Love of pain, primarily emotional and mental

Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
I love pain, emotionally and mentally tho it can take the form of physical pain. It's not because I love being hurt, but because I love what it results in. I'd say there's a part of me that's curiously warriorlike. I love pain because of how it tempers us, helps us grow, we see just how much we can take without breaking. There's this raw, primal, bestial part of me that I'm very well aware of and it needs to be expressed. If I don't find positive means of expression, it'll express itself destructively I love pushing myself to my very limits and I love testing even those. I love the fight of life and that it's constantly throwing new obstacles at me to overcome. The fight of it all excites me. I love how pain transforms us. Pain I find to be one of the most necessary parts of life along with darkness(maybe that's a little more Pluto)

Despite any issues I may have with selfesteem, I actually have full faith in my ability to take whatever life throws at me and I love the unpredictable nature(my love of and penchant for unpredictability may lean a little more into Uranus) of it all. It excites me, it gets my blood running

This isn't supposed to be a selfindulgent thread, I'm genuinely curious where this may stem from in my chart just for the sake of understanding my chart and astrological forces a little more. The easy answer would be Mars 1st house, but I think there's something more. I picture Mars as impulsive and having the confidence to venture into whatever avenues life shows it, but not necessarily living for the hardening of self that pain derives. I could be wrong tho. And perhaps the Earthiness has something to say

I'll link my chart, but I'm very curious where this may come from. I've considered this may be a result of Capricorn/Saturn, but Saturn itself isn't well represented in my chart. However the aspects it does form are hard aspects
 

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Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
Samantha Bean said:
Unless you live in a cave, your pain that you cultivate becomes the pain of all those around you, who are unlikely to enjoy pain at all.
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The pain is not just pain...The point of all this pain tempers us, pain is strength and transformation so if all those around me are experiencing that, it's a good thing save for my destructive moments which I've worked on enough that they're not as much an issue anymore. I inspire people around me with my transformative energy, by showing people that challenges are not there to make us fall or make us die, but to make us stronger

I teach people around me how unleash their own spiritual/emotional warrior. I am very aware of energy tho so I do realize that when I'm ina. negative mood, it can rub off on others. But i have much more to offer than that

But that really has nothing to do with the topic. I'm trying to figure out where in my chart this comes from
 
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D

Diepl

Member
Your Mars squares your Venus :

“ Love and hate are very much mixed together for people with Venus square or opposition Mars in their birth charts. They are prone to love-hate relationships with others, likely because their passions are such that the old saying “there’s a fine line between love and hate” rings especially true. Some level of competitiveness, anger, frustration, or angst is present in their romantic relationships. In some cases, abuse is present.
Interpretation sample from the Karmic Insight report — In this lifetime the erotic impulses of human love, desire, and sexual relationships are a highly charged focus of your attention. Expressing your sexual energies and personal magnetic attractiveness in ways that are loving and respectful or at least not harmful to yourself and others will be one of your issues. Dominating others through your sexuality or allowing yourself to be dominated in this way is also a theme. Dissonance or turbulence in intimate relationships, especially over differences in sexual drives or needs, must be handled with care. Expressing your passion in ways that are compatible with your own values and sense of beauty is the key here.

On another level, balancing and integrating masculine and feminine energies within yourself is the challenge. “

My advice: Try not to involve people who are not craving the relationship intensity as you do. There are a lots of people who crave intense relationships and pain, with whom you can share your preferences
 
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Oddity

Oddity

Well-known member
On a first look, it sounds like the mantra of that moon-Mars sitting on your ascendant. Venus is in an overcoming square to it, and would like to make something good out of it, but can't - Venus falls in Virgo.

Here's the rub. Jupiter (seventh house ruler) doesn't see your seventh house. Venus (exalted seventh house ruler) does see your seventh house. But trying to carry the message there (to other people generically) is likely going to make a mess. The vast majority will not appreciate it.

Suggestions to channel it: serious athletics training, military service, maybe BDSM, but only if the other person is very very clearly into the same thing. Friends, family, strangers - not so likely to be.

Writing horror survival (zombie apocalypse?) or the like may be a way to share it so it could be appreciated. Merc in Cancer in 11 is smart, and sextile, plus Mercury is exalted in Virgo.
 
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Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
Samantha Bean said:
I guess you are set now, Lyk.


I withdraw my offer. Keep your chart to yourself.


