what is keeping us together?

I am in a relationship with a men who is unavailable to offer a long term relationship cause he is married (I know that what I am doing is wrong). We have had many unsuccessful attempts to break up on both sides.
Could you please look at what is keeping us together even thou we know that this relationship has little chances of surviving. I want to move on but I am not able to do so. He feels the same. We have tried all possible ways of dating, from deep connection, to casual dating, friends with benefits, friends only...and we are still together. Both of us run hot and cold at times, as a defensive mechanism.
The first chart is sinastry, I am on the outer circle. The other one is composite.
Thanks

Please note that without two accurate birth times you cannot use houses; and then the moon may wiggle around several degrees in either direction.

He's got all of his personal planets in Scorpio, which is quite an intense concentration. Your contact points are your emotionally intense Scorpio moon, and alluring Neptune. For a woman, to be the object of such intense desire can be pretty magnetizing and attractive.

Of course, you would never forget him, but you can break up in the same way that people quit smoking. It's truly difficult but yes, people do it when the costs outweigh the benefits.

You might start with some compassion for his wife (who is generally not the witch that the "other woman" is told,) and children at home, if he has any.

Thanks, the time of birth is accurate for both.

I am trying to move on badly. He has also been abusive at times and I am feeling compassion towards his wife. I am not aiming at having a long term relationship with him, but I am finding it hard to break up for good.

Hello spirit,
your Male friend has Mercury conj Uranus, so he might be slightly casual in his ways/mind, things you might notice as appreciative attractiveness,

You, spiritwoman, you have Moon in 10th, so: You need deep emotions, always

This relationship seems incompatible to me

Sagi

spiritwoman said:

I am in a relationship with a men who is unavailable to offer a long term relationship cause he is married (I know that what I am doing is wrong). We have had many unsuccessful attempts to break up on both sides.
Could you please look at what is keeping us together even thou we know that this relationship has little chances of surviving. I want to move on but I am not able to do so. He feels the same. We have tried all possible ways of dating, from deep connection, to casual dating, friends with benefits, friends only...and we are still together. Both of us run hot and cold at times, as a defensive mechanism.
The first chart is sinastry, I am on the outer circle. The other one is composite.
Thanks

Click to expand...

spiritwoman said:

I am in a relationship with a men who is unavailable to offer a long term relationship cause he is married (I know that what I am doing is wrong). We have had many unsuccessful attempts to break up on both sides.
Could you please look at what is keeping us together even thou we know that this relationship has little chances of surviving. I want to move on but I am not able to do so. He feels the same. We have tried all possible ways of dating, from deep connection, to casual dating, friends with benefits, friends only...and we are still together. Both of us run hot and cold at times, as a defensive mechanism.
The first chart is sinastry, I am on the outer circle. The other one is composite.
Thanks

Click to expand...

Hello,

I am not an expert at this, however, I have been reading and researching synastry for a while now, even dissecting my own chart extensively. I believe house overlays play a strong role in why we feel connected to a person as well. I see that you have your moon in his 12th house. This can create an intense bond between two partners. I would start by researching moon and sun are in partners 12th house this may give you some clues as to why you feel so connected to him. Again no expert just giving you some things you can possibly research to get an idea of why you feel so attached to this. The glue that keeps a relationship together is saturn, so I would check those aspects as well. Saturn is the planet of restriction but also responsibility if you have any connections there it may feel very heavy and both may feel responsible for one another which doesn't allow the letting process to be easy. I am no one to judge because no one can pass judgement on a situation they are not apart of but at the end of it all your goal should be your happiness, if you mention things like abuse that is not a safe situation to be in. Scorpio's display very intense energies when attached to someone this energy can present itself to be very possessive, obsessive, and mysterious.

@spiritwoman,

This is the first time I see such a big stellium in Scorpio! And with all those planets in 1st house + Jupiter trine Mars, I imagine he's someone who's aggressive, confident and somewhat argumentative like he must always have the last word? I sensed that his Scorpio/Martian energy is strong.

Your Neptune on his Sun/Moon/Venus 1H + your Moon falling in his 12H conjunct his Uranus is very romantic, dreamy but somewhat idealistic which may also fall into disillusionments. You probably felt instantly and magnetically attracted to him at the beginning? Your Pluto sextile his Sun/Moon/Venus brings intense love and emotions but the harmonious aspects usually don't create compulsion. Compulsive feelings can come from his Pluto square your Mars (intense sexual attraction which can turn aggressive if conflict arises). But what I see more binding (yet heavy and difficult) is his Saturn in your 7H square your Sun, sextile your Venus + your Saturn on his Dsc opposing his Mercury and you have Saturn opposite Mars DW! I wonder if this + Pluto square Mars is the reason why you said he has been abusive?

