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  #1  
Unread 06-17-2012, 04:50 PM
Bradders Bradders is offline
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I feel like I am somewhat slow

Throughout my life, it seems I've shown to others a relative pattern of genius in some areas, really being called extremely intelligent by some, and in other, 'dense' 'stupid' and well, I wouldn't be in acquisition of them, but... there is a thing lately.

In the last year, or two years, I've noticed that for some reason, my attention span has dropped by miles, or I've always had this ability to lack concentration when studying something, so often I've had to look for things I'm passionate in to remain focused. But this may have actually happened whenever it came to education.

It seems really, as I see it, when I learn something, I learn it, but it can take ages to take it in. I feel like when I watch documentaries online I keep looking back at what the guy said over and over. My brain doesn't pick up patterns sometimes too, or sometimes finds it hard to put two pieces of information together. But when I do learn it fortunately, I remember everything about it.

I wonder if it's just I may come from a family of mechanically minded people, who prefer to dissect things. But my passion for learning is very fervent, it just seems sometimes I'm so excited, but my brain can't take in what is being heard or said or the knowledge.

I'd prefer either way being called dense to actually take more of my intelligence and ignore that. Still, there has always been the seamless fact of my extreme impulsiveness at times. Which bothers me again.

Once, I was so hungry, or when I had the money to once leave town, I went and spent the whole of the last money I had on a big mac, big fries and milkshake, which was money which could've been used for bus money, and then, would you believe, I walked back 5 miles all the way back to my house from town.

But at the same time, my patience is absolutely massive. I can walk and do something with such extreme power. I will go all the way to do it, and I do believe this might be due to my pluto trine. I am truly passionate about things sometimes and no matter the distance, I will do it.

But once more, my brain has been incredibly slow in the past. Sometimes, I'm so much in a state of daydreaming, I don't take things in. Many times I've been 'staring into space' or have been so abusive to my body in terms of how I am. I go over the limit. Over the top.

I even once got hit in the back, whilst walking along to my school from about two miles or three or so in length, and once I reached just outside my school, bam, a school bus hit me right in the back as I was walking on the road, having noticed no traffic. I turned out fine.

I study so much and desperately love to learn about cultures and many different things. It just seems like... my practical way of living is absurd.

My mother once said how I do crazy things at times. I'm just so **** slow, it's absurd really. Theres a clock on the wall and I ask what the time is right infront of me, it's like, am I even here?

In short: I can go on about a topic for hours, in such massive detail and enthusiam about it, however, when it comes to money, I'd throw it all on people down the street or something stupid and have such a massive impulsiveness. I feel this deep need to help people.

Plus, learning, sometimes seems so easy, but sometimes, I don't know why it is I don't 'pick it up' what a guy just said or somehow he could go on and on about something and I don't pick it up sometimes still. My attention is never really here.

Otherwise, sometimes I reckon, even whilst being slow, impulsive, I can be insane over details, or just, my imagination is so... wow... I lay in bed at night, and I imagine I deal with alot of head scratching, which I imagine is the cause of the pillow, however, then I'm thinking and feeling and imagining that, there is now little lice or bugs crawling into bloody holes in my head from scratching so much, and then they're inside my head! And that insects and whatever else has gone in my ears and I... swear...

This imagination though does me so good, but sometimes, I am so paralyzed at things that... don't even seem... logical.

My wardrobe bangs in the night once, I thought I was haunted by a ghost for weeks and it just stops out of the blue, and for nights, all I heard was the doors banging against each other and I was terrified, I thought if I slept, I'd be possessed by a ghost and it'll kill my family, or a demon will haunt my dreams or elsewhere.

Otherwise, my imagination has shown me delivering massive creativity at times. Absolutely astounding art ideas, storywriting ideas. I feel I am rather amazed still at it.

It just seems sometimes I want to run away from the world too, and would you know it? I get influenced, big time. Kurt Cobain was once known to sleep under a bridge right? Well, you can guess what.

A while ago a few years back, I went under a bridge, where there is sewage going through the water underneath the bridge but you get to stand on some solid surface whilst the pipes are underneath stone flooring underneath, and I would go there, and I swear, I feel it now, a escape for life. I want to run everything from everything.

And I sat there at night, and I would just... run away from everything, I would go under that bridge, right in the middle of the day or at night, trying to escape my crazy lifestyle back at home as I dealt with massive depression and stress.

