WhY do I crucify myself?

Brea

Brea

Well-known member
Is it just a Piscean tenancy or is there an aspect in here that details why the hell I compulsively beat myself up over stupid ****? Even as a child I was ridiculously hard on myself. I remember as a child my dad opened the door to an old couple and oblivious to the old couple I ran out the door completely cutting them off and for months I felt terrible. I'm conscious that What ever I did wrong can be learned from and that it makes no sense to beat myself up over it especially if Ive learned from it but it is near IMPOSSIBLE for me not to bully myself about things. I constantly have to meditate and positively reassure myself about it but still the feelings of guilt come up. Its so insanely irritating to know you are in the green but still have to constantly battle feelings of guilt...

Thanks so much for your open ear, time, and efforts! Much appreciated!
 
JUPITERASC

JUPITERASC

Well-known member
Brea said:
Is it just a Piscean tenancy or is there an aspect in here that details why the hell I compulsively beat myself up over stupid ****? Even as a child I was ridiculously hard on myself. I remember as a child my dad opened the door to an old couple and oblivious to the old couple I ran out the door completely cutting them off and for months I felt terrible. I'm conscious that What ever I did wrong can be learned from and that it makes no sense to beat myself up over it especially if Ive learned from it but it is near IMPOSSIBLE for me not to bully myself about things. I constantly have to meditate and positively reassure myself about it but still the feelings of guilt come up. Its so insanely irritating to know you are in the green but still have to constantly battle feelings of guilt...

Thanks so much for your open ear, time, and efforts! Much appreciated!
Click to expand...
What I can say Brea, is that the good news is that IMO "a tendency to compulsively be beating oneself up" is not confined solely to Pisceans! You are very likely one of many who have negative feelings - that's because we all at times experience negative feelings.

The question is how to feel better of course. A good way is to ask yourself "What am I gaining from feeling guilty? What possible advantage is there to my making myself feel bad? Why am I punishing myself? And is there anything I can do for myself so that I can begin to change away from the idea that I think I should feel guilty?"

That's because IMO although it is interesting to analyze WHY we do or do not do things - it is also important to ask HOW we can change to more productive behaviors. :smile:







 
ptolomy

ptolomy

Well-known member
Hi Brea
It appears to me that the Jupiter 4.30 Virgo 2nd,opposition: Moon 9.44 Pisces 8th, Is one of the major factors involved in your dilemma.
Jupiter=relating is at odds with Moon=emotional behavior.
Or your emotional needs are neglected,compromised in relating to others.
This is likely being brought to your consciousness more so recently as Neptune is transiting into early Pisces right now and will approach opposition to Jupiter at 3 degrees Pisces the beginning of June before retrograding.Obviously the next year; 2013 the opposition will be opposed by Neptune much more strongly and therefore the dilemma of emotional needs and relating will become more obvious.The fact that your opposition is across your 2nd/8th axis of houses suggests that these emotional relating compromises will have a lot to do with your financial security opposed to others resources and what you share with them.When Neptune becomes involved we often become very self sacrificing and find ourselves considering others needs over our own,this behavior can in extreme circumstances become detrimental to self.But we find the behavior a bit compulsive and hard to stop without contravening our conscience.
 
Ion

Ion

Well-known member
The only significant aspect to your natal Mercury is a 'dual square' with Uranus conjunct Neptune with an 'assist' from Pluto. This , in my opinion , reveals the source of the problem .
The 'problem' is an 'oppressive pattern' (See also , 9 and 10 of swords in the Tarot) resident in consciousness and emanating from the Mercury-Uranus/Neptune square.
Handling this should be your primary activity, the most important item in your life.

The 'Catch-22' is that the 'right use' of Mercury (mental focus) is required to handle this matter and Mercury is 'afflicted' !(?).

The 'meditation' approach that you mentioned is key ! BUT your 'meditations' are best to NOT be in 'reaction' to the oppression but, rather, to be pro-active and focus upon the way that you desire your consciousness (Mercury) to operate .

Your natal Mars is also assisting the problem , why ? because Mars is the 'servant' of Venus (heart) and Mercury (mind) ....... so changing-your-mental-patterns is the only long-term solution.

Taming the mind is the absolute essence of metaphysics , including astrology , so your situation is not exclusively unique in-so-far as what must be accomplished is concerned.

So ? what to do . . . . .
My suggestion is that you MUST 'get outside of yourself' ....
contemplation of spiritual deities (Christ , Krishna , Buddha , Venus , Goddesses , etc) because there is a vortex of energy available for you to access that has built-up over thousands of years . Be constant until you find a 'deity' that overpowers the oppressive pattern, and then stay with it !

If you can get-in to yourself deep enough then give yourself the feeling of already having conquered the guilt, etc. , even if you have to become another person (invent one) .

Also , 'directing' your thoughts to 'go through' your heart (Venus) rather then just emanating from your head will also be helpful ! Shift your psychological 'originating-point' from 'mind' to heart .

