Can anybody read my chart and tell me when this hell will end? I've seen many astrologists (mostly Indian) and most of them have told me I am going through a period (I forgot the term) where for the next 7 years from now (being slightly alleviated next May) I will have little to no control over my own destiny. Right now I am in desperate need of getting off my *** and getting a career and my own place to live but that complete void inside me leaves me in a state of absolute confusion and inaction. There is no motivation and no desire, and desire is extremely important for me in order to do well in anything. If I have no desire to do something, or worse, if I hate something, the stress will eventually take its toll, and I will break and perform subpar at best and act out at worst. It has happened several times before where people have perceived me as "doing well" from the outside when I was really suffering inside and finally caving in and abandoning ship and isolating myself. It baffles outsiders who see the abrupt changes that happen for seemingly no reason at all.
I need to have a clue, any clue, to what direction I need to be heading in my career, because every decision so far I've made has been fruitless or had painful consequences.
Not sure your knowledge in astrology (western), I will just read your chart first and if you don't understand the terms that I used, you can ask me later. It might take me a lot longer to read your chart. It looks complicated to me.
Your chart is quite interesting. The first thing that I noticed was the Jupiter exact conjunction to North node in the 9th house home of Jupiter in the sign of Aries. Mars in Gemini, mutual reception with Mercury in Aries, in sextile and exact. I would believe you have fairly high intelligent combing Mercury also ruling your 3rd house Virgo. And Jupiter rules your Moon also represent mental well being.
Your external impression is Jupiter in Aries trine ascendant in Leo, a very strong male energy here, expanded and joyful, lively external image. Your ascendant is Leo and Sun exalted in Aries at MC, the home of Capricorn, angular house very strong Aries Sun, surely a person could not stand "Things Not Moving". You might even be extremely physically active, goal orientated. The influence of Jupiter conjunct north node and trine your Sun that is easy and pleasing for people to notice your happy side. A leader that most people would like to relay on as you presented yourself as Leo, Sun, Aries, Jupiter highlighted by North Node also in 9th house another joyful house.
The major reason of your unusual internal sufferings came from the Yod to the Pluto Retrograde in the 4th house quincunx by Mercury and Mars. So this internal suffering, it is related to 2nd, 3th, 10th and 11th house. Scorpio sign here is intercepted which means you will have to break through with a lot of effort to release the energy of this Scorpio as well as Taurus signs. 4th and 10th contain these intercepted signs meaning whatever these two houses are ruling, you have some hidden matters ruled by Taurus and Scorpio will need to be addressed in order to fulfill the full potential of these two houses. Let says you need double the effort to achieve matters of these two houses.
4th house starts from Libra cusp, here we see another confirmation of crisis related to Venus as she received squares from Moon, Saturn only the 3 approaching orbs I am counting here. Venus is exalted in Pisces but in a house of taboo, 8th house sex, debt, tax, death, occult, other people resources as few examples of what this house rules. This leads me to look at the high focus between 5th and 8th houses. Your love and sexual affairs, reproductive health, intimate relationship, can be very problematic.
Mars also involved in two Yob aspects. Along with Venus both rules sex, sexual organs, emotionally rules your ability to assert yourself and being fair and just to yourself and others, Venus ruled the ability to enjoy life.
There is a mix of overly lack of boundary but also at the same time extremely restrictive. I say this because of the Neptune Rx, Saturn Rx, but Neptune in the restrictive, traditional sign of Capricorn, while Saturn in the sign of expansion Sagittarius which are both against the natures of the planets. Quite a lot of internal conflicts and seem to be 5th and 8th houses. Perhaps it is hard for you to relax to enjoy things (5th house, Venus). You always sound like a high achiever and goal orientated person. When you say isolating yourself in the time of distress will be related to the Venus in Pisces under stress. To go back to look at your Sun in Aries, Mars is the ruler and in Gemini, the Twin, always swinging and change their minds, in Gemini not particularly Strong and further challenged by the weakening/confusing planet Neptune Rx in Capricorn (Saturn also in Rx), along with the Pluto Rx in Scorpio. Retrograde planets always go internal, energy flowing inwardly, not expressive, and at time found it very hard to express the energy to explain your feelings and in this case, Mars. Therefor affects your Sun in Aries.
Jupiter rules your 5th house, Moon, Saturn Rx, Uranus Rx, Neptune Rx. Jupiter exact conjunction with North Node. To me this is a very strong message of what you must achieve this life will be related to Jupiter in Aries and 5th house matters. 5th house rules all things that are enjoyable, fun, amusing, childlike, entertainment, creativity.
4th is one of the private houses that we have more awareness of. 8th and 12th are more subtle and 12th is the deepest unconsciousness mind. But with 4th house since it is angular water house, we have more self awareness of what is going on with ourselves in this house. As the root of the chart, your self private identity and personality is here in this private place. You can related the other 3 major faces of personality in ascendant/1st the first level of physical and superficial presentation, 7th your identity in partnership/one to one close contact, 10th the public image.
The lack of Motivation and desire can be seen through Mars. Mars rules actions, passions, motivations and desire like the hot spices in cooking that gives us some spices in life to make it passionate and interesting. It is another Yod formed by Pluto Rx and Neptune Rx sextile very tight orb so very significant and can be felt stronger by you. While the Pluto Rx, Mars, Jupiter Yod, I would say middle strength as the orb is not fully tight but still within functional orbs.
I would love to hear some feedback or you sharing more what you feel with above then I may get some insights to read further. Your chart may need me to read a few more times.
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