Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
She is already telling me to wait until she gets back home so we can discuss this at length. She regrets this incident now.
Why do people have to be like this. I'm so confused by this behavior.
My GF and I - long-term staying power?
- Thread starter Dubyadude1986
- Start date
She is already telling me to wait until she gets back home so we can discuss this at length. She regrets this incident now.
Why do people have to be like this. I'm so confused by this behavior.
astrobunny
Well-known member
Are you going to meet with her? From what I've seen in this thread, she doesn't sound very good for your emotional health
Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
No. I told her that i can't do this half-way, kind-sorta thing. I told her i will move on without real commitment.
astrobunny
Well-known member
Good! It's important to know your needs.
That is the energy of the multi-quincunxes/
She feels the same confusion as you do. But the problem is that she will have a hard time ever gaining any clarity. All of these disparate voices are within her head, and when she chooses one and goes with it, the other 5 are in disagreement.
Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
These people with these characteristics are highly functional. She thinks she is the walking example and is healthy as a horse and works very hard.
I don't know. It beats on people like me, but they get what they want and are very happy.
New ish soul. Easy mission. Cake life. Plateaued.
I don't know. It beats on people like me, but they get what they want and are very happy.
New ish soul. Easy mission. Cake life. Plateaued.
Tessie
Banned
That is the energy of the multi-quincunxes/
She feels the same confusion as you do. But the problem is that she will have a hard time ever gaining any clarity. All of these disparate voices are within her head, and when she chooses one and goes with it, the other 5 are in disagreement.
Just out of interest, KD, are those five smileys (i.e., the ninja, the bandit, the policeman, the devil and the cool dude) identies of the five different voices? <3 it. x x x
LOL...yup....the voices in my head. I have a few quincunxes as well.
Tessie
Banned
As with so many things in life, it's take it or leave it. You've already made the decision to take her as she is, accepting she'll always leave and always come back. So, when she does leave and you know she's bound to come back, why are you so bloody down? Can't you just be happy in anticipation of her return? You are living the lifestyle you've chosen. I get that it's not ideal, but what is?
Kitchy
Banned
Dub -
It bites to be all tore-up over stuff like this. Deep-feelers have it the worst. That 8th house you got lends you feeling like your whole life depends on one certain thing. It takes a long time, well beyond late 20's / Saturn return, for most people to come to grips with the dynamics of loss of control over someone or something. You might read back in a couple of your early threads or threads you were part of - about the Pluto 8th domicile with personal planets and maybe you'll find a bit of comfort or acceptance of how this works.
I think I mentioned in one of them (?) That Pluto's ultimate control is to realize that if they want some thing or some one, so badly, that it then controls them, which is the antithesis of what Pluto in 8th is about - controlling other things and other people. The snake eats in own tail. Infinity.
You had mentioned in a different thread about your view on relationships if this one didn't work out, which I mentioned to ask what it was that was prompting the question. I saw then, that you had doubts even amidst your bliss of this relationship crashing. Maybe if you can review your thoughts that led to the question, you might see how you could have found the answer then?
Sometimes when a bone is broken and set, it hasn't set well, and it needs to be rebroken and re-set. That is Saturn's specialty.
It never hurts to go astro scientist on your chart, starting from the first meeting chart (if you have one or could replicate it by known time of meeting)or a significant turning point in the relationship and look at where Moon was in that chart and go from there. fateful dates of some sort. Moon kept moving through the chart up until and during now, and though it takes time and thought and memory of so many years between, you can see where the moon takes the relationship - the planets it aspects, their house rulers, etc. Forensics.
This takes a good amount of willing self-awareness to see where the rough points were highlighted and how you handled them then and up to now. It's amazing to see how it actually all plays out.
I feel for you on such a deep level about the kids. It hurts, and somewhere there is a feeling of guilt or abandonment of them that you're probably feeling. Another Saturn specialty. It doesn't matter if you are the cause or if she is - it's always Saturn duty to deal with residual mess, literal or figurative.
On a natal chart level - the quest in life for finding the perfect mate goes on and on - and it's boggling because perfection comes in so many shades and colors depending on what we are needing at the time (moon). Our ideals of perfection change through life, and I'm always wondering of those whose ideals don't change - are they stuck in that 8th house way? Where Saturn is rigid, Pluto is unyielding. Where Saturn is willing to bend to readjust, Pluto is willing to destroy before having to readjust.
