When am I finally going to break free and live the life I want? Where is my break?

So it seems like my chart, due to 12th house placements and Saturn oppositions, has given me a rough go at life.

Growing up, I had a restrictive and abusive father who was truly a terrible person but I am free from his hold now, thankfully. I never had the chance to do the things I wanted, guess that is what ***** about having garbage parents who are narcissists. Had to take a lot to get these fiends out of my life.

Then for a recent job I got after college, I had a scumbag boss and although it was in a field I liked, dealing with this toxic personality was so much that I had to quit.

Being in my 20s, I always wonder when life is going to give me a break.

Growing up I had dreams and aspirations only to have an overbearing sociopath for a father crush them.

I mean I fought hard to get the job out of college and despite a strong performance in it, I ended up with a garbage-tier boss who was out to ruin me.

Never had the chance to really work on dating much growing up because I was trying to escape poverty and most of the girls in my area were the kinds who had their first kid by 16 and then a dead-end job after that. Did not have a chance to really spend much time with my passions and hobbies either.

I feel so behind compared to the kids who grew up with good parents (or even half-way decent parents) as well as those who grew up with so many lucky breaks in life.

But I feel like whenever I chase my dreams and desires, some sort of a major roadblock hits me hard in the mouth. Like I wonder what if for the job I quit, I actually had a cool boss or even a decent one who wasn't out to ruin me.

I am left wondering, when will I get my lucky break with life? Is the saturn opposition and 12th house curse forever?

Here is my chart.

https://i.imgur.com/1e4lLCr.png

You are just going to keep letting your life unfold, meeting each thing as it arises one at a time: good job, bad boss; very challenging early family life. There is really nothing else to do for you, and for all of us.
It's difficult right now, and it's usually difficult in most people's lives. It's just a private matter that most folks don't share with others. The way others' outer lives appear to you is NOT how they are working inside those folks.
So just meet what is life gives you. There really aren't too many lucky breaks. It's one foot in front of the other for all of us. Including you.
Have your bad feelings about what it going on, but don't really pay too much attention to them. They will pass. All feelings [bad and good ones, too] pass.

From one with a loaded 12th to another,
I am truly wishing you the best.

IleneK said:

You are just going to keep letting your life unfold, meeting each thing as it arises one at a time: good job, bad boss; very challenging early family life. There is really nothing else to do for you, and for all of us.
It's difficult right now, and it's usually difficult in most people's lives. It's just a private matter that most folks don't share with others. The way others' outer lives appear to you is NOT how they are working inside those folks.
So just meet what is life gives you. There really aren't too many lucky breaks. It's one foot in front of the other for all of us. Including you.
Have your bad feelings about what it going on, but don't really pay too much attention to them. They will pass. All feelings [bad and good ones, too] pass.

From one with a loaded 12th to another,
I am truly wishing you the best.

Click to expand...

So in other words, life will being garbage for me but at some point I will accept that my life ***** and live with that fact?

AstroAssist said:

So in other words, life will being garbage for me but at some point I will accept that my life ***** and live with that fact?

Click to expand...

That is not what I meant by my words.
There is garbage in everyone's life. It is inescapable.
It is how you react to it, and how long you hold on to your reaction/emotional response to it, that determines how your life will be for you. This is really crucial and I hope you will just consider what I am trying to share with you.