Samantha
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Ok well, I've provided all my info on the forum several times. Idk what you think I'm hiding and I don't appreciate your turning real life issues I've dealt with and that have taken me down horrible paths into a 'pretty picture' that it isn't. I'm being real here. I'm showing something that isn't at all pretty so please, don't imply that my demons are part of some pretty picture or a dream world or whatever

I provided as much information as anyone else does but since you think I'm hiding something... July 22, 1993, Corpus Christi, Texas, 9:55 am. Go crazy


I must add, I think we had a miscommunication somewhere as your interpretation was offbase, but since you've withdrawn yourself, I suppose that doesn't matter
 
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Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
Is there possibly something Saturnine here? I'm still trying to understand Saturn, but things I've read about it lead me to believe it's possibly masochistic

On another note, I do realize my 1st and 8th houses are connected which is an interesting aspect I'd love to explore. I'm sure that has profound effects on me
 
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GemwDepth

GemwDepth

Account Closed
What an eye-catching topic.

The obvious one to me is Saturn square Pluto. In certain people its projected externally into cruelty, sadism and abuse. I am glad you are channeling the harshness in a way that is much healthier for all.

It may also have something to do with your Moon-Pluto-Neptune configuration, as everything is interrelated.

I think the Saturn-Pluto drives you to constantly test yourself in cruel and harsh conditions, pitting yourself against impossible challenges. Then then Moon-Pluto-Neptune soaks up the emotions those actions trigger; as you do have an emotional need to feel (and enjoy) intense, emotional extremes. Pluto is also in 3rd, affecting your mental state.

I don't think its that you love "pain" per se, not in the sense of wanting to be abused, BDSM, or getting off on twisted power games. The word choice tends to throw people off. Its that you feel the driving need to survive and overcome harsh extremes that is not available in cushy lifestyles and mundane life. Donna Cunningham has a good article on Saturn-Pluto that describes the energy well.

We must not underestimate the power between two harsh planets like saturn and pluto.
 
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Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
Samantha Bean said:
We all have our demons as long as we allow them life.
Since you have replied to me specifically I will put in my two cents also.

Looking at your natal chart I can see the potential for pain and your dumping that on friends, with the difficult and distorted 11th house, where Mercury is placed. When I see something that appears out of whack, I always look for where the Moon's evil twin is placed, and sure enough she is conjunct Mercury in the 11th house(screwing up how Mercury interacts and how the 11th house fits). And since the 11th house was already debilitated even before seeing the DML placement, one can immediately see the potential. DML is also sextile Mars, trine Pluto, and square to Neptune. With the Moon being the strongest planet in the chart, you will tend to stay for an extended time in your emotions when confronted with new situations.

But it really takes off when one looks at your Tertiary Progressed Return chart which shows temporary issues. Pain is generally considered to be ruled by the 12th house, Saturn, and Mars. Projected Pain on others is most certainly Mars. Emotions in general is the Moon and Neptune. In this Chart Mars is very very powerful, and very badly placed. The Sun, Mars, and Uranus are in critical degrees, which give them the possibility of shooting from the hip, and waiting until the last minute to act, which always causes struggle and unhappiness. And the Sun is Out of Bounds. In a normal natal chart it is impossible for the Sun to be out of bounds, but in a tertiary progressed chart it is possible, and it shows the impact of an individuality which is running at the edges. if you throw in a grand water trine with Mercury Jupiter and Saturn, you have a recipe for the worst characteristics of that with Mars so out of control. So when you see this, then you want to compare to the Natal chart.

There is so much here that could be explored in great detail and in specific actions in how you deal with the world and how it impacts you, both in the temporary now, and in potential in your chart. This is way way more than a forum can or even should provide.

Natally your lunar latitude is very very high. This shows that you expect people to do what you want when you want it, and experience what you want when you want it. Among other things(the grand water trine), it makes you relatively insensitive to other people's needs from the get go, and this is supported by how powerful your 1st house is, and how debilitated your 11th house of Friends is.



There is so much here that I would have to list it all, and try to set priorities as to where to start. But the bottom line is that its pretty much a waste of time. You won't want to hear it: it will be so different from your world view of yourself that you will simply toss it away.

You could work on this. You could solve it. But you would have to accept stuff about yourself which that extremely powerful NEPTUNE in opposition to Mercury, and conjunct Freedom Loving and(don't tell me what to do) Uranus, will simply not let you even consider.
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I keep things to myself more than I should, on the contrary. I'm also not exploring interactions with people but interactions with my own self

I'm a lot more selfaware than you seem to think I am so saying something like "you won't want to hear it" is very condescending. You're placing yourself in a position of authority over my own selfawareness implying you know more about me than I know of myself which is very absurd. You can't do that to people. It debases their own authority over themselves. How would you know if I'd want to hear it or not if I haven't heard it yet?