My take on all of this - Your Saturn returned with open arms to your life. To rub your face in repeating mistakes and in as such, causing much more damage to yourself. So look to the Saturn square and op periods of your life thus far and see where this lesson was already taught but not heeded.
I'm 55 and am still doing this work. Saturn shows our weak spots, our achilles heel. And he keeps showing it until we learn how to strengthen them so they aren't weak anymore, or at least, less weak.
The other thing I wanted to say is that since I met you on the forum, you have spelled out a lot about your life and yourself, which indicates to me that you are on a quest of understanding, so I hope you accept my offering as guidance and not judgements.
Dub's 8th house watch in this life is to master and control (saturn and pluto) himself, not others, and not finding himself through others. You and I have similar hades moon and node stuff if I can recall.
P.S. - the astro scientist study I mentioned earlier has a really great residual effect on getting over heartbreak and loss - it elevates your thinking to the intellectual (study) and it's like an anesthetic to the emotional (dwelling on it).
There is a really good book - not a tome, just an inspirational book that has helped me through love breakups when I was too worn torn at the moments to do the astro scientist work. It brought me a lot of comfort.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love
By: Melba Colgrove, Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield
Prelude Press / 1993 / Paperback
If I can offer my urgent but untimely hunch, as well, I really think that once you get your career back on track - your perspective will widen on this matter, and you will realize how much time you put into her and the relationship that took you away from your sustainability. That's usually what goes on around those times.
Always sending truthful Kitchy lovin' to ya Dub.
It bites to be all tore-up over stuff like this. Deep-feelers have it the worst. That 8th house you got lends you feeling like your whole life depends on one certain thing. It takes a long time, well beyond late 20's / Saturn return, for most people to come to grips with the dynamics of loss of control over someone or something. You might read back in a couple of your early threads or threads you were part of - about the Pluto 8th domicile with personal planets and maybe you'll find a bit of comfort or acceptance of how this works.
I think I mentioned in one of them (?) That Pluto's ultimate control is to realize that if they want some thing or some one, so badly, that it then controls them, which is the antithesis of what Pluto in 8th is about - controlling other things and other people. The snake eats in own tail. Infinity.
You had mentioned in a different thread about your view on relationships if this one didn't work out, which I mentioned to ask what it was that was prompting the question. I saw then, that you had doubts even amidst your bliss of this relationship crashing. Maybe if you can review your thoughts that led to the question, you might see how you could have found the answer then?
Sometimes when a bone is broken and set, it hasn't set well, and it needs to be rebroken and re-set. That is Saturn's specialty.
It never hurts to go astro scientist on your chart, starting from the first meeting chart (if you have one or could replicate it by known time of meeting)or a significant turning point in the relationship and look at where Moon was in that chart and go from there. fateful dates of some sort. Moon kept moving through the chart up until and during now, and though it takes time and thought and memory of so many years between, you can see where the moon takes the relationship - the planets it aspects, their house rulers, etc. Forensics.
This takes a good amount of willing self-awareness to see where the rough points were highlighted and how you handled them then and up to now. It's amazing to see how it actually all plays out.
I feel for you on such a deep level about the kids. It hurts, and somewhere there is a feeling of guilt or abandonment of them that you're probably feeling. Another Saturn specialty. It doesn't matter if you are the cause or if she is - it's always Saturn duty to deal with residual mess, literal or figurative.
On a natal chart level - the quest in life for finding the perfect mate goes on and on - and it's boggling because perfection comes in so many shades and colors depending on what we are needing at the time (moon). Our ideals of perfection change through life, and I'm always wondering of those whose ideals don't change - are they stuck in that 8th house way? Where Saturn is rigid, Pluto is unyielding. Where Saturn is willing to bend to readjust, Pluto is willing to destroy before having to readjust.
My take on all of this - Your Saturn returned with open arms to your life. To rub your face in repeating mistakes and in as such, causing much more damage to yourself. So look to the Saturn square and op periods of your life thus far and see where this lesson was already taught but not heeded.
I'm 55 and am still doing this work. Saturn shows our weak spots, our achilles heel. And he keeps showing it until we learn how to strengthen them so they aren't weak anymore, or at least, less weak.
The other thing I wanted to say is that since I met you on the forum, you have spelled out a lot about your life and yourself, which indicates to me that you are on a quest of understanding, so I hope you accept my offering as guidance and not judgements.
Dub's 8th house watch in this life is to master and control (saturn and pluto) himself, not others, and not finding himself through others. You and I have similar hades moon and node stuff if I can recall.