In Composite we again see the Neptune/Saturn themes - Saturn in 7H conjunct Dsc opposite Mars in 1H. Saturn in that placement can glue but can also cause dispute. The problem is it opposes Mars which makes this aspect a highlight in your r/s. cMars also conjunct Neptune which is on the Asc so as a couple, you probably have a lot of impulses but again 12H placement is very hard to let go. Venus-Uranus conjunction: Instant attraction but unstable. You have some aspects that I really like though - Sun/Moon conjunct, Venus sextile Jupiter in 1H...

So I do see very binding aspects in your charts but not easy ones.

spiritwoman said:

I am in a relationship with a men who is unavailable to offer a long term relationship cause he is married (I know that what I am doing is wrong). We have had many unsuccessful attempts to break up on both sides.
Could you please look at what is keeping us together even thou we know that this relationship has little chances of surviving. I want to move on but I am not able to do so. He feels the same. We have tried all possible ways of dating, from deep connection, to casual dating, friends with benefits, friends only...and we are still together. Both of us run hot and cold at times, as a defensive mechanism.
The first chart is sinastry, I am on the outer circle. The other one is composite.
Thanks

Click to expand...

He’s stringing you along. He’s wasting your time. He’s messed with your head. You just have to cut him off cold turkey. I mean, ICE COLD. Here’s a method that works (on any man who you’re in a toxic relationship/situation with):
1) Text him saying the following: “I wish you well but this relationship doesn’t serve me. You can no longer be a part of my life.” He will respond with some BS to provoke you. He’ll say something that likely attacks your character or accuse you of never having cared about him, give you a sob story, etc. Let him say it and DO NOT RESPOND. Let him have the last word (this is vital for severing ties with toxic people.)
2) Block him on your phone (I’d change my number), block him on all social media, email, etc. He has to completely lose access to you. Get your friends and family on board...tell them to block him as well and not discuss you with him.
3) Take a deep breath and enjoy your newfound peace. Work on yourself and give yourself the love you deserve — what a dude like him was incapable of giving you.
4) Remember, never let him have access to you again. Move forward and remember the lesson but know you deserve a far better situation.

Good luck! ❤️

Sagcap88 said:

He’s stringing you along. He’s wasting your time. He’s messed with your head. You just have to cut him off cold turkey. I mean, ICE COLD. Here’s a method that works (on any man who you’re in a toxic relationship/situation with):
1) Text him saying the following: “I wish you well but this relationship doesn’t serve me. You can no longer be a part of my life.” He will respond with some BS to provoke you. He’ll say something that likely attacks your character or accuse you of never having cared about him, give you a sob story, etc. Let him say it and DO NOT RESPOND. Let him have the last word (this is vital for severing ties with toxic people.)
2) Block him on your phone (I’d change my number), block him on all social media, email, etc. He has to completely lose access to you. Get your friends and family on board...tell them to block him as well and not discuss you with him.
3) Take a deep breath and enjoy your newfound peace. Work on yourself and give yourself the love you deserve — what a dude like him was incapable of giving you.
4) Remember, never let him have access to you again. Move forward and remember the lesson but know you deserve a far better situation.

Good luck! ❤️

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Thank you. He think he did mess with my head, everything is under his terms. But believe me, I do want to walk away, which seems a hard thing to do...

spiritwoman said:

Thank you. He think he did mess with my head, everything is under his terms. But believe me, I do want to walk away, which seems a hard thing to do...

Click to expand...

You got this! You can take back your power. Walking away and letting him have the last word leaves him in a state of curiosity that will make him crazy. So will cutting off all access to you. I’m here if you need to talk. Just message me!

ellie04 said:

@spiritwoman,

This is the first time I see such a big stellium in Scorpio! And with all those planets in 1st house + Jupiter trine Mars, I imagine he's someone who's aggressive, confident and somewhat argumentative like he must always have the last word? I sensed that his Scorpio/Martian energy is strong.

Your Neptune on his Sun/Moon/Venus 1H + your Moon falling in his 12H conjunct his Uranus is very romantic, dreamy but somewhat idealistic which may also fall into disillusionments. You probably felt instantly and magnetically attracted to him at the beginning? Your Pluto sextile his Sun/Moon/Venus brings intense love and emotions but the harmonious aspects usually don't create compulsion. Compulsive feelings can come from his Pluto square your Mars (intense sexual attraction which can turn aggressive if conflict arises). But what I see more binding (yet heavy and difficult) is his Saturn in your 7H square your Sun, sextile your Venus + your Saturn on his Dsc opposing his Mercury and you have Saturn opposite Mars DW! I wonder if this + Pluto square Mars is the reason why you said he has been abusive?