With persistence , you will succeed and the oppressive patterns will diminish and fade into non-existence.

The 'why' is unimportant (why the pattern?) . . . it is the result of a 'square' so it (the 'why') is recessed in consciousness . . . .

Movement , as in dance , or some other activity wherein you can 'let-go' of thinking will also assist you . . . . sometimes , even a juice-fast for 3 days will clear-up adverse mental chatter . . . . it frees up energy !

Your 'mind' is showing you a 'bad movie' . . . . walk out !

Mind: terrorist or friend ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0QoaqX5xVA

I wish you great success !
Ion
 
Last edited:
ptolomy

ptolomy

Well-known member
PS:IMHO :)
I would expect a certain amount of activation of the Jupiter/Moon opposition over the next 2 weeks as there is a New Moon in the proximity of your natal Moon and Mercury is also transiting the same area.
Chiron has been in this area also for some time along with Neptune as previously mentioned.
 
piercethevale

piercethevale

Well-known member
WWow, right off the bat...from looking at the Sabian symbology for your chart axis I'll tell you that you've got some heavy Karmic S*** to deal with here..If you'll allow me to pull this thread..or a branch off of it...to the Degree symbols forum I'll clue you in.
Regards...ptv

...just read the Sabian Symbols for Leo/Aquarius 13* for the "WHO"/"WHERE-TO" and the Sabian Symbols for Scorpio/Taurus 2* for the "HOW"/"WHY" [or if you deem yourself a spiritually evolving person then read it "WHY"/"HOW"]...you'll see what I mean]:wink:
...the symbols as identified and defined by Dane Rudhyar:
http://mindfire.ca/The Sabian Symbols/An Astrological Mandala - Contents.htm
 
Last edited:
piercethevale

piercethevale

Well-known member
I took another gander at this chart of yours and have to ask Ion why they feel only the squres are significant as to aspects made to your natal Mercury as there is a very prominent Bi-Quintile to Jupiter and a near perfect trine to your Asc. Also, as I took the liberty to recast your natal I do notice an inconjunct to Vesta.
Although I am not personally 'sold' on the affect ability of this major asteroid there are many members who are and I offer that bit of observation for their maw in general among them.
You also have a most interesting Saturn/M.C. Quintile with Mars at a perfect Semi-Quintile between them. I have recently become fascinated with this configuration when there is an astro-influence at the Bi-Quintile point also which in the matter of your natal chart is the 24th degree of Virgo..i.e. the point opposite your natal Mars. Now, this may be activated every time there is an influence in transit that conjuncts the 24th degree of Virgo.
Also, as I inferred in my post above...you do have some very interesting Sabian Symbols for the Asc. and the I.C. of your chart that refer to 'Past Events' and the symbol for the 18th degree of Aquarius where-in your natal Saturn dwells is about reveling things of the past...all in all with such complex interplay I would be want to know more of this 'angst' you feel..as to when it first became noticeable...what times in your life it felt more intense if any...what times less, if any..etc...it may be the result of a combination of aspects and or symbolism involving specific degrees... also I took the liberty of calculating your Part of Catastrophe [Asc. + Uranus - Sun] and it came out to 22* Libra 51' [the position of my natal Saturn..btw] and the Sabian Symbol for the 23rd degree of Libra [yes, it is the 23rd degree...we always round up when utilizing Degree Symbology as there is no Zero degree, they are numbered 1 through 30 not 0 through 29] and the Sabian Symbol for that degree is about new beginnings somewhat...inferring that you have some really heavy going ons with your Karmic past from multiple sources in your natal chart and I've only done a preliminary basic assay of such potentials as to be of such influence.
i do recommend investigating as many potential leads as you are offered in this thread by myself and the other members of the forum as I am of the opinion that only you...yourself... will probably be able to, specifically identify the source, or the sources, of this conundrum of your psyche.
[If you wish to see what a very identifiable crucifixion of ones being in a natal charts appears as take a look at my own and note the position of my Sun, Moon and natal Pluto as to my Asc. ...and read the Sabian Symbols for all the degrees of the Axis and those astro-bodies I've indicated {Sun, Moon, Pluto}].




[...my birth chart...]
 

Attachments

  • Daves Birth Chart.jpg
    Daves Birth Chart.jpg
    86.9 KB · Views: 23
piercethevale

piercethevale

Well-known member
Oh...I forgot...here's your chart re-cast to include the major asteroids for the other members to consider.
 

Attachments

  • astro_2gw_249_tempdisposable.18966.53872.jpg
    astro_2gw_249_tempdisposable.18966.53872.jpg
    86.6 KB · Views: 18
piercethevale

piercethevale

Well-known member
Ooooooh, and here's another tid-bit ...your Part of Sudden Advancement is @ 09* Sagittarius 27' and the North Node is nearly conj. with it at this time.
[it will conjunct it 'spot on' on March 2nd..but will enter the 10th degree a few days prior to the end of this month and will remain in the 10th degree most of the first week of March...seems to be a most very opportune time to employ effort at activating the 'Cosmic Precept' symbolized by the Sabian Symbol found for the 10th degree of Sagittarius].