Unlike Kurt Cobain who wanted to sleep there. I was taking it in like a escapism from the world. I never slept there, only stayed for 30 minutes to a hour. I otherwise would go under that bridge whilst no one else is around and sit there. Underneath that bridge. I felt safe. Away from the world, but somehow, lately, I've had to escape my escapism slightly. Wether it's good for my imagination or not, I'm unsure. But I used to block things out alot.

Otherwise, I was inspired somehow by reading up kurt cobain documentaries for hours to do that. I took this.. 'sleep under a bridge' and turned it into escapism, a peace, a inner peace thing.

I found the best scene one night though, was sitting under that bridge and looking at a beautiful dark sky of black and gray, at a gray darkish moon behind some clouds, a beautiful field below it, a stream just infront of you at the other side of the bridge, it was so dark, terrifying and yet for me... amazing.

But still, here I am... probably have been considered insane since I was a kid, weird or whatever, but I just don't give a heck if I am crazy! This is me and it's how I will consider it!

Still... once more, why am I so slow? Impulsive? Insane? Why do I do this crazy stuff, which i fear will cause my own death?
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Last edited by Bradders; 06-17-2012 at 05:22 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 06-17-2012, 05:20 PM
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Alamits Alamits is offline
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

Please post chart or info
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Unread 06-17-2012, 05:22 PM
Bradders Bradders is offline
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

Posted. Apologies.
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Unread 06-17-2012, 05:48 PM
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

Hello Bradders,

Your Mercury is in Detriment (opposite Gemini which Mercury rules) yet conjunct your North Node. The NN is usually beneficial, but sometimes requires us to work hard to achieve something. I would say there is the hard worked for brilliance. I sympathize coming from a family that has learning disabilities with an almost non functioning short term memory. After a dismal failure with schooling, I trained my mind as a waitress... it is remembering a dozen things at any given time, just to add or subtract a new item and then have to re prioritize the order to execute. My daughter found that writing everything down seemed to by pass short term and put it into long term memory. My son has to have discussions about things and then his mind holds it like a steal trap (even if he is instructing the rabbit... as long as there is vocal interaction) New words or names like in science fiction throws us all for a loop, so we create new names instead and continue inserting the new name in place when running into the confusing one.

You are 20ish, don't worry about your last monies going to McDonalds, it has happened to most of us

TK
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Unread 06-17-2012, 05:57 PM
Bradders Bradders is offline
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

Can anyone say if my future is going to be good though?

I have aspergers syndrome and I swear, I give all my money away to all my friends and everything. I have this massive love for everyone but I keep feeling with how... I just... do it sometimes.

My feelings seem so deep for material things and I have a deep passion for things, yet, I'm scared of myself.

I sit there in constant thought with people about things and then do it, but, I swear, I'm getting more scared as time goes on. But yeah, I wondered about my sagittarius mercury too.

I know it gives me so much positive thought though, it gives me a love for learning, among my jupiter in libra. I love to learn about things that don't matter but oh well, they matter to me. I love exploring the world like a astronaut to new places.

I live with my mother, I have dla, I have all the spare time in the world and have probably a really failurific but easy laid back life. Life's taught me to be patient and live for the moment, but whilst in the moment, I suppose my inner Capricorn might come out with guitar. But I don't see no big business future for myself. I barely see a need or want for that.

I'd rather throw all my money away. What use is it? I mean, if I look at gaining power, all I see is me in a grave one day with all this money, and what's it been for?

Otherwise, I've avoided drugs, alchohol and things like that. But does my sagittarius mercury really make me sometimes kinda... impulsive? I live for my passions. I swear.
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Unread 06-17-2012, 06:26 PM
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

Sorry for the delay I had to read it all again..Sounds to me like you are describing a lot of what it like to have Virgo rising. Impulses, Insanity and the slow behavior that you are claiming all would point to this alone, I think. Also the moon (mind) in the sixth house (health) square pluto (the demon as i like to call it..) kind of speaks for itself. Your refuge under the bridge sounds like pluto in scorpio behavior(if someone reads this and disagrees let me know...) My advice to you, if you would like it, is to take up some form of meditation to collect yourself..to get the same feeling you got under that bridge. Also if you come up with a name for your impulses, etc you are separating those impulses from yourself and not identifying with it within the body. Then you can say oh x is happening again..this way you can observe rather than be the victim. Hope this helps!
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Unread 06-17-2012, 06:29 PM
Judy_AzVirgo Judy_AzVirgo is offline
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

I think your descriptions look like a Mercury problem. As Wintersprite1 points out, there are different ways of learning... some people do better recalling written words, others with spoken words, others learn best through hands-on experience, and so forth. So that's one factor.

