Bullying

Opal

Premium Member
In my experience that is not always the case. In at least a few cases I've stopped verbal abuse by not backing down from my abuser, either by treating their abuse as a joke and turning the laugh on them or by having a good enough comeback that they were silenced. A lot of the time the bully wants to feel powerful, as if they have power over you... If you don't give them any power that alone can put a stop to the bullying.

I can also remember one instance of physical abuse that I managed to stop by taking a stand. A gang of bullies wanted to intimidate and hurt me by throwing tennis balls really hard at me. When instead of cowering I actually caught the balls, that seemed to snap them out of the mindset of bullying. I guess it wasn't fun if I wasn't scared.

Now, abuse is never the victim's fault, let me make that clear. But in certain circumstances there are things you can do to make yourself less of a victim.

Thanks, and well done, and well said.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
There is deeper and darker sorts of narcissistic abuse where you can't see the tennis balls being thrown at you. In that case, it is better to be passive. The deeper and darker the abuse, the better it is to be passive in general.
 

Opal

Premium Member
There is deeper and darker sorts of narcissistic abuse where you can't see the tennis balls being thrown at you. In that case, it is better to be passive. The deeper and darker the abuse, the better it is to be passive in general.

While bullying is abuse, its connotation is different. Deep dark abuse, I would not label, as bullying.
 

Abby83

Well-known member
In my experience that is not always the case. In at least a few cases I've stopped verbal abuse by not backing down from my abuser, either by treating their abuse as a joke and turning the laugh on them or by having a good enough comeback that they were silenced. A lot of the time the bully wants to feel powerful, as if they have power over you... If you don't give them any power that alone can put a stop to the bullying.

I can also remember one instance of physical abuse that I managed to stop by taking a stand. A gang of bullies wanted to intimidate and hurt me by throwing tennis balls really hard at me. When instead of cowering I actually caught the balls, that seemed to snap them out of the mindset of bullying. I guess it wasn't fun if I wasn't scared.

Now, abuse is never the victim's fault, let me make that clear. But in certain circumstances there are things you can do to make yourself less of a victim.

It sounds like these bullies weren't very good at bullying which is why you were successful. But there are lots out there who will always find a way to keep you as the focus for ppl to hate. Eg; if i used your example with my MIL she would immediately play the victim, convince everyone (her large group of supporters) you hit her and then send that large group on you. You wouldnt stand a chance with her and she would exhaust you until you give up and walk away.
 

Abby83

Well-known member
There is deeper and darker sorts of narcissistic abuse where you can't see the tennis balls being thrown at you. In that case, it is better to be passive. The deeper and darker the abuse, the better it is to be passive in general.

This is true. Even if you stand up to them, you're pretty much ****** if they can click their fingers and get others holding your arms and legs and attack you for them. Bullies surround themselves with supporters and followers who will do anything they say or ask out of fear.
 
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Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
While bullying is abuse, its connotation is different. Deep dark abuse, I would not label, as bullying.

The first sentence said there is darker bullying than tennis balls being thrown at you because the weapons are not visible and it is deeper and darker. Then there is abuse. There are levels of bullying which is dark. It destroys your self-esteem.
 
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Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
This is true. Even if you stand up to them, you're pretty much ****** if they can click their fingers and get others holding your arms and legs and attack you for them. Bullies surround themselves with supporters and followers who will do anything they say or ask out of fear.

Reading about your experiences with your MIL has been comforting knowing that I’m not alone tbh. You know exactly how bullying works and how it feels. It’s hidden abuse and it’s very common, even if not the exact mould every time, but it’s amazing how hidden and unknown it is.
 
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Opal

Premium Member
The first sentence said there is darker bullying than tennis balls being thrown at you because the weapons are not visible and it is deeper and darker. Then there is abuse. There are levels of bullying which is dark. It destroys your self-esteem.

I see a difference between bullying and deep, dark abuse.

