Synastry- Why does this person completely take away my confidence?

Synastry chart: https://imgur.com/a/agREE1v
Aspects: https://imgur.com/a/60TQYFn


This person completely takes away my confidence whenever I spend time with them. It could be they say something which I personally feels like ends up undermining my identity or my personal skills- like they are taking away from the characteristics that I personally own. On top of that, conversation is very strained. They are constantly quick to nitpick me in conversation and I am constantly defending myself, sometimes having to defend myself in front of a lot of people. In this way, they end up affecting my reputation in front of others. I find myself having to be very careful about what I say around this person since I either fear criticism or am afraid of offending them and them “calling me out.”

To note, I have a very difficult chart for relationships:
https://m.imgur.com/a/fXB9rl5

I have Pluto on my descendant squared by Saturn in the 10th. This is not the first person where I’ve had a difficult time.

However, because I have to spend a very long time with this person and am unable to escape them, I am trying to at least improve my mental health around them. I am wondering what in the synastry is particularly causing this strain around communication- and what can I personally do about it?

Zora said:

Hello Bloop,


are you male or female ?
Who is in the circle and who is outside the circle ?
Both TOB accurate and from birthcertificate ?
....
Do you work together with this person ? Or what is your relationship like ?

Click to expand...

Hello

Yes work together/live together

I am female and I am the inner circle

Yes I think both are accurate- they are both from the birth certificate.

Zora said:

Your pluto as ruler of your 7th house - is still under horizon and descendant in 6th house - work. You have a tendency to submit and adapt yourself to other people and to put yourself on 2nd place -more working on other people's needs to get their positive attention.

Click to expand...

This is very true of my personality. In the past when I tried to stand up for myself, I was targeted by people and eventually was humiliated/had my words torn apart. I learned to be as nice as possible. However, being nice hasn’t helped as people still humiliate and tear my words apart. It has come to the point where I am quiet most of the time and overthink all of my words before I speak, particularly occurring with this person in this stage of my life more than any other person. I can’t naturally exist with people; I am in a constant state of anxiety basically and I feel like my sense of accomplishment and security depletes with this person.

Bloop said:

Synastry chart: https://imgur.com/a/agREE1v
Aspects: https://imgur.com/a/60TQYFn

To note, I have a very difficult chart for relationships:
https://m.imgur.com/a/fXB9rl5

I have Pluto on my descendant squared by Saturn in the 10th. This is not the first person where I’ve had a difficult time.

Click to expand...

Hello Bloop,


are you male or female ?
Both TOB accurate and from birthcertificate ?


Your pluto as ruler of your 7th house - is still under horizon and descendant in 6th house - work. You have a tendency to submit and adapt yourself to other people and to put yourself on 2nd place -more working on other people's needs to get their positive attention.


And this other person has his/her 4th house /IC ruling pluto - coming along with moon sextiling pluto - degree exact on your northnode in 7th house - this looks in fact like fated stuff.



Do you work together with this person ? Or what is your relationship like ?

Zora said:

Hello Bloop,


are you male or female ?
Both TOB accurate and from birthcertificate ?


Your pluto as ruler of your 7th house - is still under horizon and descendant in 6th house - work. You have a tendency to submit and adapt yourself to other people and to put yourself on 2nd place -more working on other people's needs to get their positive attention.


And this other person has his/her 4th house /IC ruling pluto - coming along with moon sextiling pluto - degree exact on your northnode in 7th house - this looks in fact like fated stuff.



Do you work together with this person ? Or what is your relationship like ?

Click to expand...

Ahhh that makes sense.
So Pluto on the north node- is this person supposed to help me transform? I’m wondering if I’m supposed to be learning from them/treating them as if they were my teacher or an authority figure in my life and I take whatever lessons I can from them?

My relationship with them I feel is odd, but they would consider me a close friend (not the closest though). We are close, but occasionally have tension between us. We also acknowledge that we approach things differently, but I personally feel like I am compromising more in the relationship and have my energy depletes by their presence.
We live together and we directly work with each other. Whenever I am paired with them for something, I am unable to concentrate fully on the project because I feel like I am being scrutinized by them.

The Pluto explanation makes more sense now... the 6th house Pluto is basically making me a servant in the relationships. Thus... would approaching things from a 6th house perspective help make things more balanced, as Venus in the 7th rules that? (Also what might that look like)?

Bloop said:

Ahhh that makes sense.
So Pluto on the north node- is this person supposed to help me transform? I’m wondering if I’m supposed to be learning from them/treating them as if they were my teacher or an authority figure in my life and I take whatever lessons I can from them?

My relationship with them I feel is odd, but they would consider me a close friend (not the closest though). We are close, but occasionally have tension between us. We also acknowledge that we approach things differently, but I personally feel like I am compromising more in the relationship and have my energy depletes by their presence.
We live together and we directly work with each other. Whenever I am paired with them for something, I am unable to concentrate fully on the project because I feel like I am being scrutinized by them.