Normally I abstain from promoting Sabian Symbols in other sub forums outside of the Degree Symbol forum but I can't help myself [and risk the wrath of the moderators and the other members...once again...] as to your case, because all the symbols I see are so much in 'tenor' with the theme we are confronted with in your appeal...that is, of feeling as if you are crucifying yourself.

I do so recommend reading my thread on understanding this Astrological Part/Lot through Sabian Symbology which you can do so at this link [only because it is more readily available to me than the similar thread I have posted here at Astrology Weekly:
http://actastrology.com/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=214

...and, as the symbol for the 10th degree of Sag. [your Part of Sudden Advancement ...remember to 'round up' the degree] is about 'Forced Growth" [Master Astrologer, Dane Rudhyar's own summation of the definition of this degree in 'Keywords'] ...it may be recognized by yourself as a major contributor of this psychological angst that you suffer from...most especially as you have chosen this time ...[r.e. the North Node in very close to a conj. aspect to your Part of Sudden Advancement]...to finally appeal for help in understanding this portion of your being... and as your Part of Fortune at the 15th of Gemini is a Sabian Symbol of 'Seeking the experiences of others to further ones own understanding of your self'...I'd say it all makes perfectly good sense to me ...as per my own manner of technique of natal chart interpretation [Which is basically Rudhyarian] of your natal chart and as to that which is most likely the cause of a great deal of the 'root of the agitation' that is the progenitor of this 'question' of yours.


all Sabian Symbols as described and defined by Dane Rudhyar can be read at this web site: http://mindfire.ca/The Sabian Symbols/An Astrological Mandala - Contents.htm
 
Last edited:
D

diana795

Well-known member
you know how every sign contains its shadow. well the key is that Jupiter in Virgo at a critical degree opposing the Moon Mars. Ascendant becomes Virgo by progression so yeah, it's that time where you're exposed to Virgo issues.

read someplace about the Virgo negative loop tape that keeps repeating negative, guilty messages into your brain. there are people who will even record positive thoughts of themselves and play them before going to sleep, that's how extreme it can get
aside from the Pisces there's that Sun square Saturn bringing bouts of self doubt, and a Capricorn Node.
I'm new with Sabian symbols but I do think the answer must come from them
 
luna7

luna7

Well-known member
Brea said:
Is it just a Piscean tenancy or is there an aspect in here that details why the hell I compulsively beat myself up over stupid ****? Even as a child I was ridiculously hard on myself. I remember as a child my dad opened the door to an old couple and oblivious to the old couple I ran out the door completely cutting them off and for months I felt terrible. I'm conscious that What ever I did wrong can be learned from and that it makes no sense to beat myself up over it especially if Ive learned from it but it is near IMPOSSIBLE for me not to bully myself about things. I constantly have to meditate and positively reassure myself about it but still the feelings of guilt come up. Its so insanely irritating to know you are in the green but still have to constantly battle feelings of guilt...

Thanks so much for your open ear, time, and efforts! Much appreciated!
Click to expand...
[FONT=&quot]Hi, some people beat themselves up when they are perfectionists...when they dont live up to some ideal........but it doesnt sound like you are saying that, are you? Are you just very hard on yourself full stop, as in non-forgiving......sorry, trying to get the picture. Thanks, luna[/FONT]
 
Brea

Brea

Well-known member
luna7 said:
[FONT=&quot]Hi, some people beat themselves up when they are perfectionists...when they dont live up to some ideal........but it doesnt sound like you are saying that, are you? Are you just very hard on yourself full stop, as in non-forgiving......sorry, trying to get the picture. Thanks, luna[/FONT]
Click to expand...

I deffinately experience both. I put other peoples feelings above my own in the codependant sense and I hold myself to ridiculously high expectations alot of which have to do with my mother (who is a perfectionist). So it's safe to say I'll have some of her issues too.
 
Brea

Brea

Well-known member
piercethevale said:
WWow, right off the bat...from looking at the Sabian symbology for your chart axis I'll tell you that you've got some heavy Karmic S*** to deal with here..If you'll allow me to pull this thread..or a branch off of it...to the Degree symbols forum I'll clue you in.
Regards...ptv

...just read the Sabian Symbols for Leo/Aquarius 13* for the "WHO"/"WHERE-TO" and the Sabian Symbols for Scorpio/Taurus 2* for the "HOW"/"WHY" [or if you deem yourself a spiritually evolving person then read it "WHY"/"HOW"]...you'll see what I mean]:wink:
...the symbols as identified and defined by Dane Rudhyar:
http://mindfire.ca/The Sabian Symbols/An Astrological Mandala - Contents.htm
Click to expand...

I would LOVE that. It has always felt like it was karmic sludge I was trudging through. I thank you and the others so so so much for the help
 
Top