P.S. - the astro scientist study I mentioned earlier has a really great residual effect on getting over heartbreak and loss - it elevates your thinking to the intellectual (study) and it's like an anesthetic to the emotional (dwelling on it).
There is a really good book - not a tome, just an inspirational book that has helped me through love breakups when I was too worn torn at the moments to do the astro scientist work. It brought me a lot of comfort.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love
By: Melba Colgrove, Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield
Prelude Press / 1993 / Paperback
If I can offer my urgent but untimely hunch, as well, I really think that once you get your career back on track - your perspective will widen on this matter, and you will realize how much time you put into her and the relationship that took you away from your sustainability. That's usually what goes on around those times.
Always sending truthful Kitchy lovin' to ya Dub.
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Highly functional, I totally agree. Gets what she 'wants'---agreed. But 'very happy'? I am not so sure about that. How many marriages did you say she had? Divorces are very traumatic for all involved. Especially this children. It could not have been HAPPPY all the time during the dissolution of the marriages.
I think the drama of emotional endings and returning to lost loves is very exciting to her. That may make her 'happy' to go through that experience over and over? But can't be good for the children, in my opinion.
Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
She didn't deserve me. She doesn't now.
One day, the roles will be reversed and I will not stop or look back. I can't believe I loved this person.
The visit shocked me. The way she acted, quite frankly, made this easy now. Insulting. Used me for money to take the kids on this trip. All it was. This woman isn't a good person. The devil in a red dress. Uses people. It took me ten years to see. I am jaded, I do not wish her well.
I read rahus writings and as far as I'm concerned my node can get to work.
That means something, when I go there. She deserves that chart. Makes sense now.
One day, the roles will be reversed and I will not stop or look back. I can't believe I loved this person.
The visit shocked me. The way she acted, quite frankly, made this easy now. Insulting. Used me for money to take the kids on this trip. All it was. This woman isn't a good person. The devil in a red dress. Uses people. It took me ten years to see. I am jaded, I do not wish her well.
I read rahus writings and as far as I'm concerned my node can get to work.
That means something, when I go there. She deserves that chart. Makes sense now.
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Tessie
Banned
She didn't deserve me. She doesn't now.
One day, the roles will be reversed and I will not stop or look back. I can't believe I loved this person.
The visit shocked me. The way she acted, quite frankly, made this easy now. Insulting. Used me for money to take the kids on this trip. All it was. This woman isn't a good person. The devil in a red dress. Uses people. It took me ten years to see. I am jaded, I do not wish her well.
I read rahus writings and as far as I'm concerned my node can get to work.
YEY, you are seeing clearly, again! It may help you to write down your feelings and conclusions so that, if and when she tries to come back, you are not pulled in, again, through your emotions. In order to move on, you must also endeavor to forgive her completely. It will only liberate you.
Don't forget to have a great day!
Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
Thank you guys. I am doing my best. The hardest person to be honest with is myself. Everyone else is good...
And now I can see clearly. It still hurts a lot, but I know what happened...
I am still concerned though, despite the jupiter transit coming up, i am abotu to have DML transit 8th H Pluto Moon Mars in Scorp.
Are women going to terrorize me for a few years?
And now I can see clearly. It still hurts a lot, but I know what happened...
I am still concerned though, despite the jupiter transit coming up, i am abotu to have DML transit 8th H Pluto Moon Mars in Scorp.
Are women going to terrorize me for a few years?
StillOne
Well-known member
I was wondering where Neptune became involved and took a closer look at your natal to find you have Mercury conjunct Neptune:
source: https://cafeastrology.com/natal/mercuryneptuneaspects.html
Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
Yes. That is very true. I'm a dreamer, but I know I'm not the only one.
I am very unhappy with my chart as a whole. Constantly focusing on self and inward sounds like a lot of work and a lot of being alone.
I can't be with someone like me. Her nature was very healthy for me when she valued our relationship. I am so not about self it's not even funny... That is just not what I want.
I am very unhappy with my chart as a whole. Constantly focusing on self and inward sounds like a lot of work and a lot of being alone.
I can't be with someone like me. Her nature was very healthy for me when she valued our relationship. I am so not about self it's not even funny... That is just not what I want.
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sibylline
Well-known member
I don't think her nature was ever healthy for you, you just may have not noticed it wasn't. I can see why, based on your charts, you were attracted to her but you are two different people.
I do hope you give this relationship up for good. I've seen people say the things you've said and go back to the person, even if it was a year or more later. This is not a good idea...sever those ties.