In Composite we again see the Neptune/Saturn themes - Saturn in 7H conjunct Dsc opposite Mars in 1H. Saturn in that placement can glue but can also cause dispute. The problem is it opposes Mars which makes this aspect a highlight in your r/s. cMars also conjunct Neptune which is on the Asc so as a couple, you probably have a lot of impulses but again 12H placement is very hard to let go. Venus-Uranus conjunction: Instant attraction but unstable. You have some aspects that I really like though - Sun/Moon conjunct, Venus sextile Jupiter in 1H...

So I do see very binding aspects in your charts but not easy ones.

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He has anger issues, and is very competitive, but hides emotions and true intentions. He gets easily irritated, and likes to psychoanalyze people, and sometimes I have the impression I am dealing with a shrink. I am learning a lot about relating through this "relationship". I never had such a growing and deep experience with anyone in the past. But he has the upper hand cause he is unavailable to commit and is using it as an excuse....but whenever I try to break up, he somehow manages to bring me back. He can be abusive as well, but sometimes I am telling myself that I am in only because of the learning experience with no expectations.
Since I am not able to walk away, I was wandering if the astrology might shed a light and help me to end this one for good.

hi spiritwoman
I looked at the composite and added a few more symbols.

the attraction is quite evident as the venus/sun midpoint is conjunct the node.in addition the Uranus/moon and mercury/moon midpoint is also square the node, so there is a very intense emotional/sexual/mental connection. these latter aspects show a psychic /astral connection between you . so not only do you share heated conversations but you can also read each other's minds and probably have answered questions before they are asked. in addition, Uranus shows a powerful dream connection which means that you have common dreams with each other and probably have even communicate through dreams. this is a very intense combinations with the emotional/sexual attraction and the psychic/paranormal connection. but as you've mentioned already, this is very unstable. the on and off characteristic is shows as mars is oppose to Saturn. this is a very divisive and cold aspect so when you have a distant aspect and a uniting aspect , one finds many breakups and reconciliations . this could be described as a bipolar relationship.

hmmm, though you say you accept the situation with him already being married, this is not what you feel and him either,as you've mentioned ,because psyche is conjunct juno, opposed to eris and square to Lilith. this shows you are really deeply in infatuated with him and you dream that you might marry him. this feeling is very deep in you and is probably part of why you can let go of the relationship. deep inside you have a romantic and idealistic desire to be married.

there are abusive aspects as you have mentioned also chiron is conjunct to eris and the eris/mars and chiron/mars midpoints are opposed to the moon. this shows that he likes to treat you with a mean edge at times and likes to leave you wondering if he will stay with you. his sexuality has a painful edge and it seems he likes it when you show discomfort.
ixion is also conjunct the sun and so the ixion/venus midpoints are also square the node. this adds a element or the threat for violence. it means you feel the danger of violence which ads to the intensity of the physical intimacy .

Venus is square to orcus and the midpoint is square to the mars/Neptune midpoint. this patterns shows ia very intense sexuality but one In which you are more of a object rather than a emotional partner. this tends to give you the feeling of being used as there is no love with this sexual interaction/ in addition with mars/Neptune square to Orcus/Venus. he can be sadistic and perverse. the venus/sun square to the node is very loving and sexual in a"normal' manner but these former aspects push the sexual encounter toward SM or sexual experience where pleasure is associated with pain.

the Saturn/pluto midpoint is conjunct to eros and opposed to psyche .this is another pattern of sexual and emotional abuse ,and again leans toward a SM type of sexual arousal. apparently you two enjoy this combination of love/hate and pleasure/pain. Saturn/mars shows he like to inflict you with pain and you gain greater arousal with the added pain.

so the attractive force between you multi faceted, there are both "normal emotional attractive feelings and "edgy",perversively attractive aspects. it seems that both your coni9csu and unconscious desires are stimulated by this relationship

in spite of these aspects the mars/venus midpoint is square to ceres, so there is a sincere loving ,devoted and cherishing emotional bond between you.

rahu

spiritwoman, you are able to walk away. It's just that right now your reasons for staying are more important to you than your reasons for leaving. Saying that you are "unable to walk away" is really a way of avoiding taking responsibility for your actions.

spiritwoman said:

He has anger issues, and is very competitive, but hides emotions and true intentions. He gets easily irritated, and likes to psychoanalyze people, and sometimes I have the impression I am dealing with a shrink. I am learning a lot about relating through this "relationship". I never had such a growing and deep experience with anyone in the past. But he has the upper hand cause he is unavailable to commit and is using it as an excuse....but whenever I try to break up, he somehow manages to bring me back. He can be abusive as well, but sometimes I am telling myself that I am in only because of the learning experience with no expectations.
Since I am not able to walk away, I was wandering if the astrology might shed a light and help me to end this one for good.

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Sorry, what "learning experiences"? I'm legit curious.

Astrology can tell you what's happening, but it's still up to you to walk away. He doesn't sound like an easy person and he seems to be holding you under his thumb. This sounds like a very unequal partnership.