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Natal Astrology A place to discuss yours and others' birth charts (after you post your own birth chart interpretation). Includes psychological and relocation astrology, houses, aspects, and planetary dignity and debility.


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  #1  
Unread 04-18-2015, 10:17 AM
DesertRain DesertRain is offline
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"Meant" to be alone?

Hi,

I thought of posting a question that I've pondered about a lot. I know similar questions get posed here a lot and I hesitated to post this, but I'd just like to have an outside perspective.

The thing is, I've been alone all my life in the romantic sense (I'm 28 now). There has been almost complete absence of any sort of love life whatsoever. Now, there have been some opportunities, but in all cases there hasn't been enough mutual interest, whether on my or the other person's part. There is even a situation going on right now someone likes me very much but the feelings aren't exactly mutual. I have never been in love.

For the record, I am tall, handsome, fit and generally considered very likeable by friends and co-workers alike. I'm however also very solitary and enjoy my own company a lot. I choose my friends carefully and keep frequent contact with only few of them.

I think there are two causes for the "problem": pickyness and preferring by own company. Shyness and insecurity have also been part of the equation, but much less so now than something like 10 years ago.

If I think about it, pickyness and preferring solitude go hand in hand in my case. I consider myself to have limited resources for social interaction anyway, and I don't want to invest time and effort into a person and relationship if I don't have strong feelings for them and/or don't think there's any long-term potential. It's easier to be alone than try to make something less than ideal work. I don't do casual dating, and would only put myself into a relationship if I had a strong sense of its long-term potential.

Now for the astrological part of this:
  • most of the planets below the horizon and in the first few houses of course point to introversion, which is strengthened by the Scorpio Asc conj Pluto + Mercury, I think.
  • Libra Sun is in 12th house, which I guess also contributes to kind of reclusiveness.
  • Scorpio Venus is all or nothing when it comes to relationships
  • Uranus conj Moon in Sagittarius can contribute to a love of freedom and commitment phobia
  • Mars in Capricorn is cautious in the arena of sexuality and being in the anaretic degree might bring a kind of confusion in regards to decision-making
  • On top of these things, my progressive Venus has been retrograding since my early childhood and will continue to do so for a couple of decades still


My question is, given these placements, what advice would you give to me if I really don't want to be alone for the rest of my life? I don't believe the natal chart to be "fate" in the strict sense, but I recognize the force of certain predilections. The word "meant" is in quotation marks precisely because I know there are some choices that can be made, even if they are somewhat constrained by the existing energy patterns of the chart.

However, some part of me would also like to perhaps just accept that maybe I'm better off alone and give up on the hope to find the right kind of person.


Thanks for any comments.
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  #2  
Unread 04-18-2015, 02:47 PM
Slenkar Slenkar is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

you have mostly left sided planets, this allows you to take the initiative to get what you want.
It also means you wont get anything handed to you.

Your venus has no negative aspects at all,
your moon is opposite jupiter, you might want to research what that means.

Last edited by Slenkar; 04-18-2015 at 02:49 PM.
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  #3  
Unread 04-18-2015, 03:15 PM
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Oddity Oddity is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

Ouch. Venus is your 7 ruler and it's in your first house, which make relationships a big theme for you, but Venus is in very bad shape - it's detrimented in Scorpio, and slow in motion about to retrograde, which can sometimes play out as acting against your best interests.

I looked at your chart in whole signs because you were born at such a northern latitude. This gives you Jupiter in the fifth house in rulership in Pisces. Venus is exalted in Pisces and trine Jupiter, so Jupiter may do some rescuing.

The sun in your chart is in bad shape too in fall, conjunct the south node, and in 12. BUT - it's antiscially conjunct Venus.

If Jupiter is indeed a fifth house planet for you (sometimes whole signs are really descriptive, sometimes not) then fifth house pursuits are important to you, and given Jupiter's rulership, often successful. Sport, arts, beauty, pleasure, maybe even travel for pleasure, as well as sex and romance.

The sexual planets are Sun and Venus. With any luck Jupiter saves them through fifth house pursuits. So - what do you love doing? Find a woman who loves doing the same things. It's a little bit roundabout, but given what your chart looks like, this may be the way to find her.
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  #4  
Unread 04-18-2015, 05:07 PM
DesertRain DesertRain is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

Thank you Slenkar and Oddity.

@Slenkar: You're right of course about initiative and not getting anything handed to me. Actually I feel I've gotten handed some pretty great things in life and overall I'm very grateful. It's just this one area of life that has remained a little unsatisfying, and I of course recognize my own role in the state of affairs as well.

@Oddity: Correct, this is actually a really important issue for me, and maybe that's even the very reason it has remained out of reach. Maybe I have been too idealistic, too picky, too all or nothing. I definitely see how I could have been acting and still am against my own best interests in this area.

