Emotionally Out of Sorts

Good Day everyone… (warning my post is a little long… I am a Sag who talks a lot! LOL! )

Since 2018 has started I have been feeling *emotionally* out of sorts. Been having a very hard time shaking sadness about relationships, etc. As a Sag I normally bounce back so quickly.. but since early March I find myself feeling so very low. Rehashing my life, past mistakes, and all of that. Where I feel this sorrow and confusion the most is in regards to love. I have been (technically) single for all of my adult life and I used to be okay with it, but since this past Valentine’s Day I find it absolutely unbearable and the sadness is excruciating. I have been in an online/long distance relationship with an Aries male for 6 years now, and it’s been making me sad lately. We have no future as a couple. I always knew it and I was okay with what we were and what we have, but it’s like a switch has flipped inside of me and I feel so distant with him. We’ll always be best friends but some dynamic between us has changed. What has complicated matters is I have developed some romantic feelings for a Piscean male friend, that just hit me out of the blue and came out of nowhere! He has a girlfriend - so I don’t intend to pursue it unless his relationship status changes - but there are moments when he and I are together that I feel this energy between us. He looks me in the eyes with a look I can’t discern or describe and he just takes my hand in his and I feel a strong attraction and intense connection with him. Sometimes I think he feels it too, but I second guess myself so much when it comes to men, and my self doubt has gotten worse lately. I don’t know whether I can trust my instincts anymore. I feel unsure and confused about everything.

I am 35 and I would love to have a **real** relationship/partnership in my life. I’ve been yearning for it so badly this year. So intensely.. I actually feel pain and I just can’t shake it, I am tired of being alone. It’s cutting into my soul. I have been hoping that maybe 2018 could change all of that but the Doubting Thomas side of me is afraid nothing is going to change. Ever.

I know Jupiter is in retrograde right now, and I had wondered if that could be part of my problem so I decided to do some of my own research with the limited astrological knowledge that I have. I’ve looked at my chart and I see that Pluto has been transiting my 5th house, and apparently since January of this year Neptune has been transiting my 7th house. In my natal chart I have Pisces in the 7th house. I am wondering if these factors are attributing to my emotional confusion, especially regarding love?

I appreciate *ANY* insight or advice. I want to learn, grow, and make positive changes to help me through this difficult period in my personal life.

kandi-- I had just written you a long reply and accidentally deleted it. I hate it when that happens. But briefly, transiting Neptune is messing with your 7th house of committed relationships and with your Sagittarian planets. With Pluto playing around your Mars, you probably feel very angry, as well.

If you know some astrology, can you talk about these transits?

But the main thing is, to do what you can to stop feeling so needy. It is a real turn-off for any relationship you might want to initiate, because it's too much of a burden for the other person. With your NN and the moon in your 9th house, see if you can take a foreign vacation, or develop an interest in religion or a secular life philosophy. Maybe take some university classes on-line or at your nearest campus. The 9th house and your Jupiterian nature rule these horizon-expanding activities.

You already know how to be a great single, and there's more where that came from. Next Valentine's Day, perhaps you could give valentines to shut-in people in care facilities, or your local homeless shelter. Maybe you could organize your friends to make a project out of this.

One book I highly recommend is Marjorie Hillis, Live Alone and Like It. It was written in the 1930s and is still wonderful today.

In the meantime, I assume you're doing all the right things to meet good eligible men.

This too shall pass.

Thank you for your comment and advice. As a Sag, I LOVE freedom and independence. I definitely value my own. I would never want to suffocate someone I care for so I definitely understand what you’re saying to me. I believe my renewed interest in astrology as well as online classes I have started taking earlier this month has helped me direct some of my energy and in a positive way. But eventually the sad thoughts start creeping in and when it hits I try to find ways to escape it. But I don’t always succeed.

I don’t feel angry. I very rarely get angry. (at least I don’t think I do) What I experience is debilitating sadness. Horrible crying fits. I had been focusing on the Pluto/Neptune aspects I’ve been having, that I didn’t really consider Mars and his affect.

As for meeting people, I am working on that slowly. I have suffered with General and Social Anxiety Disorder since i was 18. It’s only been in the past year or so that I have started going out more and trying to be more social when I am with new people instead of people I already know and my family. For me it is a process, but I think I am getting better with it. I am less scared than I used to be. Being lonely and alone was part of my general life for so long that I thought I was used to it, but since Neptune has entered my 7th — I have started to feel soooooo much worse about it.

This may be naive but there was a part of me that is hoping that the restlessness I have been feeling preparing me for a major positive change coming in my life. I know I can’t expect a relationship to somehow fill a hole that’s inside me - only I can do that. But it would be nice to have someone to share my life with, and I keep hoping the time will come soon… if that makes any sense…

kandi, it sounds like you're doing a bunch of stuff right.

You have what is known as a "bucket" or even a "funnel" chart, with most of your planets concentrated in just a few houses, with a big focus in your third and 4th houses. These houses relate to one's home, parents, and early childhood (4th house) as well as your siblings (if any) and neighbourhood. I. .e, life close to home.

Where you would seem to be less comfortable is being "out there" in terms of your career, public imagine, and horizon-expanding activities like travel. But your moon in stability-loving Taurus in the 9th house reminds me of a poster my daughter used to have in her room, "Home is where the heart is, but your soul needs to get out once in awhile."

Transiting Pluto conjunct your Mars may contribute to your feelings of restlessness. Actually, right now Jupiter is trining your descendant (7th house cusp.) This should be a boost to your meeting someone, but it can't happen without some effort on your part to get out more in circulation.