I'm not really one to believe that hard aspects are necessarily that, but my life is sort of a testament to that, I think. It seems like after the 3rd grade, my social capabilities began to stagnate. I sometimes feel like I still have the mind of a middle schooler. I feel so out of place with other adults all the time. So, when I discovered astrology over 10 years ago, it really came as no surprise how my chart is: A LOT of Mercury aspects and most of them are "difficult". The worst is probably Mercury square Saturn. More specifically: 8th house Mercury in Libra square 11th house Saturn in Capricorn. Yeah. More on that one later.
There are two "good" major aspects with Mercury in my chart, but as I get older, I start to see the bad in them. Mercury sextile Venus and Mercury trine Ascendant (Aquarius), two of my tightest-orbed aspects. They're really embedded within me I feel. I don't like to ruffle feathers much, but I do like to "perform". It's always been a big desire of mine to be social and interact. I attribute that to my Libra placements, which are Sun and Mars along with Mercury of course, with Mercury conjuncting Mars and Mars conjuncting the Sun, which I think gives me a very Aries way about myself. I don't necessarily think that's a good thing, though. Aries is commendable for its boldness, which I love. But it's also very brash and harsh a lot of the time, no offense to you Aries folks. As such, I come off that way which I think is unpleasant for a lot of people. My Mercury sextile Venus doesn't want that. I want to always be in harmony with everyone. ALWAYS.
I just really want people to like me and find me pleasant and I feel like my actions always show that. The problem with that is that I can come across fake and too tryhard. Added to that are the effects of Mercury square Saturn. This aspect loves to have things edited. It needs things to be perfect. It reflects in the way I speak and write by making my style seem... sparse? I'm sure it's apparent from reading this. How this presents itself in my personality is by making me a fairly quiet guy who may seem a little slow. If we add every thing together so far, we get a guy who seems quiet and slow but when he does speak, he's animated and almost curt. He tries to joke around, but his jokes never really land. He can be funny, but it's almost as if he's held back by something because he doesn't really give it 100%. He's awkward and jittery and nervous (Uranian energy from ascendant?).
I'm not even including other aspects that I feel contribute to how I'm feeling about this. My Mercury also squares my Moon conjunct Jupiter. My moon is in Cancer. I feel like that's more than enough information right there. Notoriously sensitive Cancer moon. She's a real b sometimes. If I could just be born a few days later, I'd have Venus sextile Mars which is one of my favorite aspects. Venus/Mars people are usually funny and social. A guy I know has Venus trine Mars and Mars sextile Jupiter, and he's a social butterfly and gets along with everyone. Women love him because he's quick-witted and a charmer. Men like him because he's a naturally cool and rebellious kind of dude (which I think is his Mercury square Uranus), and he can talk about cars, video games, and his many experiences with women. I'm so jealous.
So, with all that said, I'd really love any advice from those of you who can relate and have overcome these kind of aspects. I would really appreciate it. Or if any of you with good social abilities can let us social outcasts/rejects/dummies know how your minds work in social settings, that'd be great too. I'm having such a hard time dealing with all of this. And it's been a really long time now. I'm in my late 20s, and I still feel really weighed down by doubt and misery over this a lot of the time. I'm just really tired of missing out on more laughs and camaraderie. Thanks for any help. Sorry for giving so much to read. And please ignore any errors.
There are two "good" major aspects with Mercury in my chart, but as I get older, I start to see the bad in them. Mercury sextile Venus and Mercury trine Ascendant (Aquarius), two of my tightest-orbed aspects. They're really embedded within me I feel. I don't like to ruffle feathers much, but I do like to "perform". It's always been a big desire of mine to be social and interact. I attribute that to my Libra placements, which are Sun and Mars along with Mercury of course, with Mercury conjuncting Mars and Mars conjuncting the Sun, which I think gives me a very Aries way about myself. I don't necessarily think that's a good thing, though. Aries is commendable for its boldness, which I love. But it's also very brash and harsh a lot of the time, no offense to you Aries folks. As such, I come off that way which I think is unpleasant for a lot of people. My Mercury sextile Venus doesn't want that. I want to always be in harmony with everyone. ALWAYS.
I just really want people to like me and find me pleasant and I feel like my actions always show that. The problem with that is that I can come across fake and too tryhard. Added to that are the effects of Mercury square Saturn. This aspect loves to have things edited. It needs things to be perfect. It reflects in the way I speak and write by making my style seem... sparse? I'm sure it's apparent from reading this. How this presents itself in my personality is by making me a fairly quiet guy who may seem a little slow. If we add every thing together so far, we get a guy who seems quiet and slow but when he does speak, he's animated and almost curt. He tries to joke around, but his jokes never really land. He can be funny, but it's almost as if he's held back by something because he doesn't really give it 100%. He's awkward and jittery and nervous (Uranian energy from ascendant?).
I'm not even including other aspects that I feel contribute to how I'm feeling about this. My Mercury also squares my Moon conjunct Jupiter. My moon is in Cancer. I feel like that's more than enough information right there. Notoriously sensitive Cancer moon. She's a real b sometimes. If I could just be born a few days later, I'd have Venus sextile Mars which is one of my favorite aspects. Venus/Mars people are usually funny and social. A guy I know has Venus trine Mars and Mars sextile Jupiter, and he's a social butterfly and gets along with everyone. Women love him because he's quick-witted and a charmer. Men like him because he's a naturally cool and rebellious kind of dude (which I think is his Mercury square Uranus), and he can talk about cars, video games, and his many experiences with women. I'm so jealous.
So, with all that said, I'd really love any advice from those of you who can relate and have overcome these kind of aspects. I would really appreciate it. Or if any of you with good social abilities can let us social outcasts/rejects/dummies know how your minds work in social settings, that'd be great too. I'm having such a hard time dealing with all of this. And it's been a really long time now. I'm in my late 20s, and I still feel really weighed down by doubt and misery over this a lot of the time. I'm just really tired of missing out on more laughs and camaraderie. Thanks for any help. Sorry for giving so much to read. And please ignore any errors.