Hi
Do you know if you ex boyfriend have any unusual relationship with his own mother or during his childhood, any sexually related things happened?
Hello there, poyi.
I don't have any reason to believe he had (or has). For what I know, they get along with each other quite well; more specifically, I don't think he ever had unusual feelings for her.
Thank you for coming by.
OK.... I still don't think I can help.
However, I'm still not sure that I understand exactly how the things you have described are hurting him. I understand that there are multiple religious view which claim that doing these things(apparently self erotic stuff(there is a limit to how many times he can do that of course), looking at pornography, talking to hot looking ladies) dangers their eternal soul or other things like that. I know that the significant other's of some guys find these things objectionable for usually unspecified reasons, but often religious, because some religious script says it is sin.
However, I would like to have you explain how these things are specifically harmful to him---beyond it being a Sin in some religious circles. By the way there are just as many religious circles that don't find these behaviors sinful, just counter productive to other things in life.
Is he doing these things so much that he cannot work, he cannot go to school he cannot eat? Please be specific about how these things are actually harmful---to him. Some of these product could be harmful to others, such as consumption of illegal kiddie parn, which is a horrible violent thing to be done to a child, or other kinds of parn where the females are not in a voluntary event---in these cases, the consumption is actually harmful to others. And of course if he's spending time with prostitutes, he's essentially co-dependent for their illegal activities(unless he's in Nevada where its licensed).
Just like to know specifics, please.
And its none of my business, but you are a friend. You seem like more than that considering your concern, or you have a religious view that is trying to "save" him. Since he's not shared anything about this, I'm wondering whether its really an issue for him, or just for you.
I'm sorry if I am asking too personal a set of questions. If so, please ignore this.
Zarathu, hello!
My friend would describe himself as a "model Agnostic", so he's not concerned with sin. He uses to evaluate his action by the things he want to accomplish, in the way that "good" is what gets him closer to his objectives, and "bad" what keeps him from getting to them. It doesn't have to do with any sacred book etc.
Religious belief or not, his experience shows that this this addiction (or however we may call it) weights on his cognitive capabilities: it makes his mind slower, it makes it more difficult to focus and concentrate, to understand what he's reading etc. Someone may think this as a minus abhorrence, but, since he's an intellectual kind of person, since his objectives all have to do with studies and learning, this is the equivalent of a knee fracture to a fighter — I mean, it's something that gets in the way of his vocation.
Of course it can be a problem in many other ways. If he's on some lecture, or at some class, it can be very hard to concentrate when he's almost burning inside with desire and lustful images; it's a problem on his job, also, since he work with accounts and numbers (which require a acute and active mind) and he sometimes get late because of spending an entire night satisfying his urges and getting so tired that, even awake, he can't move from the bed — or just can't help but satisfying himself one more time (or some times more) until the last minute before going to work.
He's not the kind of person who would force his way of living (be that any way at all) on other individuals, and he hates the ones who does that. He despises anyone who does evil against innocent people, and would certainly be a danger to someone who would hurt a child in his presence. Like I said, he IS a good individual; his foul is against himself, only, and the only people he hurts besides himself are the ones who like him and see that he's struggling with some kind of pain. (And NO, he's not into anything illegal and I don't think he likes the idea of someone having sex with him for money — something which, as some other morally dubious things in our happy country, is perfectly legal.)
More than a friend? Maybe, yes! I was his girlfriend. I don't care about sin more than he does, and I'm surely not trying to save his soul. What I see is a friend struggling with his problems, and if I can help, I will help. See, I am crazy, I am nuts; I have my own problems and I know how it feels to be locked inside myself. If you lived in hunger for years, wouldn't you do your best to help someone who came hungry to your door asking for some food, even if you had not that much to give? This is it. He asked for help, and I will like to do anything I can to help. And if you want to know, I do feel a little guilty for not being with him anymore. There you go.
Thank you for your answer.