your stellium in the 12th house is telling me that you wont have happiness until you start walking the spiritual path, now this does not mean give up on everything you want and move to Tibet and become a monk, nor does it mean you have to give up on material/financial/social success, what it means is you have to incorporate and merge spirituality with your everyday life

no one is holding you back but yourself- you saying you want to break free from what? there is nothing to break free from, nothing but self-imposed limitations- no one but you can hold you back, you are so free you can choose bondage

if you want to live the life you want, just live it. its really easy and simple- and its the only way that it is done, but if you continue to give other people the power to stop you from living your life- they can, but only because you enabled them to do so, if you say someone is stopping you from achieving your goals, you are right, you are giving them the power to do so- by making someone so important and powerful that you are agreeing that they CAN by their behavior CHANGE your life- so much so that you feel like you need to break free- by taking out your own responsibility you have given them full authority- because we cannot change that which we are not responsible for, we cant do anything when we are saying the other person is doing something wrong- because NO ONE CAN CHANGE ANYONE ELSE'S BEHAVIOR- so when you are blaming them- this means that THEY need to CHANGE in order for your life to change- and you cant give anyone this kind of importance because than you are literally dependent upon THEIR actions to change your circumstances

in a nutshell

when you say someone else is doing something that is stopping you from achieving your goals, you have, by not taking responsibility and saying its not YOU- but THEM that is stopping you from achieving your goals- you have now no power and control to do anything whatsoever- because we cannot change that which we do not CONTROL- and you never CONTROL anything but yourself- you cant- other people, the weather, other peoples reactions- nothing- but you CAN control your own reactions- why? because they are yours- and so you can control them, anything else cannot- everyone has free will- AND SO DO YOU

when you say- no its not them, its never someone else, its ME- i did this - i am responsible- everything was done by me- everything is my fault, it is MINE, it is now YOURS and you can change it and no one else can anymore- you now have taken back control into your own hands- because now you can do something- because now its not THEM that is responsible anymore and at fault- its YOU- and when YOU have the control back in your hands YOU can start living the life you want, because now YOU have the power to do so- which you always had- but you gave it away BY CHOICE by blaming others- enabling them to stop, block and do whatever they wanted to- but they only had the control because you gave it to them, you can take it back any second you wish so, again, you are so free you can choose bondage, but at the same time you are so free you can choose whatever you want

good luck hope this makes sense

Fair enough but I was reflecting on how the two biggest scumbags in my life have been in a position of authority over me.

First was scumbag father, I wish we could choose our fathers and quite frankly, I wish I had grown up without one instead of this tyrant. Someone who was a very tyrant-like and forceful figure that tried to control every part of my actions when I was growing up. Even looked at my homework, what colleges I was applying to and even forced himself into my emails because he hated others having freedom. A total control-freak that ruined my adolescence and even my early college years by stopping me from going to college elsewhere and giving me no sense of freedom.

It is hard to be a free person when a tyrant-like scumbag has ended up as your father and controlled you from day 1, it takes months if not years to build that personal boundary.

I never asked fate or god to give me that demonic entity for a father, but I suffered from it and there was nothing I could have done. You are helpless before the age of 18 or even 16 as you have to rely on a parent and when you have an overly controlling monster who tries to control your every action and though, you're ruined and there is not much I can do. I hope karma is real and he gets his.

Then for my first job I end up with a bitter scumbag boss that is scheming and holds grudges, I mean what in the actual world...

When can I get a normal person having authority over me? When?

It drives me nuts to think that fate gave me demonic entities to have authority over me in my life, it drives me insane and it makes me bitter at times. When will I have a saint or halfway decent person to report to? When will I get to see the beauty of humanity work?

It has made me throw things at the wall to think how little control I have at times over piece of garbage fate.

No, it's not. My father was a tyrant and abusive , and I'm pretty good. Yes, I had it rough, yes I turned into a scumbag cos of him and it took my more than 5y to set my foot on the ground and discover who I am not who he wants me to be and its STILL ongoing. But I just to not ruin my short life here cos of that. And I have no planets in 12th but I've been walking the spiritual path for years and its what gives me joy to move on with positivity and turn my life awesome.
Janu is right, you gotta look within to stop feeling like a victim. Your past doesn't define your future nor your birth chart. My best friend has a stellium in 12th like yours plus her Mars and she is just fine, however she began the spiritual path after she met me and ever since her lifr has been blossoming for the better.
Everything is in your own hands, God helps only those who help themselves. You can change God with planets if you wish.
No one gave you nothing, you keep letting people dominate you in your life, amd this won't stop until you wake up and learn the lesson life is trying to show you.

