Anyone have personal experience with inconjuncts in synastry??

I ask out of curiosity because I'm in the process of comparing my chart with that of another person whom I find very attractive. I notice that there seem to be a number of positive aspects in close orb which seem to work in my favor -- three of his personal planets in my seventh house, his moon conjunct my ascendant and trine my chiron, his mars trine three of my personal planets (sun, venus, and mars), his jupiter conjunct my moon, his eros sextile the same three planets. I know that there should ideally also be some hard aspects in order to keep things interesting, and we have a few of those as well -- most of which are not very close in orb (as an example, his mars squares my saturn but at an orb of eight degrees and his saturn opposes my mars at an orb of seven degrees, which suggests that neither of these influences are very strong and could potentially be negligible).

My concern lies with the fact that his moon is in a fairly close inconjunct -- less than three degrees -- with three of my personal planets (sun, venus, and mars...yes, there's a stellium in my chart). I know inconjuncts are considered a hard aspect, but there seem to be some differing opinions on whether they function more like oppositions or squares in synastry (since oppositions are thought to be a bit easier to deal with than squares). While most people agree that inconjuncts are difficult to work with, some appear to believe that they're virtually the kiss of death (since both the energy and the element conflict when two planets are inconjunct) while some others seem to think that there's nevertheless an element of intrigue and fascination. Granted, the fact that his moon creates some sort of tight aspect with these planets is probably preferable to the complete absence of any aspects between them...but the fact that we're talking about an inconjunct as well as his moon (since that's such a very important planet in synastry) gives me pause.

I'd be more interested in the composite if you are considering a long term relationship. You can have perfect synastry but still be a terrible couple because of your composite chart. That said, my parents had Sun quincunx Moon down to the minute in their composite and were married 30+ years until one passed on. You are correct that positive aspects of course are better than negative but with personal planets sometimes a somewhat negative one is preferable to no aspect at all. I find the quincunx to be a spiritual aspect - it is neither the struggle and conflict of the square nor the unstoppable polarity of the opposition. It is an adaptation, a continual discovery process of compromise and learning. Depending on the signs involved and the other planets, it can either be a subtle and continual irritation or it can be a comfortable difference and endearment. Either way, it is spiritual because once you learn to handle this energy, you can use it in all spheres of your life and thus elevate your experience and grow as a person.

In the composite it is certainly very important to have aspects between the personal planets, otherwise you have nothing in common, whether mentally, spiritually, or physically. This is called "boredom" which of course is always fatal. And yes a little conflict keeps things interesting - but not too much otherwise conflict becomes the identification of the relationship and you don't want that, anymore than you want boredom to be the keyword.

Hm...that's interesting, because we do seem to have a rather nice composite chart as far as I can tell. (I don't have his time of birth but have been working instead from an extrapolated one based on what I've observed of him). There are some very promising aspects in the composite chart which don't show in the overlay chart -- sun trine moon, sun conjunct venus, moon trine venus being the best ones (all of which would be highly favorable to a romantic relationship). However, someone told me once that unless there are promising aspects in the overlay chart, a good composite chart doesn't offer much hope in terms of longevity and will tend to reflect a relationship which might be very enjoyable but which for some reason is relatively unlikely to last. Mind you, I can't honestly say that I'd really object to such a thing with this person as long as we were really on the same page (meaning not using each other) and able to part on relatively good terms. Now that I think about it, he seems to be a fairly self-aware and spiritual and evolved person (which is part of what I find so attractive) -- so he potentially might be in a slightly better position to handle some of what you've talked about in terms of the growth aspects of the inconjunct than other people might be.

I think that person that told you that has it backwards. How people interact as a couple can be vastly different than how they interact as individuals. This is because the expectations and the obligations are different, plus simply the amount of time spent together in close intimacy changes things. You can have excellent synastry but if the composite is terrible, you will never make a good couple, period. Some people are better friends than a couple. The reverse can be true too - you can appear to have nothing in common in synastry but have a great composite and an excellent relationship. This has happened many times with people who have spent a great deal of time together (say in a job setting), and then discover they have grown together and make an excellent couple despite not having a magnetic attraction in the beginning. The composite, for a long-term relationship, is far more important.

Probably nothing to worry about since 3 degrees is beyond twice an acceptable orb for the inconjunct (e.g., if towards the mid-150's they are tri-septiles not inconjuncts).

That's good to know. In many respects, I'm still very much an amateur at this although I know a little bit more than the average person on the street -- I'm just going by what I see when I pull the charts from Astro.com, which sometimes seems to be a little idiosyncratic with regard to the information provided on synastry charts.

I've seen Astro report orbs in aspect as high as nine, which as far as I know should be too high to make much if any difference -- and I've also seen it neglect to record what was to all appearances a very tight conjunction between two asteroids (Eros and Psyche, an aspect which is thought to be extremely significant) in another synastry chart involving a different person.