m0ney*p0wer*re$pect
Well-known member
I kno I post slot about the 12th house, but it is my place of residence lol. I have a sun and mars there and my subconscious pool couldn't be any hotter.
Lately I've been doing alot of inner work. Maybe it's the saturn transit there but whatever the case I've just been doing so much soul work. I feel that lately I haven't been being true to who I am. I'm confused as to who I am and now I know why. I'm very impressionable and I love things that draw strong emotional responses. It brings out a side of me I try to show. But I spent so much time watching others that I never took the time to put myself out there. I never took the time to be an individual, to be me and stand away from the crowd. I was so caught up in being like those I idolized that I never deemed myself worthy. I always try to model myself after some mold, never my own, never the authentic me.
Even this screen name disappoints me now simply because of why I did it. Now I'm getting in touch with myself. I disillusioned myself by copying behavior of those I looked up to or those I saw as strong never really displaying my own strength. I'm trying to find me again and the only clues I get are the subconscious emotions that have been asleep for so long. Now I want to put my light out there and learn to be a part of society and function normally again. I want to be true to myself and not mirror the strong one. I know my strengths but I guess I have taken the silent approach to it because something so strong is always on display you don't have to do too much to it
But now that I'm looking to be me, I am seeing my faults and working to minimize them. My outlook on it is extreme because I feel that maybe if I be more of the iniator or be more open, I'll be less prone to take on the attitudes of another. Inwardly and somewhat outwardly I am a loud, open and joval person and I talk without thinking. I love to put myself out there and have to distinguish criticism from my own esteem.
Right now I'm dealing with past issues with my anger and how it is tied to other issues. I'm learning how to effectively deal with it and learn that yea, every battle ain't worth fighting. You can go to jail and get a felony case and lose a good job behind blowing your top. Now granted that doesn't mean I'll let someone walk on me but I'm learning to deal with confrotations in a more civic way. Not mincing my words but not being bewildered either. I rather come to you, address the issue tell u how I felt and hope it doesn't happen twice. Even though some people have told me they would have did this and that, Im learning that as long as I did what works for me, then it was the right thing. Some ppl blow up but I at least give warnings.
It's alot of things I'm seeing as my soul stands naked before my own eyes. I'm learning to accept me for who I am so one day I can accept ppl for who they are with no tinted glasses. That's the beauty of the 12th house, it's like living in the past because you reunite with the old you that you miss on a deep level. Self love and sacrifice of old ideas for the purpose of healthy emotions, no baggage. I wish the world could see my change going on but as long as I see it, I'm fine
Lately I've been doing alot of inner work. Maybe it's the saturn transit there but whatever the case I've just been doing so much soul work. I feel that lately I haven't been being true to who I am. I'm confused as to who I am and now I know why. I'm very impressionable and I love things that draw strong emotional responses. It brings out a side of me I try to show. But I spent so much time watching others that I never took the time to put myself out there. I never took the time to be an individual, to be me and stand away from the crowd. I was so caught up in being like those I idolized that I never deemed myself worthy. I always try to model myself after some mold, never my own, never the authentic me.
Even this screen name disappoints me now simply because of why I did it. Now I'm getting in touch with myself. I disillusioned myself by copying behavior of those I looked up to or those I saw as strong never really displaying my own strength. I'm trying to find me again and the only clues I get are the subconscious emotions that have been asleep for so long. Now I want to put my light out there and learn to be a part of society and function normally again. I want to be true to myself and not mirror the strong one. I know my strengths but I guess I have taken the silent approach to it because something so strong is always on display you don't have to do too much to it
But now that I'm looking to be me, I am seeing my faults and working to minimize them. My outlook on it is extreme because I feel that maybe if I be more of the iniator or be more open, I'll be less prone to take on the attitudes of another. Inwardly and somewhat outwardly I am a loud, open and joval person and I talk without thinking. I love to put myself out there and have to distinguish criticism from my own esteem.
Right now I'm dealing with past issues with my anger and how it is tied to other issues. I'm learning how to effectively deal with it and learn that yea, every battle ain't worth fighting. You can go to jail and get a felony case and lose a good job behind blowing your top. Now granted that doesn't mean I'll let someone walk on me but I'm learning to deal with confrotations in a more civic way. Not mincing my words but not being bewildered either. I rather come to you, address the issue tell u how I felt and hope it doesn't happen twice. Even though some people have told me they would have did this and that, Im learning that as long as I did what works for me, then it was the right thing. Some ppl blow up but I at least give warnings.
It's alot of things I'm seeing as my soul stands naked before my own eyes. I'm learning to accept me for who I am so one day I can accept ppl for who they are with no tinted glasses. That's the beauty of the 12th house, it's like living in the past because you reunite with the old you that you miss on a deep level. Self love and sacrifice of old ideas for the purpose of healthy emotions, no baggage. I wish the world could see my change going on but as long as I see it, I'm fine