As for whole signs and Jupiter in the 5th, I've wondered about that too. I do love playing music for instance, but on the other hand, there's plenty of evidence for Jupiter in the 4th as well: happy childhood, lots of space growing up, always lucky with finding good apartments etc.
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  #5  
Unread 04-18-2015, 06:30 PM
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Oddity Oddity is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

Even if you use Placidus, Jupiter is your 5th house ruler because of Pisces on the cusp.

Music is a good bet, so is anything else that falls into the categories of beauty, art, and entertainment.
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  #6  
Unread 04-19-2015, 12:50 AM
Tessie Tessie is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

Quote:
Originally Posted by DesertRain View Post
Hi,

I thought of posting a question that I've pondered about a lot. I know similar questions get posed here a lot and I hesitated to post this, but I'd just like to have an outside perspective.

The thing is, I've been alone all my life in the romantic sense (I'm 28 now). There has been almost complete absence of any sort of love life whatsoever. Now, there have been some opportunities, but in all cases there hasn't been enough mutual interest, whether on my or the other person's part. There is even a situation going on right now someone likes me very much but the feelings aren't exactly mutual. I have never been in love.

For the record, I am tall, handsome, fit and generally considered very likeable by friends and co-workers alike. I'm however also very solitary and enjoy my own company a lot. I choose my friends carefully and keep frequent contact with only few of them.

I think there are two causes for the "problem": pickyness and preferring by own company. Shyness and insecurity have also been part of the equation, but much less so now than something like 10 years ago.

If I think about it, pickyness and preferring solitude go hand in hand in my case. I consider myself to have limited resources for social interaction anyway, and I don't want to invest time and effort into a person and relationship if I don't have strong feelings for them and/or don't think there's any long-term potential. It's easier to be alone than try to make something less than ideal work. I don't do casual dating, and would only put myself into a relationship if I had a strong sense of its long-term potential.

Now for the astrological part of this:
  • most of the planets below the horizon and in the first few houses of course point to introversion, which is strengthened by the Scorpio Asc conj Pluto + Mercury, I think.
  • Libra Sun is in 12th house, which I guess also contributes to kind of reclusiveness.
  • Scorpio Venus is all or nothing when it comes to relationships
  • Uranus conj Moon in Sagittarius can contribute to a love of freedom and commitment phobia
  • Mars in Capricorn is cautious in the arena of sexuality and being in the anaretic degree might bring a kind of confusion in regards to decision-making
  • On top of these things, my progressive Venus has been retrograding since my early childhood and will continue to do so for a couple of decades still


My question is, given these placements, what advice would you give to me if I really don't want to be alone for the rest of my life? I don't believe the natal chart to be "fate" in the strict sense, but I recognize the force of certain predilections. The word "meant" is in quotation marks precisely because I know there are some choices that can be made, even if they are somewhat constrained by the existing energy patterns of the chart.

However, some part of me would also like to perhaps just accept that maybe I'm better off alone and give up on the hope to find the right kind of person.


Thanks for any comments.

Single people want to be married. Married people want to be single. However, the opposite of marriage is not singledom; it is selfishness. Marriage requires a lot of selflessness, sharing and patience between two growing people in order to make it work. Your standards of pickiness and privacy will not make you a successful marriage partner even if you think you desire to be one. Dead end relationships are a waste of time. But a successful marriage is full time work, a till death commitment of two people who will change, many times, beyond your control.

You are single which means you have the gift of time to work on yourself while you are still young. Get real about those qualities which hold you back and do what you have to do to develop the maturity that you need about adult relationships. We meet self through meeting others. It is easy to pick at others but make sure you do not miss that bag of your imperfections on the way. Additionally, maybe you need to change perspective about what you look for, what matters, in a person. Tall and handsome do not matter. Feelings and appearances change.

In order to grow, you have to confront that part which is controlling you. It is not a characteristic. It is a challenge. It is the only way. It is part of maturity, which is why immature people can not do it. Searching for the perfect package is not the answer: it does not exist. Perfect is two imperfect people working together which can happen only when love is not selfish but selfless. Research shows selfish rewards activate happy feelings which are short lived. When we seek selfless rewards, such as, letting traffic go in front, helping an old lady with her shopping, happy feelings are longer lived and extend to all involved. The qualities necessary for healthy relationships (e.g., patience; peace) are the fruits of practicing selfless (not selfish) love. It is a choice. ♥
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  #7  
Unread 04-19-2015, 06:18 AM
DesertRain DesertRain is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

Thank you Tessie for your wise words. I do recognize the importance of working on myself. I know that finding the right person, even if they are 100 % ideal match, does not solve any problems and certainly does not save us from having to work on ourselves. Thanks for reminding me of this very important perspective.
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  #8  
Unread 04-19-2015, 03:43 PM
Tessie Tessie is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?


The Chariot
(Tarot)

In his dialogue Phaedrus Plato uses the chariot allegory to explain the human soul; a composite of opposing forces which must be tempered as the soul's journey. If you look, the image is associated with astrology, the Sun and in particular the Moon. I think this has significance for your chart with the placement of your Sun in the 12th house and the moon in Sagittarius conj. Uranus. The numerology of the card, seven, represents the relationship.

