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  #1  
Unread 01-19-2020, 02:58 PM
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banaili banaili is offline
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Unhappy My Saturn Return is HERE - and it's hitting conj transit Saturn-Pluto. HELP.

Hello all,

I don't have the emotional energy to explain in depth, so I'll just say this. About a week ago, I suffered a nervous breakdown. I think it had been a long-time coming. I'd dealt with too much and it was the last straw. Now, despite the awards I had gained with my company, I am jobless (they took away my work after I told them I had a nervous breakdown) and on the verge of losing everything I have built in my life. I have never felt more alone, and it is honestly soul-crushing. I have come to see just how little anyone cares about me. And the things I am now fighting for are things I already fought so hard for in the past, just five years ago or so. I don't think I can fight anymore.

I thought all of this must have something to do with the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction, which has just occurred again this month. It all started about the same time. But I have just checked my birth chart with the transiting planets, and it turns out my Saturn Return is finally here. And not only is it here - my Saturn itself is almost exactly conjunct with the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction (within 1 degree).

What does this mean? Can anyone tell me what it might mean, and what I can expect in my future? At the present, I can't see a future for myself at all. And navigating this ever-darkening path all alone the way I am and have been for a while seems impossible. I will say here as well (TW: suicide)...the night of the nervous breakdown, I was ready to commit suicide. I have never been that close to doing that, and have never thought I would ever reach that point. But so it was. And I'm not out of the woods yet. I'm trying to get help, but I'm not out yet. And not having people around me to support me or even care about whether I live or not does not help at all, of course. So I hope someone can give me clarification about what I'm going through. I've always been a very hopeful person, no matter all the darkness I've faced in this life so far. But this darkness seems the one that may finally get me.

Thank you for your time and thoughts. Please be gentle with me.
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  #2  
Unread 01-19-2020, 04:41 PM
TreasureForever TreasureForever is offline
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Re: My Saturn Return is HERE - and it's hitting conj transit Saturn-Pluto. HELP.

I don't have advise for you, but I was born on a day very close to your birthday and I'm going through something similar. You are not alone. We will get through this.
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  #3  
Unread 01-19-2020, 05:03 PM
petosiris petosiris is offline
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Re: My Saturn Return is HERE - and it's hitting conj transit Saturn-Pluto. HELP.

Have you thought of turning to the God of hope who fills with joy and peace those who trust in him? He can overwrite the disharmonious aspects of the maleficent planets to the Moon/soul, as he is the Lord of the heavens and earth.
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Unread 01-19-2020, 08:58 PM
katydid katydid is online now
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Re: My Saturn Return is HERE - and it's hitting conj transit Saturn-Pluto. HELP.

I know you feel like you are all alone. But you are not. There is a higher power that is waiting to hear from you.
In the Lord our God! Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ... Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
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Unread 01-19-2020, 09:13 PM
katydid katydid is online now
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Re: My Saturn Return is HERE - and it's hitting conj transit Saturn-Pluto. HELP.

You Have Leo rising and Leo on the 12th cusp. So EVERYTHING falls on your shoulders, in your mind anyway. The Sun rules Leo, so you are the ruler of the 12th and the 1st.

The 12th is where we find salvation, where we turn in times of desperation. You have 0Leo on the cusp of the 12th. So you think it is all up to you.

But that is false. That is an internalised myth. You are not alone and not in total darkness. There is a light but you need to find it. And that involves reaching out for help. Surrendering and accepting there is a higher power. It's not all up to you.
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  #6  
Unread 01-20-2020, 05:43 AM
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Re: My Saturn Return is HERE - and it's hitting conj transit Saturn-Pluto. HELP.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katydid View Post
You Have Leo rising and Leo on the 12th cusp. So EVERYTHING falls on your shoulders, in your mind anyway. The Sun rules Leo, so you are the ruler of the 12th and the 1st.

The 12th is where we find salvation, where we turn in times of desperation. You have 0Leo on the cusp of the 12th. So you think it is all up to you.

But that is false. That is an internalised myth. You are not alone and not in total darkness. There is a light but you need to find it. And that involves reaching out for help. Surrendering and accepting there is a higher power. It's not all up to you.
A lot of people are mentioning God here but I am a very spiritual person (especially over the last year, my spirituality grew so powerful), and while I still feel God's presence, I also feel that he has abandoned me to this situation. Like he is watching but will not interfere, whether to help or hurt me more. And that sense of abandonment is too much. I really hope for everyone's thoughts without bringing religion or God into it...

Here's the thing. I HAVE reached out for help. I reached out for help long before it reached this point, too. But I just don't have people in my life who care or who can help me. Today I woke up to even further bad news, despite all the hard work I've been doing to fix this situation. (Bad news is honestly an understatement for what's happened today.) I know how tough Saturn Return can be for people. So I'm just hoping someone will tell me how it is going to be affected by being conjunct with the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction. I really need to know. I can't handle this on my own anymore, and I don't have anyone in my life who can help me. And I don't see a path forward any longer. I don't know what to do or expect.

Editing to add: My situation is time-sensitive. I have until March to find a solution. That's why I really hope someone can tell me what to expect with what is going on astrologically. Thank you.

Last edited by banaili; 01-20-2020 at 05:54 AM. Reason: Additional information
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Unread 01-21-2020, 02:14 PM
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banaili banaili is offline
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Re: My Saturn Return is HERE - and it's hitting conj transit Saturn-Pluto. HELP.

Could anyone who has experienced their first Saturn Return perhaps tell me a little bit about how it went for them? (Especially if we share some natal aspects!) And of anyone who might know how the conjunction to the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction might be affecting my Saturn Return?

Because I can't see a future ahead, any practical advice for how to prepare or advance would be so dearly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time.
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Unread 01-21-2020, 07:12 PM
Hkk Hkk is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by banaili View Post
Could anyone who has experienced their first Saturn Return perhaps tell me a little bit about how it went for them? (Especially if we share some natal aspects!) And of anyone who might know how the conjunction to the transit Saturn-Pluto conjunction might be affecting my Saturn Return?

Because I can't see a future ahead, any practical advice for how to prepare or advance would be so dearly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time.
When I had my first Saturn return I literally was stripped! It affected my identity, the way I thought and issues I had asserting myself went through a transformation. I became wiser, less naive and stronger and it was harsh to get there but I made it! Itís tough but you will be glad of the outcome. Itís a frustrating process but donít fight it, go with it and learn from it. Thatís my advice as I tried to fight it but the issues continued coming up until I thought **** it and let the process happen, no point kicking and screaming
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