Trust me woman, I've exposed myself to much more than you could ever throw at me. My problem here is you're not even paying attention to the topic


Like you already concluded, your input really isn't needed anymore so yeah, I'd very much appreciate it if you took your condescension elsewhere. Actually, now that I think about it, that was very manipulative and I don't take kindly to manipulation so yeah. Move on
 
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Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
GemwDepth said:
What an eye-catching topic.

The obvious one to me is Saturn square Pluto. In certain people its projected externally into cruelty, sadism and abuse. I am glad you are channeling the harshness in a way that is much healthier for all.

It may also have something to do with your Moon-Pluto-Neptune configuration, as everything is interrelated.

I think the Saturn-Pluto drives you to constantly test yourself in cruel and harsh conditions, pitting yourself against impossible challenges. Then then Moon-Pluto-Neptune soaks up the emotions those actions trigger; as you do have an emotional need to feel (and enjoy) intense, emotional extremes. Pluto is also in 3rd, affecting your mental state.

I don't think its that you love "pain" per se, not in the sense of wanting to be abused, BDSM, or getting off on twisted power games. The word choice tends to throw people off. Its that you feel the driving need to survive and overcome harsh extremes that is not available in cushy lifestyles and mundane life. Donna Cunningham has a good article on Saturn-Pluto that describes the energy well.

We must not underestimate the power between two harsh planets like saturn and pluto.
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What's your say on the fact that Saturn-Pluto is generational? Granted, I believe Saturn was only in Aquarius for a couple of years, but still. Do you think them being retrograde may affect them being more inwardly driven?

Where does the Moon-Pluto-Neptune configuration come in since my moon and Pluto don't interact?

You're right in your analysis that it's not a love of a pain in itself, but about something more primal and definitely about survival and overcoming
 
W

watcherofthesouth

Well-known member
Before I read a chart, I generally get a sense of the issue or behavior before even looking at it. In this case, I immediately thought Scorpio or Pluto (and also agree with others about Mars). Then I looked at natal Pluto which is in 22nd degree (Virgo degree) of Scorpio. On top of it, Virgo moon can be very critical, analytical. Some say that the 22 degree can mean pain or to kill - in this case for you it might be communication (3rd house). Agree with Oddity about writing (3rd house again). Research would be perfect for you, or fighting for a cause on the behalf of others who need your help.

Many insightful and philosophical people have had similar (intense) aspects. The key is channeling it and being aware of your power to hurt others if misplaced.
 
GemwDepth

GemwDepth

Account Closed
Lykanized said:
Do you think them being retrograde may affect them being more inwardly driven?
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Definitely.

Lykanized said:
What's your say on the fact that Saturn-Pluto is generational?
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Suggest reading Donna Cunningham and Jeremy Neal. I think you may identify with the article below.

The Saturn-Pluto Vibe
http://www.neptunecafe.com/donnaC2.html

The latter (Neal) has an interesting article on his blog in which he can recognize the ones with Saturn/Pluto conjunctions, which can only happen in 2 birth years, actively avoids them, as it triggers his own Uranus/Pluto conjunction.



Lykanized said:
Where does the Moon-Pluto-Neptune configuration come in since my moon and Pluto don't interact?
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You have a Quintile between moon and pluto. Although I do not have enough sample sizes to make a definite conclusion, the Quintile generally means you channel the energy of the two planet in a creative way that can be construed as talent, or a quirk. I say talent. I would even venture to say that you may call upon this 'talent' at times to fuel and drive you for both accomplishments and survival. It's quite admirable really, and you should maximize it and find a good use for it. From the web below:

"Deeply Buried Compulsions?

Quintiles can point to deeply buried compulsions which drive uncontrollable behaviors. This is true when the aspect is exact. It’s also true that behaving in any unexplained way triggered from deep within can be especially disturbing.

Trying to identify how any natal, progressed or transiting quintiles trigger compulsive behaviors may diffuse them somewhat.

Knowledge is true power.

Quintiles ultimately may unlock incredible strengths and powers helping us to succeed in whatever it is we’re here on this earth to accomplish."


