Hi,
I am not an experienced astrologer but I want to try to share my thoughts. The situation you are in is extreme, it´s like you are losing everything and I really feel for you.
Transit Pluto is going back and forth over your Sun and it is also making a sesquiquadrate to natal Chiron. Try to give in to Pluto and let Pluto help you to let go and release everything that you no longer need. Let the things you don´t need die. Try to be softer and more accepting towards yourself. Dedicate your sense of duty towards yourself and your own healing. Transit Pluto is pulling the rug out from beneath your feet to show you that you can find the security you need to feel within without the things you believe are what matters for your sense of safety, sense of worth and identity.
Your South Node is in the sixth house conjunct Saturn. Pluto is also in the sixth house. I am thinking that you may be a perfectionist, inflexible, orderly, focused on details, critical towards yourself and others and that you may stay stuck in situations you are not happy with for too long. You may plan too much, worry, analyze things too much and be obsessive and try to be in control over your life. Your North Node shows a need to surrender and have faith. If you try to remain in control and resist change you will go on overload and you will start to break down.
I am thinking that your upbringing may have made you think that your value lies in what you do, your job/duties/being perfect. Your emotional life seems complex. I believe that you need to try to surrender yourself to your emotions even if it feels like dying.
Have you analyzed your Yod pointing towards Chiron? Since Chiron is heavily aspected and also conjunct your Ascendant it seems like an important part of the chart to analyze. Your North Node is also conjunct the Ascendant. I believe that you have the potential to be of great benefit. This area of the chart is important to study and understand and it shows you where you are meant to go.
Everyone has their own beliefs, I personally believe that illness can be connected to strong repressed or unresolved inner tensions. Stress hormones circulate through the body and connect to cells and affect their capacity to function in a healthy way. That´s how we may for example develop an ulcer from stress.
If I understand you correctly your health issues are related to the intestines.I have read that the intestines represent the capacity to take up nourishment, digest life and your emotions and letting go and releasing what no longer serves you. I do not know what part of your intestines that are affected; different parts of the intestines represent different issues. It may for example be connected with stress caused by problems with the family, the home, the work and money.
I have two Yods and I have read that they can cause health issues. I had cancer some years ago and I had transit Pluto sesquiquadrate Chiron at the time, but I do not know if that transit had anything to do with my health issues. I am not an expert on transits.
You have Neptune conjunct Mercury in the eight house and that is of great help. The subconscious mind speaks in symbols, like when we dream at night. We can access the deepest parts of us through our imagination and our capacity to visualize things and through connecting to our emotions. You say that you have shamanic abilities. Perhaps you could learn about things like soul retrieval (Yods show some sort of fragmentation within you) and how you can transform yourself on a deep level. Changing your diet could also be useful now. You say that you are becoming so sensitive that you feel that you soon may have to drop out of civilization. Try to picture yourself finding a life style that suits you IN this world. Otherwise you may send the signal to the body that you want to get away from life. Dying is one way to escape from dealing with being a human and dealing with things like power games, suffering, conflicts, duties, demands, pressures etc. It is possible to let go of those things while remaining alive, but it is NOT an easy task.
Like I said everyone has their way of thinking. My belief is that people who are ill have a better chance of surviving if they truly want to live and participate in this world. I have Chiron involved in a Yod as well and I am very sensitive as a person. When I find ways to help or support others in ways that are not damaging or destructive for me I feel better, when I express the chironic wound through working on healing myself and on teaching others to do the same it feels better.
You need hope, faith and trust. A magical neptunian way of focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel and believing that life is doing everything it can to help you and that there is some grand plan behind everything. Use your Neptune and reach for the North Node in the twelfth house in some way. Both Pluto and Neptune wants to be balanced with and channeled through Chiron at the apex of your Yod.
I don’t think that life is trying to break you down, I believe that it is trying to break you free. I do not know what will happen to you, I cannot predict the future in that way. But if you want to you can PM me.
I wish you all the best and I hope that you will get better