Life doesn't happen TO you, it happens FOR you. You can ***** all you want, nothing will change. And im saying this from experience cos I bitched for 2y like OH POOR ME why life is so cruel, who will save me fom this misery, where is God, what did I do to deserve this bla bla. This attitude is a higher calling to get on that spiritual path ASAP. OR of course you can always chose to do nothing and blame fate and keep living the life you dislike so much.
It's all in your hands, you live in amazing times of awakening where you have the power to tranaform every thing, only if you us it.

AstroAssist said:

Fair enough but I was reflecting on how the two biggest scumbags in my life have been in a position of authority over me.

First was scumbag father, I wish we could choose our fathers and quite frankly, I wish I had grown up without one instead of this tyrant. Someone who was a very tyrant-like and forceful figure that tried to control every part of my actions when I was growing up. Even looked at my homework, what colleges I was applying to and even forced himself into my emails because he hated others having freedom. A total control-freak that ruined my adolescence and even my early college years by stopping me from going to college elsewhere and giving me no sense of freedom.

It is hard to be a free person when a tyrant-like scumbag has ended up as your father and controlled you from day 1, it takes months if not years to build that personal boundary.

I never asked fate or god to give me that demonic entity for a father, but I suffered from it and there was nothing I could have done. You are helpless before the age of 18 or even 16 as you have to rely on a parent and when you have an overly controlling monster who tries to control your every action and though, you're ruined and there is not much I can do. I hope karma is real and he gets his.

Then for my first job I end up with a bitter scumbag boss that is scheming and holds grudges, I mean what in the actual world...

When can I get a normal person having authority over me? When?

It drives me nuts to think that fate gave me demonic entities to have authority over me in my life, it drives me insane and it makes me bitter at times. When will I have a saint or halfway decent person to report to? When will I get to see the beauty of humanity work?

It has made me throw things at the wall to think how little control I have at times over piece of garbage fate.

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listen, you can complain all you want- your father being a scumbag is not influencing your life anymore- he may have done it- but now its not him doing it anymore- BUT YOU! He may have done it for 18 years, but after that- when he stopped because you grew up- you picked up where he left off and now you are doing the exact same thing he was doing to you- to yourself. so good luck with that- and by the way, your father being a scumbag does not influence your life RIGHT NOW in any way- only if now you yourself are being a scumbag and treating yourself bad- which is exactly what is happening, now that your father is not capable to make you miserable, you are now doing it yourself, and as i can see by your posts you are doing a pretty good job at feeling miserable- your father would be proud to see how good he taught you.

and about your boss- you said it right in your post- your father DID a terrible thing and you are right by saying that his behaviour influenced you because you were a child, and as you yourself said a child is helpless before 18 years old and you really cannot stand up to your father- so im guessing your not 18 anymore- so your boss cannot make you miserable- as you are now old and smart enough to do something to change the situation- something you could not do with your father- but your father is not controling anything, and you are above 18 years old- so your boss cant either- voila!

ardentika said:

No, it's not. My father was a tyrant and abusive , and I'm pretty good. Yes, I had it rough, yes I turned into a scumbag cos of him and it took my more than 5y to set my foot on the ground and discover who I am not who he wants me to be and its STILL ongoing. But I just to not ruin my short life here cos of that. And I have no planets in 12th but I've been walking the spiritual path for years and its what gives me joy to move on with positivity and turn my life awesome.
Janu is right, you gotta look within to stop feeling like a victim. Your past doesn't define your future nor your birth chart. My best friend has a stellium in 12th like yours plus her Mars and she is just fine, however she began the spiritual path after she met me and ever since her lifr has been blossoming for the better.
Everything is in your own hands, God helps only those who help themselves. You can change God with planets if you wish.
No one gave you nothing, you keep letting people dominate you in your life, amd this won't stop until you wake up and learn the lesson life is trying to show you.