Bullying, is usually done by children.

Deep, dark abuse is usually done by adults.

While the scars that they leave are similar, bullying was not labeled as deep, dark abuse because most 5 year to 10 year olds shouldn't get a jail term. They need therapy, to determine why they are expressing domination tendencies and to show them how to express their anger in a positive way, before they become deep, dark abusers.

I think we are all aware that bullying destroys the self esteem.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
I see a difference between bullying and deep, dark abuse.

Bullying, is usually done by children.

Deep, dark abuse is usually done by adults.

While the scars that they leave are similar, bullying was not labeled as deep, dark abuse because most 5 year to 10 year olds shouldn't get a jail term. They need therapy, to determine why they are expressing domination tendencies and to show them how to express their anger in a positive way, before they become deep, dark abusers.

I think we are all aware that bullying destroys the self esteem.

Bullying can be done by adults too, although abuse can’t be done by children. This is a thread where people have shared their experiences if being bullied by adults so I don’t understand why you are choosing to make that distinction with just me and what it has got to do with what I said.

‘I think we are all aware,’ it is condescending. The reason I said it is because having tennis balls being thrown at you will not destroy your self esteem but darker, deeper bullying can.

Also, because the distinction between bullying and abuse can overlap, people are sharing both. Not all bullying will destroy your self esteem.
 
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Domna

Well-known member
The reason I said it is because having tennis balls being thrown at you will not destroy your self esteem but darker, deeper bullying can.

For context... the bullies made clear to me that the reason they threw balls at me instead of hitting or kicking me was that I was too ugly and dirty to touch. I don't appreciate having the bulling I suffered minimized by people who weren't there and don't know what impact incidents like that had on me and my self-esteem.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
For context... the bullies made clear to me that the reason they threw balls at me instead of hitting or kicking me was that I was too ugly and dirty to touch. I don't appreciate having the bulling I suffered minimized by people who weren't there and don't know what impact incidents like that had on me and my self-esteem.

It doesn’t sound nice but there’s a difference between a fight and a war. Why I brought it up was because not all bullying can be successfully dealt with so easily. So I bet you don’t have experience with being destroyed or you would understand what I am saying.

Also, I wasn’t the only one to comment on your experience, yet you are only offended by my comment. Hmm.
 

Domna

Well-known member
It doesn’t sound nice but there’s a difference between a fight and a war. Why I brought it up was because not all bullying can be successfully dealt with so easily. So I bet you don’t have experience with being destroyed or you would understand what I am saying.

Also, I wasn’t the only one to comment on your experience, yet you are only offended by my comment. Hmm.

There is a reason I used the word 'people' instead of the word 'you'. This answer wasn't directed only at you. My point is that you (none of you) were in my head when I was a child. I was bullied for ten years and it took another ten years before I could look in a mirror and like what I saw, before I could feel comfortable in my own body. The bullying I suffered may not have destroyed all of me, but it definitely destroyed my self-esteem for a good long while. Having those 20 years minimized hurts. Does it matter whose pain was worse? Is there a point in trying to compare abuse and see who was more destroyed by it? That's not why we're here, is it?
 
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aquarius7000

Well-known member
I think both bullying and abuse can be done by both adults and children. Plenty of examples around.

Both often arise from one's own insecurities, but proper abuse is when things are taken too far.

Bullying can be done by adults too, although abuse can’t be done by children. This is a thread where people have shared their experiences if being bullied by adults so I don’t understand why you are choosing to make that distinction with just me and what it has got to do with what I said.

‘I think we are all aware,’ it is condescending. The reason I said it is because having tennis balls being thrown at you will not destroy your self esteem but darker, deeper bullying can.

Also, because the distinction between bullying and abuse can overlap, people are sharing both. Not all bullying will destroy your self esteem.
 

