Leo Stellium in 12th/Neptune in 1st

Is it typical for 12th house stellium people to struggle with their identity? Or is that a Neptune influence?

I'm very empathic to the point of having trouble discerning and expressing my own desires. I often give others the benefit of the doubt. Even when evidence might prove otherwise. I'm basically a dreamer. This has been a life-long pattern I want to change. Romantic relationships are almost always unstable. Thank you all.

Chart is attached.

Maggy, there is no chart attached, and a chart is necessary for us to assess this question fully. There are multiple factors involved here, and Neptune's placement and the 12th house are usually involved, yes.

One of my (adult) sons has both Neptune in the 1st house, and a quite packed 12th house (which includes his Sun, Venus and Mars - Sun in Libra) and he has a continual struggle with identity/who am I? With Scorpio on his Asc he has no trouble expressing himself - his wants and what it is he disapproves of - but he has a very amorphous nature ....... a bit difficult to describe in words. Personal planets in Libra, and/or Neptune having a harsh aspect to one or more personal planets will exacerbate this tendency to simple meld with others and go along with what others want.

R4VEN,

Melding describes me quite well. My chart is now attached to my inquiry. Thank you for responding.

Thanks for the chart, Maggy. If you check my own chart at the bottom of my post you will see that you and I have quite a few bits and pieces in common astrologically, beginning with being born in the same month and year!!

As I read your chart, your `melding' (which I also do) is down to that Neptune in the 1st, and it's squares with your Venus and Moon. It is not at all easy to deal daily with this degree of fluidity when around others. You have a wide conjunct between Neptune and Mars which doesn't help. Mars is also rather `unhappy' in Libra, it being the placement of going-with-the-flow, or taking the path of least resistence. Mars in Libra people tend to appear to be passive, and yet we often wait our turn politely, expecting someone else to offer us a place in the queue ..... which never happens, and so then we end up feeling resentful.

And as to how best to deal with it. I'm not sure that this degree of melding with the will of others can actually be overcome, and perhaps nor should it. It is a matter of balance as to how much you will allow your own will to be crushed/denied/dismissed and/or overwhelmed by others. Your true nature is someone who is compassionate and has an understanding of how others feel. You may be highly empathic, which is a gift, but there may also be a tendency for others to take advantage of this - often without knowing they are doing it.

I also find that the Neptune-Mars-Moon relationships lead me to believing everything others tell me. When my kids were teenagers they milked this for all it was worth!!

I'm adding the following link because I suspect - from the wording of your 1st post - that you may be one of these. It would be beneficial to read the whole page, although it is further down the page that the 30 traits of an Empath are listed. I found that reading this helped me to accept parts of my nature as being `normal', and it also helped me to begin setting clearer boundaries.

http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

Maggy said:

I'm basically a dreamer. This has been a life-long pattern I want to change. Romantic relationships are almost always unstable. Thank you all.

Chart is attached.

Click to expand...

Two things I didn't address from your original post ..........

One is the dreaming ..... That's Neptune in the 1st, and its relationship with Mars and Moon. I also am a dreamer, and always have been, even though with Cap Rising I appear to be on task and in charge of what I'm doing. In my head I may be miles away, doing something else entirely. I call it a survival mechanism, because Real Life is often so harsh and unrelenting.

Two is the instability of romantic liaisons. Look at it this way .......
If you (quite automatically, withouteven trying) become the very person your partner wants and needs, then they will want you to remain that way - forever. When you try to move out of that place (of virtual slavery to the wants of another) this causes an angry reaction in them, and a push to get you back into the role you had when they first became attracted to you. We tend to be attracted to people who need us - and we enjoy being needed ....... for a while - and it is this need of us which eventually drains us, so that resentment builds, and we wish to make changes.
As I see it (and I have never managed to achieve this) we need to only allow ourselves to have romantic attachments to someone who is not with us for what we can do for them. That means we have to find someone who is their own person. (And do such people actually exist???)
[On this topic of being-what-the-other-needs, I married someone who needed me to be his mother ........ which I didn't see clearly, chiefly because I chose to deny it. Eventually I decided that I was prepared to mother my children but not him, so I left. He is now married to a woman who has never had children, so she is quite happy to `mother' him, including chastising him like he's a naughty child. Strangely, he loves it.]

I doubt I've ever read a more accurate description of myself. I don't even own a TV. I need lots of alone time. Crowds overwhelm me. I've had dramatic 'other worldly' spiritual experiences. Loneliness is my companion; I feel like a stranger in a strange land. I lack confidence. My parents were both narcissists and I attract them like a magnet. I recently ended a relationship with a very accomplished individual who I strongly suspect is on the sociopathic spectrum. After we met he said, 'You're EXACTLY what I've been looking for.' Scary.

Please, tell me about your experiences. Do you have trouble with boundaries? I'm so glad you've contacted me. I've been struggling with depression, so your post is a breath of fresh air. Thank you!

We're like twins, you and me.

The way I see it, there are two kinds of people: the givers and the takers. Disordered people are basically chameleans with an agenda. Empaths are more mercurial, we get lost in service to others. And then feel resentful because our needs aren't being met. Our charts are such a blueprint. I'm simply amazed!

R4VEN,

Your description of my chart explains so much. I agree that we should only have romantic relationships with people who are with us for the right reason. I don't know if they exist, I really don't. An airline stewardess gives instructions 'in case of an emergency, give yourself oxygen before helping others.' Having Mars in Libra sure messes things up. This person I'm no longer with is an Emergency Medicine physician. He's fearless, extremely calm and collected. But lacks empathy (to the extreme). That works in the ER, but in relationships, he's a selfish control freak. Then there's me at the other end of the spectrum. I sometimes don't even know what I want, much less how to ask for it. My boundaries are soft and mercurial. I might have more falsely represented myself than he did, actually. (But I don't lie.) It's a bit like a social handicap to be so sensitive and yielding. A wise friend told me that true compassion has tight boundaries. Love and respect go hand-in-hand. And if I don't respect myself, why should I expect anyone else to?

Get outta here! I'm also a fan of Leonard Cohen.

Maggy said:

It's a bit like a social handicap to be so sensitive and yielding. A wise friend told me that true compassion has tight boundaries. Love and respect go hand-in-hand. And if I don't respect myself, why should I expect anyone else to?

Get outta here! I'm also a fan of Leonard Cohen.

Click to expand...

I had never heard the bit your friend told you about having tight boundaries, but it is very, very true - spookily so.

Will PM you with my `story'. I have no wish to tell it on the open forum.

Thank you for responding, Krewster. I'm a novice astrologer and you've lost me. Emphatic?