The Pluto explanation makes more sense now... the 6th house Pluto is basically making me a servant in the relationships. Thus... would approaching things from a 6th house perspective help make things more balanced, as Venus in the 7th rules that? (Also what might that look like)?


I have Pluto on my descendant squared by Saturn in the 10th. This is not the first person where I’ve had a difficult time.

Click to expand...

With the Pluto on your North Node of destiny, I do think this relationship is showing you how to transform your relationships and create more balance and equity.

This is very important, if you plan to become a successful Doctor. You mentioned your ambitions in another thread:

"Will I become an OB/GYN, Neurologist, Oncologist, Psychiatrist, or general physician?
I am in medical school, just completed first year. I still have three more years to go, but I’m trying to plan. The above are the careers I am the most interested in."


If you want to become an OB/GYN, for example. you will have to be very confident in your decisions and your actions, even under stress and difficulties. You will be second guessed and questioned by your patients, who need to totally believe in you, and trust in your decisions and actions.

You say that this co-worker of yours seems to shake your self confidence and makes you question yourself.

"This person completely takes away my confidence whenever I spend time with them. It could be they say something which I personally feels like ends up undermining my identity or my personal skills- like they are taking away from the characteristics that I personally own.

On top of that, conversation is very strained. They are constantly quick to nitpick me in conversation and I am constantly defending myself, sometimes having to defend myself in front of a lot of people. In this way, they end up affecting my reputation in front of others.
I find myself having to be very careful about what I say around this person since I either fear criticism or am afraid of offending them and them “calling me out.”




Look at the bolded portions above....notice how you are giving them all of the power in your relationship with them?

You say 'THIS PERSON completely takes away my confidence.' Is that correct?

Is it that person that is 'completely' taking away your self confidence? Or is it YOU that is doing that?

You even spell it out. They just say something that questions you in some way, and you take it personally, concluding that it is 'undermining your identity' and 'ruining your reputation.'

Again, you are handing this other person a lot of power. In doing so, you become very defensive, which is usually a lose/lose situation.


I agree that this likely stems from your Pluto on the descendant squaring the Saturn in the 10th.

Did your Dad question you and make you feel defensive? Who was it that made you feel you had to constantly fight to be heard and respected?

You even say in your own words " since I fear criticism"...or being called out." So were you bullied as a child at home or at school?

This is important to work out in the next 3 years so you can be self confident when you do your residency.


One way you can do that is by studying hard and fully knowing your craft. That can help you feel confident standing by your decisions and treatments.

So back to this co-worker/roomie----Is he right when he criticises you? Are you speaking foolishness or off the top of your head, with incorrect facts?

Is he correct and you need to learn to be more cautious in verifying your claims or choosing your words?

OR are you just being bullied and he is tuning into your insecurities as a way to make himself look better? It is important that you figure that out BEFORE you decide to give him the upper hand and make him your boss. :Andy:

You don't seem to have mentioned if this other person is also female, or is a male.


You have moon on your 3rd of basic communications, the other person has mars on their own 3rd, and these two planets are in square. Their mars sits on your 6th of work!
Natural that you set each other off when talking and have an argumentative reaction, you irritate each other. Because you are emotional moon you pick up on it more easily, while they just feel irritated when you talk. And it will often happen in the work setting.
You also have your Neptune/uranus opposing their sun, so they see you as illusive and erratic, unreliable.
What to do? Not a lot. You two clash.
Their Chiron in your 6th tells us they are there to help you learn how to act and interact in a work situation. Painful for you, but fruitful when you get to the other side of the tunnel.
The other replies have focused on your own natal aspects, correctly pointing out that you have this type of conflict written into your basic nature, which is something you will have to resolve during your lifetime.
With ascendent ruler sitting on the 7th, you give great importance to relationships, it is your personal expression.
Venus becomes overly intense in scorpio, and with pluto there she tends to seek control over the relationship, and can become obsessive.
At the same time, Saturn in square is putting a brake on this expression, so you feel a sense of lack, and you push ahead, but then pull back.
With Saturn ruling the midheaven which everyone else sees, this type of dualism can seem to others that you are blowing hot and cold, when in reality you are only seeking self confirmation and self esteem from others.
Your moon is very sensitive and picks up any small nuance on the part of others, and when you sense it is in any way negative you close up in yourself and move away, sideways like the crab who represents cancer. Leaving others puzzled, and triggering the MH image of you running hot/cold and being moody.
However, your caring moon is in a trine with generous helpful Jupiter in the 6th, in scorpio the sign of medicine. This is one way out for you, in a positive way.
Katydid writes a lot of helpful and insightful comments, she apparently knows your situation, so do you confirm the other person is a male? You have a male roommate in a dorm?