In Plato's fable, the horses/sphinx are the lower self driven by noble and ignoble desire. The charioteer having control over lower forms of desire and non-desire is the higher self. The graduation from boy to man, regardless of age, it is not just a fleshly growth it is also a spiritual ascension to appreciate beautiful forms. There is an opposing world view: descension. The ultimate source of infinite nature is nothingness/chaos. The self blends into chaos and loses its individuality.

Which is the truth is an open question because each soul has a trajectory. Ultimately there will be ascension and descension and a process by which one can ascend again. It depends on the ability of the charioteer to develop balance, control by means of reason. There is also a natural comparison between the Chariot and Freud's popular system of ego, super-ego and the id, because the translation of Plato's term soul refers to the modern term psyche. The dark horse may be seen to represent the id, our picky and selfish appetites. The light horse, the super-ego, rules internalized since childhood about right and wrong; it exists to counterbalance the id. The charioteer, lastly, is the ego, which manages the conflict between the two. Unlike this limited idea of the ego, however, Plato's charioteer seeks not only to manage but to behold divine sights. The charioteer is associated with the Greek word logos.

The reason the Chariot exists philosophically is because the integration and balance of the three parts is often out of reach. To describe the white horse, the superego is the closest match. We all have it, it is the good knowledge we learn from our guardians. But does the world have the ultimate wisdom or is ultimate wisdom which we need to balance the chariot so light it is just out of this world? What good is a white horse if we have no connection to it? Philosophically, modern man has no concept of thumos. The variations of the psychic disorder that result are diverse. The essay goes on.

The natal chart is the sum of the planets in signs and houses. Modern astrological interpretation utilises a greater number of planets with a greater focus on free will in their expression. Traditional astrological interpretation is dogmatic in its interpretative value. However horary and electional traditional astrology show interpretations can be utilized to effect a different future. This consideration is not a light one because although the topic seems academic its implications are far reaching. Astrology affords hidden knowledge which means its utility is control over submission. Yet astrology is the domain of the 8th house where submission is necessary for death and rebirth to occur. The question is philosophical and twofold, where does the charioteer derive his guidance from and, therefore, where is he going?

The natal chart will reflect difficulties and conditions which exhaust the chariot's power. Is the trick in taking a different route? It can't be because we know paradoxically there is no gain in avoidance. To focus on one horse more than the other has the same effect. The id driven psyche is an immature psyche destined for fall. However, the noble white is ready and eager to work for what it was bred. We must ensure we are not led by lower influences of planetary configurations but higher humanitarian development, instead. We are not here to be our self. We must overcome our self, switch from horse to charioteer.

Apropos is Hamlet's famous soliloquy:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them.
The astrology in the Chariot represents the sign of Cancer, mothers. There is a need for balance, to evolve and control. Be careful where your guidance comes from, that you may be in a stream of ascension (not descension). Some may view the logos of the charioteer to be Spirit, as it is the word Jesus used to call the Bible. Others may note the necessity to balance the two horses, black and white being in each, to resemble wisdom in Taoist teaching. The point to note, however, knowledge is not enough. You must seek wisdom. And make wisdom a daily choice.
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  #9  
Unread 04-19-2015, 04:08 PM
DesertRain DesertRain is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

Thank you Tessie. I read what you wrote a couple of times and I need some time to fully digest the information. I do agree with the point you make about the self as something that needs to be overcome rather than become, if we equate the self with the momentum of karmic conditioning reflected by the natal chart. Seeking wisdom is also one of the highest priorities for me in my life.

Overall, thanks for reminding me of the big picture. I needed that.
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  #10  
Unread 04-21-2015, 08:15 PM
Bradders Bradders is offline
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Re: "Meant" to be alone?

I know this is going to sound a bit 'Good Will Hunting', but I am going to give you my opinion based on alot of online relationships, feeling I'd be lonely; well, stuff that seemed so real but wasn't.

When the right one will come, they will. I swear, I have been doing the opposite, giving my heart out for years, I've studied love psychology and NOTHING works.

I am asking of you to enjoy your time alone in a way of simply staying true to self development, hobbies and being true to yourself. Yes I know too well this pain of loneliness, but trust me, there have been many opportunities and nothing changes anything.

I am telling you now it's not who you are, it's not what you own, it's nothing like that: It's that person being able to love you completely without judgement and that's going to take a very special human being. Money can't get you a lover only convienence, who you are, that person maybe ready or not at all but in the end, it's their view of reality: It maybe clouded by depression, doubt or just difference.

I'm telling you, when that person comes, they will come. I've trusted my intuition walked into every relationship I could, all flopped; it wasn't necessary either of our fault.

The person you are asking for, has to love you without question, judgement; if they do, they're the ones who have to love you so much, they want to compromise.

It's just not the right time. Hone your self development, enjoy your hobbies, be single and party with friends or go out for a meal because I swear: Nothing will rush this. The Lord will bring them to you; I don't mean this in a Christian sense, I am spiritual.
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