Opal

Premium Member
Bullying can be done by adults too, although abuse can’t be done by children. This is a thread where people have shared their experiences if being bullied by adults so I don’t understand why you are choosing to make that distinction with just me and what it has got to do with what I said.

‘I think we are all aware,’ it is condescending. The reason I said it is because having tennis balls being thrown at you will not destroy your self esteem but darker, deeper bullying can.

Also, because the distinction between bullying and abuse can overlap, people are sharing both. Not all bullying will destroy your self esteem.

Well Uk,

One thing I do know from my past with you, is that I like you. So since the transits of everything are messing with 3 planets and my asc at 24-25 degrees, hey, it could be me😄.

Later uk, I want no issue with you my friend.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
There is a reason I used the word 'people' instead of the word 'you'. This answer wasn't directed only at you. My point is that you (none of you) were in my head when I was a child. I was bullied for ten years and it took another ten years before I could look in a mirror and like what I saw, before I could feel comfortable in my own body. The bullying I suffered may not have destroyed all of me, but it definitely destroyed my self-esteem for a good long while. Having those 20 years minimized hurts. Does it matter whose pain was worse? Is there a point in trying to compare abuse and see who was more destroyed by it? That's not why we're here, is it?

Your comment was directed at me, it was only my quote you replied to.

Nevertheless, my point still stands, using tennis balls as an analogy, that it is hard to put a stop to bullying when you can’t see the weapons. So not all bullying can be dealt with by simply catching the balls, so how are you meant to stop it? You don’t seem interested in the point I was making, but just want to reiterate your own experience. This is a one sided conversation.
 
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Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
I think both bullying and abuse can be done by both adults and children. Plenty of examples around.

Both often arise from one's own insecurities, but proper abuse is when things are taken too far.

Yes, after I wrote what I wrote I remembered an example of two boys who were 14 who murdered a young boy of about 8. It’s a famous example although famous seems to be the wrong word to use. Nevertheless, your missing my point I was making in a conversation and just jumping on a technicality, all because I didn’t use the word ‘usually.’ Do you know the point I was making?
 

david starling

Well-known member
Yes, after I wrote what I wrote I remembered an example of two boys who were 14 who murdered a young boy of about 8. It’s a famous example although famous seems to be the wrong word to use. Nevertheless, your missing my point I was making in a conversation and just jumping on a technicality, all because I didn’t use the word ‘usually.’ Do you know the point I was making?

"Infamous" is the right word to describe it.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
Well Uk,

One thing I do know from my past with you, is that I like you. So since the transits of everything are messing with 3 planets and my asc at 24-25 degrees, hey, it could be me😄.

Later uk, I want no issue with you my friend.

My thoughts exactly. I really was only trying to make the point that not all bullying can be seen so it is hard to stand up for yourself or put a stop to it.
 

devilmaycare

Active member
1 saturn/pluto/chiron in 1st house or conjunct asc
2 mars/lilith/pluto/chiron in 3rd house or hard aspects + conjunct with mercury
3 aries/pluto mercury
4 saturn hard aspect to pluto
5 mars in 12th house worse if its afflicted
6 mars pluto in hard aspects esp. opposition
7 aries or mars in 11th house
8 lilith chiron in 11th house
9 lilith chiron in 5th house
10 uranus in 12th afflicted they may feel like an outcast
11 sun in 12th house
12 heavy scorp or 8th house
experiences
i have saturn in 1st house and taurus mars in aries 11th house
my brother has chiron conjunct pluto conjunct asc mercury square chiron and pluto in 3rd house
my dad had weak cancer mars in 3rd house
a friend of mine had mars in 12th house afflicted by saturn and mercury
*mars and lilith in 12th opposite pluto also aries mercury square chiron
* lilith and chiron in 11th gives bad rep.
*mars conjunct mercury in leo 11th house

in 2018 i was bullied badly and in solar return i had sag/cap 3rd house lilith pluto and saturn landed here 5th house dom. chiron here.
 
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