kailaniatsea
Well-known member
This is a very hard topic for me and can't believe that I finally mustered the courage to say something about it. My relationships have always been a source of grief. I know that I need to reach out to others be it friends or lovers, but I feel like I can never get it right. In some ways, I feel nerdy, even though I do like to dress up and have a colorful imagination (Leo). Social situations can either be ho-hum (at best), stale or downright mortifying. I have a hard time motivating myself to socialize these days.
My love relationships have never lasted and I have a very hard time feeling at ease with a man. At first, I am attracted to him, but then I freeze within. Then, the choices that I have made in the past have been poor. I have fallen in love, but the feeling is unrequited. There are moments where I have practiced celibacy as a means of purification. My celibate periods have lasted years and never told my friends out of embarrassment.
Throughout my life, I have felt social pressures drive me to have an intimate relationship and assume a traditional feminine role that I never wanted (Uranus conjunct Lilith on MC). What is interesting is that I love to cook and when I have kids I wish to stay home (Mars in Cancer maybe). But that is where tradition ends for me as a woman. Deep down, I feel perfectly content with a male friend (Sag Moon) who is committed to me as a woman. I would be his life-long "friend" too.
These days, I would like to be married and have kids. The saddest part is that I don't feel this way out of love. It is more of a duty; I don't want my eggs to dry up and need a companion to share myself with; there are some things that cannot be done alone. Being a Leo, I am a deeply loving person. I just wonder if my Capricorn rising, Venus in Virgo (in its fall) square Moon-Neptune in Sagittarius is what takes the wind out of my sails.
Could someone give me their insight as to why love is so difficult for me? Maybe someone could provide me some tips. Thanks a lot .
My love relationships have never lasted and I have a very hard time feeling at ease with a man. At first, I am attracted to him, but then I freeze within. Then, the choices that I have made in the past have been poor. I have fallen in love, but the feeling is unrequited. There are moments where I have practiced celibacy as a means of purification. My celibate periods have lasted years and never told my friends out of embarrassment.
Throughout my life, I have felt social pressures drive me to have an intimate relationship and assume a traditional feminine role that I never wanted (Uranus conjunct Lilith on MC). What is interesting is that I love to cook and when I have kids I wish to stay home (Mars in Cancer maybe). But that is where tradition ends for me as a woman. Deep down, I feel perfectly content with a male friend (Sag Moon) who is committed to me as a woman. I would be his life-long "friend" too.
These days, I would like to be married and have kids. The saddest part is that I don't feel this way out of love. It is more of a duty; I don't want my eggs to dry up and need a companion to share myself with; there are some things that cannot be done alone. Being a Leo, I am a deeply loving person. I just wonder if my Capricorn rising, Venus in Virgo (in its fall) square Moon-Neptune in Sagittarius is what takes the wind out of my sails.
Could someone give me their insight as to why love is so difficult for me? Maybe someone could provide me some tips. Thanks a lot .