Tessie
Banned
Duby, I hope you don't mind me asking you to clarify something you said in your quote above:
"Constantly focusing on self and inward sounds like a lot of work and a lot of being alone...I am so not about self it's not even funny... That is just not what I want."
Did I read somewhere that you are a Christian? If so, you do understand the purpose of your life is to overcome the self and not to focus constantly on it, anyway, right?
You appear to argue that being with this woman alleviates your focus on self. Yet Christianity says committing sexual sin is an act of self-righteousness.
"But Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me. For you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” Then Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? " (Matt. 16:23-26) Jesus showed we can't be His disciples and pursue our own agenda at the same time. It simply does not work. It's like chasing after two rabbits who are running in opposite directions: it is a losing game.
When Jesus said, "take up his cross," He wants you to know following Him is no rabbit chasing game. It is hard, and it is supposed to be hard. But, doing it our way, the self-ish way, is doing it the harder way. Is it hard to walk by faith and not by sight? Yes. However, it is not damaging. But the sin of sexual immorality is backed up by a plethora of scientific evidence. One line of evidence, as it relates to your predicament with this woman, shows the oxytocin you produce every time you so much as hug her (because you like her) causes your brain to become increasingly emotionally bonded. Bonding emotionally to someone who destroys you emotionally is not a functional, logical or healthy way of behaving. And it starts because you follow self.
The Bible also says the man who follows Jesus Christ should submit to Him in leading his wife. Why? In order to protect her. By following the self, as you are, you are not protecting her. You encourage and facilitate her committing sexual sin for your self-gratification. What is more, she is the one who leads you! She comes and goes as she pleases and you are just along for the ride. It is an act of Christian kindness to be loving towards these fatherless children who also happen to have a mother who puts her self first. But it is not an act of Christian leadership to anyone in that family for you to be committing sexual sin as a father-figure. Do you care about them and God's Will for their life, which is to have godly parents, or do you prioritize your self?
"Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you workers of lawlessness.’ Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain fell, the torrents raged, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because its foundation was on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the torrents raged, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell—and great was its collapse! " (Matt. 7:22-27)
Mercury conjunct Neptune will have you wanting the self to be gone so that you can achieve that perfect selfless oneness which is perfected only in Love. But before you can achieve it, and in order to achieve it, Mercury conj. Neptune will have you deluded into thinking the self is not there and all is pure, only to find that it is not. And each time you find out this, you pierce the veil of delusion even more. The piercing of the veil is the point at which you are confronted by reality. It gives you insight into reality. Don't be shy; rip off the whole veil. That love that you so badly seek, the one that is real, the one which is built on a rock, which the storms can't damage, is the reality which confronts you, and wants you, and seeks to shape you into being the real-deal yourself. You should want that reality, the real slim-shady, not follow after the delusion (self).
Please note my intention is not to condemn but to convict. X x
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Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
Sure, I can clarify what I meant.
I am supposed to focus on my own happiness because I can't obtain it through others. Other people's happiness is important to me and making her happy was what made me happy. Not so much sexually, she was not even sexually attracted to me this time.
My weakness is always defining my happiness by my relationships and accomplishments, extrenal things. Not internal happiness.
I am supposed to focus on my own happiness because I can't obtain it through others. Other people's happiness is important to me and making her happy was what made me happy. Not so much sexually, she was not even sexually attracted to me this time.
My weakness is always defining my happiness by my relationships and accomplishments, extrenal things. Not internal happiness.
Dubyadude1986
Well-known member
"Mercury conjunct Neptune will have you wanting the self to be gone so that you can achieve that perfect selfless oneness which is perfected only in Love. But before you can achieve it, and in order to achieve it, Mercury conj. Neptune will have you deluded into thinking the self is not there and all is pure, only to find that it is not. And each time you find out this, you pierce the veil of delusion even more. The piercing of the veil is the point at which you are confronted by reality. It gives you insight into reality. Don't be shy; rip off the whole veil. That love that you so badly seek, the one that is real, the one which is built on a rock, which the storms can't damage, is the reality which confronts you, and wants you, and seeks to shape you into being the real-deal yourself. You should want that reality, the real slim-shady, not follow after the delusion (self)."
I am a christian and that resonated with me. This above sounds so good... I crave that love like something fierce.
I really need to figure out how to do this.
I am a christian and that resonated with me. This above sounds so good... I crave that love like something fierce.
I really need to figure out how to do this.