My Pluto is conjuct this man's venus, sun and mercury in syanstry... and he has pluto conjunct sun, venus nd mercury in his natal... we have a moon opp pluto in composite and pluto trine mars in composite, with also pluto sextile saturn..
I’m a Pisces and he is the scorpio in this relationship…
"It was not love, it never was.. it was an attraction which faded more and more as I began to discover that he was lesser and lesser of the person that I pictured him to be….
It was a way to temporarily fill up the then emptiness of my life…. But what he thinks of me now – an angel or a devil or a plane conceited idiot.. that I would never know….. All that I would ever know is that he let me go and chose not to speak…
I am indebted to you as my apparent fondness for you was the only thing that kept me sane in the days where reality was too harsh to deal… I must have been annoying; for you chose not to speak to me… But Dear God, thanks for sending him to me… and make me feel an illusion of love atleast… I think it is the most ethereal form of love I’m sure to ever know and feel…. the most 1 sided ever, as I perceive it to be..
But all my illusions of what I thought you feel for me will stay on…. As they were all that I wanted u to feel for me… and the only thoughts I filled my empty mind when it had no better thoughts to see… the fact that you were closer home made me look for surety and security in the way I chose to live my life afar, which had no semblance with what I wanted it to be.…
U used me and I used u in our own desperate ways …….nd now we are even, in this not so good world…
But still I want to claim that the best times of my life r the days when I crushed on u.. as they were the most dreamy.. nd trust me real life for me at most times dint match the dreamy part… …….. but I still believe in dreams…"
I’m still looking for closure… while now I have come close to believing that he never felt any love for me throughout… the love that oh so I wanted him to feel…. But he was rather smart enough to milk the situation where I was totally into him, by asking me for projects and stuff most of the time… now I feel confirmedly that this scorpio was such a bad choice for a first love… I hate the fact that we are not in talking terms anymore, though I run over again and again in my mind as to what made us depart in a way to never meet again.. I just spent time with him for 20 days… nd that was enough to keep me engaged with his thoughts at the back of mind for the next one year…
May be on fine day.. I will be able to make sense of what all happened between me and him… or that might never even happen as I have to go on living… Not even crumbling academics could make me this genuinely depressed… May b that’s because there is one more living being involve din this situation as opposed to unresponsive academics..
But what the hell… I still kinda feel really bad that he did not feel an eon of true love, or for that matter any liking for me… and also it feels bad that I crushed on a ghost, a non-living entity of what my impression of him was, for such ****ing long period… where everyone around me were in actual relationships…
The worse things about this scorp was-
1. He used me to get projects, instead of knowing that I was interested in him in a romatic way, while he din’t..( wat the hell. He dint even love me, nd he wanted projects from me, cos he thought I could do a lot for him, in this sided love)
2. He was ****ing proud of his material success, which I do not deny, but at the same time only that attitude was pouring out when he opened his mouth.
3. The fact that “He” will never love me even in the future pisses me off, as this was my first try with romance..
4. The fact that we departed with bad blood between us pisses me off… inspite of the fact that this situation made me learn diplomacy with other ppl excepting him, as I needed it to survive the period of my rejection by him..
5. I look better than him, but there seems to be some magnetic pull in him, nd supposedly he might have thought twice cos I was nearly 3 years older to him.. nd supposedly if a guy likes u he will let it know very clearly, nd he doesn’t confuse a girl like this; otherwise its just waste of time for the girl to even think and go behind the guy.. nd supposedly I was not attractive enough to be loved by him… nd I don’t see how I could have escaped this situation by being personal about this for sooo long…. I might forget all this one day…. But I will definitely go down the drain of history as a pisces who couldn’t hold a scorpio’s attention.
6. I hate the fact that he never tried to contact me back and let me go away so easily… nd disillusioning me about the love which in my head I thought he had in me for soo long( nd supposed undercurrent of intensity I thought which existed between us, which I used to forcibly try and find in all things connected to us)…it made be scared that I was trying to survive in some alternative reality, for even all the years that I spent before meeting him..
7. Supposedly love stories were supposed to have good endings and not such mentally torturous ones for atleast one person..
8. ****ing astrology made me believe that scorpio-pisecs relationship was other-wordly.. when it did not even live upto being worldly in any sense…
9. Now, I feel iek a reaalll looooser, not a thanks to that scorpio guy…
10. He elicited only –ve recations fom me after a point of time..
11. The fact that he was shared such electric aspects between our charts dint do anything to improve the situation between us…
12. Now I wonder whether I would be able to love and appreciate any guy with the intensity with which I did for this guy..
13. Nd he ****ing got away from all this without even feeling a eon of guilt or for that matter any other emotion in the dictionary..
14. Whereas I incarcerated day and night thinking about what actually went soo ****ing wrong..
15. The fact that he did not feel any love for me as naturally as I felt for him… nd not even knowing now as to what on earth I’m supposed to do to get that..
16. Nd the internal haunting that I might go down his brain as a stupid crasy freak..
17. Nd the fear that I wouldn’t be able to forget what happened with me in this way..
18. The fact that he would enjoying with other girls..
19. The fact that he gave me enough warning that he wasn’t interested..,Lol..