The 12th house and searching for me

m0ney*p0wer*re$pect

Well-known member
I kno I post slot about the 12th house, but it is my place of residence lol. I have a sun and mars there and my subconscious pool couldn't be any hotter.

Lately I've been doing alot of inner work. Maybe it's the saturn transit there but whatever the case I've just been doing so much soul work. I feel that lately I haven't been being true to who I am. I'm confused as to who I am and now I know why. I'm very impressionable and I love things that draw strong emotional responses. It brings out a side of me I try to show. But I spent so much time watching others that I never took the time to put myself out there. I never took the time to be an individual, to be me and stand away from the crowd. I was so caught up in being like those I idolized that I never deemed myself worthy. I always try to model myself after some mold, never my own, never the authentic me.


Even this screen name disappoints me now simply because of why I did it. Now I'm getting in touch with myself. I disillusioned myself by copying behavior of those I looked up to or those I saw as strong never really displaying my own strength. I'm trying to find me again and the only clues I get are the subconscious emotions that have been asleep for so long. Now I want to put my light out there and learn to be a part of society and function normally again. I want to be true to myself and not mirror the strong one. I know my strengths but I guess I have taken the silent approach to it because something so strong is always on display you don't have to do too much to it


But now that I'm looking to be me, I am seeing my faults and working to minimize them. My outlook on it is extreme because I feel that maybe if I be more of the iniator or be more open, I'll be less prone to take on the attitudes of another. Inwardly and somewhat outwardly I am a loud, open and joval person and I talk without thinking. I love to put myself out there and have to distinguish criticism from my own esteem.

Right now I'm dealing with past issues with my anger and how it is tied to other issues. I'm learning how to effectively deal with it and learn that yea, every battle ain't worth fighting. You can go to jail and get a felony case and lose a good job behind blowing your top. Now granted that doesn't mean I'll let someone walk on me but I'm learning to deal with confrotations in a more civic way. Not mincing my words but not being bewildered either. I rather come to you, address the issue tell u how I felt and hope it doesn't happen twice. Even though some people have told me they would have did this and that, Im learning that as long as I did what works for me, then it was the right thing. Some ppl blow up but I at least give warnings.

It's alot of things I'm seeing as my soul stands naked before my own eyes. I'm learning to accept me for who I am so one day I can accept ppl for who they are with no tinted glasses. That's the beauty of the 12th house, it's like living in the past because you reunite with the old you that you miss on a deep level. Self love and sacrifice of old ideas for the purpose of healthy emotions, no baggage. I wish the world could see my change going on but as long as I see it, I'm fine:smile:
 

m0ney*p0wer*re$pect

Well-known member
But mainly I just want to learn to accept me so I can accept those around. Encouraging them to be themselves and I love them simply because that's who they are
 

Rebel Uranian

Well-known member
It might have to do with Uranus retrograde. I've been doing that too. But I also have a lot of cardinal planets, which could have to do with Saturn transits... And a lot of 12th house as well.
 

m0ney*p0wer*re$pect

Well-known member
The 12th, in my experience, works in weird ways. You have to express it because you get put in situations where you have no choice. You end up having to use the energy there regardless. In the first house, we put the energy put there. We know the energy on a positive level and direct it more easily because we consciously chose that path.

But the 12th house, we put it out there, draw a response and depending on the level of maturity we either retreat and dive into the dangerous depths of this house or we choose the higher path, transcend and change. The fears are all imagined because this is a water house any by that I mean the initial desire to experience the energy here is naturally private. So we automatically become receptive to this energy because inside, we already have a desire to experience this. So you become attentive to the things ppl say about the related issues and start to take on the idea that that's what is needed to experience this energy positively.

Not like the fire houses, where the go right out and do it and develop it's own theory. It's more complicated because the desire may start so early on, may be brought early on, or may be held in secret.


I see this house more clearly now, and what I went thru with it. I used to hate this house but I have come to respect it and what it means in my life. It is a deep emotional house. My experiences have made me alot more receptive to the energies of those around me and I know who I am now.
 

mooninleo

Member
fellow 12th house aries here. sun mars mercury in 12th. i also am having issues. im 28, and its taking me forever to really understand the 12th house. these energies will only come out subconsciously. i feel like i'll have a situation happen in my life.. and instead of dealing with a problem or issue right away, instead i wont think about it, but anger/ frustration/ bitterness likes to form in my subconscious.. and then i find myself reactive later at a time when its all already happened.

even things like drinking or getting along with people on the surface.. i feel like i hold onto these situations in my head, and then later i'll judge myself and the people involved. it makes for a very difficult life. really having to struggle to get all of those planets out into the open.

it probably would come off like i'm bipolar to most people.. but i've always been this way. always a deep world in my head where i would focus on things that others wouldn't. now that i'm older, i'm able to solidify my feelings either.. and base my life off of these feelings, and sort of home them in now, and deal with my frustrations easier.
 

Rebel Uranian

Well-known member
I wish I could say that I have more in the 12th house for the purpose of this speech than I do but I don't and I can't. This is great insight to what I do have there. I think I might show this to the ViP complaint people.
 
I have a lot in house 12 also...moon conjunct saturn loosely conjunct venus all in Leo. Definitely hard child hood and everything up to saturn return. I honestly would have it no other way. I feel like I have gone through everyhting from neglect to irrational fears dominating my life to abject isolation and poverty and have emerged an incredibly strong person for it.
There is no one who intimidates me, nothing that I feel I can't cope with, and almost nothing I can't accomplish. I need space, privacy, and self awareness, but I am okay with that...no longer expect to be like everyone else. I think 12th house is about acceptance of the human experience. Don't fight it, sometimes it's ugly as hell, but with grace it all can be transcended.

This can be a real gift of the 12th...it can trash your ego by dragging you through the worst of the worst so you emerge with inner steel and grit that is otherwise impossible to atain. Okay, so that's not as fun as some other paths out there, but at least you wind up knowing who you are and what you are capable of.

I think I can see why trad astrologers said saturn finds it's "joy" in the 12th...you are stripped of all aid and support, so it is up to the individual to build their life upon nothing. Saturn likes to beat the odds, to be the underdog.
 
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