Your Mercury is in a different sign than your Sun, which can cause a bit of a disconnect, as can Mercury quincunx Mars. So whatever activity you're engaged in, maybe your mind is just somewhere else so that you're not paying a great deal of attention to what's going on.

Mercury is 'ahead' of the Sun, which is more impulsive than when it's 'behind' the Sun... and your Sun in Capricorn is probably a lot slower, definitely less impulsive than your Mercury. Sun and Mercury are kind of like two people walking along who are not in step with each other. The effect may be even stronger given that Mercury's ruler Jupiter is in square aspect to your Sun.

Too, with Virgo rising, you may tend to over-think things. In the 29th degree, you may have a long-term issue with worrying about the effects of what you think and do, trying to evaluate and ponder what's best, sort of vacillating back and forth.

As I'm sure you know, Brad, Pluto has been transiting right over your Sun, which may be affecting you greatly right now. But whatever the causes of what you described, I doubt you're slow in the mental sense! I'm sure you'll sort it out.
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Unread 06-17-2012, 06:30 PM
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradders View Post
Can anyone say if my future is going to be good though?

I have aspergers syndrome and I swear, I give all my money away to all my friends and everything. I have this massive love for everyone but I keep feeling with how... I just... do it sometimes.

My feelings seem so deep for material things and I have a deep passion for things, yet, I'm scared of myself.

I sit there in constant thought with people about things and then do it, but, I swear, I'm getting more scared as time goes on. But yeah, I wondered about my sagittarius mercury too.

I know it gives me so much positive thought though, it gives me a love for learning, among my jupiter in libra. I love to learn about things that don't matter but oh well, they matter to me. I love exploring the world like a astronaut to new places.

I live with my mother, I have dla, I have all the spare time in the world and have probably a really failurific but easy laid back life. Life's taught me to be patient and live for the moment, but whilst in the moment, I suppose my inner Capricorn might come out with guitar. But I don't see no big business future for myself. I barely see a need or want for that.

I'd rather throw all my money away. What use is it? I mean, if I look at gaining power, all I see is me in a grave one day with all this money, and what's it been for?

Otherwise, I've avoided drugs, alchohol and things like that. But does my sagittarius mercury really make me sometimes kinda... impulsive? I live for my passions. I swear.
The good or bad future you speak of is entirely up to your mindset and consciousness on what your attachments are to this future. The transits push and pull us through life and it's our job to say yes to them, or say no and cause the hard angles to take hold. Keep your arms wide open and embrace what you've got and treat it as a gift, rather than a curse.
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Unread 06-17-2012, 08:05 PM
Bradders Bradders is offline
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Re: I feel like I am somewhat slow

Well, thanks guys, I'm hanging in there.

Wow, I never even knew that about my sun and mercury... all I know is all my life, I've wanted to long for a state of pure happiness... and I keep trying and trying...

But then, I do like how I always hit this point of like 'I just don't give a heck' and leave behind things.

I suppose I am actually a very laid back guy, but geez, used to be screamed at to be this perfect guy and well, I know there's some good to being a capricorn. Everytime I reach my extreme, I once read up your moon kicks in at your most highest pain of falling, and it strengthens you.

It just feels sometimes, I kinda wonder, who am I? But yeah, I keep kinda flipping out. I feel like sometimes a really moody guy really. I'd scream and yell at people and protect myself. Isn't that my moon in aquarius or my mars?

I just wanna get my acoustic, play guitar, chill out and leave this world. I wanna get so lost in that guitar, and I got two days to go.

Then this world can dissapear...

I'm only gonna ask one last thing: How in the world can I use Sagittarius mercury to it's best? Wouldn't it be hands on since I think mercury is about experience?

But I'm studying things, how do I apply hands on experience to that?

Last edited by Bradders; 06-17-2012 at 08:08 PM.
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