I absolutely believe in something. I know something is there, but I'm not religious, or would call myself spiritual. There's often something drawing me to be materialistic I'm afraid...I wonder and I'd be so curious to hear what you've got to say about the Jupiter...it is a clue for this right?
Materialistic or spiritual is not an either/or choice. They're two sides of the same coin. To look at it in astrological terms, all of us have a north node and a south node. All of us have a need for both material things and the intangible and mysterious, too. On a deeper level, both the north node and the south node are about where the material and the spiritual meet. Planets conjunct one or the other tell us which side of the coin works for you in what ways, but they don't diminish the importance of the other side of the coin.
It is also said that the north node has to do with individualizing, and the south node with the collective whole. For that reason, Vedic astrology, which comes from a collectivist culture, considers the north node to be malefic and the south node benefic, while Western astrology, coming from an individualist culture, reverses that.
That said, if we read the nodes from a past life/future direction perspective, sometimes the south node picture looks very individualistic and the north node speaks to a need to incorporate some more relationship, cooperation, and community than you've had before. Sometimes it's the other way around. In most cases, including yours, I don't see individualism versus collectivism having any particular emphasis. It doesn't look like that particular kind of issue is a big one for you.
Your Jupiter is at what's called the north bendings. That means it squares your nodes from the spot after your north node and before your south node, if you trace a path around your chart following the signs in order from Aries to Pisces. If you had that Jupiter square coming from Virgo instead of Pisces, to the same node placements, it would be at the south bendings, falling between your south node and north node.
Planets at the north bendings are somewhat like planets conjunct the north node, in that their influence is magnified and likely to be felt very strongly on the material plane. Jupiter is all about expansion. Its motto is more, more, more! Not only that, it rules your north node (Sagittarius ruler), which is placed in the zodiac's most expansive sign. I'm not surprised that you have some very materialistic desires.
Your sun may speak to a very strong need for speaking, and living, your ideals, whether or not that leads worldly success, but it's also important that whatever you have to say finds form and shape in the material world. It's also important that your material desires be satisfied. However, they need to be satisfied in a way that does not compromise your ideals.
Looking at the nodes from a past/future life perspective, a planet in square to them represents something that hindered you in the past, and that you need to incorporate in order to move to the future. Since in your case the squaring planet is also the ruler of your north node, the message that you need to incorporate this is emphasized. We can discuss further if you're interested.
That is the problem? So my path in this life is similar to previous lifetimes? Or do I need to change something? I've just gone though a professional defeat. I feel like hiding at the moment, I have no message for anyone, I just want to retreat.
All of us go through changes throughout our lives. That's a normal part of living and growing. You are at an age when a need for change is usually felt especially strongly. All of us have Uranus in opposition to its natal position from approximately age 38 to age 43. For you, right now, the Uranus opposition is exact. Uranus is all about change and shaking things up. Its opposition tends to shake things up, create a sense of needing a new direction for the rest of our lives, and usher in a new era.
It's midlife crisis time. Whether or not you experience that as a major, major crisis depends on how you handle it. How well you adjust to it, and how well you live the rest of your life, also depends on how you handle it. Some people hit their Uranus opposition and go out and buy the stereotypical red sports car, dye their hair, leave their spouse if they have one, date much younger people, do whatever they can to hold onto their youth. Some people take it as a time to seriously reflect and make changes that serve them well. Your withdrawal right now sounds like the serious reflection time.
I wonder if I should try getting onto my soapbox again?
Again? Have you been on a soapbox in this lifetime? If so, that matches your south node indicators very well. Not a surprise, because when we read the south node as a past life experience, there's always some correlation with the current life.
Your north node does not suggest abandoning your soapbox tendencies for good, just revising and fine tuning them. If you spend some time in retreat, not saying anything when you don't have anything to say, that's a necessary part of the revision process.