Lykanized said:
You're right in your analysis that it's not a love of a pain in itself, but about something more primal and definitely about survival and overcoming
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As human beings, many times we are not able to express things in words that we feel, and feeling are multi-facted. Part of the job of the astrologer is to act as a third party, comprehending what the native may not be able to express in words. What you described gave me a certain impression, and my Uranian reflex was immediately drawn to the strong energy of that 'power' aspect in your chart.
 
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Y

yuriv

Well-known member
Virgo Asc , Mars in that Conjunct moon.. Emotional, mental pain is something you really might understand. Those contacts really check the box in the characteristics you mentioned and I am pretty sure mars in virgo is why it's usually not physical still you are very much in tune with plus Pluto in Scorpio in everyday life could be an underlying factor. Plus you saying this bestial part of you are very aware and who knows maybe that's where nirvana is for you by these indications for you also have the north node of Sagittarius arrow pointing to your IC the deepest part of yourself symbolized.
 
waybread

waybread

Well-known member
Mars sextile Pluto, Mars conjunct moon, Saturn square Pluto, quintiles involving Chiron, Lilith, and Pluto.

In your chart, I wouldn't see "pain" as the key word so much as "intensity." I see this not so much as your love of pain, but your excitement in dominating (or attempting to dominate) another person.

You seem to want to live life really close to the bone. Which is fine: so do test pilots, combat soldiers, and ambulance drivers. If you cannot do this in a constructive way, however, fighting with someone works as well, or even better, in a take-no-prisoners and no-holds-barred world of interpersonal relationships. You seem to operate in a zero-sum game world of winners and losers.

I mean, otherwise, wouldn't you just go sit on a hot stove or something, if pain were the true motivator?

Mars rules innate aggression. So with the sextile to Pluto indicating excitement, no doubt you do feel more alive in butting heads with other people. (Whether they asked for this or not.)

Mars conjunct moon could be read as "aggressive feelings."

Saturn square Pluto can even generate a cruel streak, as Gem noted.

I take a slightly different view of quintiles. They indicate talent plus the ambition to manifest it. With ordinary folks, sometimes the talent isn't for fame and fortune, but in more ordinary ways.

Chiron does show us "where it hurts" but where if we stay open to the wounds, we gain in wisdom and understanding. This seems more like your OP.

Some people see Lilith as this mystical lunar goddess. I see her more as the wild woman. In Jewish folklore, she was the witch who soured the milk and stole babies out of their cradles.

With Pluto Q ascendant, there can be a big pressure to "make something" (quintile) of yourself (AC) whether constructively or not.

Sometimes, too, oppositions to one's sun show energies that we've disowned, so they tend to show up as other people who seemingly embody the unwanted qualities of the disowned planets.

Cheers.

[deleted attacking comments - Moderator]
 
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Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
I'm a million times more destructive to myself than I will ever be to anyone else and thats my problem. I can spot ******** so yeah, take the passive aggression somewhere else. I'm talking about self destruction, not destruction to others and I made that clear
 
Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
Love of pain has nothing to do with others, only me. I'm destructive to my own self like I've overdosed many times, gotten into impulsive situations where I should've died, love testing the boundaries of myself. It's not about others
 
Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
Speaking of which, it's time for me to see how much hydrocodone I can take before respiratory depression
I've been taking over 90mg the past week which should be toxic, but it did nothing
 
GemwDepth

GemwDepth

Account Closed
Lykanized said:
Love of pain has nothing to do with others, only me. I'm destructive to my own self like I've overdosed many times, gotten into impulsive situations where I should've died, love testing the boundaries of myself. It's not about others
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Oh that's not good. Its too extreme. We need to figure out how to channel your impulses and drives into positive arenas. You can't change them, but once you understand your own mechanisms (the why and what you really need), you can figure out a solution to channel the energy to healthier and socially acceptable means. Suggest reading the Saturn-Pluto articles again and see if it struck a chord.
 
Lykanized

Lykanized

Well-known member
Well thank you for all the insight, everyone. Yes there is a lot of intensity in me and it's hard to know how to channel it. There's many dark thoughts too and on one hand, I'll 'go there', down to the trenches where most people won't even want to glance, but it can certainly turn on me as I'm not sure I'm innately aware of mental boundaries and thoughts that are only gonna cause me harm
 
waybread

waybread

Well-known member
Lykenized, it's possible that my astrology is off. It's possible I misread your posts. It's also possible that you are very confused about yourself, but hit on this pain thing as a way of dramatizing yourself.
 
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