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  #1  
Unread 09-15-2018, 11:39 AM
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Slytherin88 Slytherin88 is offline
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Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

Everytime I'm really scared or smth problematic happens in my life, I jump in this train of thoughts. I'm no longer depressed thankfully, but since 2009, when I first got depressed, I keep having these thoughts.
Here's my chart:

selija.jpg

Okay, Saturn in the 8th house semi-squaring Mercury, might explain it. I had Pluto square Mercury when this started. Lilith in the 8th house might explain it. I really don't understand why this keep happening. Mars in Pisces explains it. Pisces energy is like that.
Mars is currently aspecting the cusp of my 8th house, and it's going to be there for a while. I have an interview after a long time, and I'm really scared.
Thank you.

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Unread 09-15-2018, 06:28 PM
greybeard greybeard is offline
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Many factors.

Mercury rules both 12 (self-destructive) and 4 (end of the matter), quincunx Moon, chart ruler in 30th degree, x-sign and 1*50' orb. Mercury ruled by Mars Pisces, sesquicuadrate Moon 1*07'.

Saturn sq. Pluto, both dignified 5th-8th.

Sun opp. Moon, .... & more.

Suggest therapy or other outside support.

Last edited by greybeard; 09-15-2018 at 06:34 PM.
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Unread 09-15-2018, 08:49 PM
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

What do you mean with x-sign?
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Unread 09-15-2018, 09:05 PM
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Smile Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

I see the primary factor contributing to your difficulty is the square of Saturn with Pluto.

Your early conditioning has left you with an underlying 'fear of change' which inhibits your ability to move forward in life, by being afraid of facing 'consequences'. Saturn in the 8th H suggests you undergo many situations of needing to 'reinvent yourself' and dealing with critical upsets that enforce you to grow and progress. Saturn has a very inhibiting influence that influences the need for stability and security. Despite your Aries Sun, which is in opposition to the Moon, Saturn keeps you feeling less inclined to fluidity and adaptability. Your Aries Sun is about seeking out adventure and exploring what life is all about, however it's opposition to the the Moon keeps you emotionally restrained from doing so. Typically this is the result of insecurities that serve to hold you back from experiencing life as it comes.

Pluto represents subconscious fears buried deeply, usually as a result of what you experienced in the past. Crisis and intensity are associated with Pluto, so that creates trepidation and great hesitation. As such you tend to resist transformation and would rather remain 'stagnant and protected.'
You probably like to avoid confrontation naturally. What you are needing to learn is that change, if managed well, can make your life richer and better.

Depression and 'suicidal thinking' is a typical response to feeling out of control, and Pluto is often attributed to a natural sense of defeat in life. You may not be able to affect your circumstances, but you can affect your reactions to what comes, and that is a key issue for you. It is about whether you allow yourself to feel 'victimized by life' or empowered by it. Every challenge you are able to overcome allows you to become more of a victor than a victim. Know also though that Pluto can be highly obsessive, especially when connected with Mercury and that is also something that you need to control within yourself.

With Mars now approaching the transit of your 8th H, this directs your energy into working to 'feel the fear and do it anyway.' Consider what you experienced with this last cycle in November of 2016.
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Unread 09-15-2018, 09:10 PM
rahu rahu is offline
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

hi Slytherin

the short answer is that you have repressed a sexually abusive childhood and these blocked memories are bringing forth the self destructive feelings.
this dynamic is indicated by your Saturn/pluto square with the midpoint conjunct your node and the venus/sun midpoint square to your Uranus/Neptune conjunction.in addition your Saturn/Neptune midpoint is opposed to chiron and the midpoint if Saturn/Chiron square to your lilth.

rahu
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Unread 09-17-2018, 03:12 AM
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

Hi. You have Chiron on the cusp of the 1st and 2nd House squared sun and moon. This causes a weak and wounded ego, with fragile and sensitive emotions. This is also an indicator that you have been hurt before.

With Chiron squaring you moon, this asteroid can bring rather sad and depressive thoughts - your sun and moon are also in opposition. The wants and needs are conflicted leading to confusion and a battle with sadness and moon sesquiquadrate Mars: bring in unbalanced anger and destructive emotions that stem from (since moon is in contact with Chiron) sadness.

This sadness is caused by 1st House: the self and 2nd House: finances.
The anger could come from a male figure of authority, that (I agree with Rahu) could have abused you in someway.
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Unread 09-17-2018, 10:31 AM
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

@rahu
Hi, Rahu
A sexually abusive childhood is out of question. Thankfully, I never had such problems. Just physical and emotional abuse. Blocked memories? I don't think so. Saturn is after all in Aquarius,which a very analytical and cold sign. I have quite a strong memory of many things that happened in the past.
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Unread 09-18-2018, 04:00 AM
greybeard greybeard is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greybeard View Post
Many factors.

Mercury rules both 12 (self-destructive) and 4 (end of the matter), quincunx Moon, chart ruler in 30th degree, x-sign and 1*50' orb. Mercury ruled by Mars Pisces, sesquicuadrate Moon 1*07'.

Saturn sq. Pluto, both dignified 5th-8th.

Sun opp. Moon, .... & more.

Suggest therapy or other outside support.
X-sign means "cross-sign". For example, Mars in Taurus square Saturn in Virgo. Normally Saturn would occupy Leo, a Fixed sign like Taurus. The aspect is just as strong as a "normal" aspect, but the energy patterns are a bit different. It's too complex to lay out here. Requires study of Qualities and Elements and considerable thought.
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Unread 09-18-2018, 06:23 AM
ashriia ashriia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slytherin88 View Post
Everytime I'm really scared or smth problematic happens in my life, I jump in this train of thoughts. I'm no longer depressed thankfully, but since 2009, when I first got depressed, I keep having these thoughts.
What is your living situation like? Do you live with a partner/ married/ family? Do changes need to be made? Id start there. If something is wrong there that would be a culprit. I had a really rough time when pluto entered capricorn also. But looking at your chart pluto's transit is affecting not only your 7th but also your 8th. Id look to ending or fixing parternships as a way to be happier, fixing financial situations also.
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Unread 09-19-2018, 10:46 AM
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

@greybeard
So out of sign aspect?
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Unread 09-19-2018, 10:54 AM
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

@ashriia
I live with my parents and sisters. I'm currently unemployed. I'm financially dependent on my parents. That needs to be changed.
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Unread 09-19-2018, 08:19 PM
ashriia ashriia is offline
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Slytherin88 View Post
@ashriia
I live with my parents and sisters. I'm currently unemployed. I'm financially dependent on my parents. That needs to be changed.
Yes, financial independence would improve your moods, give you confidence also. With a neptune MC finding a career path can be challenging, but service oriented work will probably be a good fit- since ruler neptune is in 7th.

In your chart you also have North Node in 6th, so this depression might be the catalyst in helping you move forward to getting a career and managing your day to day living and health. I think sometimes depression comes in order to get us to move forward to what we need to be doing for our own well being. You also have 3 personal planets in aries. So there may be impatience to do more - especially if you feel stagnant - which could lead to depression also. Just take the small steps necessary to have the life you want for yourself, and begin there. Don't overwhelm yourself, just take it day by day and create a plan. You are still young, and this is really the perfect time to begin making changes.

best of luck to you.
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Unread 09-20-2018, 11:31 AM
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Re: Why do obsessive suicidal thoughts happen?

Thank you so much.
I had an interview for a paid internship. I hope I get the job. It's a programming job.
I'm also a published author, but I've procrastinating so much for my second book.
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