. The thread is here: http://astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38054

astrologer50 said:
Your friends chart has sun quincunx pluto and I feel this is probably responsible for the manipulations.

The sun part suffers from constant unrest and tension, without knowing why. Often it gives enormous ambition and desire to remain viable and in control, and this can be why they enjoy manipulating others.

This is an interesting insight. Thanks for sharing.

sun square saturn shows a lack of rapport with father and sun square neptune shows no clear self image. So by exerting control over others, maybe this helped her develop character.

Hmm. I think she had a decent relationship with her father. At least, it was better than her relationship with her mother. She always thought of herself as a "Daddy's girl", so she probably did have some rapport there. Though, he wasn't able to stop her mother from raging against her. So, maybe that's where the tension is in this aspect. Though, being that Saturn can also represent rules and the Sun represents aspirations of the ego, couldn't this aspect be alternatively interpreted as meaning that she didn't like rules or felt trapped by them? I think that suits her better. But, I agree about the latter part, at least when she was that age.

Mercury square uranus shows argumentativeness

Yes, this is definitely true.

mercury square saturn can cause inferiority complex

To be honest, I think I'm the one with more of an inferiority complex. :pinched:

If anything, she had the opposite problem. She wanted to make people fear her. Though, she may have had (or still have) inner turmoil that I never knew about. Regardless, she did feel like a victim and that her tactics were justified.

astrologer50 said:
your ex friend has a kite, not grand trine.

Okay. I wasn't sure about that. My Grand Trine also forms a kite (well, two), if you include Ceres (sextiles with Jupiter and Mercury) and Vesta (sextiles with Moon and Mercury). But, I know that quite a few astrologers don't put much weight on asteroids and such, and that some insist that shapes must be made from planets only.

I can't see anything that could directly be linked to abuse. Although sun conj neptune in childhood may not have given you any clear image and the people around you 'fed you' the wrong image to maintain control

Yes, I can see this in myself.

astrologer50 · Jul 14, 2011

Okay. I wasn't sure about that. My Grand Trine also forms a kite (well, two), if you include Ceres (sextiles with Jupiter and Mercury) and Vesta (sextiles with Moon and Mercury). But, I know that quite a few astrologers don't put much weight on asteroids and such, and that some insist that shapes must be made from planets only.

ceres, Node, vertex are all 'points' asteriods and are not usually considered in aspect configurations.

Emotionally Abusive Childhood Friend and I Both Have Grand Earth Trines in Birthchart

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