Life doesn't happen TO you, it happens FOR you. You can ***** all you want, nothing will change. And im saying this from experience cos I bitched for 2y like OH POOR ME why life is so cruel, who will save me fom this misery, where is God, what did I do to deserve this bla bla. This attitude is a higher calling to get on that spiritual path ASAP. OR of course you can always chose to do nothing and blame fate and keep living the life you dislike so much.
It's all in your hands, you live in amazing times of awakening where you have the power to tranaform every thing, only if you us it.

Click to expand...

this reminded me of an episode of the oprah show, where there were 2 brothers, same father-same mother-same childhood- their father an alcoholic, spending all the money on liquor- beating up their mother, beating them up, kicking them out of the house- it was truly a horrific story, but here is the twist.

one brother- an alcoholic himself- said, because my father was an alcoholic- i grew up with that as my rolemodel, that was my primary example of what a man should be- i drink because i saw him drink and do those things. i now also beat my wife, my kids, how could i not- its what i saw every day growing up- i didnt choose my father and childhood to be this way- its not my fault. i am the victim of my abusive past. because my father was an alcoholic, he said, i am too.

the other brother- graduated from Harvard law, working as an attorney at a law firm, said- because my father was an alcoholic- i grew up with that as my rolemodel- that was my primary example of what a man should be- i never drank because i saw what kind of things he did, i never ever would touch my wife or kids, because i saw how that hurt my mother and me and my brother, every day i saw him do these things growing up- and now every day i am making sure i am not doing what he did- its not my fault i had such a father, and because of that i had to fight much harder and life was tough- but because of my past i knew it wasnt going to be easy for me and that made me try ten times harder- much more then the other kids- and that eventually became my strength.
because my father was an alcoholic, he said, i am not.


so there you have it, same father, same childhood- different people. because its not the father that controls your life- its YOU, but if you let him control your life- he will- even when he is not there, use your weakness as a source of strength. i for one, am so grateful for everything that hurt me, everyone that hurt me and every single negative event in my life- because it gave me something others didnt have, at 19 i already lived through events the people in my age-group could not even imagine, i was at an advantage- i was stronger, more resilient, smarter, faster and i had a motivation like no other- to succeed- because thats what those people that hurt me didnt want- they did not want me to be better than them- so by putting me down they thought they would keep me down- but they never could even think of stopping me- because i didnt stay and blame them and cry that the world was so unfair- but i worked hard, i planned out a strategy, i love myself, i am nice and kind, i do what is right, i trust god, i know god always helps me- but he cannot help me when i am complaining about other people- people that god also created and therefor they must have a reason for being- and i will use their opposition as my inner force and i have always found to succeed. the people that made my life rough- i thank them, they made me work ten times harder and with more enthusiasm because i now had a very specific and important goal- ill show them who i am- ill show them how little they mean and how much i can do. and when they do see you- happy and doing amazing- thats the revenge. thats the real real revenge- petty actions against someone pffff

when you are doing the exact same thing as the other person- to get them back. aren't you now the exact same person? whats the difference then between the two of you?

you cant say someone is bad because he is deceiving you- and then deceive them back- congratulations you now lowered yourself succesfully to their level and now you are no different than them- and you said you hated them because they deceived you?

when someone treats you bad, you still treat them with respect and kindness, not because you are worse than them- but because you are better.
a truly happy and good human being would never stoop to the level of someone that obviously is being a scumbag- because that would make you a scumbag as well.

you say you want humanity to show you how good it is- well are YOU YOURSELF even being a good person? if you want to get somethng- you must first give it- you cant complain about other people and how bad they are and expect to find positive people- but if you search for the good in people- anyone- you will find it. but you cant find good things whilst looking at the bad and crying about it.

you decide- are you going to let your father make you into an alcoholic, or are you going to let him make you a winner.

Amen to that!

This is why a spiritual path is needed here to transform your perspective. What you see is what you get, if everyone is mean and shitty to you, then you prolly are that. The sooner you realize you yourself are the universe experiencing itself you will see how everything outaide of you is manifestation and a mirror of your inner world.

When I was depressed and angry, everyone around me were shitheads cos no one knew, no one understood, I was the only one suffering. As soon as I focused more on my Leo Moon if you wish, and it wasn't easy at all for me, life blossomed. I got surrounded with loving and caring people, I haven't met a prick in years, each person I meet is a magical creature with a pure heart. I chose to see only the good in people, I chose to forgive my father because as a matter of fact I feel sad for him that he had to reach such lows. I can only imagine the pain he was feeling inside and had no idea how to deal with it in a healthy way, since he is from an older generation that is ess evolved. So I chose to be the bigger person for my own peace of mind amd soul and forgive him. And get this. He transformed. Something happened to him and his old self died and a new person was born. It felt like someone delivered me a father and I'm JUST getting to know him and bond with him. And I am happy because he grew with me. I never stopped loving him and caring for him even though he acted as if he hated me when I was younger. Because I am me not him, and I am better and I chose to show him the light rather than fall in his darkness. And I am grateful for everything he has done because it tested my character and strengthened it. I chose to count my blessings rather than focus on what's wrong and what I don't have.

It's simple if you focus on lack you get lack. If you focus on abundance you get abundance. It's a mindset that took me 5y to master, through a lot of depression and drug abuse, and attempts of suicide. I just accepted that life is tough but it's also beautiful and it hides miracles and blessings only if you believe and have the eyes for them. Happiness is in the small things. ^^

I will be brief
you natal chart does not offer regular jobs, try freelancing
Also, if you have a birth time, and you go up in Leo, and in house 12 in the house there is creativity! go on stage, take photos, become a photographer ... for you all kinds of writing!
but you can not believe in yourself enough to do it, because your Saturn ... so to make it work, use it as a world of life ... take the old dog from the shelter. it will help.

AstroAssist said:

Fair enough but I was reflecting on how the two biggest scumbags in my life have been in a position of authority over me.

First was scumbag father, I wish we could choose our fathers and quite frankly, I wish I had grown up without one instead of this tyrant. Someone who was a very tyrant-like and forceful figure that tried to control every part of my actions when I was growing up. Even looked at my homework, what colleges I was applying to and even forced himself into my emails because he hated others having freedom. A total control-freak that ruined my adolescence and even my early college years by stopping me from going to college elsewhere and giving me no sense of freedom.

It is hard to be a free person when a tyrant-like scumbag has ended up as your father and controlled you from day 1, it takes months if not years to build that personal boundary.

I never asked fate or god to give me that demonic entity for a father, but I suffered from it and there was nothing I could have done. You are helpless before the age of 18 or even 16 as you have to rely on a parent and when you have an overly controlling monster who tries to control your every action and though, you're ruined and there is not much I can do. I hope karma is real and he gets his.

Then for my first job I end up with a bitter scumbag boss that is scheming and holds grudges, I mean what in the actual world...

When can I get a normal person having authority over me? When?

It drives me nuts to think that fate gave me demonic entities to have authority over me in my life, it drives me insane and it makes me bitter at times. When will I have a saint or halfway decent person to report to? When will I get to see the beauty of humanity work?

It has made me throw things at the wall to think how little control I have at times over piece of garbage fate.

Click to expand...

I'm sorry what you have had experienced in the past. My father was also controlling and abusive. However i'm wondering why do you blame fate giving you this life experience and then wishing your father will get some bad karma for his next life? In this light...why you are not thinking that you yourself are living/purifying your karma right now?

I think we are all here experiencing different roles and gaining from it. Sometimes its hard to see purpose. It will take time to see were life will lead us.